Accidental Secrets: A totally gripping, steamy, sexy contemporary romance (Accidental Love Book 3)

by Dana Mason

  I sit in the car for a full five minutes and find my thoughts turn to my parents. College sweethearts, they fell in love and married before they even finished their degrees. My dad always had ambitions to become a politician, and my mother always wanted to be a politician’s wife. The problem was, they couldn’t stand each other once they got what they wanted. Shortly after I was born, my father won his first election. By the time I was five, he’d won his second, and by then, my mom was done with him. She didn’t divorce him though, because that would have ruined their image. Instead, we carried on the pretense of being a happy family. We lived like that for years.

  When I was ten, my mom packed us up and she and I moved into her father’s big, empty house in Portland. Her father had died years before, and so we simply moved away quietly while my parents continued with the façade of a happy marriage in public. When my dad had to campaign, we’d return to California and be right by his side. As soon as the election was over, Mom and I would head back up to Portland. It was a horrid cycle, and I hated it. It wasn’t until high school that my dad stopped campaigning. He’d been elected to the State Assembly and finally felt he could make a difference there. After all, that was actually his goal. He wanted to do good things for the people of California, that part of his campaigning was genuine. My parents still didn’t divorce—why should they? They were happy living apart but still pretending to be a happy couple. It was the perfect disguise for them both. All it took was a couple of trips to California every year to maintain the status quo, and my father continued to bend to her every desire until he died.

  Most people knew my mother and I lived in Portland away from my father, which I always found a little strange. Now that I’m older, I realize it’s not uncommon for politicians to live away from their families.

  When I became pregnant and moved to California permanently, they didn’t hide me, not from the public, just from Mike. It’s not like I was stuffed in the basement and forced to give birth on an old mattress or anything like that. My dad didn’t hide me from his friends and colleagues either, he just didn’t advertise the fact that he had an unwed and pregnant teenage daughter.

  Unlike my mother, my dad was more affectionate. He tried to help me with Raegan and he loved her so much. It was hard… excruciatingly hard to maintain a good relationship with him after what he and my mother had done, though. If he had attempted to stick up for me once, just once, things might have been different. My father was decent, unlike my mother. He had to have known he was wrong to let my mother bully me into keeping Raegan secret from her father.

  I pop the handle and get out of my car, praying I can get in and get out without Mitch noticing my mood. I don’t have it in me to lie about my day.

  When I walk inside the house, Raegan is sitting on the couch with the TV on and a book in her lap. I fight for a smile, mostly because I know she’s still pissed at me and that means she’s not going to have a kind word to share.

  “Hey, babe, how are you?”

  “Fine,” she says without looking up from her book. “Why are you so early?”

  “Bad day, I had to get out of there early. Is Annie or Uncle Mitch here?”

  “Annie had to go out, but Uncle Mitch is in his office.” She finally looks up at me, and her eyes soften. “You okay, Mom?”

  I really smile this time, so happy she cares. But then again, I know she cares about me, she’s just angry, and she has every right to be. “I’m fine. Like I said, it was a rough day. You ready? I’m kind of in a hurry.”

  She nods and starts packing up her stuff as I walk down the hall toward my uncle’s office. When he hears me, he holds up a finger as if to ask me to wait a minute so he can finish what he’s typing.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow. I need to get going.” I’m fighting to keep my voice normal, but I know it’s not.

  “Rachel?” He removes his reading glasses as he turns to give me a closer look. “Are you okay? Has something happened?”

  I nod, pursing my lips, not sure how to get out of this conversation. I hardly ever challenged my parents. I was raised to show respect to my elders and taught that ladies don’t raise their voices. I love my uncle. He’s always been around when I needed him, but even he never tried to stand up for me with my mother. What is it about her that makes men stupid?

  “Yep, totally fine,” I say, this time averting my eyes. “I really need to go.”

  I turn, but he stops me with the one question I can’t ignore. “Did you fight with your mother again?”

  “Nope, we’re not fighting.”

  Not yet.

  “So, what is it then?”

  I stop and turn back a couple of steps so that my voice doesn’t project down the hall. “I ran into Raegan’s father today. I told him the truth.”

  “Rachel, why the hell would you do that?”

  “Excuse me!” I lift my arms in question and say, “Why wouldn’t I do that? Jesus, Uncle Mitch, do you realize that Raegan asks about her dad? She’ll barely speak to me because I haven’t told her his name.”

  He brushes a hand in the direction of the living room as if it’s nothing. “She’s fine; she’s a lot better off without him.”

  “How do you know?” I point to him and say, “You don’t know her father. You don’t even know his name. You don’t know anything about him. You never even asked!”

  “Why would I ask about the little punk who got my niece in trouble?”

  “He wasn’t a little punk, and he didn’t get me in trouble. I had sex with him because I wanted to. I loved him, and it was my choice. That’s my responsibility, and he would have stepped up for me, and for Raegan, if he’d been given the chance. But he wasn’t given a chance. I was forced to keep her a secret and now that secret…” My voice cracks as I try to say the words I don’t want to say, but I do. “That secret is affecting my daughter. She’s missing something in her life because of it, and she’s feeling incomplete; she’s feeling lost and abandoned because of that secret.” I point again as tears drip from my eyes. “Screw you if you really think she’s better off.”

  I turn and storm out of the office. Just as I hit the end of the hall, he shouts, “Rachel! What has gotten into you?”

  I start laughing, nearly hysterical with the anger I’m feeling, I think because that anger feels a bit like freedom. It’s the strangest thing. I’m happy to be angry. I feel the need to tell Mitch and the rest of the world to kiss my ass, which is so unlike me… it’s almost liberating.

  “My voice! My voice has gotten into me. I’m going to start using it, finally!”

  “What are you saying—what does that mean?”

  Ignoring him, I turn and walk into the living room, where Raegan is sitting with her backpack, staring at me with wide, confused eyes.

  “Let’s go,” I say, pointing to the door.

  Nineteen

  Rachel

  Dear Michael,

  I’m so scared. I don’t know if I can do this. I need you so much. The doctor admitted me into the hospital, and they’re worried about the baby and me. I’m not due for three weeks, but my blood pressure is too high, and they won’t even let me out of bed. They’ve scheduled a C-section for this evening, but now they’re saying we shouldn’t even wait that long. They’re only delaying because my dad insists they wait for my mother. The doctor wants to do it now, but Dad’s made such a fuss about it. I can hear them in the hall, arguing about it.

  I’m not afraid for myself, but I can see the worry in the eyes of the nurse. She hasn’t left my side in hours, and I’m so grateful to have a friendly hand to hold. My dad’s been here too, but he’s too angry to see what I’m going through. He’s too worried about my mom getting here to be concerned about the baby and me.

  I’m not sure I’m going to survive this, but if I don’t, I’ve written you a letter of explanation and given it to the nurse, along with your phone number. Her name is Raegan Pope. She’s promised to mail it out if something terrible happens. I don’t tr
ust my mother to not put our little girl up for adoption. I will not let her do that, not even in the event of my death.

  Michael, if this is the end, and I don’t get to see you again—if I never get to explain what happened to us, I hope you’ll remember all the times I told you I loved you. I hope you understand how much I meant those words.

  I have to go—the anesthesiologist is here to give me an epidural. Raegan said the doctor refuses to wait any longer.

  I love you!

  Rachel

  Twenty

  Michael

  I drive around for a while and my thoughts are focused solely on Rachel. The feel of her in my embrace. The citrusy scent I’ve missed so much and the silky texture of her raven hair. Jesus… the sweet sound of her cries when she comes. It almost makes me angry to remember it.

  It pisses me off that I already want her again. I don’t want to want her. Not right now. I want to rage at her for lying. For keeping secrets that have changed the course of my life. I want to rage at her for the child who’s reached out to me with cryptic messages, trying to get my attention. Trying to connect with her missing father.

  Now I’m questioning whether or not I should respond to those emails. It’s been weeks since I’ve received them and that makes me wonder why they stopped… and why she didn’t tell me who her mom was. But I don’t know what she knows about me, about my relationship with Rachel, or how she found me.

  “Jesus, Rachel,” I mutter, knowing that no matter what, I can’t hate her and I can’t rage at her. That’s not going to solve anything—which is why I ran out of there as fast as I could. All the years we’ve lost when we could have been—should have been—a family. Years I’ve lost with Rachel and the daughter I’ve never met. It’s so unfair.

  Of all the scenarios that played out in my mind after she left town, none of them included an accidental pregnancy. Rachel’s question comes to mind again. Do I have any idea what it’s like to be pregnant at sixteen and not have someone in my corner to confide in?

  I don’t.

  I always had my brother and sister when things went crazy with my parents. When we lost Bradley, Diana and I became each other’s constant supporters. We’re still close, seven years after Bradley’s death. Of course, our parents are still fucking crazy, so we sort of need each other.

  I have to wonder which is harder, living the last fourteen years in a foolish ignorance, or having spent them with a secret hanging over my head, trying to raise a child on my own. No, I don’t think what she did was right, but that doesn’t mean I don’t empathize with her and what she’s been through.

  When my phone rings, I’m surprised to see it’s my sister. What timing. I hit the answer button and say, “I was just thinking about you.”

  Diana’s voice booms over the car speakers, thanks to Bluetooth. “I just booked our flights! We’re coming up for your grand opening.”

  My shoulders slump in relief instantly. “Thank God.” I take a deep breath because I didn’t realize how much I needed to talk to her until this very moment. “I’m so glad you’re coming, I could really use the support right now.”

  “Why, honey, what’s happened? Are you okay?” Her excitement from a moment ago now sounds like concern, and I feel bad for making her worry.

  “You’re not going to believe it when I tell you. I’m still not sure I believe it.”

  “What, Mikey? You’re scaring me.”

  “I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong, really. But… I found Rachel. She lives in Sacramento.”

  “What!”

  “Yep. She’s right here. She’s been here all along. Her mom lied about Boston.”

  “That bitch!” She breathes into the phone. “I can’t believe it.”

  “I wasn’t even looking for her. I went to the hotel Kelley picked for her wedding, and Rachel’s the hotel manager. We were both stunned.”

  “Was she happy to see you? Did she explain what happened? Jesus, this makes me want to come up there and kick her ass. I can’t believe she left you the way she did and never even called to explain.”

  “I think she was happy to see me. I mean, things are different, and she explained what happened all those years ago. That’s the part you’re not going to believe.”

  “What! Tell me.”

  “She left because she was pregnant. Her mom packed her up and brought her down here to live with her dad. Made a bunch of threats against me and the baby if she told me.”

  The line is silent, and I’m not sure what to think about that.

  “Crazy, right?” I say, hoping the call wasn’t dropped.

  “Michael. Are you telling me you have a kid? Wait—how old? That’s impossible, it’s been too long. Like fourteen or fifteen years since you’ve seen her. Jesus! A teenager?”

  “It’s true. I have a thirteen-year-old daughter.”

  I park my truck in front of Kelley and Mac’s house. My heart’s racing again and I wonder if telling Diana was a mistake.

  “I am coming up there to kick that bitch’s ass.”

  “No, you’re not. It’s a long story. Lots of things have happened. I don’t even know everything yet. If you don’t think you can be nice to her, don’t come up here. As pissed as I am at her, she’s still the mother of my kid, and you will treat her with respect.”

  “Why? How can you care about someone who’s kept your child a secret? I don’t understand.”

  “Listen, I’m pissed off too, but there’s a lot you don’t know about the situation. You need to stop, okay?” I close my eyes for a moment and say, “I could really use some family right now, but if you can’t behave, don’t come. This is important to me, and I don’t need you coming up here and making trouble.”

  “Fine.” Her voice is flat but after a moment she says, “I’m coming. I’ll behave. I want to meet my niece, and I want to be there for you. I’ll try to be understanding and give Rachel a chance.”

  “You two used to be friends,” I remind her.

  “And then she broke your heart. It’s hard to forget how badly she screwed you up.”

  “I haven’t forgotten either. I’m treading carefully, I promise.”

  “What’s her name… your daughter?”

  I start laughing because I know that should have been my first question. “Funny story. I didn’t ask. I don’t know what her name is. I literally found out less than an hour ago.”

  “Oh, God. Talk about timing.” I hear her phone clunk around, and then she says, “I’ll be there midday Friday—unless you need me sooner. I’m bringing Olivia with me. I’m renting a car so you don’t have to worry about picking us up.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “Nope, I know you’re super busy. It’s not a problem and I’m sure I’ll need a car while I’m in town anyway. Do you want me there sooner?”

  “Thank you, but I’m fine. You don’t have to change your plans.”

  “Okay. I love you, Mikey. I’ll see you Friday.”

  “I love you too, sis. I can’t wait to see you guys.”

  I disconnect the call and look up at Kelley and Mac’s front door and wonder if it’s a bad time.

  I get out of my truck and slowly walk up the front steps and knock. I hear Luna barking and then Mac telling her to stop. He swings the door open, and he’s smiling until he gets a good look at me, then the smile slips from his face.

  He opens the door wider and says, “You look like shit, man.”

  When I step inside, Kelley is there waiting for me. “I guess things didn’t go well.”

  I walk into their living room and drop down on their couch. A few seconds later, Luna lumbers over with a wagging tail and amused eyes. I rub under her ears until she’s completely pressed up against my legs. “You’re right. It didn’t go so great.”

  Kelley and Mac sit across from me. I lean back against the cushions and say, “I have a kid.”

  “Wha—” Kelley’s eyes are wide, and she turns to look at Mac, who’s staring at me like l just co
nfessed to being an alien. Then she looks back at me, confused. “A kid? Like, as in, you’re a father?”

  “Yep. She left town all those years ago because she was pregnant. I have a thirteen-year-old daughter.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” Mac says. “Who keeps that kind of a secret for so long?”

  Kelley’s eyebrows lift in amazement, then she says, “That explains her reaction when she saw you.”

  “She said her mom made a bunch of threats against me and threatened to put the baby up for adoption, so Rachel agreed to keep the pregnancy a secret.”

  “That’s total bullshit, Mike. Her mom couldn’t put the baby up for adoption, not without her consent,” Kelley says.

  “Right. I know, and she knows that now, but she said she didn’t understand that back then, and I can see how that could be. Her mom was always controlling and kept her pretty sheltered.” I exhale heavily and say, “Her mom also threatened to have me arrested for sexual assault—and to tell the press that I took advantage of her daughter.”

  Kelley shakes her head and says, “What an evil bitch. That would have completely derailed your football career.” She blows out a long exhalation and says, “Poor Rachel, I wouldn’t want to be responsible for something like that either.”

  I blink several times, not sure I heard her correctly. “We’re talking about a child, Kelley. That’s more important than football.”

  She nods and says, “Yes, I know. But if you think about this from the perspective of a teenage girl, you have to see it a little differently. I’m sure her mother told her that by getting pregnant, she’d ruined her life. At that age everything is the end of the world. Life is full of always and never, black and white. There’s no gray area when you’re young.” Her eyes lift to the ceiling, and she looks a little upset, then says, “It’s horrible to say, but she probably thought it was stupid to ruin both of your lives. She probably thought it was better for her to carry this burden alone and save you from an uncertain future.”