Into The Unknown

by Lorna Peel

  He smiled apologetically at Kate for the seventh time, wondering if they had been given the worst bed in Ireland on purpose. He couldn’t be angry at Kate’s mother. She was trying her best in an awful situation. But Kate’s father, the bastard…

  Since the row on their arrival in Ballycarn, the longest sentence he’d heard Mr Sheridan utter was to his wife or mother, asking them to pass the salt or the sugar. How long could this go on for? He’d speak to Mr Sheridan in the morning.

  He smiled as Kate lay down, turning on her side facing him. Christ, he so wanted to kiss her. When Bump had kicked hard he’d wanted to throw his arms around her but was frightened to. If it wasn’t for Bump where would she be now? Here probably, but definitely without him. One small mistake and he might never see her or Bump again.

  At a quarter to eight in the morning, he slowly got out of the bed, hoping it wouldn’t creak. He went to the bathroom to wash and shave then clean and insert the prosthetic eye. Returning to the bedroom, he got dressed in the semi-darkness and went out onto the landing. He crept down the stairs, hearing Mr Sheridan in the kitchen talking to his wife, and went outside to wait by the car.

  Fifteen very cold minutes later, Kate’s father closed the front door then walked down the path to the street and Charlie stepped forward, shocking the older man.

  “Jesus.” Mr Sheridan rolled his eyes. “What the hell are you doing up at this hour?”

  “I could ask you the same question,” Charlie replied through chattering teeth. “I’m wondering, too, how long you plan to go on ignoring Kate? I can understand why you hate me. No-one will ever be good enough for her in your eyes, never mind an injured ex-RAF pilot – an Englishman – who has also got her pregnant. There isn’t anything I can do about it, and I’m not asking you to have a change of heart about me. But Kate.” He sighed and rubbed his cold hands together. “Kate is your daughter, I don’t need to tell you that. What I do need to tell you is that she is going to make you a grandfather.”

  “I know that,” Mr Sheridan snapped.

  “Then, please,” Charlie begged. “Show her you care, even if you have to pretend. She’s almost six months pregnant, the baby is kicking, and it’s quite violent at times.” He couldn’t help but smile. “Please? Direct your anger at me. I’m the stupid one.”

  Kate’s father stared at him for a moment. “At least you admit it. I’ll never like you, Butler, you may as well know that now.”

  “Mr Sheridan.” Charlie held up his hands. It was far too cold to stand out on the street like this. “I do, but back to Kate?”

  “Kate.” Mr Sheridan shook his head. “Poor Kate. Having a baby by an Englishman. But I’ll always love her, the baby too, poor little mite. I don’t need to be told to pretend to care. I do bloody care. Now, get out of the way and let me get to work.”

  Charlie nodded and went back into the house. Kate was coming down the stairs and she looked at him in surprise as he shut the front door.

  “What were you doing outside? It’s frosty.”

  “I know,” he replied with a shiver.

  “You should have put your overcoat on.” She began rubbing his shoulders and arms. “Charlie, you’re freezing, come into the kitchen.”

  “In a minute,” he said, grabbing her warm hands. “I spoke to your father. He’s going to talk to you.”

  “What did you say?” she asked.

  “Oh, a lot of things and I let him rant at me for being English.”

  “Take no notice of Daddy when he starts on about that. Come into the kitchen and get warm.”

  That evening, there was the usual nervous silence as the front door opened and closed and Mr Sheridan came into the kitchen a moment or two later. Only this time he stood just inside the door with a smile.

  “Kate? Kate, come to your silly, stupid Daddy?”

  Charlie watched as she gave him a quick smile before hurrying to her father. Mr Sheridan hugged her as tightly as he dared before Kate brought one of his hands to rest on Bump.

  “Granddad,” she whispered.

  “I’m sorry for what I said before,” he began and, to Charlie’s bewilderment, began to cry.

  “What did you say to him, Charlie?” Kate’s mother whispered in his ear, sounding completely astonished.

  “A few things to make him think, Mrs Sheridan.”

  “Thank you.” She kissed his cheek.

  And so the atmosphere improved. Charlie and Mr Sheridan would never get along, there were too many things Mr Sheridan hated him for, but as long as Mr Sheridan and Kate were friends again it didn’t matter.

  All too soon the last day came, and Charlie had to admit he had enjoyed the month in Ireland. After his ‘chat’ with Mr Sheridan and the subsequent rise in temperature in the house, he had been able to relax for the first time in months. Of course, he worried about Clive and Toby, but they were men now and he couldn’t mollycoddle them forever. Mollycoddle. He smiled. It was one of Granny Norah’s many sayings. She was a nice old lady, despite her son. Most of all, he’d enjoyed being back in a family home.

  Kate was setting the table for lunch and he caught her eye. She returned his smile, making his heart leap. There was his family now. His glance moved down to Bump. Big Bump now. Even her heavy winter coat couldn’t hide her pregnancy. She had never been more beautiful. Her hair was soft and shiny and her skin… Christ, how he wanted to smooth his hands over her body. She had almost caught him gazing at her a few times. What he would have done if she had, he didn’t know, but he certainly knew what he’d love to do.

  That afternoon, they walked to the beach for the last time. He helped her across the pebbles and they stood on the sand looking out to sea.

  “The sea looks grey today,” she commented. “Do you want to walk to the sand dunes?”

  They walked along the shoreline and he gasped anxiously as she broke away from him and scrambled up one of the dunes. He climbed up after her and found her laughing at him.

  “There. I had to prove I’m not completely helpless, that there are things I can do besides set the table. Don’t look so shocked.”

  “I can’t help it. I want to look after you. I can’t if you run away from me.”

  She just smiled and sat in some grass out of the wind. “I’m not running now.” She patted the grass beside her and he sat down.

  “Have you enjoyed yourself here, Kate? With your father and everything?”

  “He’s come to accept me being pregnant, but he’ll never like you. I wish he would. I didn’t like you – I hated you, in fact – for a long time, but I don’t now. I have enjoyed being here, but most of all I’ve enjoyed you being here, too.” She smiled then sighed.

  He knew something important was coming, so he sat silently beside her, waiting for her to continue.

  “When I came out of hospital, I was content to stay with you for the baby’s sake. I was still wary of you and my reactions to you, but that morning when I walked in on you in the bathroom, you were so awkward, it was like you were wary of me. Most of my fear went then, but I still had to be sure. I had to know if I could stay with you and not hate you for what you did, my own lack of self-control, and what happened to me. I don’t hate you anymore and I don’t need to be in the WAAF to help the war effort. You were very ill in your mind, not just your body, but I think what happened shook you up and brought you to your senses, so some good did come out of it.” She smiled again. “What I’m trying to say is – I want to stay with you, despite the baby. Please don’t think, ‘Well, she hasn’t any choice’, because I do have a choice. I’ve chosen you. Because I love you.”

  Charlie stared at her in disbelief, a lump rising in his throat. Don’t cry, you bloody fool, you should be jumping for joy.

  “Now,” she added. “Can I kiss you, Charlie?”

  “Kiss me?” he croaked. “Oh, my God, yes.”

  Closing his eyes, he felt her hands at the back of his neck, drawing his head down. He willed himself not to shake as her lips touched his, then
her tongue explored his lips and mouth.

  “I missed that,” she whispered.

  “So did I. Oh, Kate, thank you. Why you don’t hate me, I don’t know.” He began to ramble. “I’ll always love you. I always have loved you. I’ll look after—”

  “Shh.” Her fingers covered his lips. “I know. What I’ve missed most is when you put your arms around me and kiss me. Will you do that?”

  “Yes.” He kissed her until they both had to emerge for breath. “Kate.” Gently, he took her face in his fingers. “I will love you until the day I die.”

  To his surprise, her eyes filled with tears. “You’ve said that to me before,” she whispered.

  “When?” He couldn’t remember, much to his shame.

  She laughed and sniffed. “A moment after making love to me for the first time. I never forgot it, and I’ll never forget this because I know you mean it.”

  “I do. I love you so much.” He kissed her again. “And I love our baby so much.” He bent and kissed Bump.

  “I know you do,” she replied. “Shall we go and pack for home?”

  Home. He smiled, got up and helped her to her feet, and they walked slowly back along the beach.

  They had to be up at seven o’clock the next morning, so it was early to bed. When he lay down beside Kate, she took his hands and placed them on Bump. He jumped. She was naked.

  “Something the matter?” she whispered.

  “No…”

  She giggled. “I packed my nightdress. Do you want to keep me warm?”

  “What do you think?” He smiled.

  “Kiss me here.” Lowering the sheets and blankets, she revealed swelling breasts.

  He leaned over her, smoothing fingers around them, before bending his head and gently encircling a nipple with his tongue. He heard her exhale and felt her fingers in his hair. He had never been so careful and his preciseness aroused her. He gazed down at her in delight. She was so stunning, her body so beautiful, containing their baby. If only it could have been conceived in proper love, not lies and lust.

  “Charlie? What is it?”

  “I will love you until the day I die, but I will also regret until the day I die that I lied and took advantage of your feelings for me in the maze, simply to get what I wanted. If we were to have a baby I’d have wanted it to have been conceived in proper love.”

  She was silent for a moment. “You really loved me, so it was. I came to see you because I really loved you. I know you weren’t thinking rationally. Dr Eliot explained to me afterwards—”

  “But look what I did,” he interrupted.

  “Charlie, we have to put this behind us. The baby is never to know – never. I love Bump, so do you. I can put it behind me. I can love you again. You have to put it behind you too, otherwise, how will you ever be able to look at our baby without thinking of it?”

  “You mean you could forgive me?”

  “I never thought I’d say this but, yes. Please forgive yourself.”

  “I’ll try, but I still can’t believe I did it to the person I love more than anything.”

  “If you can’t do it for yourself, then please do it for Bump. Please?”

  He nodded and kissed Bump. “I do love you and I do love Bump. Our baby will never know and I promise I’ll try.”

  “Good. Because when we get home, I want us to start again. You, me, Bump – and Toby and Clive whenever they’re home – but mostly it’ll be the three of us. I’m looking forward to it, our little home. I’ve always wanted a proper home. So you’ll have to come to a final decision about work. The RAF or something else?”

  He frowned and pursed his lips. “The RAF is the only thing I know about, but I don’t want to leave you.”

  “Not all the officers at my Sector Station lived there.”

  “I’ll see what happens. If the Medical Board doesn’t contact me before the end of the month, I’ll go and see my CO.”

  “Good.” She smiled. “And if they take you back, I’ll teach you to type.”

  “Type?”

  “If you know how to type it will be very useful. Typing with two fingers is awful. Lucy has a typewriter and I’m sure she’ll lend it to us. I’ll offer her my services, too.”

  “You are amazing, I love you so much,” he whispered and she laughed softly as he kissed her, moving up and down her body, from her breasts to Bump and back again before he was forced to stop when the bed began creaking. “This bloody bed.”

  “Our bed at home is well-oiled.” She giggled and leant over him and he felt the exquisite touch of her breasts and Bump. “When we get home…”

  “And what about Bump?” He couldn’t quite believe she still wanted him and he put his arms around her as she slid on top of him.

  “We’ll think of something,” she murmured. “Am I too heavy?”

  “Oh, no. You’re beautiful.”

  “I meant—” she began and gave up with a laugh. “For that, I’m going to warm my hands on you.”

  Slipping them down the front of his pyjamas, he gasped. Her hands were freezing but he didn’t care. This was perfect. She loved him again.

  Kate’s father was to drive them to the station and, after another huge breakfast, Charlie carried their suitcases out to the car. Mr Sheridan followed and handed him an envelope.

  “It’s just a few pounds. I want you to buy a few things for Kate and the baby. A pram, a camera, toys, clothes – that sort of thing.”

  Charlie didn’t know what to say. It was the last thing he’d expected. “Thank you, Mr Sheridan, it’s very kind.”

  “Yes, yes.” Mr Sheridan was embarrassed. “You look after Kate. She’s all we have.”

  “I will. I’ll take great care of her and the baby.”

  He nodded. “Telephone us as soon as the baby is born.”

  “Yes.” Charlie held out his hand and Mr Sheridan looked at it for a moment, then shook it.

  “Ready?” Kate called from the front door.

  “Ready.” He walked back to the house. “Goodbye, Mrs Sheridan.” He kissed Kate’s mother’s cheek. “Thank you for having me here.”

  “I hope you can come again,” she said. “With the baby.”

  “That would be very nice,” he replied and turned to Kate’s grandmother. “We’ll let you know as soon as you’re a great-granny,” he said and kissed her cheek.

  “A great-granny.” She laughed. “Look after yourself, Charlie.”

  “I will.” He stood back to make way for Kate.

  “Goodbye, Granny,” she whispered.

  “Oh, child.” Kate was kissed and hugged tightly. “Write.”

  “I will,” Kate replied and turned to her mother.

  “The month went so fast,” Mrs Sheridan told her in a shaky voice as she hugged and kissed her.

  “I know. Take care, Mummy. Thank you for everything.”

  “Take care,” Mrs Sheridan whispered before bursting into tears.

  “I love you, Mummy.”

  Charlie held the rear car door open for Kate as she got in, then slammed it shut and got into the passenger seat. At last, they were going home.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Kate was surprised at just how tired she was as she and Charlie got off the bus in Market Kirby and walked up the street to Rose Cottage. In the hall, she took off her hat and coat, hung them up and leant against the wall looking at her watch. Nine o’clock in the evening. Even if it had been nine o’clock in the morning, she still would only have thought of one thing.

  “Come to bed,” she murmured to Charlie. “We can unpack in the morning and you can move your things back into our bedroom.”

  He smiled and nodded, switched the light off in the hall, and they went to bed. They slept around the clock and when Kate opened her eyes Charlie leant over and kissed her. Her stomach was rumbling and she laughed.

  “We can’t eat until I’ve been shopping,” he said. “What would you like? Porridge, porridge, or porridge?”

  “Oh…”
She pretended to think about it, but her stomach rumbled again. “Porridge.”

  “Porridge coming up.” He kissed her again. “You were very tired last night. Are you all right?”

  She nodded. “I’m so happy to be back in this bed with you. I just needed a good night’s sleep.”

  “I’m glad. Now, you lie there while I go to the shop.”

  She did and must have fallen asleep again as when she opened her eyes Charlie was closing the bedroom door with a foot. He was carrying a tray with two bowls of porridge, two mugs, a jug of milk, a bowl of sugar and a pot of tea on it. A newspaper was tucked under his arm.

  “This is great service.” She smiled as he set the tray down then laughed. Bump wouldn’t allow the tray to rest on her lap but only on her knees and she had to lean forward to eat the porridge. “Thank you.” She rested her head on his shoulder as he lay beside her while reading the newspaper and he kissed her hand in reply.

  “The RAF is bombing Berlin,” he told her. “There’s a letter from Clive, he says they’re busy.”

  “Do you think you’ll be taken back?”

  “If I am, I hope it’s not just yet,” he said, putting the tray and newspaper on the floor. “I want to make sure you have everything you need here. If I’m going to be away all day, I don’t want you to have to do anything strenuous. I’m also going to get a telephone installed. So if there’s anything, you’ll just have to lift the receiver and call me, John, or Lucy.”

  “Good.” She began tugging at his pullover and undoing the buttons on his shirt until his hands stopped her.

  “Kate?” He looked and sounded anxious. “You want to?”

  She wanted to. She wasn’t frightened of him anymore, but it had to feel right, too. Poor Charlie. She stroked his cheek. “Yes. Do you? We’ll accommodate Bump somehow. I have to know what it’s like again. It’s been so long since we really made love.”

  “I know.” He sighed. “I used to dream about you. I used to wake up with an erection and I’d have to try and hide it from everyone.”

  “I bet that wasn’t easy,” she whispered and was thrilled to see him blush. “Shall we..?” She tailed off and he smiled at her.