“More likely he has fallen to our common foe,” Thorne stated.
“Those damn Bears,” Malcolm said as he climbed off the dinosaur and slid to the ground. He glared at one of the Fengali long and hard. “What do you want, monkey.”
The Fengali roared but Malcolm didn’t flinch.
“Mahor,” Thorne commanded and the Fengali backed away with a grunt.
Miles snorted and continued, “They’ve been acting awfully brave lately. Wandering farther from that stupid tree.”
“You do not know the half of it,” Thorne said. “My friends here are visitors to Kandallaha. One of their number has been taken captive by the demon bear Brexbin and taken we know not where, to do we know not what with him, but it most likely involves turning him into a bear.”
Miles spit on the ground again. It was an interesting quirk to give a machine that produced no saliva. But if Malcolm Miles was a character that was supposed to be despised, it was doing the trick. “They took your friends’ friend to Enchantasia. Brexbin and all of his loser friends are holed up there in the castle. And they’ve turned every one of those annoying little fairytale characters into some kind of bear already. Your friend is probably next.”
“How?” Mason scoffed. “It looks like all they did to the Presidents was stitch little ears on them and alter their programming.”
“Why couldn’t they do that to Glitch?” Hailey asked.
“Because he’s not a machine that’s—” Mason trailed off as everything became clear.
“Of course, with Glitch’s enhancements he is a hybrid of machine and man,” Savant explained since he thought he was the only one that got it. “In theory, they could change him.”
“And they would be convinced they could do it to anyone else,” Kat followed. “They would slaughter everyone.”
“But they’re stuck here,” Savant laughed. “There’s no way off the island.”
“Except for our ride,” Jake said. “Which will be landing right in Enchantasia this evening.”
“We have to go get him!” Mason yelled at the exact same moment Savant realized his own safety was in jeopardy and shouted, “We have to get to our plane!”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Mason screamed at Savant.
“Me?! I’m the one that’s thinking about all of us. You’re being all selfish thinking about your stupid friend.”
“He’s your friend, too!”
“You can’t prove that! We have to get to that plane. That’s what’s most important. To me.”
Hailey waved at Savant to sit and, mostly, shut up. “But, Mason is right. We have to save Glitch. We’ll think of something.”
“Like what? We’ve got an entire park of crazed machines after us. Even the ones that weren’t inherently evil are now very much evil. Glitch is gone. Our stuff is gone. Oh, and we only have a few hours left before our one and only shot at getting off the island arrives. And we can’t even call for help.”
The camera had moved in closer the louder he became. Savant swatted the drone out of the air and sent it clattering to the ground. He stomped on the rotors as it tried to take flight.
Another moved in to take its place.
“Saving Glitch has to be our number one priority,” Mason said.
“It is, Mason,” Jake assured him. The safety of his team always came first and they wouldn’t let Glitch down. That was certain. Of course, he had no idea how they would do it. Savant’s pity rant was completely accurate.
“You’re always so certain, Jake. You know that gets a little old.” Savant bent over and grabbed the mashed drone off the ground. He scooped the pieces into his arms and turned away. “You work on your against-all-odds plan of rescuing the mandroid and I’ll work on saving the rest of us like the selfless person I am.”
“What are you doing, Savant?” Hailey asked.
“I’m going to use my genius to turn this camera into a radio, beat the jamming signal and rescue all of you losers.” Savant stormed off with an armload of broken drone.
Mason looked around to the rest of the team. “I’m going!”
“Aren’t you the hero?” Miles said. “There are hundreds of them. There aren’t enough of you.”
“We’ve got the dinosaurs,” Mason said.
Miles smiled and let out a laugh that wasn’t based in amusement. “You can’t have my dinosaur.”
“Big help you are,” Mason spat on the ground for real.
“If you ask me, your friend is right. I’d worry less about rescuing your pal and more about saving yourself.”
“Fine, weird dinosaur guy. Be that way. We’ll use that guy’s dinosaur.” Mason said pointing to Thorne.
“Jambha sleeps,” Thorne replied with a shake of his head.
“Well, wake him up!”
Kat explained, “It means she’s charging, Mason.”
Mason let out an exasperated breath. “Does anyone else have a dinosaur I can borrow?”
The Fengali only stared back. If they had a dinosaur he could borrow they weren’t admitting to it.
“I don’t think you understand, kid,” Miles said.
“Kid?” Mason twitched at the remark.
“A dinosaur isn’t going to cut it. They have giants and trolls and pixies and Presidents.” He looked at Commander Mike. “They may even have a few of his buddies in there, and bears, and I haven’t seen Blaxxton’s Cragosaur in a while. They may have that, too. And what have you got? A few weak visitors, some monkeys and a tiger or two. You’ve got nothing.”
Mason walked up to Miles until they were standing face-to-face. The machine had no breath but the scraggly beard and weathered face of the machine told him it would smell like whiskey if it did. “I don’t know what bastard programmed you to walk around and shit on everyone’s pancakes, but when I get back home I’m going to find the little shit that filled you so full of charm and wit and kick the crap out of him. But, first, I’m going to save my friend. With or without your stupid dinosaur.”
Miles stared at Mason for a long moment and then smiled. “Quite the crew you’ve got here, Thorne. Am I ever glad I stopped by for your little bonfire.”
“Why did you come, Malcolm Miles, if you did not come to offer help? You know this scourge threatens all of us. Your allies as well as ours.”
“I don’t have allies, Jungle Man. I don’t have friends, I don’t have teammates, I have contracts. Pure and simple. And my contract doesn’t say I have to die, or become a bear, to save anyone.” He stepped aside and clicked his tongue at his dinosaur. The beast grumbled. “But if I can sit back and watch you serve my interests by taking out those damn bears, I should at least give you something for your trouble.”
He waved the dinosaur forward and the shrieking began again as the creature responded. The Ankylosaurus trudged through the center of the camp dragging the twisted hulk of The Beast behind it.
Miles drew a machete from his belt, sliced the ropes that bound the truck to his dino and then climbed back into the saddle. “Now tell your stupid monkeys to open the gate and let me out of here.”
Thorne ordered the gates opened as the team scrambled over the truck. With the help of a few Fengali they were able to pry the doors open and get inside what was left of the vehicle. They pulled the equipment out and lined it up to take inventory.
“Hey Mason, did you know this one has footage of you peeing?” Savant came walking back into the clearing with the drone in his hands. “I’ll bet there’s a market for that. Hey, it’s our stuff.”
Hailey pointed at the drone tucked under his arm. “Did you get it to work?”
“This? No. The signal jamming the island is just too strong.”
“So why do you still have it? “
“The pee thing. It’s good for a blooper reel.”
“So no selfless rescue?” Mason asked.
“No, we’re going to have to go with your stupid idea. Do you have a plan yet or do you just sit around here being idiots?”
&
nbsp; Everyone looked to Mason who passed the glance onto Jake.
It sucked being the boss. He had been working on a plan. It was terrible. It probably wouldn’t work but they had to do something to try to save Glitch. To try to save themselves. And to try and stop the Bearberry Bears from escaping the island and forcing their madness on the world. A dinosaur would sure make things a lot easier. He looked back to the team and nodded. “Yeah, I got an idea, Mason. But, we’re going to need some fake beards.”
“I love this plan.”
22
“I hate this plan,” Mason said, scratching at the fake beard on his face. “This thing itches.”
“Quit complaining,” Jake said through his own imitation whiskers.
Mason tugged at the collar of his 1880s finery. It didn’t help it sit any better. “And why do I have to be Harrison?”
“You can be Grant if you want,” Jake offered. “If you really think it will make you happy.”
Mason hrmphed. “I want to be Lincoln.”
“I told you, you can’t be Lincoln.”
“And tell me why not, keepers of the presidents.”
“Because you told me Lincoln is a statue here. Brexbin wouldn’t buy it.”
“They think blood is Bearberry Juice and you’re giving them enough credit to distinguish between presidents?”
“Just shut up,” Jake muttered. “You don’t hear Thorne complaining.”
“I am Rutherford B. Hayes,” Thorne said.
“See? He gets it.”
“I am Rutherford B. Hayes,” Thorne said again.
“Yeah, quit rubbing it in, George of the Jungle.”
Jake stopped. “Do you want to be Hayes? Would that make you happy?”
“I want to be Lincoln!”
“You can’t be Lincoln. And there were only three other Presidents with beards, okay?”
Mason grunted and scratched at the fake beard some more. “What kind of stupid kid would want a Benjamin Harrison beard as a souvenir?”
“We’re just lucky the gift shop wasn’t sold out.”
Mason laughed at this and they resumed walking toward Enchantasia. “Yeah, we finally caught a break.”
“It doesn’t matter who we are. As long as they’re convinced we’re Presidents that they’ve already turned into Bearberry Bears they’ll let us in and we can rescue Glitch before they turn him into a Bearberry Bear.”
“You ever wonder how you got to a point in your life where saying something like that makes complete sense?”
One of the camera drones pulled in close to capture Jake’s response.
He waved it away. “Every single day.”
Mason stared at the drones. “These damn cameras are going to give us away.”
“They haven’t yet. I imagine the machines are programmed to ignore them.”
Mason pointed to the camera. “What do you think of that, Thorne?”
Thorne studied the drone. “It is a beautiful bird.”
“You’re right. Like they’re not even there,” Mason said to Jake. “Framed pictures are available for purchase at the gift shop.”
They could feel the evil seeping from Enchantasia. The mist wasn’t helping. The sun had come up that morning but it hadn’t come out from behind a layer of black clouds. It wasn’t like the fairytale land needed any help feeling drearier. The iconic castle floated in the darkness and evil smelled a lot like burning plastic.
Thorne stumbled ahead of the pair as they drew closer. “What madness have they wrought? This land was once full of laughter, and love and that little squealing noise children make that only their parents find endearing.”
“Yeah, I hate that sound,” Mason said.
Jake put a hand on Mason’s shoulder. “Give him a second. He’s lamenting.”
“Why did I not see this coming? Why was I not given the strength and courage to stop it? I was protector of these lands. I have failed these people.”
“Hey there, Jungle Guy.” Mason said. “Uh, they might be okay.”
“I can only hope. I have many friends here.” Thorne hesitated for a moment. “Rapunzel and I were quite close.”
“Close like…?”
“After I sent my dear sweet Kat to safety, I was lost. I cannot even describe the feeling. I wandered Kandallaha aimlessly as if I had no purpose in this world. One day on this trek I came across a tower and Rapunzel was trapped inside. Her wicked stepmother had done this to her. I was able to save her from her imprisonment.”
“Do you want me to stop you if I’ve heard this one?” Mason asked.
Thorne either didn’t hear Mason or didn’t care. His focus was somewhere in the distance. “I felt useful once more. As if I had a purpose. At first I assumed it was because of the rescue, that once again I was protecting the people of Kandallaha, but as I spent more time with the princess, I began to wonder if it wasn’t the woman herself that made me feel alive.”
His trance broken, Thorne looked back to Mason and Jake and realized what he had said. “Oh please, friend Mason and friend Jake, don’t mention this to Kat. Nothing happened between the Princess and I, and I love Kat dearly. She has been through so much that… now that she’s returned to me I think it would be best if she didn’t…”
“Damn, dude,” Mason laughed. “You’re more human than I thought.”
“Please, she is everything to me. To hear this would break her heart. I wish no harm would come to her ever. I would do anything to protect her. I—”
“Calm down, Rutherford. We won’t say a thing. It’ll just be between us, well, guys—I guess.”
“Thank you, friend Mason.”
“And that camera you think is a bird.”
“What?” Thorne asked.
“Don’t worry, Thorne,” Jake said. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I’m not even sure you could do anything wrong if you tried.”
“I thank you, as well, friend Jake.”
Often, when a robot expresses concern that his love for a robot princess might jeopardize his relationship with a human woman, it is usually followed by an awkward silence. This was no different. The three men stared at one another and nodded until Mason coughed and said, “So Rapunzel, huh?”
“She is a very nice girl,” said Thorne in his own defense.
“I’m sure she is. I always figured myself more of a Sleeping Beauty kind of guy though. I think I’d really like the quiet after.”
Jake slapped Mason across the shoulder. “Why do you have to make everything weird?”
“I’m Benjamin Fucking Harrison with Teddy Bear ears here and you’re telling me not to make this weird?! What do you care which princess I have the hots for?”
“I don’t care. And I’d rather not know. That’s my point.”
“What about you Jake? I like them a little sleepy and Jungle Boy likes ’em with split ends. Which princess would you go for?”
“I’m not playing this game with you.”
“That’s what I thought. You’re more of a wicked stepmother kind of guy. Aren’t you? You like to be bossed around a bit? Punished? Made to scrub the floors? Sweep the chimney? Polish the silver?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m not sure. I forgot where I was taking this.”
“Thank God.”
Even the gates to Enchantasia looked sad. The wrought iron was wrought more than intended and twisted upon itself and left to rust. The flowerbeds that once spelled out magical phrases of happiness in well-tended roses were now filled with muddy earth that had been left to wash over the pathway.
The buildings were husks of their former delight. Paint had faded and worn away if it wasn’t burnt away completely. Many of the structures were torn down to their steel skeletons and gave no sign of their original purpose.
Thorne gasped dramatically—it was most likely the only gasp in his programming—and the noise brought several guards out of the dark to stand watch over the gate.
Two
monstrous trolls bearing clubs the size of a man stood shoulder to shoulder and blocked the entrance. Their faces were squat and pinched and their brows so heavy that they swallowed their eyes somewhere in the shadow beneath them. They had green, pointed ears covered in warts and a second pair of fuzzy bear ears perched above them. The pair said nothing and made no move to strike. But it was clear that they weren’t moving for just anybody.
A tiny grunt that sounded like a chihuahua losing a fight to its favorite chew toy came from somewhere behind the trolls while a couple of furry green paws appeared between their knees.
“Would you two…” a squeaky voice began.
The paws disappeared and a furry green ball of a tail took their place in trying to squeeze itself between the two trolls. “Would you two move?!”
The tail wriggled and turned into a furry green butt as the squeaking and grunting continued. The butt eventually became a Bearberry Bear named Tuggles who fell to the ground with an angry giggle as he popped from the trolls’ legs and tumbled to the pathway. He stood and brushed himself off with a cute little wiggle and turned to face the three men dressed as Presidents.
Tuggles jabbed a stumpy green finger at the men and squeaked, “Who goes there?”
Jake cleared his throat and, using his best PBS reenactment voice, declared, “I am President Ulysses S. Grant.”
Thorne stepped forward and bowed, “I am President Rutherford B. Hayes.”
Mason grumbled and muttered, “Frickin’ Harrison.”
Tuggles seemed satisfied by their answers for a moment but then the tiny bear crossed his arms. His brow pinched tight and he leaned forward slightly. The next question came out much more serious. “Who do you think you are?”
“We just told you, you stupid—” Mason’s reply was cut short by Jake’s elbow in his ribs.
Tuggle’s glare didn’t waver. The dead eyes of the machine contained a surprising amount of intensity.
The Trolls shifted their grips on the clubs as they sensed Tuggles’s discontent with how long it was taking them to reply.
Jake’s mind raced until it landed on what he thought might be the answer. “I’m a pirate. Arrgh. They call me the Dread Pirate Orangebeard and I sail upon my ship the Mighty, uh, Marvin, arrgh and search the seventy-seven seas for fun and adventure and uh, fun. Arrgh.”
Junkers Season Two Page 17
