99% Faking It (Dating Dilemma)

by Chris Cannon

  After the movie, I used the napkins Matt had given me to wipe the butter and salt from my hands. They still felt sticky. “I’m going to stop at the restroom to wash my hands.”

  We exited the theater and shuffled along with the crowd. Nina and I veered off to the bathroom. As we were washing our hands, she said, “So what did Matt think of your new outfit?”

  “At first he seemed confused, but then we joked about it and I think he’s okay now. I hope he’s done acting weird.”

  “He’s a guy,” Nina said. “They always act weird.”

  I laughed as we left the restrooms. Trey headed toward us with a group of artsy-looking students. He caught sight of me and grinned.

  I smiled and waved. He nodded in response.

  “He noticed you,” Nina said in a sing-song voice.

  “And that is a step in the right direction.” Trey noticing me gave me a small thrill. Maybe this would work.

  We went for pizza after the movie. The Slicery was packed. We ended up sitting in a curved corner booth, which meant the four of us were squished in together on a bench seat shaped like a comma. Of course Nina and West didn’t mind the close quarters. Matt and I were sitting so close our thighs touched and that was a bit awkward and distracting, especially since I wasn’t wearing pants.

  Matt must not have noticed because he acted like his normal self. Between bites of pepperoni pizza we talked about the movie and our plans for college.

  “I’m trying to talk Charlie into going to college while I stay home and work with Dad.

  There’s no reason for both of us to suffer through four more years of school,” Matt said. “My dad built this business so he could pass it down to us. If I stayed and worked I could learn more about running the business. It’s a practical solution.”

  “Playing devil’s advocate here, but what if Charlie doesn’t want to carry on the family tradition? What if he wants to do something else?”

  Matt stared at me like I’d just suggested Charlie might want to major in ballroom dancing.

  “What part of family business don’t you understand?” he asked.

  “I get it. You inherited your dad’s love for fresh air and all green growing things. You know how to take care of plants and make yards look good but there’s probably more to the business than that.”

  “Whatever it is, my dad can teach me.”

  I took a bite of pizza while I thought about his statement. The spicy pepperoni and stringy cheese didn’t stop me from wondering why he seemed to always want to take the easy way out. Was it weird that it bothered me? If times became tough would he be the type of guy who bailed on a girl? Maybe I was lucky that he’d friend-zoned me. If this is what he was really like, then keeping this relationship fake was the best way to go.

  “You’re judging me, aren’t you?” Matt balled up a napkin and threw it at me.

  “Maybe.” I flicked the balled-up napkin back at him. “You’re smart. I don’t understand why you don’t use your brain more.”

  “Maybe you use your brain too much. Maybe you should live in the moment and not be such a perfectionist.”

  “I’m not a perfectionist.”

  Matt looked like he was trying not to laugh.

  “I’m not.”

  “Why do you study so much to make A’s when you could relax and get a B instead?”

  How could I explain? “School is a game that I’m good at. I’m not athletic or super creative, but I can study and make good grades. It’s my thing.”

  “That is just sad,” Matt teased.

  “All right Mr. Judgmental, what’s your thing?”

  He shoved about half a piece of pizza into his mouth and chewed. Was he stalling or thinking? After swallowing, he said, “I like working with plants. I like designing layouts for people’s yards and making things look better than they were before I started.”

  That was kind of interesting. “Do you draw things out, like an architect?”

  “I have no idea what an architect does, but I can map out someone’s yard and figure out what would work.”

  “Not to be rude, but we’re on a double date which means we should talk about something together,” Nina said from the other end of the booth.

  “You didn’t get the notes for double-dating?” Matt asked me.

  “Nope. Missed those.” I leaned forward so I could see Nina around Matt. “This isn’t the best booth for four-way conversation, but I’ll give it a shot. Pick a topic.”

  “Did you see that there’s going to be a Harry Potter Convention in St Louis this summer? That’s only a few hours away.”

  I sucked in a breath. “Really? We should totally go.”

  Matt pressed his lips together like he was trying not to laugh.

  “Keep it up”—I elbowed him in the ribs—“and I’ll drag you there with me.”

  He shook his head, but he was smiling. “It’s nerdily cute.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Matt

  When I drove Lisa to her house, things between us felt much more normal than when I’d picked her up. We’d had fun at The Slicery. Even though I’d teased her about the whole Harry Potter thing, seeing her get that excited was fun.

  “If you were going to dress up as any Harry Potter character, who would it be?” I asked as I pulled up in front of her house.

  “Not an easy question to answer. My first thought is Hermione, but I really like Luna, too.”

  “I think you’re definitely Hermione.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.” She reached for the door handle and then looked at me. “This wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be.”

  “It worked out pretty good.” If it were a real date, this would be the time when I would kiss her good night. My gaze drifted down to her sparkly pink lips. Kiss her, my gut instinct said.

  “See you later.” She opened the door and hopped out. So she wasn’t thinking about kissing me at all. Of course she wasn’t because I’d made a scene about not wanting to kiss her. Apparently, I was an idiot.

  I watched her walk up to the house and let herself in. She waved before shutting the front door. There was one thing I needed to remember. Even if I saw her as more than a friend now, she didn’t want me to kiss her. She wanted Trey. And I wanted Jane. Funny, I hadn’t thought about Jane once tonight.

  I was watching television in the living room when Charlie came in. He grabbed a soda from the refrigerator and joined me on the couch. “So how was your double date?” he asked.

  “Good.”

  “Uh-huh.” He waited for me to say something else. I didn’t.

  “I don’t get why you don’t date her for real,” Charlie said.

  “You know why.”

  “Jane is great, but she’s not available. Lisa is great, and she likes your sorry ass. Do the math.”

  “Wrong. Lisa likes Trey.”

  “She liked you first,” Charlie said. “If you don’t make a play for her, some other guy will.”

  “Whatever.” I grabbed the remote and turned up the volume.

  The front door opened, and Jane came in with my sister, Haley. Jane was laughing and she looked so happy. There was something about her…she always seemed so alive. Maybe I was an idiot to think she might break up with her boyfriend. But what if she did? I couldn’t be dating anyone for real or I’d miss my chance. That’s why this thing between Lisa and I could never be real. I wanted Jane.

  “How’d your double date go?” Haley asked as she walked by.

  “Good,” I said.

  “Lisa seems cool,” Jane said. “The real test will be if you make it past the one month mark.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve never been into a girl for more than a month.” Jane tilted her head as she looked at me like she was questioning my intelligence. “Didn’t you know that?”

  “Really?” I pretended to be surprised. “I never noticed.”

  Jane laughed. “Maybe that should be your goa
l. Find someone that you’ll like for more than thirty days.”

  “Come on.” Haley headed for the stairs to her bedroom and Jane followed along behind her.

  “Hello, irony,” Charlie muttered.

  I flipped him off. He laughed.

  The truth was, I’d been into Jane for several months but hadn’t known how to go about asking her out since she was my little sister’s best friend. It had seemed like too awkward of a line to cross. When I had finally worked up the courage to say something, she’d met Mr. Country Club and that was that. I’d missed my chance.

  …

  Monday morning at school, Lisa wasn’t at her locker like normal. What was that about?

  “What’s going on?” I asked Nina.

  “What do you mean?”

  Was she playing dumb? “Where’s Lisa?”

  “She ran to the restroom. Clingy much?”

  I glared at her but didn’t comment. It’s not like I’d been dying to see Lisa. I wanted to move this plan along. Part of moving forward was being seen together, which was hard to do if my fake girlfriend wasn’t here.

  Lisa came back a few minutes later with a big grin on her face. “Good morning.”

  “Really?” I said. “Because it feels like your average sucky Monday to me.”

  She leaned in and said, “That’s my normal stance on Monday, but then Trey stopped to talk to me.”

  Huh. That’s what she was so happy about. “So the plan is working?”

  “Maybe it is. He asked how I liked the movie.”

  “What movie?” Why did it feel like I was two steps behind in this stupid conversation?

  “The movie you and I went to on Friday,” she said like I was an idiot. “I saw him there and he said hello.”

  I nodded like I understood. “Got it.” I felt the need to mention Jane like that would get my life on the right track. “Jane stayed over Friday night. She said she thinks you’re cool.”

  “Oh,” Lisa said. “I guess she noticed we’re dating, too.”

  “Yeah.” I leaned against the locker. “She noticed that I never seem interested in a girl for more than a month.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Yeah, didn’t make me look great.” I reached up and rubbed the back of my neck.

  “At least she’s noticed you.”

  “I never realized how annoyingly optimistic you are,” I said.

  “I am a ray of sunshine,” Lisa declared. “I bring joy and happiness wherever I go.”

  I laughed. “And books. Don’t forget the books.”

  “True.” She leaned her hip against the locker and studied me. “You’re not exactly a pessimist. You’re just not a risk taker.”

  What did that mean? “Way to make me sound like a wuss.”

  “That wasn’t an insult,” she said. “Just like your study and slide routine, you seem to hold back on enthusiasm, like if you don’t give something your all then you won’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work out.”

  I hated when she pulled that therapist crap on me, but she wasn’t wrong. “I don’t remember making an appointment, Dr. Lisa, so stop analyzing me.”

  “Maybe you’re my pre-degree case study. If I could figure out why you act the way you do, then I could write a paper. I could call it the Boyfriend Brief.”

  She grinned when she said it, but it ticked me off. Maybe it was my Monday morning brain or maybe it was because the plan seemed to be working for her but not for me, but the next words out of my mouth were, “I’m not your problem to analyze and fix.” I leaned in closer. “It’s not like you’ve had a real boyfriend.”

  She jerked back a step and blinked her eyes really fast the way girls do when they’re trying not to cry.

  I rammed my hand back through my hair. “I didn’t mean—”

  “Forget about it. My mistake, I thought I was joking around with a friend. Not that you’d know anything about being a good friend.” She turned and headed for her homeroom.

  “Could you be more of a jackass?” Nina asked from where she’d been standing on Lisa’s other side.

  Any response I gave would only make this worse. And then West would be pissed at me for arguing with his girlfriend. I headed toward my homeroom alone.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Lisa

  What was Matt’s problem? I’d been joking. Still…his response…throwing it in my face that guys weren’t lining up to date me—that had been mean.

  Odds were he’d struck out at me because I’d hit too close to home. He never tried hard at anything and he had to know that was lazy. And yes, I was being judgmental but it was obvious he was smart. I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t put effort into something to get what he wanted.

  You know what? Not my problem. Matt wasn’t actually my boyfriend, so figuring out his personality disorder wasn’t my responsibility. And for that I was grateful. At this point I wasn’t sure I wanted to be his friend.

  “What was Matt’s deal at the lockers this morning?” Nina asked in our first hour class.

  “I guess I hit a nerve.”

  “Since when is he so touchy?” she asked. “You guys joke around all the time.”

  “I guess things are different now that we’re dating.” Class started so our conversation ceased.

  By the time lunch rolled around, I’d had about ten different imaginary conversations in my brain with Matt. Sometimes I played it cool. Sometimes I let him know that I thought he was being a tool. No matter the scenario, I kept coming back to the same thing. There was no use being upset with him because he was just a clueless guy. All of the prep made it easier for me to fake smile at him when I sat down at our lunch table.

  “I thought you’d be mad at me,” he said.

  “No point in being mad,” I said. “Because none of this is real. Right?” So much for taking the high road.

  He leaned back and studied me. “There we go. That’s more what I expected.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “Me being annoyed with you will just make our pending breakup seem more real.”

  “Listen, I’m sorry about what I said this morning.”

  “Why?”

  “What do you mean, why?” He seemed genuinely confused.

  “I mean, why are you sorry?”

  He ran his hand back through his hair. “You ticked me off, and I said something that came out meaner than I thought it would.”

  “Just so you know, I had a life before we became friends.” I felt the need to point this out. “I dated guys. Just because you friend-zoned me doesn’t mean all guys saw me as undatable.”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  “And it’s not like I’ve been hanging around waiting for you to ask me out. At first I thought we clicked, but then we didn’t. No big deal. I moved on. I liked you as a friend. I was happy living my life in a drama-free zone.” I opened my lunch bag and pulled out a bag of apple slices. “Quite honestly, it seems like I dodged a bullet.”

  “I do like being friends with you.”

  “Well, you’ve pretty much screwed that up. Maybe we should call it quits on everything.”

  “I really am sorry,” he said. “I was a jerk, but I think we should stick to the plan. It’s working, at least for you. Trey noticed you. And maybe that’s why I’m mad. This is probably going to work for you but not for me.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t like someone who already has a boyfriend,” I said.

  He just nodded. I was done talking. Even though I was trying to play it cool, this whole thing made me sick to my stomach.

  After school, I headed over to Crazy Crafts. It was Monday Mask night, which meant I hosted a workshop where I helped kids create masks. We decorated them with feathers, sequins, and whatever else they wanted. I loved working with little kids because they said exactly what they meant. No guessing games required. Being around them restored my faith in humanity.

  “I want more pink sequins,” said a little boy wearing a Spiderman shirt.

  “Pin
k is for girls,” said the girl who happened to be hoarding all the pink sequins.

  “No,” I said to hoarder girl. “Pink is for whoever wants it, and we have to share the decorations.”

  After giving an Olympic-level eye roll, she passed him the sequins.

  I was helping another little girl fashion a unicorn horn for her mask when I heard, “Hey, Lisa.”

  Looking up, I saw Trey walking toward me. My heart rate kicked up a notch. “Hello. Are you here to make a mask?”

  “As fun as those pink sequins look, I’m actually here for paint brushes.”

  “Aisle four,” I said.

  “Cool. I was beginning to think this place only carried old-lady yarn.”

  “I am offended on behalf of the yarn,” I said. “What does old-lady yarn mean?”

  “Yarn in those Day-Glo colors that don’t even exist in nature,” he said.

  I smiled. “I see your point. I have an afghan my grandmother made and it practically glows in the dark.”

  “You have cool hair,” hoarder girl said to Trey.

  “Thanks.” Trey ran his hand back through his hair, making it look even more tussled and kind of sexy.

  I shook my head. “The burden of all that coolness must be hard to bear.”

  “I’m up to the challenge.” He grinned at me and I smiled back. “See you later.” He headed toward aisle four.

  “See you.” I watched him walk away and sighed. Nice jeans. Cool hair. Great smile. He was the one I wanted.

  Hoarder girl tapped my arm. “I want ribbons.”

  I tuned back in to the craft at hand and reached for a spool of hot pink curly ribbon. “Who wants curly ribbon?”

  When there wasn’t a blank spot left on any of the kids’ masks, we put them on a drying rack and cleaned the table so we could have a snack while I waited for their parents to come sign them out.

  After the last kid left, I was straightening up and getting ready to clock out when a dark-haired man with a beard approached the craft table, like he wasn’t sure if he should be there.