“Run away like the little bitch you are, Lockwood,” Brandon shouted, then in a quieter voice he said, “His time will come. Don’t worry, mate.”
I wasn’t worried. Not about him getting what was coming to him, anyway. But I needed to make sure he didn’t get his claws into her. He’d always been a sly asshole, but for some reason, no one ever saw through it. But they would now that I was on his case.
Lockwood’s days were well and truly numbered.
The gnawing ache in my stomach didn’t seem to want to go away. In fact, it’d gotten worse as Friday loomed ahead like the unwelcome visitor it was. Now, it was Friday evening, and the gnawing was becoming a full-on, gut-wrenching nausea, only made worse by the fact that I hadn’t heard from Ryan at all. I was starting to question myself over whether the kiss actually happened or was it a figment of my overactive imagination? Maybe it’d meant more to me than it did to him? Just another one of his twisted mind games.
I had felt guilty about the whole Chase thing and not telling Ryan about it. I knew he hated Chase with a vengeance, and after the incident in the woods, I could kind of see his point. Trouble was, I still couldn’t get through to Chase either. I had debated going to his house to call it off, but instead, I’d opted to go for the least confrontational route. Yes, I’d go along with the charade, but I wouldn’t make an effort. I’d wear my ripped skinny jeans and grey tank top, with my hair scraped back into a ponytail and not a scrap of make-up on. If I acted like a douchebag, then maybe I’d be home for nine o’clock to get in an episode of New Girl. Every cloud and all that.
Liv had come round eventually and was apologetic for being such a dumbass and agreeing to the date in the first place. She even offered to go in my place and take one for the team, as she put it. I almost took her up on the offer, but I knew I had to shut this shit down myself. She’d owe me one though. She wasn’t coping well with the whole ‘Zak being a man-hoe’ situation. Couldn’t say I blamed her. Those Renaissance boys sure knew how to mess with a girl’s head.
I heard the front doorbell and my stomach twisted into knots. I glanced at the clock on the fireplace; six o’clock. He was two hours early. Great. I huffed out my annoyance and stomped into the hallway to open the door. I did debate jumping behind the sofa and pretending no one was home, but I knew my mum would be flying down that staircase if I didn’t open the door; letting Chase into the house to give out more of her cookies and fake parenting vibes. Not today, Satan. Not today.
I flung the door open, plastering a bored and disinterested expression on my face. When I saw Ryan standing on the other side my jaw dropped to the ground.
“Wow. You look really pleased to see me,” Ryan said sarcastically, looking at me from under his sexy curtain of hair.
I felt the knots turn to nervous butterflies and I took a deep breath, not sure what to say.
“I… Er… I thought…”
“You thought it was your hot date for the night. Lockwood?” The twinkle in his eye disappeared when he said that name, replaced with a look of distaste.
I gulped, trying to wet my dry mouth, but it didn’t help. Sandpaper had nothing on my throat right now.
“How did you know about that?” My heart was beating ten to the dozen. I realised in that moment that I didn’t want Chase to come between whatever it was me and Ryan were slowly building. Chase was a blot on my landscape and Ryan was a boulder that blocked everything out. He was my sun and Chase was a cheap forty-watt economy bulb that flickered to life and faded just as fast.
Ryan folded his arms before he spoke, giving me a pointed stare.
“Kian told me. Oh, and Lockwood, when he came by the garage the other day to gloat to my dad and everyone else that’d listen about how he wanted to impress his girl on their date.” He frowned at me and took a step back. “I can leave if you want.”
Was he angry with me? I hadn’t done anything wrong here.
“No,” I said defensively. “I mean… I don’t know. He’s supposed to be here at eight and I don’t know what to do.” It was official. I was an idiot.
“Do you want to go out with him?”
“No.”
“Then don’t. Come out with me instead.”
I wanted to do a little happy dance at the thought of spending time with Ryan, but the polite part of me, the one my parents had instilled in me since I was born, felt a wave of guilt.
“I can’t just stand him up.”
“Why not? He’s stood loads of girls up. Might do him some good to have a taste of some humble pie. Let’s hope the fucker chokes on it.”
Ryan was right. My guilt was wasted on someone like Chase. He hadn’t responded to my calls. I could be lying at death’s door in a hospital somewhere for all he knew. And he certainly wasn’t thinking about my feelings when he came looking for me in the woods to get his dick wet all those weeks ago. The guy had brass balls, I’d give him that.
“He really came to the garage and bragged about it?”
“Yup.” Ryan shook his head, and I knew then that something had gone down.
“Did he cause a scene?”
Ryan shrugged nonchalantly.
“He threw his weight around a bit, made himself look like a prize dick. But Dad threw him out, and Brandon and me gave him a little send-off he wouldn’t forget.”
Great, his dad had heard it all too. I didn’t know Sean Hardy that well, but I didn’t like being the reason he had shit to deal with at work. I was mortified.
“Did you hit him?” I winced waiting for the verdict.
“With my fists? No. But with the jet washer, right where it hurts? Yeah, I did.” He laughed thinking about what he’d done. “Fucker can dance faster than Michael Flatley on speed when he needs to. So funny.” He shook his head chuckling at the memory.
I stifled a giggle. “Oh my God. He’s an idiot and an asshole. He’s been ignoring my calls all week. I’ve texted him so many times to cancel and he never reads them. He’s insane.”
“Clearly. Now, are we gonna stand here and wait for him to show up and join in the conversation or are we getting out of here?” Ryan held his hand out to me and quirked his eyebrow.
“I’m out of here.” I grinned back, then grabbed my bag and slammed the door behind me.
Chase Lockwood could go to hell.
Ryan held the driver’s door of his van open and I smiled, climbing over the central console into the passenger seat. I wanted to ask him why he’d never fixed the damn thing. The guy had built his own cars from scratch, surely he could mend a broken door, but I didn’t. In a way, I didn’t want to admit that I knew about that part of him. It was a secret I liked keeping to myself.
“So, where are we going?” I asked, feeling excited about being in his van and so close to him again. I couldn’t really give a damn if we went anywhere. I’d be happy to drive around or sit together in a car park and talk.
Ryan sighed. “Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
“Is a drive-through burger okay?” He didn’t look convinced himself.
“Perfect.”
“I bet Lockwood has a table booked at one of those fancy restaurants. You know, the kind that has bigger price tags than portions. You sure you don’t want me to go back so you can sample his shitty food?”
I scoffed at his suggestion. He knew me better than that.
“Not in a million years. A burger is awesome. I’ll need fries and a milkshake too, though. Oh, and maybe an apple pie?”
“What’s the special occasion?”
He obviously hadn’t seen how much fast food me, Liv and Effy could pack away once we got started.
“Dodging the Chase bullet.”
“And being with me?” He smirked looking at me from out of the corner of his eyes. Damn that was sexy.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
“Why not?” He licked his lips and focused back on the road ahead. My focus was all over the damn place. “This is a golden opportunity for me. Ch
ance to show you I’m not the dickhead you always thought I was.”
“I never thought you were.” He gave me a cut the bullshit look, and I grinned into my lap. “Fine. But in my defence you’ve done some pretty dickish things to me over the years. And these last few months? You really upped the asshole stakes.”
“I had to do something to protect myself.”
I froze, feeling my heart stop in my chest.
“Protect yourself from what?”
He didn’t answer, just took a deep breath and turned into the drive-through. And I sat there, wondering what exactly he thought he needed protecting from when it came to me.
He ordered us burgers, large fries and drinks, then pulled into the corner of the car park.
“It’s my dad, isn’t it?” I said, suddenly losing my appetite as I watched him dive into his burger like he hadn’t eaten for a month.
“What… Huh?” he spluttered over his mouthful.
“You think you need protecting from my dad.” I turned in my seat to face him. “What exactly is it you think he’s done? I think I deserve to know, seeing as you’ve got me spying for you.”
Ryan finished his mouthful, dropped his burger into his lap and turned to look at me.
“I’m not scared of your dad, Emily.”
“Then why did you need protecting?”
“I’m not… Oh, Jesus, for fuck’s sake.” He ran his hands over his face in exasperation.
“If you’re not gonna tell me then-”
“Fine,” he snapped. “It was you. I meant you. Fuck’s sake. It was a joke. A throwaway comment. I don’t want this to turn into a row. Jesus.”
“Why would you need protecting from me?” I wasn’t gonna let this one go.
“Because I like you, Emily. A lot. More than a lot.” I noticed his cheeks going pink and he was staring straight ahead like he couldn’t quite bring himself to look at me.
“I like you too. A lot.” I smiled. “More than a lot.”
“I’m not used to putting myself out there,” he mumbled, picking his burger back up and taking a bite.
“I can tell.”
“I’m not a pussy.” He looked at me, but the walls he usually put in place weren’t there.
“No one said you were.”
“So, can we eat our burgers now without you thinking I’m some kind of loser?”
Typical guy. Always gotta think about the image.
“You’re not a loser, Ryan.”
“Yeah? I feel like one. If the others were here, I’d probably get kicked to the kerb for talking like a pussy.” He gave me a lop-sided grin and I suddenly became hungry for something more than just a burger.
“Well, they’re not here. I am. And I like the way you talk to me. I like your bubbles.”
“My bubbles?” He chuckled and frowned at me. “Okay, is that some sort of chick code ‘cos I have no idea what that means.”
“It means I like being with you. Just you. You and me. Us.” I sighed. “Now I feel like the loser.”
I grabbed a handful of fries and shoved them in my mouth, hoping they’d help with the verbal diarrhoea I seemed to have developed tonight.
“Since Mum died it’s been hard to open up to anyone,” he said, glancing back down again. I could tell he found it hard to talk about his mum, like I found it hard to talk about Danny, but he was trying. With me, he was making the effort, putting himself out there. “I’ve spent years hanging with other guys,” he added. “And I gotta admit, this… With you… It’s all new to me. But I like it. I can be myself with you.”
“Good. I feel the same.”
He looked across at me, and we held our gaze, smiling a knowing smile. Like secrets were passing between us that we didn’t need to say out loud. Our little bubble.
“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” he said, and I nodded, feeling the most relaxed I’d felt in days.
We finished eating our food in a comfortable silence, both of us grinning to ourselves. It felt nice to know I saw a part of Ryan no one else ever did. A part he hadn’t been able to show the world since the tragedy of losing his mum. It made me feel special, considering how close he was to the Renaissance men. I swallowed my last mouthful and asked the question that’d bugged me for years.
“Why do you call yourselves the Renaissance men? It’s a really shitty name.”
He threw his head back and laughed.
“It is. Wasn’t my idea though. I think Brandon came up with that one and Finn thought it was cool. You know, arty. Me and Zak thought it was a load of bollocks.”
“It is.” I laughed, starting to realise that Ryan Hardy wasn’t the opinionated asshole I’d thought he was.
“Why do you call yourselves the Renegade girls?”
I almost choked on my chocolate milkshake.
“Oh my God. We don’t. None of us have ever used that nickname, ever.”
“That’s not what Liv told Zak at the bonfire.”
I covered my face and shook my head with shame.
“No wonder he never called her back. What a dumb thing to say.”
Ryan pulled my hands down away from my face as he laughed. “Listen, Zak’s my mate. I’ve got his back, but I don’t think he’s the right fit for Liv.”
“The right fit?” I felt my brow furrow, trying to think why on earth Liv wasn’t a good fit for anyone. She was awesome. “Why?”
“Because he’s a player. He changes girls faster than most people change their underwear.”
Yeah, I’d already seen that side of him for myself, and those niggly little doubts crept into my brain again. “And you?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“I’m not Zak.” He reached over and stroked down the side of my face. “I never will be.”
I froze, tense with anticipation. Was he going to kiss me again? He looked down at my lips, then licked his own and stroked his thumb across my cheek. I was putty in his hands.
“Can I show you something?” he asked, and my heart thudded in my chest, thinking what exactly it was he wanted to show me in this van, while he was holding my face and we were having a moment.
I nodded, unable to form words and he pulled away, starting the engine and leaving me feeling a little deflated.
Get a grip, Em. What did you think he was gonna do? Whip his dick out in the car park of a family fast food restaurant and say, “Get a load of this.” I was seriously losing it.
He drove us across town, always sticking to the speed limit and glancing my way every so often to check I was okay. He didn’t need to say why. Danny.
When he pulled up outside a rundown old building I frowned.
“Where are we?”
“Sandland Asylum,” he said, staring out of the window at the grey monstrosity.
The pillars were worn and crumbling, the windows mostly broken, and the brickwork was flaking away. It was an eyesore, but it did have a gothic eeriness about it which kind of drew you in. Like the stone walls held years of silent screams and tortured tales. As haunting as it looked from the outside, I was intrigued to find out more.
“Another party venue?” I asked.
“Maybe, I don’t know. Finn has his heart set on the old waterworks, but this place? There’s something about it.” He opened his door then held his hand out to take mine. “Come on. I want to show you something.”
I took his hand as I scrambled across the seats to get out. Then he led me over the uneven ground and held the broken fencing open, so I could walk through.
“Your handiwork?” I asked, eyeing the vandalised metal fence.
“I’m not saying anything.” He grinned back, and pulled my arm to lead me to the entrance.
The padlock keeping the front doors closed was hanging off, and he lifted it out of its holder and pushed the doors open. I heard the flap of birds’ wings as we forced our way through the gap in the entrance. This place was so old even the doors had given up, only opening a few inches before the rusty hinges groaned and attempted t
o struggle back into place.
Ryan didn’t let my hand go and we both stood in the massive foyer, looking around us at the crumbling walls and vast ceiling, that in its day must’ve looked stunning, but now the glass covering it was broken, discoloured and plastered in bird shit.
“It’s just through here.” Ryan pointed down the dark hallway that looked like something from an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Well, we did have the birds, I’d probably get vertigo if I stayed in here for any length of time, and I just prayed we didn’t encounter any psychos in this asylum.
We picked our way through the rubble and down the murky corridor that had numerous doors leading off it, probably for the wards they used to use here. None of the doors were open though. Had Ryan done that? Closed them so I wouldn’t have to see the metal frames of the beds or think about the horrors that could’ve happened here?
When we got to the end, we stepped down into a narrower walkway, where we both had to duck our heads to avoid the dust and low lying cobwebs. From Alfred Hitchcock to Indiana Jones in just a few short steps.
Once we got to the end, Ryan pushed open a little wooden door and we both walked inside. The setting sun was bathing this room in a glow that belied its harsh, sinister neighbouring rooms, and the stained glass windows that framed three of the four walls here made the dusty floor light up in a rainbow of colours. The glass in every window was still intact, unlike the exterior of the building, and a stone altar stood regally at the end of the room.
“This is the asylum chapel,” Ryan said on a whisper as if he didn’t want to disturb the serenity of the room and its sacred aura.
“It’s beautiful,” I replied, and it was. Sure, there was paint peeling off the walls, and in winter it’d be freezing cold. But today, with the sun’s rays going down at just the right angle to bathe this place in a kaleidoscope of wonder, I’d have described it as beautifully distressed. Perfectly imperfect.
“I found this place a few days ago when I was scoping out venues. I thought it’d be a good fit for our next event. But when I saw this chapel, something stopped me. I didn’t want to share this with anyone else. I definitely didn’t want to use it for Brandon’s fights or have Finn put his mark on it. I wanted to keep it for myself.” He turned to me and smiled. “Do you like it?”
Renegade Hearts (Rebels of Sandland Book 1) Page 15
