He gets up and walks around the desk, now just inches from me. He goes to reach for my waist out of habit, but quickly puts his hands in his pockets.
I hate this. Even when we were both too scared to admit our feelings for each other, it was never this uncomfortable. This unsure.
“I said I don’t have the right. You need to forget about me, Annabelle. I’m not the man for you.”
I shake my head, refusing to believe the words he’s saying.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Where have you been? Where did you go? Are you in trouble? How can I help? Please, Jaxson, let me in.”
I know I’m rambling, but I have to say these things.
“I can’t tell you. And you need to leave, Annabelle. You can have the loft. It’s yours. Just don’t follow me. Don’t try to find me. Pretend I never existed.”
My tears are flowing in a mix of anger and confusion. I hate him right now. I love him so much, but I hate him. He can’t do this to us. I won’t let him.
“I don’t want to be there if you aren’t. You need to come back with me. Let’s talk. You can tell me as much or as little as you want to. Just please, Jaxson, please come home with me.”
I realize I’m begging now, but I don’t care. I feel him slipping away from me. The man looking at me now isn’t the one who held me in his arms and told me he loved me. This isn’t the man who sat and talked with my dad for hours while looking at my baby pictures. This isn’t the man I fell in love with.
This isn’t even the man who ignored me for months at the café.
I don’t know this man. This cold, heartless man might have Jaxson’s eyes and body, but this isn’t the man I love.
“Then sell it. I don’t give a shit. Do whatever you want,” he says.
His eyes, usually so expressive, are empty. I don’t know what to think anymore. But I feel that the end is near—that I’m only going to have a couple more chances to ask my questions before he kicks me out of his life for good.
“Why did you leave?”
“You don’t need to know.”
“Are you in trouble?”
He doesn’t answer. He just looks at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with me.
“Do you still love me?”
He’s silent, refusing to meet my eyes.
I snap.
“Did you ever love me, or was this just some big game to you? Take the shy girl’s virginity and make her believe that she found love before getting bored with her?”
Before I know it, he grabs the back of my head and pulls me in, kissing me so hard that I’m sure I’ll have bruises in minutes. I don’t want to kiss him back, but my body doesn’t know how not to.
Before we can get too lost in the kiss, he pushes me away, leaving me breathless.
“This was never real. This was both of us thinking we could be people we weren’t. That kiss? That was it. Pretend time is over and it’s time to go back to the real fucking world where you are an art teacher and I’m a fighter. This is the last time you’ll ever see me. I was never good enough for you. I pretended I was. Pretty soon, you would have been bored with me. I’m just ending this before we fool ourselves into thinking we could be more. I’m not the guy who can do forever. So leave. Now.”
His words slice through me and I fall to the ground in his office, tears coming so fast I don’t even try to stop them.
“You don’t mean that. I don’t believe you. Whatever you need, we can figure it out. Don’t do this to us, Jaxson. Please . . .”
He stands over me, looking down like we were never anything to each other. Like I’m a piece of dirt on his shoe.
“Get up. Leave. Don’t look back.”
I scramble to my feet and rush out of The Pit, listening to his words. Because if I look back, I’ll make a bigger fool of myself. Because I wouldn’t just look back. I’d run back. And then I’d once again ask him to give us another chance. To let me help him get past whatever this is all about.
But I know it’s useless.
If that’s who Jaxson is, then I never knew him at all.
42
Jaxson
I’m glad she listened to me and didn’t look back, because if she had, she would have seen tears flowing from my eyes as she ran out of my life.
Like I told her to. Because she can’t be around what’s about to go down.
Saying those words to her, telling her to leave and forget about us, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I made sure I didn’t say anything about not loving her—because I couldn’t lie to her, or myself, about that. But I’ll make her think it, because that’s what will keep her safe.
I’ll love Annabelle Locke until the day I die.
Which could be tomorrow if this fight goes wrong.
I can’t believe she walked in here. I’d only unlocked the front door so Kalum and Maverick could get in. I’d texted Kalum right before Annabelle barged in, though he’s probably going to be more pissed than she was.
I don’t blame them. I disappeared while on my mission to once and for all get my father out of my life. Only I never expected that this is what I’d have to go through to make that happen.
A few minutes after Annabelle leaves, the two men who have known me the longest walk into my gym, looking like they’re out for blood. My blood.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Kalum screams, his strides purposeful as he closes the distance between us then punches me square in the jaw.
“What the fuck, man?” I say as I try to move my jaw, hoping he didn’t break it.
“That’s for ghosting us.” He then kicks me in the stomach. “And that’s for us finding Annabelle waiting for a cab, sobbing outside your fucking gym. What the fuck, man? It’s one thing to go silent on us, but Annabelle doesn’t deserve that.”
I sit up, trying to get the wind back in me.
“I broke it off with her. I can’t bring her into this shit, so I told her to leave. She’s gone.”
I crawl up to one of the benches by the boxing ring, trying to shake out the pain in my jaw.
“Jaxson, seriously man, where have you been? We looked everywhere. Where did you go? What is going on?” This time, Maverick asks. As always, he gets to be the good cop.
“I had shit to take care of.”
“Shit you couldn’t tell us about?” Kalum says. “We have always told each other everything, especially when shit got bad. Everything! So fuck you for worrying us. And fuck you for leaving your girl worried sick. You were right all those months ago. You don’t deserve her.”
I slump over, knowing that everything Kalum is saying is true. I have been a bastard. I’m a grade-A asshole.
And I don’t deserve love from someone like Annabelle.
“I didn’t want anyone getting dragged into this. It was my mess. And I needed to clean it up.”
“And have you?” Maverick asks. “Is that why you’ve all of a sudden decided to deem us worthy of knowing what’s going on with you?”
I shake my head. “No. But I do know I need your help.”
“I’m not helping you until I know what the fuck is going on,” Kalum says, still clearly angry at me. “You don’t get to all of a sudden come back and expect us to just go along with whatever the fuck you’ve been up to.”
I straighten myself, bracing for the backlash.
“Stan is in deep. He’s been stealing money from me and stole the engagement ring I had for Annabelle.”
“That fucker!” Kalum yells. “Did you find him? Did you pound his face in? Please tell me you have now officially written off that asshole.”
I suck in a breath, preparing for the worst.
“It took me a few days, but I finally tracked him down. He’s $200,000 in the hole. And he’s been using the gym at night to run fights.”
Kalum and Maverick just stare at me, making sure the words I just said were real.
“When did you find out?” Maverick is the first to speak.
“The night before I took
off.”
“Do the cops know?” Kalum asks, knowing as well as anyone that I can’t have the cops breathing down my neck if I want to avoid another trip to prison.
“Not that I know of.”
I tell them about how I found out about the fights, and the debt, and what I have to do to make all this go away. That I have to get in a ring again.
“He wants you to fucking fight? You can’t,” Kalum quickly says.
“I agree,” Mav chimes in. “Do you think this is actually going to work out? How can you trust anything he says at this point?”
I agree with both of them. I might still spar at the gym, but I am in no way fight-ready. And I’d bet all the money that Stan hasn’t stolen from me that the fight will somehow be fixed.
“I know. I don’t want to, but right now it’s the only way I can make this stop and get Stan out of my life. So it looks like I have to.”
We sit quietly for a minute, processing everything. How did my life come to this? Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago that I was trying to figure out how I wanted to propose to Annabelle? That I thought I was actually getting to a better place with Stan?
I might have thrown words at Annabelle to make her hate me, but there is one thing I said that was the truth—I was never good enough for her. And the fact that I have to get back in the ring to pay off a debt that’s not mine—maybe with my life—is proof enough.
“I need you guys there. I need you in my corner. I don’t know how this is going to go down, but I need as many friendly faces as I can get so I don’t die in that ring.”
Maverick sits down next to me, slapping his hand over my knee. “We’re there. You don’t even have to ask.”
I look up at Kalum, my oldest friend. The one I’d walk through fire for. I see the debate in his eyes. He hates this as much as I do.
“Kalum? You with me?”
He sighs, running a hand through his hair.
“I’m there. We’ll do what we need to do. Just like we always have.”
43
Annabelle
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Tori asks me, gripping the passenger door of my car as we race across town to Maverick and Kalum’s shop.
“No, but I don’t have a better one and I need backup.”
I didn’t go back to the loft last night. I couldn’t. It hurt too much to even think about going back there. Not after what he said to me and how I was practically begging him not to end this. Not to end us.
I was embarrassed when Kalum and Maverick found me outside The Pit. I didn’t speak to them; I just cried into Kalum’s shoulder until Maverick got an Uber to take me to Tori’s, where I stayed last night.
But after my tears stopped, which was many hours later, I realized that the only reason those two would have been together, outside The Pit at that time of night, was if they knew Jaxson was there.
Which means they know more than they’re telling me.
“What if they know just as much as we do?” Tori asks gently.
“Then I can at least know that I tried. I know he’s keeping things from me. I don’t know if it’s just about his dad, or if it’s more, but I have to try, Tori. It can’t end like this. It just can’t.”
The worst part is that I don’t know if what he said last night was the truth, or just a truth in his mind. He’s told me many times that he doesn’t deserve me. That he isn’t good enough for me. And I’ve tried everything I can do to make him realize he’s exactly what I need.
But saying it was pretend? That it was never real? That’s what stung. And although I still believe he was throwing daggers to hurt me on purpose, part of me wonders if it was true—if I was so blinded by my infatuation with him that it clouded reality.
Kalum and Maverick are my last hope.
We pull up to their shop and luckily, it’s not busy. We find them in the garage, both looking inside the hood of some sort of classic car.
I don’t want to scare them, so I approach slowly. But apparently Tori doesn’t care. She strides right over, all while taking a glance at Kalum bending over the car.
“Don’t stare at the goods if you don’t intend on buying anything,” Kalum says, scaring Tori out of her daydream.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says hurriedly, clearly trying to play off the fact that he just caught her red-handed.
These two really just need to get together and get it over with.
The brothers stand up from the car, looking at me with sadness in their eyes.
“How are you holding up, Annabelle?” Maverick asks.
“I’m confused. And angry. So angry. But hurt and sad and I just want answers.”
The two of them look at each other, saying things with their eyes that only a sibling could decode.
“We don’t have the answers you need,” Kalum says.
I figured this would be their response. But I’m not giving up that easily.
“Then why were you two at The Pit last night?”
“Why were you?” Maverick asks, feeling me out.
“I was walking, trying to clear my head, and my feet just took me there. I saw the light on and the door was unlocked.”
The brothers look at each other and Kalum nods at Maverick. “Jaxson texted us. Asked us to meet him down there.”
“What did he want? What did he say? Please, tell me something.” I know I’m begging again, but this is what desperation sounds like.
“That, we can’t tell you. I’m sorry, Annabelle. I really am.”
“No, you are fucking not!” Tori snaps at Maverick. “You aren’t sorry. You’re covering for your friend, which I get. He’s basically your brother. But you’re our friends now too, and this girl is hurting because the man who supposedly loves her is keeping things from her and breaking her heart. So, no, you don’t get to be fucking sorry.”
Kalum gets in her face. “Do you think we like keeping these secrets? Do you think we like that he took off on us too? No! I fucking decked him last night when I walked into the gym because the man is pissing me off too. But he’s my brother. And he asked for help. I’m going to give him that because that’s how we can keep him alive.”
His words startle me and as soon as they leave his mouth. He quickly realizes he’s said too much.
“What do you mean ‘keep him alive’? What’s going on, Kalum? Please, I have to know.”
He takes a deep breath before turning to me. “I’m only telling you this because I’m an idiot and ran my mouth. Jaxson would kill me if he found out you knew. So here goes: his dad is in pretty deep with gambling debts, so he started running illegal fights out of The Pit. Jaxson found out. But now, Stan’s blackmailing him. The only way for this to go away is for Jaxson to fight.”
I’m speechless. Stunned. I can’t wrap my head around this.
“When?” I need to know.
“Tonight.”
The tears spring from my eyes and I drop to the floor—Tori quickly coming to my side to comfort me. There’s been too much thrown at me over the past week. I can’t process it all.
“You have to stop him.” I look up, pleading with his two best friends.
“We tried. He dug his heels in,” Maverick says. “But we all realize this fight won’t be on the level. So we’re going to be in his corner. Try to figure out what the fix is so we can make sure he doesn’t end up dead.”
No. He can’t do this. He can’t fight. He can’t die. He just . . . can’t.
“I want to go with you.”
Tori, Kalum, and Maverick all look at me like I’m crazy.
“No. Not even a chance, Annabelle,” Kalum says, pacing around the shop in exasperation. “Jaxson’s already going to kill me for telling you. There is no way you’re going to that fight.”
Maverick chimes in. “I agree. The lowlifes who will be there aren’t to be messed with. These are the kind of men who killed an innocent teenager because her dad fucked them over. It’s too dangerous. You need to stay a
way.”
Poor Maverick. The sadness that takes over his face when talking about Abigail is heartbreaking. I hate that he, Kalum, and Jaxson had to go through that so young.
Tori squeezes me a little harder, trying to be the last voice of reason. “Jaxson needs to keep his head on straight. If he realizes you’re there, you could do more harm than good. If he’s going to do this, he needs to stay focused. And you being there is a surefire way for his head to not be in the game.”
I nod. I know they’re right.
But I also know that nothing could stop me from going.
44
Jaxson
I was never a superstitious boxer. I had a routine, but I never thought that if I didn’t do something, I would lose a fight.
But as I stare at my taped-up hands, prepping for a fight I don’t want to be in but have to be part of, I know something is missing. So I grab a Sharpie, rip off the cap with my teeth, then write the initials “A.L.” on the top of my left hand.
I’m doing this for her. I might have had to hurt her in the process, but this is how I’ll keep her safe. Because if everything goes the way it’s supposed to tonight, I know she’ll be unharmed.
“You ready?” Stan comes into my office as I’m loosening up.
Yes, part of the deal I had to make was allowing one more fight at The Pit. We closed early for a “private function.”
I hate this. I hate everything about it. But I’ve gone over it a hundred times and I don’t see another way out. Because the men Stan owes money to don’t care about my business, or the people I love. They just want their money. And until they have it back, they will make my life a living hell.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I stand up, trying to shake out the tension in my arms.
“Thanks for doing this, Son. I can’t tell you how much—”
“Stop,” I cut him off, anger pouring through my words. “Don’t call me son. You have lost the right to call me that. Tonight is the last time you’ll ever see me. I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for you to get the hell out of my life.”
Damaged: South Side Boys Book 1 Page 16
