by Susan Harris
Maxim regarded me with veiled curiosity. He ordered his men forward again, but they all hesitated—they must have liked their fingers where they were. Maxim rolled his eyes and motioned for Edison to come forward.
“Bring her to the main hall, and we will force her to eat. Once we have finished what I started, you will be free to go.”
“We will?” Edison asked, his tone filled with skepticism.
Red eyes flashing, Maxim shook his head. “You misunderstand me. You are free to go. Ryan is right where she belongs, and after today, she will not remember who any of you are.”
“I won’t leave her behind,” Edison snarled, clutching me tighter.
“It is either that, or you transition to rogue and join us. Either way, I win. Now, come along.”
Maxim strode away, and the vampires pulled out a cattle prod and ushered Edison along. When we walked the familiar path to the great hall, my heartrate sped up and I could smell my own fear. I whimpered and clung to Edison.
I couldn’t go back in there. I would not go back.
Digging my nails into Edison’s shoulder, I refused to let go even as we entered the dining room, and the rogues went to take me from Edison. He growled, taking a step away, and Maxim told him to lower me to the seat or they would forcibly take me from his arms. Reluctantly, Edison sat me in the chair, crouching beside me and taking my hand in his.
Adam came in, his expression blank as he handed Edison a blood bag. My stomach rumbled as Edison tore the bag open with his teeth. The moment he tried to put the bag to my lips, I jerked my head to the side.
I heard Edison’s grunt of frustration and Maxim’s harsh words. Then, my head was held firmly in Adam’s hands as Edison opened my mouth. I tried to snap free, but I wasn’t strong enough to stop them. Edison tipped the blood into my mouth, and the taste was so decadent I could not stop myself from swallowing. My throat was burning with hunger.
My limbs instantly felt stronger, the fresh blood flooding through my veins, and I cried, soundlessly because I did not want to feel alive. To live as I was an excruciating agony of the slow murder of who I was, the very fabric of myself being torn apart with each blink of my eyes, each inhale of breath. I’d always expected to die in battle; I never dreamed I’d wish for a quick, easy release from the torture of my fractured mind. I wanted to feel nothing at all. I simply wished for the release of death.
Death, it comes in many guises. There are thousands of ways to die, some quick, painful even. However, the death I was experiencing was an excruciating agony of the slow murder of who I was, the very fabric of my self being torn apart with each blink of my eyes, each inhale of breath. I expected to die in battle; I never expected to wish for a quick easy release for the torture of my fractured mind.
I slumped in the chair the moment Adam let go of my head, and Edison used a napkin to clean the blood from my lips and chin. I wanted to lick the blood from his fingers.
The room emptied quite quickly as Maxim took a seat with a firm eye on me as Dresden arrived. The fae froze as I lunged for him, suddenly filled with hate and anger. However, before I could reach my prey, Adam pulled me back, and I sank back into my chair, knowing I was powerless to stop what was coming.
Edison crouched down and whispered in my ear. “Fight, Ryan. Goddammit, you bloody fight, or by Eve, Atticus will kick both our asses. Don’t let him in.”
What Edison didn’t realize was that I had fought, I had struggled, but it hadn’t been enough. I was not enough. I had let Nickolai be taken and turned into a rogue. I was the one who’d killed him, the boy I loved, who’d returned and murdered my parents. I had borne witness to my darkest fears, and now… now, I was only afraid of being alive.
“Dresden.”
Maxim’s voice stopped the fae from touching me, gratitude sending a shudder through my body.
“Tell them what went wrong the last time. Explain what could happen if they intervene.”
Dresden turned, his eyes on me as he spoke to Adam and Edison in a bored tone. “I preyed on her darkest fears. That she was not good enough, that her parents were disappointed in her. Then, instead of having Maxim be the rogue, I made Nickolai king of rogues, and she killed him. And that seems to have placed her in this state.”
“You asshole!” Edison yelled.
Dresden shrugged. “I am not the one who created the fear, I simply manipulated it. For such a confident young woman, she is riddled with fears and insecurities. So, now that we have toyed with her fears, I am going to try and drag her to a less… restrictive state.”
Edison glanced at me before he turned his attention back to Dresden. “What are you going to do to her?”
Dresden smiled, a cold, dead expression in his eyes as he stepped up to me. “Fear is delightful to dabble with, but hope—hope is the spark that keeps people going. Hope for a better future, for love, for excitement, for a light in the darkness. I’m going to see what Ryan’s greatest wish and hope is, and I’m going to rip it away from her.”
A whimper escaped my mouth as Dresden placed his fingers on me, and a scream ripped through my mind as I pushed and pushed, trying to keep him from getting in my head.
I opened my eyes to find myself alone in a cell, guards walking past the window and ignoring me as if I were insignificant. The room was a beige sort of color, and I felt claustrophobic, as if the walls were getting smaller and smaller. I gulped in a breath and surged forward, beating my fists against the glass and screaming.
“The glass is bulletproof and shatterproof. Believe me, if I thought I could crack the glass and escape, I’d be doing the same thing.”
I whirled round at the sound of a melodic voice and was faced with a pint-sized girl who watched me with amusement. She was all of five feet, with haunting, hazel eyes and a mass of curls falling to her shoulders. But it was her eyes that held my attention, as if they carried the weight of loss and grief in them, something my own eyes often did.
Folding her arms across her chest, she regarded me carefully as I tried to remember where I had seen her before.
“Are you trying to think too hard? It looks like it hurts.”
I laughed; I couldn’t help it. The sound was so foreign to my ears it shocked me. This petite little thing was made of fire and grit. I liked her.
“I’m just wondering if you are friend or foe. And if I could take you down if you’re a foe.”
The girl grinned at me. “I doubt it. I’d have you face-down with my knee on your back before you could blink.”
A loud bang sounded behind me, and I spun round. A horrid, red-skinned creature covered in burns beat a clawed fist against the window, and I stumbled back as a spiderweb of cracks appeared and began to spread.
I glared at the girl over my shoulder. “Hey, I thought you said the glass was bulletproof?” I glared at the girl who simply shrugged.
“I said it was bulletproof, not monster proof. And it’s in your head, so this is all on you, Ryan.”
I whirled on the girl with a snarl. “How do you know my name?”
The girl held up her hands to show she wasn’t a threat. “This is all your doing, Ryan. We’re in your mind, and you have chosen this to try and stop what’s about to happen to you. The mind is a powerful place. It can either be your best friend or your worst enemy.”
The monster punched the glass again, and bigger cracks spread across the window. I looked around for a weapon, but there was nothing—I had only my fists, my feet, and a girl who seemed achingly familiar.
“What’s your name?”
The girl smiled softly at me, a contradiction to her hard exterior—but then again, who was I to judge when I’d spent a decade perfecting it?
“I’m Alana McCarthy.”
I barked out a laugh, shaking my head as the monster continued punching his way through the glass. “A book character? Really?”
Alana tilted her head and shrugged again. “Do you not find comfort in books? Growing up, was it not books that allowed you to es
cape the grief and loss? Your mind just took you to the most recent book you remember. Of course, it’s completely ironic that you came to me when I don’t even remember myself.”
“She is fighting against me.”
I heard Dresden’s voice outside as the red monster beat his fists double time against the glass, each blow sending ripples of cracks splintering across the window in all directions. The monster snarled and grinned, and I turned to Alana, panic in my veins.
Alana stepped forward and grinned. “Make a run for it, and I’ll fend him off.”
“What about you?”
“I’m not real, Ryan. I’m a figment of your imagination. What happens to me doesn’t matter. Besides, I’ve had worse.”
A memory came flooding back of book-Alana trying to fend off a psychotic Russian bitch, and I realized how alike our lives were.
“How does the book end?” I asked as the monster peeled back the glass with taloned claws.
Alana shrugged as she clenched her fists together. “I don’t know, Ryan. You haven’t finished it yet.”
The glass broke apart, little shards piercing my skin as I dashed forward and ducked under the monster, sliding beneath his oozing body and crouching low as I came to a stop in the hallway. Alana kicked at the monster’s leg, punching and ducking with a speed I admired. She would have made a damn fine vampire. I grinned as she shot me a glare.
“Get moving, Ryan. I got this.”
The monster whirled on me, and I bolted down the steps as it crashed over the balcony and crushed the benches that were in the prison dining area below.
“She is still fighting me. But she is weakening.”
Dresden’s voice dripped from the mouth of the monster, and I knew Alana was right. I was stuck in my mind and fighting. The monster opened its mouth, and though I could feel the warmth of his breath, I realized my nose couldn’t smell a thing.
The monster swiped a claw at me while I was distracted, and the blow sent me crashing across the room, right into the wall. Blood oozed from a gash in my head, but I couldn’t smell its familiar copper scent. The beast was on me a minute later, its claws digging into my shoulder as he yanked me to my feet.
I kicked and punched as hard as I could, screaming as the monster placed his hand on the top of my head, his talons scraping across my scalp.
I came to with a start and gulped in air. Snarling, I darted from my seat and lunged for Dresden. The fae stumbled back out of reach as arms wrapped around my waist. I bucked in the grasp, snapping my head back, hearing the satisfying sound of bone crunching before arms grabbed me from every side and I was slammed back-first onto the table.
Inhuman sounds flew from my lips as I continued to struggle; however, this time there was no way for me to wriggle free. My skin burned from all the unfamiliar hands on me, from the unfamiliar scents.
“Dresden, get up and finish the job!”
The fae’s face came into view, and my eyes promised him death. Dresden nodded as if he saw his impending defeat in my eyes and accepted it. I would win. I would bathe in his blood, and I felt no remorse. I felt the rightness of it deep in my soul.
I fought as hard as I could. Then, his fingers gently pressed against my temple, and I lost.
9
Lips traced the length of my spine, and I smiled, the morning sun slipping in through a gap in curtains and warming my skin as the press of lips continued. Turning over in the bed, I tilted my head up and grazed my lips against a dusting of stubble that was deliciously rough. Hands grabbed my hips, and I was tugged flush against a very male body. I sighed as his hands traced my curves.
“Morning, wife-to-be.”
I grinned at the smug satisfaction in Nickolai’s tone, letting him capture my lips, my hands running over his chest as I inhaled the scent of him. But he didn’t smell like my Nickolai.
Pulling back, my fiancé gave me one of those smiles that made me breathless as he took my left hand in his and kissed the ring finger where now sat a diamond ring that must have cost Nickolai a year’s salary. The diamond glinted in the sunlight, but the love that shone in his cerulean blue eyes was even brighter than the morning sunrise.
“I can’t believe you finally said yes,” Nickolai said in a husky tone that sent shivers down my spine. Nickolai was my first and only love, and we’d been together since our teens, much to our parents’ delight. A decade as a couple with multiple discussions about marriage, but I wanted Nickolai to finish med school before we took this step.
A week after Nickolai’s graduation and his acceptance as an intern to a hospital here in Cork, we’d gone out to celebrate at our favorite restaurant. There, in the middle of Murphy’s, Nickolai had gone down on one knee and asked me to marry him.
And of course, I said yes.
We’d indulged in a lot of alone time before contacting both sets of parents because we knew that the moment they found out, they’d be at our front door asking for dates and grandbabies and discussing floral arrangements.
The thought of it was terrifying.
“And that’s still a no to eloping?” I said with an arched brow as Nickolai chuckled and kissed me quickly on the lips.
“Our mothers would never forgive us. They’ve been impatiently waiting for this day since I first proposed, and you broke my little heart by knocking me on my ass.”
I groaned as I rolled onto my back and sighed. “I was six years old and thought boys were disgusting. You know Kris is so gonna use that in his best-man speech.”
Nickolai slipped from the bed, and I watched as he pulled on a pair of well-worn jeans that made his butt look very nice indeed. He glanced over his shoulder, his blond hair slipping in front of his eyes.
“But if I’d known you’d turn into an Adam Rickett lookalike, I might have staked my claim even then.”
Nickolai rolled his eyes at the comparison to one of my favorite pop stars. “You know, Krista suggested I look like Jax from Sons of Anarchy.”
I studied him hard for a minute before shrugging. “Nope. Don’t see it. Adam Rickett all the way. I think Krista needs to see an eye specialist.”
Nickolai burst out laughing and pounced on the bed, capturing my mouth in one of those possessive kisses that promised much more. His teeth tugged on my bottom lip, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I arched into his touch as our phones began to ring at exactly the same time.
With a groan I reached for mine and saw Mom flash on the screen. Nickolai reached for his and rolled his eyes.
“I swear to God they coordinate their calls.”
I laughed as Nickolai rolled off me and onto his back as we pressed Answer at the same time.
“Ryan, open the front door, please.”
“Morning to you too, Mom. Now’s not a good time, so can you call back later?”
My mother huffed. “Ryan Skye Callan, open the door and don’t keep us waiting in the cold. Unless you want your father to use the spare key under this ridiculous vampire gnome so we can walk right into your house.”
Shrieking, I scrambled off the bed to peer out the window. Sure enough, my dad was outside, grinning up at the bedroom window as he held up the stupid-but-cute vampire gnome Krista had bought me as a joke. Ducking away from the window as Nickolai ended his call, I slipped into leggings and a T-shirt. I didn’t bother with shoes as I watched Nickolai throw on a wrinkled T-shirt himself.
I went to head out of our bedroom, when an arm snaked around my waist to stop me. I leaned backward, resting my head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart as he sighed and said, “Let the madness begin.”
“Eloping is still on the table. Just leaving that out there, just in case.”
Nickolai let me go with a laugh, and I darted down the stairs and flung open the front door. Immediately, we were engulfed in hugs, well-wishes, and happy chattering. My dad clasped Nickolai on the shoulder and asked him if he knew what he was getting himself into.
My mom and Katerina made quick work of taking over the ki
tchen table, happily chatting about whether winter weddings or spring were best. The talked color schemes and food and whom to invite. Nickolai snagged my gaze and smiled sympathetically as my dad and his dragged him outside.
It was almost lunchtime by the time the doorbell rang, and I escaped to answer it. A grin kicked up my lips as my best friend waved an expensive bottle of champagne in her hand.
“Krista, it’s not even midday.”
Her grin widened as a carton of orange juice magically appeared in her hand, and I couldn’t stop laughing. I kissed her cheek as she stepped inside, and she all but shoved me into the kitchen so she could set down her beverages and demand a look at my ring.
Krista popped the champagne and settled in beside my mother and future mother-in-law, buffering their responses to questions about weddings. She beckoned me over, and I drained my champagne for courage before making my way to the kitchen table.
“Look at this dress, Ryan. I mean, the way it hugs the waist and the train—it’d look so gorgeous on you.”
Nickolai sauntered in and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I think you’d be too hot in that dress, babe, especially on a beach in Mexico.”
Silence fell hard on the assembled crowd as I nodded with a serious expression on my face. “Yeah, for sure, hon. And those heels would only sink in the sand. I think that bikini and flip-flops I showed you would do just fine. You can get that matching Hawaiian shirt you liked.”
Krista chewed on her lip to stop from laughing at the horrified expressions on our mothers’ faces.
“Ryan—Skye—Callan!”
“Nickolai—Anatoly—Mikhail—Romanov!”
Nickolai grinned as I rolled my eyes. I watched as he bent down and kissed his mother’s cheek. “We are only teasing, Mom. Although Ryan was trying awfully hard this morning to convince me to elope. I told her I couldn’t break my mother’s heart like that.”
I blushed at his innuendoes Nickolai threw me under the bus, folded my arms across my chest, and scowled. “Traitor.”
