Tuggles giggled and turned his gaze to Mason.
“I am Sir Stabsalot. Brave and gallant knight of the realm of Lame. My quest is to slay the evil dragon, Stupido, and rescue the damsel Whoreina.”
Tuggles giggled once more and said, “That sounds like so much fun.”
“It’s the best,” Mason said with a roll of his eyes.
Tuggles turned his glare on Thorne, who had not prepared a backstory. “And who do you think you are?”
Could the machine improvise? Could the machine lie? Would Thorne’s altruistic programming betray them?
“I am Thorne. King and protector of the lands of Kandallaha. Upon the back of my mighty T-Rex, Jambha, and with the help of Shashana, my majestic eagle, I watch over the citizens of this land and keep them from harm.”
“Wow! That sounds like so much fun,” Tuggles squealed as he stepped aside. “Come on in and remember—keep imagining.”
The Trolls parted to form a path through the gate to Enchantasia and the pirate, the knight and the Stone Age king entered the magical land.
The magical land looked like crap. A small grouping of buildings that had once been a village of mushroom homes had been burned to the ground. A row of retail shops that had featured a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker had been ransacked. The windows of the stores were scattered in a thousand pieces across the yellow-bricked walkway that led through the village.
Fires burned in trashcans and in piles, and the citizens that had once populated Enchantasia scrambled about, pulling the siding from the remaining buildings to feed the flames.
Puss in Boots struggled to drag a scrap of wood along the ground, and he wasn’t getting any help from Little Boy Blue who, for once, had decided to blow on his horn. He played a sad tune more fit for a smoky night club than the apocalyptic landscape of Enchantasia.
The three rescuers kept moving forward, doing their best not to dwell on the hell around them. Thorne had the hardest time not reacting. While they all recognized the characters from storybooks, he knew them personally. He gasped when a surprisingly round man waddled across their path. “My friend. He was a good man. It pains me to see him like this.”
“Tweedle Dum?” Jake asked.
“Dee,” Thorne said. “Dum was a jerk. I would not be associated with him.”
An army of playing cards marched across their path at a quick pace to the tune of a fiddle being played by a large grasshopper. They seemed in a hurry but the team could not deduce their destination. They let the deck pass.
“They seem alarmed,” Mason said.
“Do you think they’re onto us?” Jake asked, looking over his shoulder.
“With these beards?” Mason laughed. “How could they be?”
“Danger! Danger! Danger!”
The team spun at the sound of the cry. A little boy with blue bear ears stood behind them with an accusatory finger raised. “Danger! Danger! Danger!”
Mason reached for the gun he had tucked inside his Benjamin Harrison costume but Thorne stopped the draw with a raised hand.
The boy continued to scream, “Danger! Danger! Danger!”
None of the other characters seemed to care. They went about their business, trudging across Enchantasia, going about their mysterious duties.
“Tis the boy who cried wolf,” Thorne said quietly. “Pay him no mind. He always yells danger.”
The boy stopped yelling for a moment and then walked over to one of the remaining buildings. He pointed at the wall and yelled once more. “Danger! Danger! Danger!”
Humpty Dumpty looked at the boy and sighed before moving along with his task.
Mason left the gun in the holster and withdrew his hand from the costume. “I hate this place. Let’s find Glitch and get the hell out of here.”
A poorly run power line snapped above them, raining down a shower of blue sparks.
Jake pointed to the wire. “Let’s follow that.”
They encountered more characters but none seemed to take notice of the Presidential trio. The Big Bad Wolf didn’t look so big and bad in orange fur. They spotted two of the three little pigs and wondered if the third wasn’t still holed up in his brick house. A small snowman hummed an annoying tune as he tore apart the entrance to Beauty’s Ball Room and Eatery.
Mason tilted his head to the building in front of them. “Ten bucks says he’s in the creepy castle.”
The clouds were getting darker, but Once Upon a Time Again Castle lit the view before them. Even the streetlights outside the landmark building were glowing bright. All of the power lines led here and arced upwards toward a window high in the castle’s tallest tower. The room flashed with pulses of blue light.
Jake pointed to the tower. “Up there you figure?”
“Yep. It’d be just like him to not get kidnapped on the bottom floor.”
The three Presidents crossed the bridge and made their way up the circular staircase. The door at the top of the stairs looked as they expected—thick wood and iron fittings. As if it was designed to keep a princess locked away from those who would do her harm.
Jake unbuttoned Grant’s jacket and pulled out the disruptor pistol. The model was a concession Lucas had made for the trip. It produced the stopping power of their full-sized packs but with a much more limited capacity. Only two had survived the fall from the plane. Mason drew the other one and nodded at Jake.
“Thorne,” Jake said. “The door please.”
The jungle lord responded with a mighty kick that shattered the door’s false veneer. It flew open, tore from its hinges and exploded into the room, taking out at least one Bearberry Bear in the process based on the surprised giggle the door made as it came to rest.
The crash drew the attention of several other bears and a giant cyclops. Glitch remained motionless on a suspended table.
“Welcome, friends,” said a bear that was dressed like a doctor and covered in blood. “The operation was a success.”
Mason screamed and fired the disruptor at the bear behind the scalpel. The blast knocked the doctor from his stool and set the whole room in motion. Two of the bears jumped on Thorne and attempted to bring him to the ground. Thorne stumbled backward against the tower window and shook one free. It squealed as it plummeted to the ground below.
The other gasped, “You’re a mean President.”
Thorne grabbed the bear by the face and threw the machine at the Cyclops as it rose to enter the fight.
Jake shot it in the arm and swore as the giant machine took the hit with little effect and charged toward him.
Thorne exploded from the wall. He tackled the Cyclops just before it reached Jake and rushed it into one of the cabinets that lined the room’s walls. Sparks exploded from inside of the machine and the Cyclops’s fur clothes burst into flames.
Mason dropped the nurse with another blast and rushed to the suspended platform. “Glitch! Glitch, wake up.”
The cyborg wasn’t responding.
“He’s breathing,” Mason shouted as the Cyclops got to his feet once more.
The machine’s skin fell shriveled as it burned. Its rubber construction explained the failed blast from the disruptor and Jake aimed for the exposed metal skeleton underneath.
“They gave him purple ears!” Mason shouted. “Those bastards!”
Jake fired and struck the Cyclops in the infrastructure.
The giant’s eye went wide as the charge ran through its frame and out the tip of the horn on its head. It pitched forward and crashed to the castle floor.
“He’s not waking up, Jake!”
Jake held the disruptor on the Cyclops for a second longer to make sure it was down before racing to Mason’s aid.
Mason had Glitch unstrapped and was slapping him gently on the cheeks. “I’m getting nothing,” Mason said as he slapped him harder.
“We have to get him out of here.”
“Sure. Give me that forklift you brought.”
Thorne pulled Mason away from the side of t
he table and pulled Glitch into a seated position. “Is this your friend?”
“Sometimes,” Mason answered.
Thorne tossed the cyborg over his shoulder with little effort and turned toward the door. “Then let us get him to safety and away from this nightmare.”
Mason and Jake watched as the jungle king dressed as Rutherford B. Hayes carried their fallen friend out the door and down the steps.
“How come you never carry me like that, Jake?”
23
Savant swore and began gathering the pieces of equipment as rain fell on his work surface. It started light and was growing thicker by the second. Exactly like his swearing.
Hailey ran over to the makeshift table and shoveled the electronic components into her arms. She followed Savant into one of the nearby huts and set the parts down on the floor.
“Just perfect,” Savant grumbled as he set down his own pile of pieces and began setting up a light to work by. “The weather was the one thing I was enjoying.”
Hailey used the driest part of her shirt to try and soak up the water from a circuit board.
“This is now the worst vacation I have ever taken.” Savant turned on the light and sat on the floor to get back to work. He crossed his legs and leaned over the pile of parts and started sorting them out.
Hailey squatted over the pile and tried to help but he waved her off with a condescending grunt. She stood with a roll of her eyes and watched the “genius” move pieces around. Hate had been a strong word growing up in her house and she had always tried her best never to apply it to anyone. But she really, really disliked Savant. Mason was grumpy but it was obvious that his contempt was an act. With Savant, she tried hard to believe that it was an act but she suspected he didn’t truly care for anyone but himself. However, due to a lack of available teammates to talk to, she was about to find out. “Savant? I need to talk to you about something.”
The man didn’t look up. He grabbed a part from the pile and a soldering gun and set to work as he spoke. “Is now really the time to confess your feelings for me?”
“You disgust me.”
“See? I already knew that. So we can skip the conversation, right?”
“This is about Kat.”
“I disgust her too. Really, can’t all this wait?”
Hailey took a deep breath and exhaled loudly enough to annoy him. Savant looked up with a perturbed look and rolled his eyes. “You know what? All of these repairs can wait. It’s not like the clock is ticking on our one chance to get off this stupid island for stupid kids. Please, tell me all your problems.”
“Kat wants to bring Thorne back with us.”
“Hmm.” Savant went back to repairing the equipment from The Beast. “Jake and Mason off to rescue Glitch. You and Kat conspiring to rescue Jungle Boy. I’m beginning to feel a little left out.”
Hailey pulled up a wooden stool and sat down. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Make everything about you. With, like, the least bit of prodding.”
“It’s not that hard really. I can teach you.”
“No thanks.”
“Step One: Be amazing. And I don’t mean a little bit. You have to be completely amazing.”
Hailey looked at the thatched roof of the hut and closed her eyes. “Incredible.”
“That’s Step Two. Are you sure you haven’t read my blog?”
“This isn’t about you, Savant.”
“And that’s my point. When does it get to be about me? When will someone plan to rescue me?”
“When you’re in trouble, you self-centered prick.”
“Still.” Savant placed a circuit board back in place and closed the casing of a large rifle. “I doubt you all would come after me.”
“Of course we would.”
“Please. None of you like me.”
“But we’d still come for you.”
Savant bolted the rifle case shut and set it down. He grabbed another piece of equipment and kept focused on the work. “You didn’t argue about liking me.”
“Damnit, Savant. This isn’t about you. This is about Kat wanting to take Thorne back with us.”
“Oh. What about it?”
“What do you mean, what about it?”
“Why should I care what she does?”
“Don’t you think it’s a problem?”
“Who am I to judge? I’ve had sex dolls before.”
“He’s not a sex doll, he’s a machine from an island that’s been quarantined by the government specifically to keep the machines from getting off the island.”
“I hate to copy Jake’s plan, but maybe if he wore a disguise.”
Hailey grit her teeth. “I’m not asking for you to help her get him off the island, you idiot.”
“Then what are you asking for, Hailey? I’m really busy here trying to rescue all of us. Even if you wouldn’t rescue me.”
“I said I would rescue you.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t really believe you.”
“Oh my God. You made this about you again!”
“I told you I was amazing. But you didn’t want to hear it.”
“This is serious, Savant. We can’t let her take him off the island.”
“Why not?” Kat asked.
Savant never looked up from his work. “Does it freak you out that she moves so quietly now? It freaks me out. You try to talk about her behind her back and, boom, there she is hearing every word.”
“Shut up, Savant.” Hailey turned to the jungle queen. “Kat, let me explain.”
“You don’t have to. I get it. I know how crazy it all sounds. I know how illegal it would be. I would be risking everything. And asking all of you to take that risk as well.”
Hailey smiled at her friend. “Thank you, Kat. I know it’s difficult. And I really do wish he could come with us.”
“Oh, he’s coming with us,” Kat said. “I’m just saying that I know about the risks you’ll be taking for me.”
“But, Kat—”
“But, what? I’m not leaving him here. There’s no reason to. He’s fine. You know that. He’s not a part of the problem.”
“I know but—”
“So he’ll just be another machine back in the real world. No different than a washing machine or a really hot leaf blower.”
“Kat, think of what you’re risking.”
“I’ve thought about it, Hailey. Every day. Since I was sixteen. This is new and strange to you. But this is my life and has been for quite some time.”
“His place is here.” Hailey said softly.
Kat’s eyes narrowed. “His place is with me.”
Hailey knew she was losing both the argument and her friend. Sadly, there was only one person she could turn to. “Savant, how about a little help here?”
Savant cursed and dropped a screwdriver. He stood with a frustrated grunt and pointed a finger at Kat. “He’s going to need a new identity. If you get me a fake bio I can crack into the national database when we get back and set him up with an ID. But I can’t do it until we’re out of range of the jammers. So he’s going to need a disguise and not one of Jake’s fake beard jobs, make it a good one. I’d suggest giving him a classic castaway look but don’t make the backstory too sad or he’ll spend too much time being interviewed on the feeds.”
Kat looked at Hailey and back to the computer scientist. She bounced forward and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you, Savant.”
He looked uncomfortable with the physical contact and refused to return Kat’s embrace. “You’re welcome. Now get out of here. I have work to do.”
Kat left less silently than she had arrived. She wasn’t the giggling type, but Hailey could tell her mood had vastly improved.
Savant sat back down on the floor and returned to the pile of broken equipment.
“What the hell was that?”
“What? I helped.”
“You were supposed to help me.”
Savant pic
ked up another broken disruptor and got to work on repairing it. “She was annoying me less than you.”
“Savant, we can’t take him with us.”
“You know, Hailey? I usually give you more credit than the rest of these morons, but you’re really sinking to their level if you think we’re actually getting off this island at all. Let Kat believe he can come with us because we’re not going anywhere.” He gestured to the pile of parts. “Even if I get all of this stuff working. And even if Jake and Mason make it back with Glitch, we’re screwed. There’re not enough of us to make a dent in the army of those stupid bears with what we’ve got.”
“They’ll make it back and we’ll make it out of here.”
“I sure wish I had your optimism. Unfortunately, I’m just too smart for that.”
The hut trembled as a roar echoed through the camp and a smile grew on her lips. The T-Rex had recharged. “You were saying?”
Savant peered into the workings of a disruptor pack. “Get that stupid grin off your face. I already accounted for the dinosaur. We’re still screwed.”
24
Maybe the sound of the thundering rain covered the scream, or maybe the Bearberry bear Thorne had thrown from the tower had no friends, but it was clear by the time they reached the castle gates that no alarm had been raised during the rescue.
The storm did nothing to stop the machines. The fairytale converts went about their labors and paid no attention to the three Presidents as they made their way through Enchantasia.
“How is he?” Jake whispered to Thorne.
“He is still unconscious,” said the protector of Kandallaha. “We must get him to a nurse’s station.”
Mason stomped alongside the two men, saying nothing. His eyes had grown hard and he shot a murderous look at every machine they passed.
Jake noticed the rage building in the man and stepped closer. He whispered, “Stop staring, Mason. You’ll give us away.”
Mason’s response was quiet and came through grinding teeth. “They’re going to pay for this.”
Junkers Season Two Page 18
