“Oh, just taking a walk.”
“Way out here?”
She averted her eyes and bit her lower lip. “It’s such a nice day, I thought I’d take a long walk.”
I smirked, waiting for her to look back at me. When she did, I said, “Did you come to see me?”
Her mouth dropped open, and she scoffed. “Of course not! I’m just....walking. I wanted to take a different route, see new things, you know.”
I set the bucket down and crossed my arms. “Well, that’s too bad. I was hoping you’d come to see me.”
“Oh.” She stood frozen in place on the sidewalk. After a moment, she said, “Well, I mean, I don’t mind that I’m seeing you. It’s...fine.”
I held back my laugh. “It’s awfully hot today. Are you thirsty? We have some lemonade. And my porch has shade.”
Her expression changed to one of surprise and confusion. Whatever categories she’d put me in, she didn’t have me pegged for the lemonade-on-the-porch type. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, and looked up and down the street. “I shouldn’t.”
My brow pulled down. She was probably thinking of Keaton Asher, and I didn’t want him to cross her mind when she was with me. “It’s just lemonade.”
She considered it a moment longer. “I suppose that would be okay.”
A feeling of victory rose from deep within me, but I managed to keep it inside. “Alright then, I’ll be right back.”
She followed me up the porch steps and sat in one of our two white rocking chairs, tucking her hands under her legs. I noticed she always did that, like she was trying to make herself take up as little room as possible. I didn’t like that. For someone who took up all the free space in my head, she should allow herself to have a bigger presence in the world.
“I’ll only be a minute. I’m going to clean up a little bit.”
“Okay,” she said, gently rocking.
I shut the door behind me and sprinted down the hall. I stripped off my clothes and hopped into the shower, not even waiting for it to warm up. I washed as fast as I could and got dressed again in clean clothes. There was a hole on the left sleeve of my shirt, but at least it was clean.
Then I raced to the kitchen and filled two glasses with the lemonade Mom made earlier today. Thanking my lucky stars that she made it, and that she was out of the house doing the grocery shopping, I was back out on the porch five minutes after I left it, out of breath with my hair dripping onto the collar of my white T-shirt.
Audrey startled as I came out the door, and when she saw me, she stared. Her wide eyes traveled from my wet hair, to my chest, to my jeans, to my bare feet. When she met my eyes again, I saw her throat move as she swallowed.
Her reaction made my blood run hot. I squeezed the cold glasses in my hand, willing myself to cool down. I had to tread lightly. Audrey was special. I never thought she’d look twice at me, so I never let my thoughts go there, I never got my hopes up. But that night, when I’d interrupted her and Keaton, I saw something in her eyes that surprised me. There was a pull between us. I was pretty sure she felt it too, but it scared her. She didn’t have anything to be scared of with me, but she didn’t know that. I’d have to go slow. I’d have to show her.
I handed her the lemonade and sat in the rocking chair next to hers. “I’m glad you randomly, for no reason whatsoever, decided to go for a walk past my house,” I teased.
She rolled her eyes, and that little bit of spirit made me laugh. “I guess I’m curious,” she admitted, her eyes trained on her drink
“About me?”
“You asked me out.” She shot the quickest of glances my way.
“I did.”
“Yes, but...why?”
I took a long drink of my lemonade, rocking slowly, trying to stay steady when I wanted to run out onto the grass and do cartwheels. I’d never done a cartwheel in my life. “I asked you out because I want to go out with you.”
She laughed and finally met my eyes. “Sure, but I mean, we’re so different. I never even realized you knew my name.”
“Of course I know your name. Your dad is my doctor. Heck, I think he’s the one that delivered me.”
She looked away. “You know me because of my dad. That makes sense.”
I let my gaze roam across the front yard. I mowed it a few days ago, so it looked nice, and the flowerbeds Mom tended were beautiful. She loved red geraniums, and planted tons of them every year. We had a small house, but I was proud of it. “I’ve known who you are all my life. I saw you in the school play in fifth grade. You played a puppy. I know you play volleyball even though you’re short, and I know you’re good at it. You were in my study hall junior year. You have a twin sister, who’s loud, but you’re quiet. Sometimes you bring cookies to the nursing home where my mom works, for the nurses, and you bring flowers for the residents. I think there’s a lot going on in your head, and I’ve always wondered what.”
There were a thousand other things I knew about Audrey. I stopped talking and looked at her. She blinked a few times, and her expression had gone softer. After a moment, she laughed lightly. “I thought you were going to say I’m a goody-two-shoes.”
I grinned. I didn’t think that at all. I thought she was soft and beautiful and sweet, and underneath all that, I could tell she hid a roaring fire. Her eyes told that story, and I read it loud and clear.
“I don’t think that.”
“It’s true.”
“Is it?”
She frowned. “Unfortunately.”
I laughed at that. “Your turn. What do you know about me?”
“I know you think it’s funny that I call your bike a motorcycle.”
I smiled. “What else?”
“You live with your mom—I’ve seen her at the nursing home—and you’re friends with Clay and Graham. When I was in third grade and you were in fourth, your class came to mine and recited the Declaration of Independence. You started at Helton’s Auto Repair after you graduated, and you never did any extracurricular activities. And…”
“And?” I prompted.
She lifted her chin and looked at me directly. “And you get in fights.”
I wiped my lip with my thumb. “We’re going there, huh?”
“I wonder about it.”
Was this why she hadn’t said yes to me? “What do you mean?”
“Why do you do it? What is the appeal? I can’t imagine ever wanting to slug someone in the face.”
I laughed a little, but sobered when she remained serious. “Well, I don’t actually get in fights that often.”
She took a drink of her lemonade. “What qualifies as ‘that often’ to you? Because I’ve never been in a fight. Not once in my whole life, unless you count arguing with my sisters.”
How could I answer this right? I was relieved she hadn’t asked about the trouble I used to get in. That would be even harder to explain. “I only fight someone when it’s necessary, when I need to help someone out.”
She gave me a serious look. “My dad helps people all the time and he never gets in fights, Johnny.”
I tapped my empty glass on my jeans, the condensation making a wet ring in the denim. Her dad was a better man than I was. That’s what I heard her saying. She was right about that. I was fully aware not everybody got in fights like I did. Plenty of guys didn’t feel the need to punch somebody’s lights out when they stepped over the line. I wasn’t sure why I was the way I was.
Maybe it was stupid, but honestly, fighting was kind of fun. It was definitely a stress reliever. I only ever did it if the guy deserved it. Besides, there were all sorts of ways to be a good man, and I was one. I knew I was. But was I going to keep doing that kind of thing forever? Fighting off jerks into my sixties? The notion seemed silly.
I met Audrey’s eyes. “I don’t know why I fight, Audrey. I don’t ever plan on it. It just seems to happen.”
She set her empty glass on the porch rail, then sat back with her arms crossed. She turned her head to fac
e me. “I’m going to say something honest. Are you ready?”
I leaned forward, eager to hear what she had to say.
“You intimidate me, Johnny.”
I held her eyes with mine. “You do the same to me, Audrey.”
She held her breath, watching me, and then stood up in a hurry. “I better go.” She backed off the porch. “Thank you for the lemonade. Thank you for...talking to me. Um, okay. Bye.” She gave a little wave and hurried up the sidewalk.
I took the glasses inside, a huge smile on my face.
Chapter 9
Audrey
I lounged on the back deck under the big umbrella, staring out at the garden and the tree line beyond. My stomach was twisted in knots. Keaton was going to be home tomorrow. I wished I could skip the day. I wanted to wake up on the fifth and have it done. And I hadn’t told my sisters that I sat on Johnny’s front porch and drank lemonade. It was all stuffed inside me, building and building, and I was bound to burst sooner or later.
The thing was, talking to Johnny had been terrifying. And exhilarating, but mostly terrifying. It was all push and pull, full of confusing feelings and misinterpretations. Talking with Johnny had felt like dancing on a knife’s edge.
Something about it had turned me into a different person. I laid a hand over my stomach and laughed. Who was that girl who said such bold things to Johnny? Surely it wasn’t me. Never in my entire life had thoughts spilled from my head with so little consideration. With Johnny, it was all feeling and reacting.
It terrified me.
And I loved it.
I’d gone home Sunday afternoon and hadn’t left the house since. Two entire days had passed, and I’d been too afraid to leave my house because I might run into him again and who knew what would happen? I was used to social interactions making sense. I was used to things being predictable. Nothing about talking with Johnny was predictable, because half of the things I’d said to him had surprised me on the way out of my mouth.
I tapped my toes together, and held my arms across my chest. Maybe I was better off with someone like Keaton. Not Keaton, but someone like him. Someone safer, who didn’t make me feel so crazy. I couldn’t actually go out with Johnny. I couldn’t. Then why did I want to?
The back door slid open and my sisters came out with a tray of cookies. Valerie held out the tray to offer me one, and I took the whole thing and sat it on my legs and started eating.
“Uh oh, Audrey’s stress eating.”
They both took chairs on either side of me. “What are you doing home early?” I asked Cat. She was usually at the caverns in the afternoons.
“Jesse’s taking me to a concert in Indianapolis tonight. We’re having dinner in the city first, so we need to leave by five. I came home to shower and get ready.” She grabbed a cookie off the tray. “But first, cookies and a chat with my stressed out sister. What’s wrong?”
“I can eat cookies without being stressed.”
“Sure, but you have a wild look in your eyes,” Cat said. “Is it because Keaton’s back tomorrow?”
“Partly,” I said. “I wish that conversation were already over. I’m afraid he’ll tell me I didn’t think about it long enough.”
Valerie growled. “If he does, you come get me and I’ll set that boy straight.”
Cat took the tray off my lap and scooted my legs to the side, moving onto my chair with me. “I will, too. Say the word and we’ll be there.”
They thought I was tied in knots over Keaton. While that part was uncomfortable, it wasn’t what had me stewing on the back deck. Unable to help it, I blurted, “I had lemonade on Johnny Bright’s front porch.”
Two sets of eyes whipped to my face. Neither looked very happy. Both looked shocked.
“Why did you do that?” Valerie asked, her hand over her heart.
“I don’t know. He asked me if I was thirsty. And...I was.”
Valerie’s eyes narrowed. “Exactly what is going on with you and Johnny?”
“I don’t know. Probably nothing.” My sisters exchanged looks, like they always did when they were thinking about how to handle me, and this time I got annoyed. “What? What’s so wrong with having lemonade with Johnny?”
“We’re just concerned,” Cat said. “I mean, I don’t really know him, but he’s been in a lot of trouble.”
“Yes, he has,” Val added. “He constantly got in fights at school, especially middle school. He was always getting kicked out. I think he was suspended more than he wasn’t. It’s not like I try to keep tabs on him, but his name comes up a lot. Remember that fight at the gas station? That was him. And he used to drink, and do who-knows-what-else out at the bridge with Rick Hall. He got arrested once for stealing when he was like, thirteen. Remember that? He took a necklace from Betsy’s Dress Shop. Should I continue? Why on earth are you hanging around a guy like that?”
My chest rose and fell rapidly. I didn’t like the things she was saying, but I knew they were true. For some reason, the need to defend him was strong. “I don’t think he was actually arrested. They can’t arrest kids, can they? He was a child then. And it was ages ago. You’re being very judgmental.”
Valerie’s mouth dropped open. “I’m worried about you, that’s all. I don’t want you to be with someone so…”
I lifted my chin. “Someone so what?”
“Actually, Audrey’s right,” Cat said, her calm voice a stark contrast to mine and Valerie’s. “We are being judgmental. I mean, what do we really know about him? I’ve never even had a conversation with him. Besides, I’ve now seen first hand how wrong public opinion of someone can be. The tabloid headlines about Jesse are ridiculous. I can see how the writers connected the dots, but most of the time it isn’t accurate at all. Sometimes it’s harmless—maybe they snap a picture of him at a vegan restaurant with a friend who’s vegan, and the headline will read that Jesse Relic is vegan. But sometimes it’s not harmless. They see him out with a co-star, and write about how they’re dating now.”
Cat’s face had gone red. That had happened recently. Her movie star boyfriend had gone to a meeting with a co-star, and afterward they’d gone for coffee. The headlines were all about their supposed romance, and it had been hard for Cat to know how to feel. I slid my arm around hers and pulled her to me. “I’m sorry.”
She waved her hand and took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I know the truth, and it’s not like I wish it had been me in those tabloids. But my point is that we can’t make assumptions about people we don’t know.”
Valerie’s lips were pressed together. “I understand that, I do. But you’re really okay with Audrey seeing Johnny Bright?”
I hopped up from my chair and paced the deck. Valerie valued honesty above all else. I appreciated that about her, but at times like this I wanted her to let up a little bit. “First of all, I’m not seeing him. I have no idea what’s going on. And second of all, I don’t need you to protect me.”
I chanced a look at my sisters. Both of them sat with wide eyes, startled by my outburst. I had to laugh a little at their expressions. “Listen, I get it. You’ve always looked out for me. I’m not as strong as you two. I have a hard time standing up for myself.”
“That is not true,” Cat interrupted.
I held up my hand to silence her. “There’s something about Johnny that makes me brave. Around him, I feel strong. I find myself saying things to him I would ordinarily be too nervous to say. And he makes me feel—”
I stopped talking abruptly. I didn’t want to tell them how he made me feel. I didn’t understand it myself. When I was around him, my legs felt shaky. My lungs felt too full. He was interesting to me. He made me curious. I didn’t know much about him, and the pull to learn was very, very strong. And he looked at me in this way that was impossible to decipher.
“He makes you feel what?” Valerie asked.
I sighed. “I don’t know. Never mind.” I glanced at my watch. “I have to get ready for work.”
I headed for the do
or and Valerie scrambled after me. “We didn’t mean to upset you, Audrey. I just worry because Johnny isn’t, well, he’s not the kind of guy I pictured you with.”
I spun on my heel. “Because he’s not a goody-two-shoes like me?”
She sighed, exasperated with me. “No. He’s not gentle. He’s not sensitive and loving and kind and all those things you deserve.”
I thought about the way he’d stopped that kiss to see if I needed help. And the next day he ran out of his work to see me and ask if I was okay. He’d scrubbed his hands until they were pink and he brought me lemonade. Johnny seemed plenty gentle to me, and I wondered if maybe he was the most sensitive of all. “I think you’re wrong about him. And this is silly anyway. There’s no point in talking about it. It’s not like I’m dating him. And there’s no way he thinks of me when I’m not right in front of his face.”
Valerie frowned and crossed her arms. “Not that I want him to, but I bet he does. I bet he thinks of you all the time. Constantly.”
Cat came up behind her, laughing. “Valerie, you just don’t want us to settle down. Audrey, she did the same thing to me and Jesse, remember? He did one thing she didn’t like, and she wanted me to banish him from my life. Val, relax. Audrey can take care of herself. She can make her own choices.”
“Can I, though?” I asked, my anger draining away.
Cat put her hands on my shoulders and looked in my eyes. “Yes. You can.”
After a busy shift at Meadowlark Creamery, during which my eyes darted to the door every time the bell rang, wondering if it might be Johnny coming in, I left disappointed. Or relieved. I still wasn’t sure which.
I sat on the curb in front of the ice cream shop to wait for Valerie to pick me up. I didn’t like to walk alone after dark, and I still didn’t have my driver’s license. I’d gotten my permit at the same time Valerie did, but I didn’t like driving. The idea that I could hit an animal or cause an accident that hurt someone was too much to bear. Luckily, my sisters didn’t mind driving me around when I needed it.
Broken Rebel (Sparrow Sisters Book 2) Page 6
