CHAPTER 19
Kasey opened her eyes and blinked, relieved to be back in the “real” world as she slowly sat up and glanced around the teepee. The sun was just coming up, and nothing but charred embers were left where the fire had been burning brightly the night before. She glanced over at Ashwin, who was sitting with his knees drawn to his chest, his arms linked around them as he stared intently at the ground. She felt a sudden, overwhelming sadness as she gazed at him intently, until finally he met her gaze and softly murmured, “It's over. Let's go.”
Kasey got to her feet and slowly followed him outside, and she was surprised when Ashwin took her hand and led her away from the teepee. They walked for several minutes before they came upon a clearing, and Kasey gasped when she saw the beautiful display of Mother Nature in all her glory. As she stood near the edge of the ridge, she could see nothing but endless mountains, their silhouettes shaded in blue as low, white clouds discreetly hid their tops. The sky had been turned into a painter's canvas, and on it were a stunning array of colors ranging from pink, purple, orange, and gold as the sun leisurely crept higher and higher above the horizon. She turned to Ashwin, who was leaning against a tree and looking at her intently. His face still boasted the black and white paint from the night before, and despite the misgivings she now had regarding their relationship, she still found him devastatingly attractive as she drank in the sight of the black jeans that hung perfectly from his well-chiseled hip bones to the black moccasin boots that were laced up around his legs. His shirt was unbuttoned and hung loosely on his shoulders, and then there was that black, braided ponytail that never failed to make her fingers literally itch to touch it. He continued to lean against the tree as he casually inquired, “How do you feel?”
Kasey shrugged and looked at the ground as she pushed a pebble around with the toe of her shoe. “I don't know yet. That was definitely...enlightening.”
Ashwin nodded. “It tends to be that way. Each person experiences his or her own spiritual journey.”
“So that's what that was?”
Ashwin shrugged. “If that's what you want to call it.”
Kasey was suddenly assaulted with images of Ashwin with Silver Moon, and she turned her head so he'd be unable to see the tears that slipped down her cheeks. She suddenly felt angry and cheated and immensely sad, even though she remembered Ashwin's heartfelt apology and his request for forgiveness during their “experience.” Ashwin finally pushed away from the tree and walked over to her, then gently touched her shoulder and murmured, “Kasey...”
“What?” She glanced out across the ridge, still not trusting herself to meet his enigmatic brown gaze, but she had no choice as Ashwin suddenly turned her around and pulled her into his arms. His eyes were full of torment as he gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and before Kasey could stop him, he lowered his head and captured her mouth in a deep, thorough kiss that left no questions regarding his true feelings for her. Despite his actions, she still had serious doubts as to whether he still cared for Silver Moon, or if he had acted out of anger, hurt, and pure drunkenness. He saw the uncertainty on her face and reluctantly released her, then shook his head and murmured, “I don't know what else to say, Kasey. The truth has been laid out before you. Now you have to make a decision.” He turned to walk away, and Kasey gasped when a single shot rang out. Ashwin grunted and glanced down at himself as blood began to spill from his side, and after a couple of seconds of frozen terror, Kasey screamed and ran over to him as he slowly dropped to his knees. His face had gone ashen from the pain, but even in the midst of such calamity, he gently reached up to stroke Kasey's pale face as he whispered, “I'll be fine...”
Kasey turned even paler when she saw the amount of blood that was pouring from the gunshot wound that had been inflicted upon him, and as Ashwin finally sank onto the ground, she sat cradling his head in her lap as she screamed at the top of her lungs for someone to help them. She finally realized that everything he had done, everything she'd been shown the night before regarding him and Silver Moon, had all been done for her. Even the lovemaking with Silver Moon had been for her, because of her, even, because he'd wanted to be rid of Silver Moon once and for all. At the time, that was the only way he'd known how to get his point across. Give her what she'd been begging him for, only for her to discover that maybe it wasn't as great as she'd hoped it would be. As Ashwin's hold on reality began to fade, Kasey pressed her forehead against his, mindless of the tears that were spilling from her eyes and landing on his face as she cried, “Ashwin! Please, Ashwin, don't leave me! I love you, Ashwin! Can't you see? I don't care about Silver Moon! All I want is you!”
His only response was a soft sigh as the chief finally came running up to them, and then he faded into unconsciousness.
Silver Moon looked at the hot, smoking gun in her hand, and as she watched another wisp of smoke slowly curl upwards out of the barrel, she suddenly dropped it onto the ground as she thought, “Oh God, what have I done?” From where she was standing, she could see Ashwin on the ground as Kasey cried and screamed and cradled his head in her lap, and too late she realized the grave enormity and error of her actions. Bile suddenly forced its way into her throat and caused her to become violently ill, and in the midst of her violent retching, she heard the clamor of running footsteps as the chief and the elders arrived to offer their assistance to Ashwin and Kasey. Several minutes later she staggered to her feet and took one last look at the carnage of her actions before she began to run as fast as she could.
Kasey sat in the brightly lit waiting room of the ER, briskly rocking back and forth as she murmured the same prayer over and over...”Dear God, please let him be alright. God, please don't let him die! Please, dear God, I love him...don't take him away from me...” So intent was her focus on the mantra that it took her a few moments to recognize the chief's drawn, somber face as he slowly walked into the waiting room. Ashwin's mother got to her feet as the chief slowly shook his head and released a deep, shuddering sigh. “It...it was too late...he lost too much blood...he's gone.” He fell into a chair and began to sob brokenly, and as Ashwin's mother cried out in sorrow and agony for her son, Kasey screamed and pulled her hands down over her ears as if that could somehow erase what the chief had just told them. With tears streaming down her pale cheeks, she continued to rock back and forth in the chair, her desperate pleas to God replaced with a single, loud, repetitive, “NO!” She lost track of time as she continued to rock back and forth, her voice finally cracking with the force of her screams and sobs as she cried for the man who had loved her enough to show her every side of himself, right down to the brutal, ugly truth. It had all been for her, and now he was gone.
Kasey sat pale and motionless in Mrs. Ross' living room, oblivious to the numerous people who stopped by to offer their condolences. She acknowledged no one except Mrs. Ross and the chief, and those instances were few and far between as Ashwin's mother and the chief left her alone with her thoughts. They retreated into the kitchen, and as they sat at the table drinking coffee, the chief sighed as he observed the agony that was etched on his fiancee's face. His shoulders felt heavy beneath the weight of the burden he carried, and Mrs. Ross frowned as she said, “Dakota, you aren't looking well. You don't need to run yourself ragged.”
“Look who's talking,” he gently admonished as he turned tear-filled eyes to Ashwin's mother. “I think it's safe to say that we both qualify for the title of ragged at this point.”
Goga sniffled and nodded before she said, “What am I going to do, Dakota? You know Ashwin was my life. How am I going to live without him?”
Dakota sighed as he gently placed his hand over hers. “We'll get through this together, Goga. It's what we've always done, and it's what we'll do now. I know it isn't easy. God, but do I know it isn't easy! Just remember that this, too, shall pass.”
Goga slowly shook her head and let her tears fall freely as she said, “I can't—I mean, he was my baby, Dakota! He was my Strong Horse. And
now he's gone.”
Dakota sighed and gently pressed a napkin against Goga's damp cheeks as he murmured, “I'm here, Goga. It will be alright. We will get through this.”
Knowing that there was nothing anyone could say or do to make the situation better, Goga simply stared down at her hands as her tears continued to fall for the only son she had loved and had lost much too soon.
The next day dawned bright and clear, and the weather was in direct contrast to the dark cloud that had wrapped itself around Kasey ever since her beloved Ashwin had been cruelly taken from her. She cursed the wakefulness that forced her to deal with her endless agony, and she sighed and rolled over onto the spot Ashwin had occupied less than forty-eight hours before as her tears literally soaked the pillow his head had rested on. “Oh God,” she wailed as she hugged the pillow against her chest, “what am I going to do without him?”
Her desperate plea was met with nothing but silence, silence that seemed to mock her as relentless grief ravaged her mind, body, and spirit. In a month's time she had lost both of her parents and the man that she truly loved, and it was proving to be too much for her to take as she lay on the bed and sobbed brokenly into the pillow that still held the faint scent of Ashwin. She hugged the pillow even tighter as her tears continued to fall, but she knew that at some point she was going to have to get up, get dressed, and attend his funeral. Her final farewell to the man whose death had robbed her of a lifetime of love and happiness was not going to be an easy one, and the mere thought caused her heart to ache ferociously in her chest. She didn't care if she suffered another panic attack, because at this point she had nothing left to live for. Her sweet, funny, kind, and sexy Ashwin was lost to her forever, and nothing would ever be the same again.
“He did it all for you.” Over and over, those same words swirled in Kasey's head as she sat in the large church on the reservation, unable to look at the highly polished mahogany casket that held the body of the man she would never again have the opportunity to kiss. Never again would she feel his strong, gentle arms around her as he pulled her close, just as she would never again hear his deep, gentle voice or that sexy laugh that had always made her weak in the knees. Despite the deep grief on his face, the chief had managed to get in front of the crowd and deliver a small, heart-felt eulogy. At the last moment, though, he had been so overcome with emotion that he'd had to step down and reclaim his seat beside Ashwin's mother, who had gone from a strong, robust woman to a meek, fragile shell of a human being ever since her son's death. As the minister finally drew the service to a close, Kasey wearily got to her feet and bowed her head, mindless of the tears that streamed down her cheeks as her shoulders felt weighted with lead. She slowly opened her eyes when she felt Ashwin's mother gently place her cool, small hand in hers, and after forcing her feet to move, she followed the line of mourners outside to the church cemetery. She kept her eyes focused on Ashwin's casket, which was directly in front of her as the pall bearers rolled it out of the church, and fresh tears spilled down her cheeks as she desperately wished she could have just one more moment with him. One more moment to stroke his face, one more moment to look into those warm, enigmatic brown eyes of his, one more moment to kiss his soft, sweet lips, one more moment to run her fingers through his magnificent hair, one more moment to tell him that she loved him. Her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs as she came to a stop beside his grave, and she was grateful for the chief's hand on her shoulder before he stepped up to the podium to deliver the graveside eulogy. The elders were there, dressed in their full regalia, and after everyone was seated beside the grave, they began to play and sing the Cherokee Memorial Song. Next was Amazing Grace in Cherokee, followed by Cherokee River. After the music stopped, the chief gave the brief graveside eulogy and a prayer, and Kasey couldn't stop the sobs that wracked her entire body as she watched the beautiful casket being lowered into the ground. She fell forward out of her seat and remained on her knees as she leaned over the grave, and her wrenching anguish was evident to everyone as she pleaded, “No! Oh dear God, please, no!” Her fingers clawed at the cool, freshly turned earth as her tears fell on top of Ashwin's casket, and the last thing she remembered was being gently hoisted to her feet by the chief before she went limp in his arms.
Far across the cemetery, Silver Moon leaned against a tall oak tree, intent on keeping her own sobs of grief silent as she watched the somber graveside service for Ashwin. In her jealous rage and haste, she had failed to realize that her plan had been flawed from the beginning--ensuring that no one else could have Ashwin also meant that she would never have him again, either. Now that the only man she had ever truly loved was gone forever from her life, she felt a dark, smothering cloud of depression settle over her like a wet, heavy blanket on a hot July day. She finally realized the truth of the old woman's words as she'd explained the terms of her fateful transaction. “A life for a life...”
In that instant, she knew what she had to do.
CHAPTER 20
Kasey lay huddled beneath the blankets, her will to live shattered as tears continued to slowly stream down her pale cheeks. The chief had insisted on putting her to bed as soon as they'd arrived back at Mrs. Ross' house, and as everyone gathered quietly in the kitchen and living room to partake of the massive amount of food that had been brought over, Kasey simply lay staring at the wall as her mind insisted on replaying every moment she'd shared with Ashwin. She remembered that last kiss he'd given her after the peyote ceremony, and fresh, hot tears slid silently down her cheeks as she hugged his pillow to her chest and sobbed into its soaked cotton cover. Her tears had washed away his scent, but she didn't care as she continued to lay there, drowning in her grief as she pictured him in the ground and unable to do anything for her ever again. She gave a firm shake of her head in a desperate attempt to rid it of such horrid thoughts, and after what seemed like forever, she finally cried herself to sleep.
Kasey had no idea how long she'd slept as she opened her eyes and blinked into the disconcerting darkness of the bedroom. Despair washed over her like a massive tsunami, destroying her spirit as her thoughts were immediately filled with Ashwin. She had to use the bathroom, though, and as she slowly sat up she wasn't surprised by how weak she felt. The last thing she'd eaten had been the peyote, and that seemed like forever ago as she slowly made her way to the bathroom and turned on the light. Fresh tears welled in her eyes as she glanced over at the tub she and Ashwin had bathed in a few days before, and as she sat there in the too-bright bathroom, she suddenly wondered if there were any razor blades in the medicine cabinet. That thought was destroyed when she realized that she couldn't—no, wouldn't—do that to Ashwin's mother, and with a deep, watery sigh she realized that somehow, she was just going to have to manage until she got back to the Ocean Mist. She assumed that she'd be driving Ashwin's car back, and that thought alone was enough to cause a fresh onslaught of tears. She slowly wobbled over to the sink and washed her hands, then chanced a look in the mirror and grimaced at her reflection. Her face was a pale, tear-streaked mess, and her hair looked as if she'd gotten caught in a major windstorm. Her clothes hung pathetically on her too-slender body, and as she gripped the edge of the sink, she was surprised when a knock sounded on the bathroom door. She slowly walked over to the door and softly inquired, “Yes?”
“Kasey, honey, can you come into the living room? The chief and I need to discuss some things with you.”
Kasey nodded as her hand slipped from the knob. “Yes, Mrs. Ross. I'll be right out.”
“Very well, dear. We'll be waiting.”
Kasey wondered what they could possibly need to discuss with her as she picked up the hairbrush from the cool white porcelain of the sink. It was the same hairbrush that Ashwin had used just a few days before, and even more tears streaked down her face as she slowly pulled the brush through her tangled mess of hair. Before she set the brush down, she saw a strand of his long, black hair caught in the bristles. She carefully pulled it out, then walked
into the bedroom and tucked it into the small inside pocket of her purse. She walked back into the bathroom and scrubbed her face with a cold wash cloth, but nothing could hide the fact that she'd been crying excessively as she finally opened the door to the bedroom and stepped into the hall. She slowly walked up the dimly lit hallway and stopped at the junction of the hallway and the living room, where Ashwin's mother and the chief were sitting side by side on the sofa. Everyone else had finally left, and a fire crackled warmly in the fireplace as Kasey wearily leaned against the wall, literally unable to take another step. “Yes, Mrs. Ross? You needed to see me?”
Ashwin suddenly stepped in front of her, his face dark with concern as he softly said, “No, I did.”
Kasey gasped and staggered backwards at the sight of him, and her hand flew to her chest as she opened her mouth to scream. Try as she might, though, the only thing she was capable of emitting was a faint squeak, but before she toppled completely backwards, Ashwin reached out and firmly pulled her forward. He held her close against his warm, solid body, effectively cradling her in his embrace as he murmured, “It's alright, sweetheart. Breathe...”
The Medicine Man, Book 2 Page 15
