by Susan Harris
Everyone burst out laughing, and Nickolai winked at me. I smiled, knowing I’d make him pay for it later, when he least expected it.
“Imogen, don’t scold her too much, or you know our Ryan—she will spray her hair all the colors of the rainbow on her wedding day just to have it her own way.”
I glanced up at my dad as my mother frowned, probably imagining me in my white gown with purple streaks in my hair.
“Sure, I’d have to get them to match the bridesmaids’ dresses. I mean, it all depends on what color Krista wants to wear.”
Krista was up and out of her chair with a squeal, her arms around me a second later. “Oh my God, really? I’m going to plan the best bachelorette party ever.”
This time it was Nickolai’s turn to frown. “This time, try and stay away from police, please. Make sure the only handcuffs she comes back in are furry and not steel like the last time.”
I lifted my brows. Katerina spluttered as she sipped her mimosa, and my mother leaned in with a smile and promised to explain it to her later. Krista grinned as she remembered the one time we’d had a disagreement with campus security and ended up in “jail” until Nickolai had bailed us out.
“Ryan.”
I glanced at Katerina, and dread filled my veins as she worried her bottom lip, clearly nervous.
“I know that you have had your differences, but it would mean a lot to me—and to Kristoph—if Natalya was included in the wedding.”
“No.”
The word sounded harsh, but my feelings toward Natalya Smyrnoi were harsh. Natalya had been part of the group of us children whose parents worked at the embassy, and Nattie had set her sights on Nickolai. She’d almost succeeded in splitting us up. Nickolai was too nice and didn’t see that Nattie had been up to something.
He’d realized it the night of my seventeenth birthday, when Nattie had shown up at his door dressed in only a robe and tried to seduce him. I’d rounded the corner to see Nickolai with his hands on her robe and misread the situation. I didn’t speak to Nickolai for weeks afterward, and we almost didn’t get back together.
But that’s not how it happened. You hate Nattie because she tormented you for years and dated Nickolai to try and get a crown. You hate her with a passion.
I rubbed my forehead and swallowed a wave of nausea as Katerina started to speak again.
“What Natalya did was stupid, and she has moved on since then. It hurts Kris and Nico that they cannot spend time with each other if you are at the same function. I know Natalya can be a little self-obsessed, but can’t you mend fences, Ryan? Be the bigger person.”
My head ached. “No. Just stop,” I said.
Katerina continued to drone on as a blast of pain seared through my mind.
“Katerina, no!” I yelled as I got to my feet, my chair screeching as I stood. “I will not have that scheming bitch involved in one of the most important days of my life. I won’t back down on this.”
Katerina pursed her lips in a pout, and Anatoly rested his hand on her shoulder.
“You girls are grown now,” he said. “It would be a shame for your children not to know one another because their mothers don’t get along.”
“I’d rather slit her throat.”
The words were blurted out before I could stop myself, and everyone gasped at the venom in them. I wasn’t sure where such violent impulses came from, for I couldn’t even stand to see a speck of blood on Nickolai’s clothes.
Nausea rolled in my stomach as I fled the room, taking the stairs two at a time, and barely made it to the bathroom before I emptied the contents of my stomach. After I retched a few times, I rested my head against the cold tiles and tried to calm myself.
God, if this was how the wedding planning was going to go, then I wasn’t sure I could make it through the next few months and stay sane. I really wasn’t the big ceremony kind of girl.
But Nattie and I could never be friends. My hand itched as if it searched for something to grip as my brain sent a shockwave of agony searing through it. As flashes of memory assaulted me, I saw myself fighting in the rain against monsters with bloodred eyes, weapons in my hand as I delivered death, blood staining my face and clothing.
The next one was of a meal at Murphy’s, where Nattie sat across from me and traded barbs with me like it was a familiar pattern for us.
“Sweetie,” I said, maintaining the smile, “leave the sarcasm and insults to the pros. You’re gonna hurt yourself.”
“I do not see why everyone is so fond of you. You have the social skills of a wild animal.”
“Nattie, you know you have the right to remain silent, right? Cause everything you say will probably be stupid anyway.”
“How dare you,” Nattie exclaimed, her face turning red, but I wasn’t done yet.
I remembered now, that was when Nattie had taunted me about the loss of my parents, but… my mom and dad were downstairs. I couldn’t explain it, but there was this hollow sensation in my stomach and my heart that told me this was not real—that this was all in my head.
Getting to my feet, I opened the door to see Anatoly standing on the other side with a scowl on his face. He grabbed my chin, and I gasped in shock.
“You stupid little bitch, always in the fucking way.”
As he hissed out the words I saw a flash of fangs. My eyes widened, but I did not feel surprised.
Because you are a vampire, and this is what really happened to you before.
With a growl, I shoved Anatoly hard and he fell backwards, cracking his head against the staircase. Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and then Nickolai ground to a halt as he spotted his father on the floor and me glaring at him.
“What the hell happened?”
“I only asked her if she was alright, son, and she wheeled on me.”
I snarled, clenching my fists. “Your father hates me, Nicky. He grabbed me, and I had to defend myself. He called me a bitch. He has always hated me, and he insults my parents’ memory whenever he talks down to me.”
Nickolai smiled sadly as he took a step forward. “Ryan, babe, when did you stop talking your meds?”
Hand on my hips, I shook my head. “I’m not on meds, Nicky. Your dad is an evil psychopath who’s probably in league with Maxim. Get me a sword and I’ll bleed him until he spills his secrets.”
“Ryan?”
I whirled at the sound of voices, as my parents stepped into view. Searing pain filled my brain again as I gripped the side of my head. “No, no—you died and I cried and there was so much blood. They killed you because they wanted to kill the king and queen, and I protected Nickolai and Kristoph. That’s real. This isn’t real. This isn’t fucking real.”
I beat my fists against my temple, halting only when Nickolai ensnared my wrists with his gentle touch. I saw tears in his eyes, and I wondered why his tears were as clear as water and not tinged with pink.
“Ryan, this is all part of the delusion in your mind. Remember? Doctor O’Reilly said that if you didn’t take your meds, they would come back.”
I yanked my wrists free. “You call Jack, and he will tell you the truth. Hell, call Atticus or Edison. This is all part of Maxim’s plan, and you suckers are falling for it.”
“Ryan, sweetie, it’s Krista. C’mon now, let’s go have a cup of tea and talk about it.”
I laughed harshly, holding out my hands because I was getting out of this nightmare one way or another. “You aren’t even fucking alive, ghost girl, so you don’t get an opinion.”
Krista gasped, and my mother began to cry. I couldn’t figure out why she was crying.
“Ryan.”
My gaze snapped up to cerulean blue eyes that made my heart skip a beat. They were filled with sadness as he pressed his lips to my temple and said, “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Nicky.”
I felt a prick on the inside of my arm and quickly pushed away from Nickolai. “You drugged me. You promised never to do that.”
“It’s just to calm you down.”<
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I slumped down the wall as my legs gave out, and I ran my eyes over the people in my view. Nickolai turned to me, red in his eyes and blood dripping from his teeth. I screamed and scrambled backward, trying to kick the bedroom door closed, but Anatoly blocked my attempts.
My vision swam until I heard voices, and then a familiar face was crouched down in front of me. I reached out and patted his cheek. “St. Clair, I knew you’d come for me.”
“Let’s make you feel better, Ms. Callan.”
I dropped my hand and took in Edison dressed in an EMT uniform as he injected me again.
Then this fake-ass Edison glanced up at Nickolai. “How long as she been locked in the delusion, and when did she last take her meds?”
“This episode came on suddenly, and she attacked my father. She had her bipolar medication filled two weeks ago, but it looks like it hasn’t been touched.”
I growled. “I’m not fucking crazy! The rogues are gonna kill us all, and you are pumping me full of drugs. I need to drink some blood, and then I’ll kick all your asses into reality.”
Fake Edison took out another syringe, and I felt it prick the base of my neck. Then I felt nothing but air as I was lifted onto a stretcher with Nickolai’s hand in mine. My parents’ worried eyes followed us as I was hoisted into the ambulance.
I snapped my eyes open and inhaled a slow, steady breath. They were all watching me to see what I would do, but I did nothing. I played as if they had broken me. They may just have. Yet, as Dresden rummaged in my noggin, he’d made a fatal mistake. He’d given me a glimpse of what happiness could feel like, and I latched on to that.
Blinking, I sat up, and I could almost smell the blood that would be spilled.
10
My mind was fractured, and I was surrounded by reality and fiction, unable to decipher what was real and what wasn’t. I could feel Nickolai’s lips on my spine, and when I turned to glance over my shoulder, it was not the human Nickolai that held my gaze but a rogue with blood in his eyes. He smiled at me, and I hated the fact that I wanted him to lean his head forward and capture my lips.
Slowly dragging my gaze from rogue Nickolai, I lifted my eyes to where Maxim was standing with arms crossed, watching and waiting to see if he’d broken me like he promised.
What he didn’t realize was that I’d already been broken before, and broken people were the most dangerous kind of people—they knew what it was like to dwell in darkness and survive. I had survived.
“Ryan?”
Edison’s voice splintered through the silence, a brush of familiar against my aching heart. Not willing to betray anything, I kept my eyes on Maxim. He strode forward, a slow, smug smile curving his lips. He thought he’d won.
A symphony of emotions raced through me, too quickly for me to know how I was feeling. Maxim cupped my cheek, his hand warm against the chill of my skin, and when I didn’t flinch or jerk away, he grazed his lips across mine.
“Dude, you realize she’s only seventeen, right?” Edison snapped. “You’re old enough to be her father.”
Maxim broke eye contact with me to glare at my friend. “When I was her age, girls were already promised to vampires of the court, some already married. Did your own mother not marry your father when she was shy of eighteen herself?”
“The difference is my dad was in his twenties. You are closer to what, sixty?”
Maxim ignored Edison to lock eyes with me once more, his grin deepening with every blink of my eyes. “Dresden, has it been done?”
“As far as I can see, she is completely at your mercy. Although, one cannot be sure without a test to see if she is actually erased.”
Erased. Yes. That was how I felt—erased. Like I was standing in the ashes of who I used to be, but I neither recognized the girl I used to be nor the person I was now. Erased was a good word for how I was feeling.
Brushing his lips over mine once more, Maxim stepped back and called for Adam. The rogue’s son came into the room, holding something so achingly familiar I tilted my head and my fingers curled as if by muscle memory. They knew those blades belonged to me.
Adam handed his father the sai, who in turn set them down on the table beside me. Maxim’s hands fell to my legs, and I let him guide me, turning so my legs dangled from the table and I tilted my head to look at him.
“I have a little job for you, my love. One I think you will enjoy very much.”
Maxim clicked his fingers, and the doors to the hall opened a moment later as Cedric sauntered in. His cockiness was palpable as he came closer, a meat cleaver grasped tightly in his hand. He didn’t look surprised to have been called in, his red eyes hungry as he ran them over my person. Edison came to stand beside me, ready to defend me if necessary.
But I didn’t need defending.
“Ryan, I would like you to fight Cedric. Can you do that for me? Do you remember how to fight?” Maxim asked me with the soft tone one might use with a coddled child.
However, I was not a child to be coddled. I was darkness and death.
Cedric rolled his shoulders as he positioned himself to fend off any attack that I may bring. Yet, I stayed still as Maxim removed my sai from their holster and handed them to me. Taking the weapons in my grasp, my heart pounded at the familiar weight, so damn loud that it made Maxim smile.
“So, this is what it takes to set your heart racing.”
I refrained from answering, the scream in my throat still lodged there as Maxim steered me gently away from Edison, whom Adam was already holding back as Cedric approached. Sai in hand, I waited as Maxim stood back.
“No killing blows,” he said to Cedric. “If she does not fight back, then we will know Dresden needs to do a little more work with her mind.”
My spine locked. There was no way on Eve’s blessed earth I would let Dresden into my head again. Even now, flashes of ghosts from my nightmares lingered at the edges of my periphery, each one seeping onto the other. Little boys with bloodred eyes and queens driven by bloodlust.
Suddenly, Cedric lifted the cleaver over his head and brought the weapon down. I did not so much as breathe as the blade stopped inches from my face, grazing my neck. Copper permeated the air, and Edison growled as Cedric leaned in.
“It’s no fun when you don’t fight back. Just like that girl I drained the night we first met. Now, your Krista, she fought back. I liked it. It made her blood taste so sweet, the fear in it.”
Fury flooded my veins, yet I clamped down on it, sealed it away as I angled my head to Maxim. He studied me for a minute more before giving a slight incline of his head.
Turning back to Cedric, I pulled my head back and snapped it forward, my head connecting with Cedric’s nose. The crunch of bone was like a siren song to my ears as blood gushed down his face. With a snarl, I slashed out, but Cedric jumped back, my sai barely missing the side of his chest. Finally, I let my body go, losing myself to the call of the fight.
I spun, my hair whipping against my face as I ducked under Cedric’s attempts to smash into my shoulder. Lodging my sai into his shoulders, I used the daggers to climb up his body, my feet on the small of his back, and then I jerked back, yanking the weapons out as I landed hard on my own back.
Between one breath and the next, as blood seeped from the wounds on his shoulders, Cedric whirled round, no doubt picturing my death in his mind as I got to my feet.
That’s okay. I was picturing his, too.
Feet pressed firmly to the ground, I held out my hands and unceremoniously let my sai fall to the ground with a clank. I stalked around Cedric, his eyes now a little confused. Maxim called my name, and when my eyes clashed with his, he gave me a proud smile.
“Finish him.”
Cedric lost all the confidence in his stance then, for he knew that Maxim would let me kill him. Not that Maxim had to tell me to do it. I’d been planning to all along.
Cedric rushed me and I leapt, my legs wrapping around his neck and tossing him to the ground with me straddling his should
ers. I locked my arms around his arm holding the cleaver and yanked it back, snapping the bone like it was a twig.
Cedric’s scream of agony lit a fire in me. As I rolled off him, the rogue clutched his broken arm to his chest and lay panting on his back, sweat mixing with his blood. Glancing down, my eyes caught sight of his cleaver, and I bent down and picked it up.
Slowly, I stalked over to Cedric and stood above him, my feet on either side of his torso. His eyes looked at me in defeated surprise, as if he couldn’t believe that I had fulfilled my promise to end him. I saw the moment he readied himself to fight back, to try and overpower me. I lifted the cleaver. The first blow caved in his skull; his eyes wide as death. I lifted the cleaver again and kept going, unleashing the quiet fury inside me. Cedric’s blood stained my clothes, spattered my face, and clung to my hair. I kept on hitting Cedric until my arms burned and Maxim ordered me to stop.
“By Eve,” Edison cursed when I turned to face them, his eyes a mixture of anger and sadness.
But this was what I was now—a weapon to be wielded.
Maxim was unsurprisingly pleased by my ruthlessness. I could see it in his eyes. He commanded me over to him and I went, like the obedient little pet he thought I was. Edison asked Adam to fetch my sai, and the rogue did so, setting them on the table next to his father. The cleaver was still in my grasp, and I wondered if Maxim would bleed just as much as Cedric had if I tried to cave in his skull.
“Oh my God, Ryan. What have they done to you?”
I tilted my head slightly as Krista winked into view, her eyes wet with a sheen of unshed tears. I wondered if I reached out and touched them, would I remember what it felt like to cry?
“Please, Ryan,” she said in a quivering voice. “I can’t bear to see you like this.”
It wasn’t like I could answer her, even if she were real. Although, I was now haunted by a variety of ghosts. The others were gone at the moment, but little-boy Nickolai was sitting beside Cedric’s corpse, drawing circles in his blood. Then I noticed Dresden watching the space where Krista stood with curiosity. Could he see inside my mind?
