Fantastic Fables of Foster Flat Volume Two

by Orrin Jason Bradford

Hold on there, Hopalong, Harper berated himself. Let’s not go getting soft now, just because the woman is one of the most breathtaking beauties you’ve ever seen. Remember, she’s your competition, and if the rumors are true, a competitor practicing medicine without a license.

  Besides, today was just a fact-finding mission. That, and an opportunity to check out the food, which he'd heard was the best lunch in town. He sat down at one of the old-timey stools at the lunch counter and ordered a club sandwich and ice tea. Twenty minutes later, he had to admit that the rumors had turned out to be true. It was the best club sandwich he'd ever eaten, its flavor enhanced by the fresh basil leaves. That’s a good thing, he thought. At least that way, Ms. Fatima Flat will still have a way to feed herself and her daughter after the State Board of Medical Examiners closes her illegal practice. As he paid for his meal, he made a mental note to call the Board as soon as he returned to his office. State Medical Boards were notoriously slow to respond to such complaints. Best go ahead and start the process so he could get on with growing his new practice. He spun around in his seat to leave, just in time to see the miniature version of Fatima limp out from the kitchen area with a clean towel in one hand and a spray bottle in the other.

  “After you clean the tables, Flower, I’ll take you to the park for a little bit. It’s such a beautiful spring day. Hate to waste it inside,” her mother called from the other room.

  Flower. What a pretty name, Harper thought. I guess it’s not that surprising for a herbalist to name her daughter after a beauty of nature. Steady, man. On to the business at hand.

  “YOU LOOK TIRED, MOMMIE Dearest. We don’t need to go to the playground today,” Flower said, with a slight smile on her face.

  Wait for it, Fatima thought. The little snip is going to try to con me into something. Her use of Mommie Dearest is a dead giveaway.

  “Why don’t you go upstairs and take a nap. I’d just as soon wait until this weekend and go with you to search for herbs.”

  There it is. Fatima groaned softly. Her scavenger hunts to the woods had become a sore topic of late. When Flower was still a baby, she’d been able to carry her in a sling. Later, she’d graduated to pulling Flower in a wagon, but that was getting increasingly difficult as her daughter continued to grow.

  “You know how much I enjoy our outings into nature, Dearheart,” Fatima said as she bent down to her daughter’s level, “but I’m planning to head up to the Glassy Mountain area this week to look for some Yellowroot and Wild Bergamot. That’s a challenging trek by myself. I just don’t see how I’ll be able to take you along this time.”

  Flower stuck out her lower lip and sighed heavily. “But, Mom...”

  So much for Mommie Dearest.

  "I really want to go." The whine in her voice tugged at Fatima's heartstrings. "This darn leg won't let me do anything." Flower kicked at her bad ankle with her good foot.

  “Now, dear. Please don’t do that.” Fatima reached out to hug her daughter. “I’ll see what I can work out. I’ll ask around to see if anyone else knows where we can find the herbs.”

  “But you’ve already done that,” Flower countered.

  “I know, I know,” Fatima replied, feeling the frustration mounting. “But for now, let’s go to the playground. I’ll push you on the swing.”

  “Oh, all right,” Flower said reluctantly. “But I can swing myself. That’s one thing I can do.”

  “Okay, dear. Whatever you say.”

  OVER THE NEXT WEEK, Dr. Harper found himself drawn back time and again to the Apothecary. At first, he justified it to himself that everyone needed to eat and, being a bachelor, cooking wasn't one of his many talents. Besides, it just makes sense to keep a close eye on my competition and build evidence for when that Dr. Bastion arrives from the Board of Examiners. He’d received a call back a couple days after filing the complaint notifying him that a Dr. Alexander Bastion had been assigned to the case and would be in touch within a week or two. Typical bureaucratic red tape and delayed action, he thought at the time.

  But as the days flowed by and he found himself eating all his breakfasts and lunches at the Apothecary, he began to regret having made the call in the first place. The feeling grew worse after meeting Flower during lunch one day. He'd been sitting at his favorite spot at the lunch counter enjoying a second glass of iced tea, when he felt someone standing behind him. As he was about to turn around, he heard a small voice say, "I don't know you."

  He spun around on the stool, but at first failed to see who had spoken to him, then glanced down to find the little girl staring at him, a look of curiosity on her face. “I know everyone who comes in here,” she continued, “but I don’t know you. Who are you?”

  Harper smiled at her bold straightforwardness. “Why, I’m Dr. Harold Harper, at your service,” he replied.

  “You’re a doctor? A real doctor?” Flower asked, the look of curiosity turning to one of amazement.

  “That’s right,” Harper replied. “Recently graduated from Duke University.”

  “How tall are you?”

  The question caught Harper by surprise. "About six foot two or thereabouts."

  “And how much do you weigh?”

  Harper stared at her for a second before finally replying, “I don’t know, around a hundred eighty-five.” Probably closer to two hundred, he thought, but decided a little fudging wouldn’t hurt anything. “Why do you ask?”

  “That’s big enough,” Flower replied, ignoring his question. Instead, she turned towards the back of the restaurant and yelled at the top of her voice. “Mommie Dearest, I found our answer.”

  A moment later, Fatima rushed out from the back. “Why in the world are you yelling? Are you okay?” She stared at the man sitting near her daughter, a suspicious look on her face that quickly changed to one of recognition. “It’s you.”

  Harper stood up and held out his hand. “You have a lovely daughter. We were just getting acquainted. I’m Dr. Harper.”

  “I know who you are,” Fatima replied, ignoring the extended hand. “What are you doing bothering my daughter?”

  Harper opened his mouth to answer, but before he could say anything, Flower spoke up. "He's not bothering me. He's our answer."

  “He’s what?” Fatima turned to stare at her daughter. “What in the world are you talking about?”

  “He’s over six feet tall, and he says he weighs a hundred and eighty-five pounds, though he’s probably closer to two hundred. He’s big enough he could carry me on our trip to Glassy Mountain this weekend.”

  Fatima and Dr. Harper both stared at the little girl standing between them, matching looks of astonishment on their faces.

  “You see, I have a bum leg,” Flower continued, as she held out her left leg to show him. “But my mom needs to go up to Glassy Mountain to look for some herbs she needs. I reeeaaally want to go. It’s one of the favorite things we do together, but she thinks I’m too heavy for her to carry. But you could carry me, couldn’t you?” She stopped to catch her breath before finishing with, “Pleeeaaase!”

  There was a long pause before Fatima’s and Harper's gazes slowly moved from Flower to each other. "I'm so sorry," Fatima finally said. "I had no idea what she was planning. Please accept my apology."

  “No, no,” Harper replied. “No need to apologize. I find her forthrightness quite refreshing. In fact, I have no plans for this weekend. I’d be more than happy to help out. I could use some good exercise. Seems I have about fifteen pounds I need to lose.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that,” Fatima replied, gazing up and down at him. “You seem to be...well, quite fit, I’d say.” Her face flushed.

  “Then, it’s a date,” Harper declared.

  "No, it's not," Fatima objected. "It's a...it's an arrangement. I'll pay you for your services. Good day." With that, she grabbed her daughter's hand and turned on her heels, retreating to the kitchen.

  FATIMA PAUSED AT THE crest of an overlook to catch her breath and appreciate the gorgeous
weather and deep blue skies dotted here and there with a few puffy clouds. She took a deep breath of the clean mountain air and slowly released it. She turned slowly to watch Dr. Harper, with Flower on his back, trudging up the steep grade and smiled despite herself. Evidently, he wasn’t in quite as good a shape as she’d first thought, but then, what had she expected from a city boy who’d probably spent the last several years with his nose in boring books of academia?

  “Are you going to make it?” she called down to him. “We still have close to a mile before we’re at the summit where we’ll find the herbs.”

  Harper paused to adjust Flower’s position on his back and looked up to her. “We’re doing just fine, aren’t we, Flower? We’re simply taking our time to fully take in the beauty all around us.”

  “That’s right. Now, hop to it horsey,” Flower said, as she playfully pounded on one of his shoulders.

  “Easy there, Missy,” Fatima said with a chuckle. “You don’t want to be accused of animal cruelty, now, do you?”

  "No, ma'am. That's why I brought a couple apples to feed him...once we're at the top, that is."

  “You remind me of my old advisor, always pushing, pushing,” Harper said as he started walking again.

  “Believe me, the view from the top of Glassy Mountain will be well worth the effort,” Fatima said. “I just hope we find that the herbs are ready for picking.”

  They were not disappointed by either the view or the vegetation. Both herbs were in the prime of new growth. Fatima pulled out two paper bags and filled them with the green leaves and roots. The three of them then sat on a large boulder of granite that overlooked the valley, enjoying the turkey with basil sandwiches Fatima had made that morning.

  They ate in silence for several minutes. Finally, Fatima decided now was the time to ask a question that had troubled her for the last few days. “Dr. Harper, may I ask you a question, one professional to another?”

  "Sure you may, if you'll call me Harold. Dr. Harper is my dad."

  “Oh, okay. I guess I can do that.” She paused, suddenly unsure whether it was a good idea to bring up the subject. Too late now, she thought. Go ahead. He might actually be able to help in some way. "I received a letter a couple days ago from the Board of Medical Examiners. They're sending someone out to talk to me about my healing practice. Do I have anything to worry...about?" She hesitated, alarmed by the sudden look on Harper's face. "What? What's wrong? Am I in trouble?"

  Harper stared down at his hands. Finally, he looked up at her and tried to smile. “No. Well, at least not yet, but I am.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m afraid I’m the one who notified the Board.”

  “You what? Why would you do a thing like that?” Fatima shouted.

  “Mommie Dearest, it’ll be okay,” Flower said.

  Fatima glanced at her daughter, who was apparently frightened by the sudden outburst. She took a deep breath to control her anger before continuing in an only slightly calmer voice. "No, dear heart, I'm afraid it's not okay. It appears that our dear ol' doctor here can't stand a little competition, so he's taken actions to have my practice closed down."

  “You did that?” Flower asked, frowning at her new friend.

  “Well, I didn’t know either of you at the time,” Harper replied, at a loss as to what to say.

  "You have no idea how many people you've hurt from your rash, unthinking act. You've not only hurt Flower and me, but how about all my patients? Like Mrs. Primcastle and Mr. Whimpleman. There's hardly a family in Foster Flat that hasn't come to me at some point in time in the last several years."

  “You’re right. It was rash and thoughtless of me, but I’m sure there must be something I can do to rectify matters.”

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know,” Harper admitted. “Not yet, but give me time. I’ll come up with a solution.”

  "Well, in the meantime, I think it would be a good idea for you to find somewhere else to eat your meals," Fatima said, standing up and brushing off her jeans. "Come on, Flower. We have a long trek to make...alone!"

  “But I can’t walk all the way down the mountain,” her daughter objected.

  “I know, but it’s downhill, and I’ll carry you most of the way. We’ll do fine by ourselves. We’ve managed so far in our life. We’ll manage now.”

  “That won’t be neces...” Harper started, but then stopped as Fatima glared angrily at him. “Okay, have it your way.” He watched as Fatima and Flower started down the mountain, finally calling out. “When did the letter say he’d be coming?”

  “A week from Monday,” Fatima called back over her shoulder without stopping.

  HARPER AWOKE AT EXACTLY 3:33 on Wednesday morning. He lay in bed staring at the digital clock next to his bed until it flipped over to 3:34. He’d been awakened by a crazy idea that wouldn’t let him go back to sleep. He finally arose and fixed himself a cup of coffee. The more he thought about the idea, the crazier it seemed and yet, the more enrolled he became. After all, it was already Wednesday, and they were running out of time for a solution. It might just work, he thought, as he sipped the steaming brew. He pulled out a pad of paper and started making notes on how to turn the crazy idea into a workable solution that would get the Board of Medical Examiners off Fatima’s back.

  At 7:05 AM, he leaned back in his chair. “It might just work,” he muttered to himself. “Hell, it’s got to work.” He jumped up, threw on some clothes and headed to the Apothecary, where he found Fatima checking out some of her morning patrons. He waited in line until it was his turn.

  Fatima looked up from the cashier with a broad smile that quickly disappeared when she saw him. “What are you doing here? I thought I told you to find another place to take your meals.”

  He raised his hands in a sign of peace. "I'm not here to eat. I woke up this morning at exactly 3:33 with an idea on how to get the Board off your back. By the way, three is my lucky number, so it's got to be a good idea."

  “You mean, you have figured out a way to get the Medical Board that you reported me to off my back? Why, isn’t that so very kind of you.”

  “Listen, just give me ten minutes to explain my idea. If you don’t like it, we don’t have to do it, but I’m sure it’ll work...well, kinda sure.”

  Fatima continued to stare at him for several seconds before grudgingly replying, “Okay, ten minutes, but that’s it. Go back to my office. Cyndy will be here to relieve me in a few minutes.”

  Harper retreated to the small office customarily reserved for Fatima and her patients. As he waited, he went over what he wanted to say to persuade Fatima to go along with the idea. The more he thought about it, the more he began to question his own sanity, but then he reminded himself that time was running out. They had to try something, and this was the best idea—really the only idea—he'd been able to come up with thus far.

  A few minutes later, Fatima walked in, with a scowl on her face. “Okay, Dr. Harper, you’ve got ten minutes before I call Mr. Whimpleman back here to toss you out.”

  Harper took a deep breath and refrained from wiping the perspiration he felt trickling down his face. “It’s really simple,” he began. “I’ll take over your practice, so when Dr. Bastian arrives, all he’ll see is a fully licensed medical doctor starting out in his new practice. He’ll realize there’s nothing to see here and he’ll go home. Easy, peasy.”

  Fatima stood there in front of him for several seconds before bursting out laughing. "That's it? That's your solution? We'll lie to a state agency that has the power to arrest us and put us in jail for such an infraction. Brilliant! Just downright brilliant...as in not, as in dumb, as in dumb and dangerous to boot." She glanced at her watch. "Well, you still have eight minutes. Is there anything else you want to say?"

  “Listen to me. I know the idea may sound a bit radical when you first hear it, but it can work. It’s got to work.”

  “And why is that?” Fatima asked, a note of curiosity in her voi
ce.

  “Because I’ve been a real jerk, calling the Board before I’d even met you or given you a chance, but now I have. I’ve got to make this right.”

  “So, this is really all about you, is it?”

  “What? No! I mean, well sure, I want to make things right between us, but that’s not all of it. In the last few days, I’ve had the opportunity to talk with several of your patients, and I’ve yet to find anyone who’s had a bad thing to say about you. In fact, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear you must be an angel or something. This town needs you.”

  “What about your practice?”

  Harper hesitated before replying. “I don’t know. Maybe I can still make a go of it. Honestly, I haven’t thought that far ahead.” He stood up and took a couple steps towards her. He reached out and grasped her hand. “We can do this. I just know we can. Besides, this whole town will get behind you. This Bastion fellow won’t have a clue what’s going on.”

  “Well,” Fatima said, as she slowly withdrew her hand from his, “it might work.”

  He opened his mouth to agree, but she stopped him. “But if it doesn’t, you’ll certainly lose your license to practice. Have you thought of that?”

  Harper nodded. “Yes I have, but I’m willing to take that chance.”

  Fatima studied him for several seconds. “You’d do that for me? Why?”

  He took her hand again. “Because in the few days I’ve known you and your daughter, I’ve realized you’re good people, and I...well, I care about you both.”

  Fatima smiled for the first time as she reached up with her other hand and placed it on his. “You’ve suddenly grown all touchy feely, haven’t you?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...” He started to let go of her hand.

  “No, no, that’s okay. It’s kinda nice,” Fatima admitted. She glanced down at her watch. “You’re time is almost up. Anything else?”

  "Yes, just one other thing. Do you think there's any way you could spare a couple eggs over easy and some toast and bacon? I'm famished."