Renegade Hearts (Rebels of Sandland Book 1)

by Nikki J Summers

  I didn’t give a shit about him. I wanted to know where Ryan was. I was exhausted enough without having to drain the truth out of Kian yet again.

  “Where, Kian? Where are they?”

  “I don’t know, but if I had to guess-”

  “Please do. I don’t have time for this,” I snapped, ready to bolt myself.

  “The gym. Brandon’s gym, where he works. That’s where they usually meet. Of course, there is Zak’s place, but…”

  I didn’t let him finish. I headed out the door and turned left. Every minute that I was away from him felt like an extra pound of misery weighing in my chest. I couldn’t deal with any more. He held the valve to provide some release. If I didn’t find him soon, I felt sure I was going to implode.

  The lights inside the gym were still on, but the sign on the door said closed. I pushed through regardless and found a young guy on the front desk.

  “Evening.” The guy gave me a cocky smile, but it soon faded when he saw how fraught I was. “Are you okay? Can I help you with anything?”

  “Where’s Ryan?” I didn’t bother with second names. I assumed if Brandon worked here and they used this place as their meeting point, he’d know who I meant.

  “Probably out the back with Brandon.” He gestured across the gym to a set of doors. “The boxing ring is through there. Tell Brandon I’m locking up now…” He went to say something else, but I just threw my hand up to show that I’d heard. I didn’t stick around. I had my focus elsewhere.

  When I opened the doors I didn’t find the boys, only Brandon sitting on the edge of the boxing ring, hunched forward and looking like he’d just suffered the worst defeat of his career. When he heard the door slamming behind me, he looked up, then straightened his back and jumped to his feet. I’d always found it difficult to read Brandon and tonight was no different. Was that remorse? Or defiance? Did he even know how he felt?

  “Is he here?” I asked, looking around all the shady corners of the room. There were a few punch bags suspended from the ceiling and the ring that dominated the centre looked like it’d seen better days.

  “No. He’s out looking for you. Are you okay?” He stepped closer towards me like I was a wounded animal and he wasn’t sure how best to approach me. I hadn’t actually seen Brandon look nervous or vulnerable, but that’s how he seemed now. He was being cautious.

  “No, Brandon. I’m not okay.” He stopped when our feet were almost touching, and I felt uncomfortable being this close to him, but I didn’t step back. Brandon lived off the fear of others and I didn’t want to show any weakness. Tonight, I had to have the upper-hand.

  “You weren’t supposed to see that. We didn’t do that to hurt you, Em.” I sighed. I’d heard enough of the excuses. I wasn’t here to get Brandon’s version of events. I just needed to see Ryan.

  “Where is he?” I repeated, ignoring his sympathetic stare and dodging the second round of justification.

  “When Kian told us you’d heard it all, I felt sick. I never meant to hurt you, Emily. Thinking that you were out there, heartbroken, crying. It did something to me.”

  I felt like giving him a round of applause for his Oscar winning performance. Who was he trying to kid? Brandon Mathers didn’t care about anyone else’s feelings, only his own. “This isn’t about you, Brandon. I need to speak to Ryan.”

  “I care too, Emily. I care more than you know.”

  I didn’t know what his game was, but I wasn’t about to open myself up to him, no matter how contrite he attempted to make himself appear.

  “I’m sure you do. Danny was a friend to all of you. Can you text Ryan and ask him to come here?”

  He shook his head. “I need to make it right between us. I can’t bear the hurt I feel.” He grabbed the front of his T-shirt, grimacing. He wasn’t making any sense. “I’m dying inside, Em.”

  “I’m sorry you feel guilty about shitting all over my life. I’ll buy you a gift basket if it’ll make you feel better.” He didn’t crack a smile, just pushed himself further into my personal space.

  “You know that’s not what I mean. I can’t go on like this anymore. After what happened tonight, I realised I needed to put it right. I should’ve fought harder for you. For us.”

  “What are you on about?” I frowned, trying to sift through his garbled words to come up with something that made sense.

  “I love you, Emily.” Before I could get my next breath, his hand was holding the back of my head and he was kissing me, not slow and gentle like Ryan, but rough and desperate.

  I used both of my hands on his chest to push him away. When he realised I wasn’t reciprocating whatever fucked-up admission this was, he took a step back and wiped over his mouth with the back of his hand.

  “Why the fuck did you do that?” I gasped, covering my mouth and fighting down the bile that was rising up.

  “I know Ryan loves you, but I do too. I always have.”

  I went cold hearing those words. Their sentiment only made me uncomfortable and confused. I’d done nothing to encourage him. Where the hell was all this coming from?

  “What?” I managed to splutter out. “You’ve been a shitty human being to me for ninety-nine percent of the time I’ve known you, Brandon. That’s not love. What kind of sick game are you playing?”

  “I’m not playing a fucking game. All I’m asking for is a chance. I want a chance to make you happy. Ryan had his turn, now it’s mine.”

  He sounded like a spoilt kid fighting over a toy. He was un-fucking-believable.

  “Oh my God! I’m not some prize you can pass around.” Did he really think that’s how adult relationships worked? You wanted your turn, so you threw your toys out of the pram to get it?

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just letting you know you have other options.”

  “Options? What the fuck, Brandon? This is messed up. I don’t love you. I don’t even like you. I wouldn’t be with you even if you were the last man on earth. That’s never going to change. Trust me.”

  He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, I could see the old Brandon was back in play. The one who used hate as a weapon to protect himself.

  “You think Ryan’s so special, don’t you? You think he’s all that. Do you know he only went out with you for revenge? He took one for the team. He dated you so we could get what we needed out of you. It was all about your father, never about you. You meant nothing to him. That day, when you broke down in your car and Ryan saved you, he set that up. Everything he’s done was to get to the truth. He doesn’t love you, Emily. He never has. It was all lies.”

  I knew he was lashing out. Seconds ago he’d told me Ryan loved me. Now he was trying to turn me against him. It wouldn’t work.

  “Save your breath. I know everything,” I said, praying to God he wouldn’t come out with anything else to challenge that theory. “I know he used me at the start and I know it was you guys who chased me, hounded me until I caved in. You wanted to break my father and you didn’t care whether I broke too. But none of that matters now. I don’t need to justify myself to you or anyone else. Ryan loves me. I know that. I love him too. But you? You’re nothing. You live your life to make others feel worthless. You’re like a leech, feeding off of other people’s happiness. I won’t let you do that to me or Ryan. Nothing you say will change the way I feel about him. What we have is stronger than that.”

  Something deep within him snapped and he lurched forward again, trying to grab me.

  “What the fuck is going on?”

  Brandon’s eyes widened at the bellowing voice and he swung his head round to face Zak and Finn who stood in the doorway. I stayed rooted to the spot. I didn’t think I needed words to defend myself. My actions had said enough.

  “I’m giving her a few home truths.” Brandon smiled that evil smile he usually saved for his opponents in the ring. “She needs to know where she stands. I told her Ryan used her.” He took another step back and shrugged like it was nothing. Zak and Finn looked
like they’d been slapped in the face.

  “You know he’s going to kill you when he finds out?” Zak said to Brandon, then he turned to address me. “It’s not true, Em. He didn’t use you.”

  “I know the truth.” I walked over to the door, feeling safer next to Zak and Finn than I did with Brandon. “And it’s okay. He wanted to use me, but it’s more than that now.” I looked back at Brandon. “It doesn’t matter what anyone says or does, it won’t change how I feel.”

  “Did he hurt you?” Zak said in a low voice.

  “If a kiss can hurt, then yes, he hurt me.” I wanted to get that last twist of the knife in. Brandon didn’t deserve to be defended. He was good enough at deflecting the blows that came his way, so I happily threw in one of my own.

  “The fuck?” Zak’s nostril’s flared and he marched into the room. “You kissed Emily? Are you fucking insane? Do you want to shit over everything we’ve built?”

  Brandon narrowed his eyes at me as he spoke to Zak. “She knows why I did it. She needed to know. I won’t apologise for it. I was letting her know there are other roads in life. She doesn’t need to settle.”

  I almost choked on thin air. “Fuck you, Brandon. If I settled for you I’d be letting myself in for a lifetime of misery. I think I deserve better than that. Don’t you?”

  I didn’t want to stay around for the encore. I’d had enough confrontation for one night and I hoped I’d made my stance pretty clear where Brandon Mathers was concerned. The devil himself would’ve been a more appealing life partner than him. At least with that fucker you knew what you were getting in to.

  The moment Finn told me she’d seen it all was the moment my whole world came crashing down around me. I should’ve known she’d find a way to get to the truth. She’d always been headstrong, but I’d hoped I’d covered my tracks well enough to buy me a bit more time. Assuming she’d gone to Effy’s for the night, I’d blanked out the pain of betrayal and focused on what I had to do. But looking back now, she’d never actually told me outright that she was there. She didn’t tell me anything and now I was trying to piece together the shattered parts from the fall-out.

  I’d resigned myself to the fact that she’d blame me. I hadn’t told her, and I knew deep down I should’ve. She had every right to know, but I’d been blindsided by years of plotting a revenge plan. When the others told me about Danny, I was shocked, but if I was completely honest with myself, it didn’t surprise me. It tore my fucking heart out, but it was no surprise. Emily’s dad was ruthless. He didn’t care who he hurt in his scramble to the top. He was the guy who’d step over anyone and everyone to get there. Emily didn’t deserve to have such a shitty father, neither did Danny, or the secret kid he’d kept hidden from the world.

  My only goal now was to find Emily. She needed me. Finding out that her whole life was built on a web of seedy, tacky lies would be killing her. I knew my girl and she’d be going through a whole maelstrom of emotions; anger, guilt, hurt, betrayal. Thinking of her facing that alone broke my heart. I had to be there for her, even if she wanted to use me as her punching bag, I’d take it. As long as she kept talking to me, that was the main thing. Talking so she could heal.

  I couldn’t lose her. Not now. I’d waited years to get the chance to win her heart. I think I was doing a pretty good job too after a lukewarm start a few months ago. Having her in my life made everything brighter. She brought light when everything had always felt dull and grey. She made me bounce out of bed most mornings, and that was no mean feat. I was one miserable bastard first thing. But that’s what she did to me. She healed me in ways I didn’t even know were broken; my hope, my faith, my dreams for the future. Now it was my turn to be the strength she needed. All I had to do was find her.

  I tried ringing her mobile, but every time I did it went straight to voicemail. Ringing Liv and Effy didn’t help either. They had no idea where she was, and they couldn’t reach her. I glossed over what’d happened, filling them in on the basic facts. They hadn’t heard about it, so I guessed Emily’s shame ran deeper than even I imagined. She couldn’t even bring herself to open up to her two best friends.

  I left the others to wrap up the stuff at the community centre. The police had come to arrest Alec Winters and they were taking statements, but I managed to bypass them and get outside. When I finally pulled up outside her house a few minutes later, the whole building was shrouded in darkness. I cupped my hands to peer through the windows, but I couldn’t see anything. Not wanting to leave any stone unturned, I decided to try the back. The gate was locked, but that wasn’t going to keep me out. I managed to climb over easily. I tried all the doors, not expecting to find any open, but surprisingly the patio hadn’t been locked properly and I was able to get into the house.

  “Em? Babe? Are you here?”

  I raced through the kitchen, looking into the empty living rooms as I sped past. Then I bolted upstairs, but she wasn’t here. No one was. Her room was quiet, untouched. I’d hit my first dead end of the night.

  Grabbing the back of my neck in frustration, I racked my brains to try and think where else she might be. A lightbulb went off in my brain. It might be a long shot, but it was worth checking out.

  I pulled up in front of the old Asylum and cut the engine. It was eerily dark out here and there was no sign of life, but I figured, if she wanted somewhere to hide, here was as good a place as any.

  I squeezed through the broken fencing and picked my way over the rubble. I couldn’t see shit, so I used the torch on my phone to help light my way. As I pushed into the building, the sound of the birds flapping around at my disturbance made me jump.

  “Em? It’s me. Are you here?” I called out into the darkness, but the only response was my echo reverberating off the walls and shattering my already shredded nerves. It wasn’t looking good.

  I ignored the thumping pain in my heart and made my way down to the chapel. I’d been planning on bringing her here this week. I’d got it all worked out. A date with that special Ryan and Emily touch. But now, those plans were falling away faster than the rotting bricks and peeling paint on the asylum walls.

  When I got to the chapel, with the rainbow lights from the stained glass windows dancing around the dark and dusty interior, I stopped. She wasn’t here. Where the fuck was she? I’d run out of options.

  My phone vibrated an incoming call, and when I saw Zak’s name, I answered.

  “Ryan, mate. Where are you?” Zak sounded frantic. I felt a spike of adrenaline hearing him like that. I knew I wouldn’t like what he was about to tell me.

  “I’m looking for Emily. Is she with you?” I grit my teeth waiting on his response. My stomach was in knots. I knew Finn had spoken to her and pleaded my case, and I was grateful to him for that. It wasn’t ideal. I’d have rather spoken to her myself but thinking about her hearing everything from the others before me, getting comfort from them, that pissed me off the most.

  “She was.”

  My mouth went dry. What the fuck kind of answer was that?

  “What do you mean, she was? Where the fuck is she now?”

  I was losing my shit fast.

  “I think you need to come to the gym. I don’t want to do this over the phone.”

  I didn’t have time for his bullshit. I cut the call and ran out of the chapel. Once I was back in the van, I tried calling Zak again on speaker as I drove, but he didn’t pick up. None of them did. What the hell was I going to find out when I got there?

  I barged my way through the doors into the back room, where Finn, Zak and Brandon stood in some kind of weird stand-off.

  “Tell me what the fuck is going on?” I glared at each one of them, but they all looked as guilty as fuck and stared down at their feet like a bunch of morons. “What happened? Where is she?”

  “She took off about a half hour ago. I’ve no idea where she’s gone. I’m sorry, mate.” Finn was a good guy. He liked to keep the peace. But I didn’t need his apologetic neutral shit right now. I needed ans
wers. It was obvious something had gone down.

  “Why? What the fuck happened?”

  Brandon stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. I could tell right away from the defensive stance that whatever it was had Brandon-fucking-Mathers written all over it.

  “Did you upset her? I swear to God, Brandon, if you’ve done something to her I’ll fucking kill you.”

  It wasn’t Brandon who spoke next, it was Zak, and what he said had the blood rushing to my ears and my brain drowning in a mixture of white noise and rage.

  “Brandon made a pass at her. He kissed Emily and when she pushed him away he told her you didn’t love her, that it was all one big fucking joke. He said you were only dating her to get revenge on her father.” Zak glared at Brandon as he spoke. Me? I couldn’t even see straight. If he wanted to see what revenge looked like, he was about to get a big fucking lesson.

  “Well, it was. Wasn’t it?” Brandon had the nerve to shrug, like what Zak had said didn’t mean a damn thing. “I put the girl out of her misery. I couldn’t stand to see her pining around you for a minute longer.” He turned to face me and grinned. “Guess I did you a favour. No need for the long drawn out break-up.”

  I lost it.

  I really fucking lost it.

  I barrelled over to Brandon, throwing my whole body into his and wrestling him to the floor. He didn’t put up a fight and when I reared back and punched him in the face, he laughed. The fucker actually laughed.

  “She didn’t believe him,” Finn shouted as I took another swing at my ex-best friend’s ugly smirking face. “She told Brandon she loved you. She loves you, Ry. Mate, she knows about you using her at the start and she doesn’t care. She said nothing he could say would change the way she felt.”

  I knew what Finn was doing. He hated confrontation. But this wasn’t about Emily’s feelings for me, whether what she’d said was true or not. This was about Brandon doing what he always does; treating people like pawns in his fucked-up games and avoiding all the consequences. He’d put his hands on my girl tonight. He’d said things that I’d never ever forgive him for. He was a dead man walking as far as I was concerned.