I carried on raining down blow after blow on Brandon’s face, but he kept laughing like a maniac. Then I felt the force of being tugged backwards. Zak and Finn were dragging me off of him, telling me he wasn’t worth it and to let it go.
“Let it go? Let it fucking go? He kissed my girlfriend.”
“Your fake girlfriend.” Brandon spat blood out onto the floor and sat up, glaring over at me.
“Nothing about our relationship was fake. You know fuck all.”
“I know she’s still a virgin. If you’d let me take care of her like I’d suggested at the start, I’d have tapped that ass within days. Probably wrapped the shit up with her father sooner too. You’re a fucking pussy, Ry.”
I launched myself towards him again, but Zak and Finn were faster this time and held me back.
“You kissed her. Why did you do that? You knew how I felt about her. It wasn’t about her father. It hasn’t been about him for a long time. Why the fuck would you do that to me?”
The smirk on his face disappeared and he leant forward, rubbing his hands over his face. He’d shelved the bravado and he was trying to look sincere.
Too little too late, you back-stabbing bastard.
“I love her too,” he said quietly as he dropped his head down in shame.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was he for real?
“What the fuck did you just say?”
“You heard me. I love her too. I figured I’d take my chances.” He shrugged, then I watched as his expression changed, falling right back into the old Brandon. The one who didn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself. “Maybe she’d only been dating you to try to get to me all along.” I laughed. The man was delusional.
“She fucking hates you, dude. She can’t even stand to be in the same room as you.” Zak and Finn held onto me as I tensed against them, trying to break free. The fact he’d told my girlfriend he loved her made me want to cave his face in. I wanted to beat him until they’d have to use dental records to identify his shitty carcass. The thought of him near her made me crazy. The idea of her in his arms made me murderous. The fact that he’d probably spent every moment in her presence thinking of her in that way made me unhinged and homicidal. She wasn’t his. She was my girl. She always had been, and she always would be.
“I should be laughing at you.” I eased up in Zak and Finn’s hold and smiled, knowing I had the power to hurt Brandon way more than any punch could. “Did you really think she’d tell you she loved you back? Why would she love a screw-up like you? What would you have to offer to a girl like Emily? You’re nothing. Even your own mother didn’t want you.”
It was a low blow, but I was already in the gutter. It was all I had left to fight with.
“Fuck you, Ryan. Don’t think you’ll be taking home any boyfriend of the year trophies just yet. She knows you used her. I might have a shitty family, but at least I own it. I know who I am. You? You don’t know who you are from one day to the next.”
“Oh, I know exactly who I am. I’m the guy who’s gonna be by her side every damn day. I’m not the one that’s lying to himself, getting lost in nameless, faceless one-night-stands to try and drown out the rejection he’s felt every day since he was born. Using fists to dull the pain of being such a loser and a fuck-up.” I had more I wanted to say, but Finn butted in.
“That’s enough, Ry.”
I turned to face Zak and Finn, but they couldn’t even look me in the eye.
“Enough? He put his hands on my girl then broke her heart. He stabbed me in the back with that big fucking grin on his face. Enough? It’ll never be enough. Not for me.”
I walked over to where Brandon sat hunched on the floor. He glared back at me with defiance in his eyes and I searched inside of myself to try and find an ounce of pity for the guy, but I had none. I hated him. No, I loathed him.
“I’m done,” I said with zero emotion. “I’m done with you, with this gym, the lies, the little digs. I’m done with all of you. The Renaissance bullshit, the parties, the money. I am done.”
Zak stepped forward and grabbed my arm, trying to force me to turn around and look at him. “You don’t mean that, mate. Come on. Brandon fucked up like he always does, but let’s sleep on it. Talk about it in the morning.”
“You’re not listening to me.” I wrenched my arm away from Zak but kept my eyes on Brandon. “I don’t want to talk to any of you. She’s the one I want to talk to and I can’t fucking find her ‘cos you’ve driven her away. She is all that matters. She comes before any of you. So count me out. It’s over for me. Emily comes first. I’ve got no time for the rest of you. You can all go to hell.”
I didn’t want to be there anymore. Brandon had pissed all over my life. I couldn’t even stand to breathe the same air as him. I turned and headed for the door.
“Please, Ry. Don’t say that. Everything’s heated right now. Don’t say things you’ll regret tomorrow.” Finn was delusional if he thought we could sort this out over a coffee and a few games of Call of Duty. Brandon had severed any hope of a friendship with me tonight. What he’d done was unforgiveable. I didn’t want to be anywhere that he was.
“The only thing I’ll regret is ever listening to you and not telling Emily about her dad. Everything else means nothing.”
Brandon jumped up from his pity spot on the floor. “You want out, then fuck off. We don’t need you anyway. Me, Zak, and Finn, we’ll manage just fine. And when she finally dumps your ass, don’t come running back to us.”
I glanced over my shoulder and gave Brandon my parting shot. “I don’t want to see you ever again. Stay out of my way if you know what’s good for you. Our friendship is over.”
I shoulder slammed Finn as I stalked out of the gym without looking back. I was so over all of their shit. The only place I wanted to be was with Emily; holding her in my arms and making sure that this God awful night hadn’t destroyed us for good.
I felt broken inside, like the splinters of my heart were penetrating my lungs, making it impossible to breathe.
She was the only one who could make that better.
She was my everything.
I’d run out of ideas. I had no clue where to head to next. It was getting late, but I wasn’t about to give up. I drove round to Effy’s house, thinking maybe she’d headed there after leaving the gym. One look at Effy’s face told me she had no news. She was as worried as I was. She rang Liv as I stood in the doorway pacing back and forth, but we had no joy there either. Emily’s phone still wasn’t connecting, and I was starting to panic.
I decided to head back home and grab my phone charger. It was running on five percent and I needed to keep it going for the rest of the night. I was determined to drive through every damn street until I found her. I didn’t care how long it’d take. I wasn’t giving up. I drove by her house again on the off chance she might’ve gone home, but the place was still in darkness.
When I eventually pulled up outside my house, I noticed Connor’s car was gone and I pulled into his space.
The house was silent. Dad was off at the trade fair and Connor was God knows where for the night. I took the stairs two at a time, desperate to get my charger and get the hell out of there. When I opened the door to my bedroom, I stopped dead in my tracks. There, in a little bundle under the duvet, was my Emily. I thought she was asleep, tucked safely under the bed covers, and I held my breath for a second, thankful that she was here. All this time I’d been running around town like a madman and she’d been with me all along. I was who she’d come running to.
She turned slowly to face me. The room was dark, save for the glow of the streetlamps outside, and it took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust, but I could tell she’d been crying. Her whole body looked defeated as she lay there, looking over at me.
“Connor let me in,” she said quietly into the room. “I hope that was okay.”
“Of course it’s okay.” I closed the door behind me and went straight to her, sitting down on the bed a
nd reaching over to stroke her hair. “I’ve been worried about you. I’ve driven everywhere tonight looking for you. Why didn’t you answer my calls?”
“My phone had no charge. I’m sorry,” she said, but she had nothing to be sorry for. I was the one who needed to be apologising. I should’ve been on my fucking knees right now, begging her to forgive me.
“Em, I’m sorry. I didn’t…”
She sat up and wrapped her arms around me.
“I know, Ryan. I can’t talk anymore about what happened with Dad tonight. I can’t deal with it yet. I will, I promise, but not now. I don’t blame you. I understand why you did what you did. But tonight, I just can’t dissect another second of it. I just need you.”
She pulled back and took my hand in hers. That’s when she noticed the grazes on my knuckles.
“What happened?”
“Mathers. That’s what happened. He told me what he’d said to you tonight… And what he’d done. I punched him and told him to go to hell. I’m done with it, Em. I’ve had enough.”
“You know I didn’t believe him, right? I know we didn’t have the most conventional start, but I know what we have now isn’t fake. It’s real. For me, anyway.” She traced her thumb softly over my knuckles but looked down as if she expected me to contradict her.
“It’s real for me too. I love you, Emily. I always have, and I always will.”
She looked back up at me, her eyes wide and her mouth open like she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. Did she really doubt me? I thought I’d made me feelings pretty fucking clear. But maybe not? I would from this moment on though, that was for sure.
“You’re it for me, Em. From now on, you will always come first, before all of them. You are what matters the most to me.”
“I love you too.” She held my cheek in her hand and I leant into it, loving being this close to her. “I came here because I needed to be with you. I figured you’d come home eventually, and I couldn’t stop myself from getting in your bed. It smells like you. It’s my favourite smell.” She blushed, and seeing her all embarrassed, cute and warm, wrapped up in my bed sheets did something to me. I knew then and there that I’d die for this girl.
“Can I get in with you? If I don’t have you in my arms in the next few seconds, I think I’m gonna go insane.” She laughed and shuffled backwards to give me space to get into the bed. She was fully dressed, but I stood up and took my hoodie off, then I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down. Her eyes grew wide as she watched me.
“I don’t want any barriers between us tonight,” I said, leaning over to grab her hoodie and pull it up and over her head. She lifted her hips and unbuttoned her jeans under the covers and I watched as she shimmied out of them and dropped them on to the floor.
“Is this okay?” I asked, climbing under the covers and grabbing her around the waist to pull her into me.
“More than okay.” She sighed. She was warm and smelt of vanilla and me. I buried my head into her neck, so I could fill my lungs full of her. Being with her like this felt so right, like coming home. I’d never felt this before, like all I needed was to be with her and everything would be okay.
I didn’t want to put any pressure on her. I wasn’t here for anything other than to comfort her. But when she lifted her lips to mine and we started to kiss, I couldn’t stop my body from reacting. I wanted her badly. The ache I felt was painful. She ran her fingers through my hair and scraped her nails over the back of my scalp. I loved it when she did that, it gave me goose-bumps. I kept my arms wrapped around her waist, but my hips had a mind of their own, and right now they were grinding into her, letting her know exactly how much I liked her being in my bed.
Our kiss turned more frantic and I rolled her, so she was lying on her back. My tongue slid over hers, tasting and teasing both of us until we were gasping and writhing under the covers. I used both of my arms to hold me up over her. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. Slowly, I pulled away from our kiss, and with one hand I stroked her face and looked in her eyes. Her lips were swollen, and her cheeks were flushed. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and she was all mine.
“I love you so much, Em.” I leant my forehead down onto hers and breathed her in like she was my air.
“I love you too.” She bit her lip and then pulled me down to hug her. Then in the quietest most breathless voice I’d ever heard her use, she sighed, “Make love to me, Ryan. Please.”
I couldn’t hold back any longer. I needed to get as close to him as I possibly could. I wanted that connection. I wanted him to be my first, my last, my only. He lay still for a second, taking deep breaths before he finally answered.
“Are you sure, baby? There’s no pressure. We can just cuddle.”
I loved Ryan’s cuddles, but tonight I needed more.
“I want you to take the pain away.” As soon as I said it, I knew I’d worded it wrong.
“Em, don’t do this to block out what’s happened tonight. You might wake up tomorrow and regret it. I don’t want you to regret anything about us.”
“I don’t. I didn’t mean it like that.” I turned my head to look at him, so he could see exactly how strong my feelings were. “I want you, Ryan. I want to love you as deep and as hard as I can. I need this. This connection that we have, it’s so strong. I can’t hold myself back any more. I want this with you. I want you to love me in every way you can.”
“I do love you in every way.”
“Then shut up and kiss me.”
His body was half over mine and I could already feel how hard he was from the way his hips ground into me. When he kissed me again, it was tender and loving. His tongue stroked mine and he moaned as we pulled ourselves closer together, but it still wasn’t close enough.
I ran my nails down his back and then grabbed his ass as he rocked against me. I loved his ass. It was round, muscular and it felt so sexy flexing as he circled his hips. I ran my fingers under the waistband of his boxers and slid them down. He pulled away, breaking the kiss and panting heavily as he kicked them off. His dick was thick, hard and it slapped against my thigh as it sprang free. I held him and rubbed slowly, running my thumb over the tip that had a little bead of wetness there. Then I cupped his balls and the groan he gave as he sank into the pillow and nuzzled my neck spurred me on further.
He opened his legs to give me better access and then his mouth was exploring too. Kissing from my ear to my neck and down towards my breasts. He reached around the back of my bra and unhooked it. Then he pulled it off and threw it onto the floor. He grabbed one breast in his hands, kneading and stroking over my nipple while he licked and sucked the other into his hot mouth.
I pushed forward into him and closed my eyes, getting lost in the sensations. The way he used his hands and mouth on me made me throb between my legs. I was so wet, so turned on I could barely breathe.
I started to circle my hips into him, desperate for any kind of friction. Ryan could read my body better than I could and he moved his hand down to my underwear, pushing his fingers underneath my panties as his tongue carried on licking and sucking my nipple, driving me crazy. He ran his fingers along my wetness and I opened my legs, needing him to go further. His finger circled my clit and my hips bucked at the contact. Then he pushed a finger inside me and I arched my back off the bed, moaning when he curled it inside and made me see stars in the darkness of his room. His fingers slid in and out of me, and he used his thumb, then the palm of his hand to rub over my clit. I moaned louder, and he moved his mouth from my nipple to my lips, capturing every sound that I made, feeding off them. His tongue moved in the same rhythm as his fingers and I gasped, feeling my nerves sparking to life.
“I’m gonna come,” I said, rocking onto his hand and pumping his dick at the same time.
Then I felt it.
That explosion of ecstasy right from my core, radiating everywhere and making my whole body shake.
He gently worked me back down from heaven and the
n pulled his hand out of my knickers and lifted himself up, pulling them down my legs and exposing me to him completely. I felt swollen and oversensitive, but I didn’t want our night to end there.
“If you want to stop at any time just tell me, okay?” He looked me right in the eyes as he spoke. He still hadn’t come, and I was desperate to feel him inside me. I nodded, and he leant over to his bedside cabinet, opened the top drawer and pulled out a condom.
“Any time,” he repeated as he ripped the foil with his teeth. “You can stop this at any time.” I nodded again as he rolled the condom on. Then he settled in-between my legs and pulled my knees up high. “I don’t want to hurt you, baby. I’ll go as slow as I can.”
He rubbed himself up and down my pussy, then he put his cock over my entrance and I tried to relax and open myself up to him as best I could. He put both of his arms next to my head and stared right into my eyes as he nudged slowly into me. I felt a sharp pain as he pushed against what felt like an impossible barrier and I couldn’t stop myself from grimacing. Instantly he froze.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded and grabbed him around the neck to pull him into me.
“Don’t stop,” I whispered into his ear and he put his hand under my left knee to lift my leg higher. As he did, he thrust forward and I cried out, feeling an unforgiveable stretch as he filled me completely.
His hips were pressed against mine, but he didn’t move. He took deep breaths as he let me get used to him being inside me like this. I was sweating and shaking with what I now realised were nerves, but soon the sting became a dull ache.
“You okay?” he asked again, sounding like he was anything but.
I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his neck. “I love you,” I said. I wanted to cry, but I held it in. The intensity of this moment was drowning me.
“I love you too.” He kissed me softly on the lips as I felt a gentle pulse in-between my legs. Was that him or me? I had no idea, but when he said, “I’m gonna need to move now, baby. This is killing me.” I smiled and wiggled my hips.
Renegade Hearts (Rebels of Sandland Book 1) Page 26
