The Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes

by Diane Chamberlain

  “Oh,” Jack said. “Poor baby.”

  “Then she asked me if you were her daddy.”

  Jack was quiet. “What did you tell her?” he asked after a moment.

  “I told her no, of course. I explained that her daddy died in an accident.”

  “Do you think she understood what that means?”

  “I don’t know. She asked if he could come back. I think she finally got it, though. She cried, and so did I.”

  “I’m coming over,” he said.

  “Now?”

  “I just want to hold you. I know this must have been really hard.”

  Her eyes burned again. “It’s late,” she said, although she suddenly realized how much she needed him to be with her.

  “I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he said.

  She hung up the phone, grateful that this compassionate man was a part of her life.

  Sitting on the sofa with him later that night, she let him hold her. His arms had become her favorite place to be.

  “Evie,” he said after they’d sat in silence for a while.

  “Hmm?”

  “I’d wanted to do this in some well-planned-out, dramatic sort of way, but I don’t think I can wait.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I want to be Cory’s daddy,” he said. “And I want to be Eve’s husband.” He leaned away to look into her eyes. “Will you marry me?”

  A thousand responses ran through her mind. Are you sure you want to take on a woman with a little girl? And, You don’t know the truth about me and you never can. But she thought of all he’d come to mean to her. He was her dearest friend, her playmate, her lover—one who had taught her that she was, indeed, capable of having orgasms with him inside her.

  She smiled, leaning forward to kiss him.

  “Yes,” she said. “Absolutely, yes.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  1983

  In May, Eve graduated with honors and a bachelor’s degree in psychology, and in June, she and Jack were married in the wedding chapel on the grounds. Jack’s family was there, along with Marian, of course. Lorraine, who was now a production assistant at television station Channel 29, was Eve’s maid of honor, even agreeing to wear a dress for the occasion, and Jack’s brother, Rob, was his best man. Cory was supposed to be the flower girl, but she had an attack of nerves at the last minute and wound up sitting next to Marian in the pew instead.

  Jack taught high-school drama now, and a few of his students attended the ceremony, along with several of Eve’s classmates. It was a quiet, simple wedding, with Jack as serious as Eve had ever seen him. There were tears in his eyes when he spoke the vows he’d written. He promised to be faithful, devoted and honest. She said nothing about honesty in her own vows and hoped no one noticed.

  They moved into a small rental house a half mile from the university and within walking distance of Marian’s. Although Eve felt a huge loss in leaving her safe haven at Marian’s house, she was more concerned about leaving the older woman alone. Marian was sixty-seven now and starting to show her age. Eve noticed it for the first time when everyone gathered outside the chapel after the wedding. The sun illuminated every wrinkle on Marian’s face and left shadows under her eyes. She wanted to let Marian know she would always be there for her. She and Cory would not have survived the past six years without her help. Maybe the time was coming for her to return the favor.

  That summer was one of the most stable and comfortable periods Eve could remember enjoying in her life. She, Jack and Cory were a true family. Jack taught summer school, while Eve looked for a job she could start in September. She planned to work part-time, while Jack began a graduate program in drama so he could teach at the university level. Eve understood. He missed being part of UVA. She already felt the same way.

  Eve and Cory puttered around in the mornings, going to the park or visiting Marian, who would play “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” on her cello while Cory sang along. But the day really began for them when Jack came home. They would go to a museum or a movie or have a barbecue with friends. At night, they’d crowd into Cory’s bed and read a book together.

  In early August, Eve and Cory spent a week at a cottage in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, right on the beach. The cottage cost them nothing; it belonged to one of Marian’s friends, who encouraged them to use it. Eve missed Jack, but she loved having the quiet, bittersweet time alone with her daughter. In a few weeks, Cory would start kindergarten and everything would change.

  A few days before Cory started school, Jack legally adopted her. Cory quickly took to calling him “Daddy,” and her occasional questions about who and where her father was came to a halt.

  Kindergarten, though, marked the end of their idyllic, celebration-filled summer.

  Cory’s elementary school was two blocks from their house, and Eve walked her there on the first day. Cory was quiet at her side, holding tightly to Eve’s hand, ignoring the other children who raced past them on the sidewalk.

  “Your new shoes look adorable,” Eve said to her. Marian had bought Cory a first-day-of-school outfit: blue pants, a blue floral T-shirt and navy-and-white sneakers that looked like little saddle shoes. Cory had put the outfit on very slowly, a somber expression on her face as though she were dressing for a funeral.

  Inside the school, Eve saw that Cory was not the only child in distress. A mother tried to calm her weeping son in the hallway, and the teacher, an extremely tall black woman, coaxed a little girl into the classroom. The teacher, Mrs. Rice, looked scary even to Eve. She was fortyish, with blue-black skin and teeth as white and smooth as porcelain. She wore her thick, straight hair in a bowl cut that framed her face. Cory took one look at her and started to whimper, her arms wrapping around Eve’s legs like a vise.

  “Oh, my, now,” Mrs. Rice said, walking toward them where they stood just inside the classroom door. “What’s going on here? Oh, you’re a lovely girl. Isn’t she?” She looked at Eve as if for confirmation.

  Eve nodded. “Yes, but a bit nervous about the first day.” She whispered the word “nervous.”

  “Well, we’re going to have so much fun today,” Mrs. Rice said. “We’re going to play some games to help us get to know one another.”

  “Cory, did you hear what Mrs. Rice said? You and the other children are going to play games this morning. And I’ll be back in just a few hours to pick you up.”

  “No, Mommy!” Cory hugged her legs, looking up at her with her pleading blue eyes. “I don’t want to stay here!”

  Eve’s armpits suddenly felt damp. “Maybe she’s not ready for kindergarten,” she whispered to Mrs. Rice.

  “Oh, I bet she is,” the woman said. “Maybe her mama’s not ready, though.” She smiled at Eve with her porcelain teeth, and the look in her eyes said, Gotcha!

  Mrs. Rice excused herself to talk with another parent, and Eve knelt down in front of Cory, putting her hands on her arms. “See all the other boys and girls in here?” she asked. “Most of them are already having fun together.”

  Cory sniffed, her lower lip trembling as she looked around the room. There were a few kids seated on the edge of an indoor sandbox. Others worked with clay or played with blocks. The weeping boy trudged past them, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands as he walked toward the sandbox. His mother rolled her eyes at Eve with a smile as she left the room. “He’s my third child to have Mrs. Rice,” she said. “And my third to scream the first time he laid eyes on her. In a week, the kids’ll think the sun rises and sets on her. You wait.”

  “Thank you.” Eve appreciated the reassurance.

  She stood up as Mrs. Rice returned to her and Cory.

  “Okay, Cory.” Mrs. Rice had a singsong, upbeat voice now. “It’s time to come into the classroom and for your mama to go home. You loosen up now, Mrs. Elliott. Come on. You’re holding her tighter by the minute.”

  Was she? She looked down to see the white of her knuckles where her fingers clasped Cory’s sh
oulders. Opening her hands, she took a step back, leaving Cory in Mrs. Rice’s grasp.

  “Perfect!” the teacher said. “You go now. Go.” Eve took another step backward, this time into the hallway, and Mrs. Rice closed the door between her and Cory.

  “Mom!” Cory wailed. “Mommy, don’t leave me!”

  Eve put her hand on the doorknob, let it sit there for a moment. If she opened the door, she had the feeling Mrs. Rice would throw something at her. She let go of the knob and walked quickly from the building and into the sunlight, and she swore she could still hear Cory screaming as she crossed the street to walk home alone.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  The only job Eve could find with her bachelor’s degree was at the Cartwright House, the same residential halfway house where she’d worked while in school. Her new job had a different title and more hours, but she was discouraged that she barely made enough to pay their rent. If it were not for Jack’s family, they wouldn’t be able to get by. Still, she liked working with the teenagers. She saw her younger self in so many of them. They operated on emotion and impulse as they pushed toward adulthood with bodies ready for the challenge but brains lagging far behind. Watching and listening to them, she knew how far she’d come in six years. Thank God for second chances.

  Cory, though, was her everyday reminder of her own impulsive decisions. She tried hard to be a good mother. People said she was; they complimented her all the time on how she put her own needs second to those of her daughter. Still, Cory was so clingy and insecure. Somehow, Eve was failing her. When Mrs. Rice called to ask her and Jack to come in for a meeting, she knew she was going to come face-to-face with that failure.

  “She’s the prettiest little string bean, isn’t she?” Mrs. Rice said, once Eve and Jack were seated across the desk from her in the kindergarten classroom.

  Eve nodded. “Thank you.” She clutched Jack’s hand on her knee.

  “And she’s smart. She’s doing very well in all our lessons. She’s well behaved and never makes an ounce of trouble. She’s the kind of student it would be easy to ignore since she doesn’t make waves, but I don’t want to ignore her, because she deserves better.”

  “What are you getting at?” Jack asked.

  “She’s not doing well socially,” Mrs. Rice said. “The little boys all treat her like a princess. They’re gaga over her. About five of them consider her their girlfriend.” She chuckled. “Even at five, they’re into good looks. But she’s made no real friends among the girls because she’s so shy. She’s afraid to do things the other children do, like climbing on the jungle gym, for instance. One of the other girls will try to persuade her to climb with them, but Cory stands on the ground and shakes her head. Eventually, the girls give up on her.”

  Eve licked her lips. “She’s afraid of a lot of things right now, but I think she’ll outgrow it.”

  “You might be right,” Mrs. Rice said. “I just wanted to let you know what I’m observing, because often a child will be just fine at home and you’d never know this is going on.”

  “What can we do?” Jack asked.

  “Build her self-confidence,” Mrs. Rice said. “Give her things to do that she can excel at. She is going to be a phenomenal reader. I can tell you’ve done a great deal of reading with her.”

  “Yes,” Eve said, relieved that she’d done something right. “I’ve read to her since she was tiny.”

  “And it shows. So that’s something I make sure to reward her for. I’ve put her in charge of handing out the little books we use.”

  Eve smiled at the thought of Cory being in charge of anything at all. “I don’t think I’ve done that with her enough,” she said to Jack. “You know. Had her take responsibility for things.”

  He nodded. “We can let her decide what we do on Saturdays. Give her some choices and let her pick.”

  “That’s the idea,” Mrs. Rice said.

  “Yikes,” Jack said when they’d left the school and started walking home in the crisp darkness. “That’s the tallest woman I’ve ever seen. I felt like a shrimp next to her. She must tower over her students.”

  “She does. I told you how scared Cory was of her at first, but she seems to like her now.”

  “You know, though, she has a point,” Jack said. “You don’t like her to ride her bike because you’re nervous about the traffic—even though she’s riding on the sidewalk. You’re afraid she’ll fall. The other day when she was afraid of the dinosaur skeleton at the museum, you took her out of the room, like you were verifying for her that she was right to be afraid of it.”

  Cory had been screaming and cowering and creating a scene. “I didn’t think it was fair to everyone else in the museum to be subjected to her screams.” Eve felt defensive.

  Jack hesitated before speaking again. “I worry, though, that she picks up on your fears about her.”

  Eve felt a flash of anger. She’d been parenting Cory for six years. Jack had known her for only two. She bit her tongue, though, because she knew he was right.

  “You know what I think would help Cory a lot?” Jack asked.

  “What?”

  “Having a brother or sister to boss around.”

  Eve laughed, and she wondered if he heard the anxiety in the sound. She longed to have a baby with him. She longed to see how his features would blend with hers. She loved the way he lit up around Cory and wanted to see that joy doubled in him. But having a baby could only force her to tell more lies. Any doctor would know she’d never been pregnant before. How would she keep that fact from Jack?

  “We’re poor people, Jack,” she said. “We’re way below the poverty line. It would be irresponsible for us to have a baby right now.”

  “Cory’s nearly six years old,” he said. “If we wait ’til we’re rich, she’ll be old enough to raise the kid on her own.” He stopped walking and turned her toward him. “You know my parents aren’t going to let us starve,” he said. “They’ll help us out as long as I’m in school.” He kissed her. “So, let’s go home and throw away your pills.”

  Chapter Thirty

  The day after her twenty-fourth birthday, Eve felt woozy as she drove to work. Two blocks from the halfway house, she pulled her car to the side of the road, opened the door and threw up into the street.

  She leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes. Oh, God, Jack, she thought. I’m sorry. There would always be dishonesty in their marriage no matter how much she wished otherwise. Jack was so forthright, so sincere, and she wanted to open her heart to him in return, but she couldn’t. So, although she had news that would thrill him, she wouldn’t tell him right away. She needed to keep her pregnancy to herself for a while first, as she figured out how to deal with all that lay ahead.

  By that weekend, though, he’d guessed. Although she got out of bed quietly on Saturday morning and turned on the bathroom fan to mask any sound she might make, he knew.

  “Are you all right?” he asked when she came back to bed.

  “Just feel a little off this morning,” she said.

  He stroked her cheek. “You haven’t been yourself in the morning lately,” he said. “Any chance you’re…?”

  She bit her lip, then smiled weakly at him. “I think I might be,” she said. “I didn’t want to say anything to you until I knew for sure.”

  “Yippee!” Jack jumped to his feet on the mattress and did a little dance. She couldn’t help but laugh at him. He was perfect daddy material. “I’m with child!” he shouted.

  “Shh! You’ll wake Cory.”

  He flopped down again next to her. “Oh, Evie.” He kissed her shoulder and rested his hand on her flat stomach. “This is wonderful. I’m sorry you feel bad, but I’m…I’m exquisitely overjoyed.”

  She kissed the tip of his nose. “Me, too,” she said, and she meant it.

  “Let’s call my parents,” he said.

  She shook her head. “I want to wait until we know everything’s okay,” she said. “Can you suppress your enthusiasm fo
r a couple of months?”

  “I guess. What should we name him?” He caught himself. “Or her?”

  “I was thinking we might name him after your father if he’s a boy.”

  “Alexander,” Jack said. “I love that name and Dad would be proud as punch. And if it’s a girl, how about after your mother?”

  She’d actually been thinking of that, and it touched her that Jack had the same idea. “Would that upset your mother, though?” she asked. She got along well with Jack’s parents, but was careful never to ruffle their feathers. She and Jack owed them too much.

  “She’d understand,” he said. “And I really like the name Dru. Was it short for something? Drucilla?”

  “Nope. Just Dru.” Her eyes welled up at the thought of bringing another Dru into the world. If only her mother could be with her. If only she could hold her hand through the next eight months.

  “Did you have a lot of morning sickness when you were pregnant with Cory?” Jack asked.

  Here we go, she thought. “It was just like this,” she said. “That’s how I knew I was pregnant this time. It feels the same.”

  “This time you won’t be alone, though,” Jack said. “I want to go to every doctor’s appointment with you and be there when you have him. Or her. When do we tell Cory? Do we have to wait to tell her, too?”

  She nodded. “Yes, definitely,” she said. “For now, it’s going to be our little secret. Okay?”

  Eve was cleaning up after lunch that afternoon when Jack walked into the kitchen with the mail.

  “Anything important?” she asked, drying her hands on the dish towel.

  Jack shuffled through the mail. “A couple of bills and a fat envelope for you with no return address.” He handed the envelope to her. She knew without looking at it that her name and address would be typewritten, and she knew what she would find inside. Since leaving Marian’s house, she’d received two of the envelopes filled with money. Both had been forwarded to her from Marian’s address; this one had her new address on it.