Just thinking about that last part makes me physically ill, because she’s the love of my life. I know I’ll never find anyone like her, and I have to make sure she’s safe. I have to make sure they don’t bring her into this shit.
I have to make sure she stays alive.
I have to tell Annabelle goodbye.
39
Annabelle
When he didn’t come home the first night, I didn’t realize it until morning. I told myself that he must’ve had an early day and didn’t want to wake me up.
When he didn’t come home the second night, I knew in my heart something was wrong, but I didn’t want to alarm anyone. But I stayed up all night, waiting for him to come through the door.
He never did.
It’s now been more than 72 hours since I’ve seen or heard from Jaxson, and I’m experiencing a full-on panic attack.
I went to The Pit to see if Reggie had heard from him. He had earlier yesterday—a vague text saying he had to take care of some things and that he’d be gone for a few days. Reggie had assured me that Jaxson was fine and that I shouldn’t worry.
Yeah right.
I’m part-relieved that he’s alive and part-pissed that he would text Reggie and not me.
How could he do this to me? He promised he wouldn’t ghost me like this. Or at least he promised that before last week, when he started to grow distant.
But wasn’t it just a few days ago he was telling me he loved me and that he didn’t deserve me? Now I don’t even get a text message telling me whether or not he’s alive or dead in a ditch.
God, I’m so fucking confused. I knew I should have pushed harder the other night. But then again, maybe he didn’t want me to, and that was his way of telling me goodbye.
I’m pacing the apartment when I hear a knock on the door.
Before I can answer, the cavalry lets itself in. Not only are Tori and Scarlett here, whom I had messaged to come over earlier, but on their heels are Kalum and Maverick.
“What are you guys doing here?” I was so in my head I didn’t even think of trying to get in touch with the two of them.
“Tori called me after you texted her to see if I had heard from him. Which I haven’t. That asshole. Why didn’t you call me?” Kalum asks.
I’m going to ignore the fact that Tori has Kalum’s number. I’ll save that for another day.
“I . . . I don’t know. I should have. I’m sorry. I just can’t think. I don’t know what to think.”
Maverick comes over and puts his arm around me, bringing me to his side. “We’ll find him, but we need to figure out where the hell he could be first.”
Apparently finding a missing person requires pizza and beer, which I’m thankful for. I haven’t eaten since, well, I don’t remember the last time. And the beer might not be the best idea on an empty stomach, but hopefully it will calm my nerves.
I fill them in on the last night I saw him. Well, not everything—just the important stuff. And I recount the few days before that, when he had seemed distant.
“And you’re sure that Reggie talked to him?” Tori asks.
“Yeah. He didn’t show me the text or anything, but I believe him. Reggie is a good guy and his business partner. If Jaxson had truly disappeared without a trace, I’m pretty sure Reggie wouldn’t have lied to me.”
“Let me call Reggie and see what I can get out of him,” Kalum says and steps into the hallway to make the call.
“Mav, you and your brother know him better than anyone else. Do you have any idea where he’d go?” I plead.
Maverick runs his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated by our lack of information. “I honestly don’t know. He might have stopped at his mom’s, but there’s no way he would have camped out on the South Side for three days. Too many memories. He rarely gets out of the city, and if he does, it’s nothing more than a day trip. I’m so sorry, Annabelle. I wish I could help more.”
Scarlett moves to sit next to me on the couch, bringing me in for a hug. “We’ll find him. Then we’ll kill him. But I promise you we will find him.”
“Apparently, we need to find Stan, and then we’ll find Jaxson,” Kalum announces as he walks back in.
Stan? This has to do with his dad?
“What did Reggie say?” I need to know. I need to know something. Anything.
“He didn’t know much. Apparently, some money had gone missing from the gym, and Jaxson and Reggie figured out Stan was stealing it. My guess? Jaxson went to confront him and get his money back.”
That makes sense, though I don’t understand why that would warrant not telling me that he’s still alive. Something isn’t right, but at least we know more now than we did 20 minutes ago.
“I think I heard Jaxson say that his dad was staying with his brother, Jaxson’s uncle, but I don’t know where that is.” While my anger is growing with Jaxson, I feel horrible for him. He let Stan back into his life, and he used him again. I hate that I feel like I pushed him to try again, only to be let down one more time by his own flesh and blood.
“His uncle is in the old neighborhood,” Kalum says. “We’ll go check it out, but if Jaxson found him, I doubt he’d still be there.”
Tori is in a huff. “So where would he be? It’s been days. Days, Kalum! How the hell could he just fucking leave her?”
While I love Tori, her words hit me hard. Because she’s right.
How could he just leave?
What if he doesn’t come back?
Or worse, what if he does, and he retreats to the old Jaxson for good? The one who wouldn’t let me in?
That Jaxson would leave me. And now that I’ve been with him, I can’t imagine my life without him.
My tears are threatening again, and I don’t want to fight them anymore. I just want to turn back the clock to last week when I was in Jaxson’s arms, thinking I had found my future.
“What do we do?” It’s the only question I can think to ask.
The room is silent for a minute—no one really knowing what the answer is.
“You girls stay here, and maybe the asshole will come back. Maverick and I will go snoop around the old neighborhood. Maybe someone saw something.”
The guys stand up to leave, and Tori walks them out. I can’t move. I’m paralyzed. My head is in a million places and it’s too much to process.
It takes me hours to finally fall asleep, but my exhaustion takes over around three in the morning as my dreams are haunted by brown eyes and tattoos.
40
Jaxson
That fucking sleazeball.
I look at Stan, perched up against the bar at this dive like he doesn’t have a care in the fucking world. Like he’s not a fucking criminal in the hole $200,000 to wannabe mobsters.
I’m going to fucking kill him.
When I drove away from The Pit after figuring out that it was being used for Stan’s fights, I just kept riding around Chicago until the sun came up. I eventually ended up at Millennium Park and the same rocks Annabelle and I sat on during our first date.
As I watched the sun come up, everything became so much clearer to me.
When it comes to Annabelle, I’ve been living a lie these last few months. How did I think that I was actually worthy of her? That my past wouldn’t catch up with me and put her in danger?
I’ve always known she deserves the world, and I was the idiot who thought I could give it to her. Hell, I couldn’t even keep her engagement ring safe! How in the fuck could I be trusted to make sure she’s never harmed or put in danger?
The answer is: I can’t. I couldn’t protect Abigail, and now Annabelle is about to be dragged into my mess, which is why I haven’t called her since I’ve been on my manhunt for Stan.
After a few hours on the rocks, I got back on my bike and headed for the old neighborhood. Uncle Stew’s place isn’t far from the apartment where I grew up, and I figured I could welcome Stan home from a long night of fights.
Except he never showed up. And
when I pounded on Uncle Stew’s door demanding to know where his lowlife piece-of-shit brother was, I was greeted by a hung-over uncle who said he hadn’t seen Stan in a few weeks.
The only reason I believed him was because I had him pinned against the wall—nearly cutting off his air supply—before asking him again, only to have him tell me the same thing.
But he did request that if I do find Stan, that I ask for the five hundred bucks he owes him.
Join the club, Uncle Stew.
I spent the rest of that day and the next going to every place I could think of—old bars he used to frequent, where I used to fight, hell, I even swung by my mom’s place to make sure he hadn’t hit her up for anything.
Each night, though, I ended up back at The Pit well after hours, so no one would see me. If the fights were still going on, I was ready to call the cops on him. Even though it would have ended my business, I would have done it.
Instead I sat in my office, waiting for nothing. No fights. Not a sound all night until I snuck out early each morning. It at least gave me a place to shut my eyes for a few hours so I didn’t have to go home and face Annabelle.
I might have been able to avoid her in person, but she haunted my dreams every night. Her sweet smile. Her red hair that I’ll still be able to pick out of a crowd when I’m 90. The way her fingers caress the back of my neck when she wraps her arms around me. Her giggle when I kiss places on her that are ticklish.
I hate myself for what I’m doing to her. I know she has to be a mess. But she needs to hate me. Because if she hates me, then she won’t want to be near me. And being far away from me is the best thing I can do for her right now.
The same could be said for Stan. But I’m here, and I’m going to end this shit once and for all.
I’m not a small guy, so as I purposefully walk toward the bar, the movement catches Stan’s eye. His face goes white when he sees murder in my eyes.
He knows I know. It’s all crashing down on him.
“Outside. Now.” Not trusting that he’ll actually come out, I wait for him to put down his beer, and I walk with him around back. I’m not about to cause a scene in an unfamiliar bar in front of guys I don’t know or trust. Plus I need to make sure Stan hears me loud and clear.
“Missed work the past few days. Was getting worried about you.”
My statement catches him off-guard. Which is exactly why I said it.
“Yeah. Sorry. I had some business to take care of. Hope I didn’t put you out.”
I grab him by the shirt and slam him against the building, which he wasn’t expecting. I have my elbow against his throat, giving him just enough air to keep him alive.
“You put me out all right. You put me out when you started stealing money from me. You really fucking put me out when I realized Annabelle’s engagement ring was missing. And you seriously fucking put me out when two goons showed up looking for you and the money you owe them.”
Even after I found out about the illegal fights all those years ago, and then Abigail’s death, I never laid a hand on Stan. He wasn’t worth it. This confrontation right here is nearly 20 years in the making.
“And then, just when I thought you couldn’t fuck with me anymore, I noticed that my gym was being used for some extracurricular events at night. So, Stan, what do you want to admit to first? Because you’re going to tell me everything. You’re going to give me back my money and Annabelle’s ring. And then you’re going to have the choice of leaving forever or having me end your pathetic life.”
I won’t really kill him. I might be a lot of things, but I’m not a murderer. But I need him to know how serious I am. And given that he hasn’t taken a real breath in a few minutes, and I’m pretty sure he just pissed himself, I think he gets the picture.
I let him down from against the wall and stand over him. I’ll wait all day. He looks up at me like a scared child.
“I swear, when I got out, I wasn’t back in it.”
But since he can’t stop tugging at his earlobe, I know that’s a fucking lie. But I don’t tell him that. He can’t know I know his tells. But at this point, I need to at least try to get some answers.
“Are you running the fights out of the gym?”
He nods.
“Are the cops on to you yet?”
He shrugs. “I think so. That’s why we’ve stayed quiet this week. Needed to get the heat off me.”
I bark out a laugh. “Ha! Keep the heat off you? Is the building in your name? Does the bank now all of a sudden have Stan Kelly written on the deed? No, you asshole! It’s my fucking gym! My gym that you’ve now made into a fucking fight club. I’ll be the one in jail. Not you. But you don’t give a shit. You never have.”
I can’t even look at him right now. But I have more questions. I need more answers. Even if only half of them will be truthful.
“How much money have you stolen from me?”
He sighs. “I’d say around five grand.”
“Where is Annabelle’s ring?”
He looks at me with remorse in his eyes. This might be the only truthful answer I’ll get today. Say what you want to about Stan, but he really did take a liking to my girl.
“I took it to a pawn shop in the old neighborhood.”
I want to punch this man. I want to pummel him to the point he’s barely breathing.
“What do I need to do to get my money and the damn ring back, my gym cleared out, and you away from me forever?”
Even if Stan leaves town right now, I’m guessing the goons he works with have figured out how to access The Pit. Even if he leaves, what he’s created won’t go away.
But I need to make it go away. For good.
He pauses, putting both hands in his pockets. Then he says the words I wasn’t expecting to hear.
“You. In the ring. One more time.”
41
Annabelle
I know it’s not safe, and that Jaxson would throw a fit if he saw me walking the streets alone at night, but I really don’t care right now. If he still wanted a say regarding me or my safety, he shouldn’t have just up and left with no word.
Since he’s been gone, I go back and forth between wanting to leave the loft and all the memories I’ve made here, and wanting to never leave this place, thinking that at any moment he could walk through the door and all of this would be over. That we could go back to the way things were just a few days ago.
I can’t take how empty the space feels without him—a reminder of how I feel inside since he’s been gone. Empty.
Tonight is one of those nights, so when I locked up at the gallery after another paint-and-sip, I just couldn’t go home. I needed some space, so now I’m just walking with no destination in mind.
It’s been five days now, and with every day that passes, I believe just a little bit more that he’s gone for good. In my heart, I know something horrible had to have happened for him to disappear like that. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that he just left without a word. Every time I think about that, I just get angrier. I’m at the point where the next time I see him, I don’t know if I’ll kiss him or slap him. Probably both.
I look up and realize I’ve somehow ended up at The Pit. Between my work schedule and Jaxson being gone, it feels like forever since I’ve been here. It’s after 11 p.m., and it’s been closed for hours, but I notice a light glowing inside. It’s faint, but it’s there.
I don’t know if it’s hope or curiosity fueling me, but I head toward the entrance. The glass of the door is frosted, so I can’t see anything inside except the slight glow. I grab the doorknob as I bring my body closer to try to hear something, and I’m surprised to find that it easily turns in my hand.
I realize that I should absolutely run away. None of the employees would have left it open. I know I should leave, but that hope-and-curiosity mix propels me toward the light—and toward Jaxson’s office.
When I turn the corner, I can hardly believe my eyes. And from the look on his face, Jaxson can
hardly believe his either.
I’m speechless. I have so much to say to him, yet I can’t find my voice. We stare at each other for what feels like minutes.
Was he here the whole time?
How could he still be within miles of me and not let me know he was okay?
“Why are you here?” he finally asks.
I suck in a breath, bracing myself for what’s about to come. “I was walking home from the gallery and saw the light on. I was curious, and the door was unlocked.”
“Why were you walking alone at night? God, Annabelle! We’ve been over this!”
“No!” I scream, cutting him off as I walk into his office. “No! You don’t get to care. You don’t get to tell me that I’m not being safe! You left me without a word! Without a word, Jaxson! Do you know how scared I’ve been? The thoughts racing through my mind? How worried Kalum and Maverick have been? So, no, you don’t get to lecture me after what you’ve put us through this past week.”
I can’t seem to catch my breath after unleashing my words on Jaxson.
“You’re right,” he says, barely above a whisper. “I don’t have a right. You’re not mine anymore.”
My eyes widen and I can’t wrap my head around the words he just said.
Did he just say that I’m not his anymore? No. I must have misheard him.
Yes, he’d left me without a word. Yes, I want to strangle him for worrying me. But I never thought that this was it. I’d hoped—no, I knew—that if and when I found him, he would explain everything to me, I would yell at him for scaring me, but in the end, I’d be back in his arms. Where everything was right.
“What did you just say?” I need to make sure I just heard him correctly.
Damaged: South Side Boys Book 1 Page 15
