He groaned and then I felt him pull out of me before sliding back in slowly. He started to circle his hips and thrust, and each time he did felt better than the last.
I held him close as he rocked into me and I angled my hips, so I could mirror his movements.
“That’s it, baby.” He moaned as I tilted my hips to take him in deeper. “Holy fuck.”
The swell of love I felt for him in that moment as he thrust inside me was so overwhelming, I couldn’t get enough. Our bodies worked together; grinding, rubbing, and sending us both to the edge to eventually fall off that cliff. We were panting, gasping for breath as we clung to each other. I wrapped my legs tightly around him and he held my thigh as he pounded into me more forcefully than before. He was coming undone.
“Harder, Ry. Please,” I begged, and he moved his hand from my thigh to reach between us and rub over my clit. In seconds I was coming hard, clamping down on his cock and crying out with the intensity of the pleasure. This was stronger than the other orgasms. It was powerful and as I rode wave after wave of ecstasy I shuddered, clinging to him as he continued to rock into me.
“Jesus. Fuck,” he cried out and then groaned. I felt him thicken and from the erratic way he moved I guessed he was coming too.
I never expected my first time to be as special as it had been. I was fully prepared for some kind of horror story or let down, judging from what Liv and all the other girls at school had talked about. But with Ryan, it was perfect. He was perfect. I was so glad I’d waited to find him.
My person.
My soul mate.
My whole world.
We lay together, catching our breath. Ryan’s body pinned me to the mattress, but I didn’t care. I liked feeling the weight of him on me. I loved hearing him breathless because of me. Once we’d steadied our breathing, he whispered, “We’re gonna be doing that a lot from now on.”
I laughed.
“I’ll be holding you to that.”
When he pulled out of me, I sighed. I didn’t like feeling empty again. He sat up and pulled the condom off then strolled off to his bathroom giving me a superb view of his gorgeous ass. When he came back he had a wash cloth in his hand and he knelt down and started to clean me.
“What are you doing?” I wriggled slightly. I felt sore, but his warm cloth was helping.
“I made you all dirty so I’m cleaning you up. I would take you into the shower, but I think you need a rest.” He winked up at me and I shook my head, smiling.
“I should shower…” I raised my hands up and yawned. “But I’ll do it later.”
He leant down and placed a kiss over my most sensitive spot and said, “I’m sorry I hurt you, but for the record, I really enjoyed it.”
“Are you talking to my vagina?” I laughed looking down at him.
“Yes. Your pussy is my new best friend.”
“Oh my God. I just can’t. You’re unbelievable.” I covered my face with the shame.
“I know. You love me though.”
“I do. So much.”
He threw the cloth to the floor and crawled back up the bed, pulling me into him, and before I knew it we were both fast asleep.
I woke up feeling the weight of Ryan’s arms wrapped tightly around my waist and the heat from his body as it cocooned mine. I didn’t want to move and wake him up. I wanted to lie here for as long as I could and savour this moment. Staying as still as I could, I listened to his steady breaths, feeling them dance across the back of my neck. I felt the rise and fall of his chest against my back and despite everything that’d happened, I felt safe.
I knew today was going to bring a whole new set of challenges and headaches my way, but this was how I wanted to wake up every day; in the arms of the man I loved, feeling cherished and adored.
He began to stir behind me and when he kissed my neck and started to stroke my hair, I reached my hand up to cup his face.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he said, nuzzling into my hair, pulling me further into him. I wriggled my ass and he groaned. “I could get used to this every morning.”
“Me too,” I replied, pushing my ass into him and feeling how hard he was.
His hands started roaming, stroking over my thighs in a lazy massage and then he pulled my leg up and back, so that I was more open for him. His breath was becoming ragged and when he ran his fingers along my pussy, he moaned. I was wet, and even though I still felt sore from last night, I wanted him more than anything.
He circled my clit and rubbed me with his expert fingers. My hips began gently rocking in time with him, and when he pushed a finger inside me, I gasped.
“I need you.”
“You want some lazy morning sex, baby?” He didn’t need to ask. My body had already answered for me.
“Not sure about the lazy, but yeah, I do.”
His dick was pressed against my ass and he was grinding up on me as he fucked me with his fingers. His other arm was still under my waist, holding me tightly to him. Of all the bubbles he’d created for us, this was my favourite one.
He leant over to the bedside drawer and pulled out another condom. Then he moved back slightly and pulled the duvet down off us. He wanted to watch what he was doing; see himself slide inside of me.
He rubbed his cock along my folds, spreading my wetness and making me grind right back onto him. Then he was there, pushing inside of me and pulling my leg up as he did, so he could get the angle he wanted. I was expecting a sting, but this time it was different. The way he stretched me wasn’t painful, it was fucking awesome and I arched my back into him, wanting more.
The lazy sex he’d talked about turned into something else. He pulled out of me and slammed back harder, each thrust slapping against my ass and making me groan. I held onto the metal bed post as he grabbed my hips and drove into me harder and harder. I ground back onto him, my hips rotating and moving in time with his. As he increased the pace, so did I. We worked together to bring us both to the edge. Each thrust made me hungry for more and I reached my arm around to grab his ass as I used the bed post to steady myself. We were fucking so hard and fast I felt like I’d fall off the bed if I let go.
I buried my face into the pillow. My cries were so loud they could probably hear me down the road, but I didn’t care. I was so close. I moved my hand up to grab him around the neck. We were both panting, breathless, lost in each other.
Ryan held my stomach with one hand and reached down to rub over my clit with the other, and before I could even cry out, I came hard, contracting and squeezing around him. He grunted, and I felt him pulsing inside me. He was coming too. I let him ride it out, bringing us both down from the orbit we’d just circled. Our hard thrusts turned to steady rocking and then he slumped his head onto my pillow and kissed my shoulders and neck gently, all the time whispering that he loved me. I didn’t think it was possible to feel this fierce kind of love. The kind of love where you need that person more than air and water, but I felt it, in that moment. A love that was raw, achingly beautiful and uniquely ours. A love that felt so powerful we only needed each other to survive. The rest of the world seemed pointless, inconsequential to what we had created together.
Our world.
Our bubble.
I took his hand in mine and threaded our fingers together. He was still inside me and I felt like I never wanted him to leave.
“You’re so good at that,” I blurted out in my orgasmic brain-dead state.
He chuckled. “We’re good at that. We were made for each other, Em. Not everyone gets this you know?”
I turned my head to look at him. Did he mean people wouldn’t get us? As in, understand why we were a couple? Or was he saying the way we felt, the closeness and the sex wasn’t always like this?
“What don’t they get?”
“To feel like they’ve found the other half to their whole. To know what it’s like to love someone so much you’d do anything for them. That their happiness comes before your own. We’re lucky, Em. Not everyon
e finds that, but we have.” He placed a gentle peck on my nose and I sighed.
He was right. My life wasn’t perfect. Far from it. I had no idea where I was going to be living after today. My dad would probably go to prison. My mum would lose her shit, and everything I thought I knew in my world was burning to the ground. But I still had love in my life. I was healthy, and I had my friends. But most of all, I had Ryan. When I was with him, nothing else mattered. Thinking about that made me realise I could rise from the ashes stronger than before, because I had him by my side. I could make something better than what I’d had. Build a life that I could be proud of.
“What are you thinking?” he whispered into my ear.
“I’m thinking that I couldn’t possibly love you any more than I do.” Then I remembered something from the night before. Something I’d conjured up in my head when I’d been at the cemetery and spoken to Danny. It probably meant nothing, and I was delusional, making things up in my weakened grief-stricken state, but I had to ask. “What’s battlefield?”
Ryan’s eyes widened slightly, and he gave a low gasp.
“Danny told you about that?”
I swallowed, not wanting to admit that I’d heard it in a lucid dream-like fantasy. “I want to hear you tell me.”
He smiled and rested his head on my shoulder as he spoke. “You were about fifteen or sixteen. It was Danny’s birthday and you’d ordered Battlefield1 for the Xbox to give to him. Only it hadn’t arrived, and Danny heard you crying to your mum, asking her if she’d take you into town to buy another copy. Your mum said it was a waste of money to buy it twice and you’d have to give him his present a few days late. Danny said you were inconsolable when he overheard you.”
I went cold. I hadn’t expected this. I didn’t think it’d mean anything, but now I was starting to realise that maybe my mind hadn’t played tricks on me. How else would I have known to ask about this? Danny really did speak to me last night. He’d been there when I needed him.
“I remember that day,” I managed to say, even though my throat was so tight I could barely swallow. “But the parcel arrived a few hours later. I don’t get it?”
“I couldn’t stand the thought of you being so upset on your brother’s birthday. Your mum was a waste of fucking space and Danny was held up with some event your dad had dragged him to that morning. So, I went into town and bought another copy. I boxed it up and then I posted it through your door. I had to tell Danny what I’d done because I knew the original parcel was due for delivery any day and I didn’t want you to find out that my one was from me. I wanted you to have something to give him.”
I couldn’t speak. I had no idea that had happened. All those years ago, when I didn’t even know he knew I existed, Ryan had done that for me. He’d gone out of his way to fake deliver my brother’s birthday present just so I wouldn’t feel down on his birthday. What had I done to deserve such an amazing boyfriend?
I squeezed him so close to me as my tears fell. Tears for a lost brother who meant the world to me, and tears for a boy who was my everything, my future, my Ryan.
“Don’t cry,” he said, wiping my sadness away and kissing my damp cheeks. “I did it so you wouldn’t cry.”
I laughed and hugged him even harder.
“Thank you. That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me… And for Danny too. You, Ryan Hardy, are one in a million and I’m never gonna let you go.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
Once we’d showered and dressed, we made our way downstairs into the kitchen. I froze when I heard the sizzling of a frying pan and smelt the bacon and eggs cooking.
“Morning, lovebirds.” Connor was standing at the oven, rustling up a breakfast feast, grinning like an idiot and wearing an apron that said, ‘Wanna see my sausage?’ “Figured you two would need the energy from a good hearty breakfast after your bedroom Olympics last night… And this morning.”
I felt the heat burning up my face and I glanced over at Ryan, but he was glaring daggers at his brother.
“Put some headphones on next time,” he spat back, then under his breath he muttered, “fucking perv.” He walked over to me and gave me a hug then turned back to his brother. “You’ve embarrassed my girlfriend. I know you’re shit at talking to women, but show some fucking respect next time, okay?”
“It’s fine,” I said, trying to calm him down.
Connor just huffed out a laugh and looked back at me as he shuffled the frying pan. “You’re not shy around me are you, Em? Don’t be. I’m a pussy cat.”
Ryan went to say something, but the banging of the front door made us all jump.
“Who the fuck is calling round this early?” Connor took the pan off the gas, turned the oven off, and stalked away to answer the door.
When Zak and Finn came charging into the kitchen seconds later, looking like they hadn’t slept a wink, I knew our day was about to get a hell of a lot worse.
“What the fuck is going on?” Ryan asked, looking between the two of them. From the tone of his voice I don’t think he really wanted to know.
“We’ve been trying to ring you both all night,” Zak said and then looked to Finn for back-up.
“Our phones died. Why? What’s going on?” Ryan took my hand and we both sat down at the table in the middle of the kitchen. Zak and Finn stayed standing and Connor busied himself plating up the eggs and bacon.
“Want to stay for breakfast?” Connor asked, not reading his audience very well.
“We’re not hungry.” Zak grimaced and Finn nodded.
“Jesus, guys. Talk about dragging out the suspense. You’re worse than old women. Spit it out, Atwood,” Connor said as he put the food onto the table and sat down next to me, helping himself to a large portion of scrambled eggs.
“It’s Brandon.”
“Isn’t it always?” Ryan interrupted.
“It’s worse this time. It’s so much worse. He’s gone. Last night… It all went to shit. The police are after him. We have no idea where he went, but it’s… Fuck, it’s bad.”
Zak wasn’t making any sense and Ryan pushed the chair next to him out to tell him to sit down.
“You need to slow down and start from the beginning, mate. What happened?”
Zak slumped into the chair and Finn pulled out another one to join him. They both looked beaten, and when they started talking, we realised exactly why.
I’d put everything on the line tonight. I’d stuck my fucking neck out for that girl, to tell her how I felt, and what did she do? She ripped my fucking heart out and threw it away like it meant nothing. I thought she was different. That she got me. But she was just like the rest. All she saw was a fucked-up mess, a fighter, a street rat. I wasn’t good enough for her. I wasn’t good enough for anybody.
When she’d pulled away, scowling at the fact that I’d kissed her, that hurt. But when she laughed in my face and told me she’d rather die than be with a man like me, I felt my insides crush with the weight of rejection. I’d never felt that pointless and fucking worthless before. Well, not for a long time, anyway. Emily Winters had managed to achieve what every opponent had failed to do to me over the years. She’d brought me to my knees and made me weak. It wouldn’t happen again.
I should’ve known Zak and Finn would stab me in the back the first chance they got. They couldn’t wait to tell Ryan what’d happened, making it sound like I was some fucking predator out to hunt his girl. I know I’d lashed out when I told Emily about the plan, but she had a right to know what’d happened. He wasn’t blameless in all this. He’d used her. He’d played a big fucking part in taking her down along with her father.
As far as I was concerned, they deserved each other. Ryan had the nerve to say he was done. Well, so was I. Some fucking best friend he was, putting pussy before his mates. I guess you never really know someone. I certainly didn’t recognise my friends tonight. Each and every one of them had turned their back on me. They’d chosen their sides and it wasn’t min
e. The battle lines were drawn, and I was on my own.
When I’d left the gym earlier, Zak and Finn had made a feeble attempt to call me back to try and talk to me, but I knew it was all fake. They didn’t want to make it right. They didn’t care. If they did, they wouldn’t have stood by and let it all play out like that. No. I was back to square one, alone, with only myself to rely on. It was the best way to be. People only disappointed you and let you down. I was done with letting myself be used. I had to be smarter. I needed to show them they couldn’t push me around.
I was Brandon fucking Mathers.
I was shaking with anger when I scrolled through my phone and found Pat Murphy’s number. He was the king of bare-knuckle boxing in our area and I knew he had fights fixed up for most nights of the week. Right now, I needed to let off steam and a punch bag just wasn’t gonna cut it. I needed to fight.
He answered on the second ring and told me he could fit me in tonight. He was using a barn on the outskirts of town and he gave me the directions. I didn’t know who I’d be fighting, and I didn’t care. I felt sorry for the guy who went up against me. I was feral, unhinged and shutting down every last emotion like a machine. I’d rather feel a punch or a kick than the pain I felt now. In fact, I needed that physical pain to ease the mental scars that never seemed to close up. The scars that chipped away at my soul like a nagging, angry, open wound. The everyday reminder that I was nothing and I would always be nothing.
I got to the barn just before midnight, but the fights weren’t over, they were in full swing. I could hear the shouts and chants of the men inside, and that buzz from the crowds sparked my adrenaline. Pushing the door open, I made my way through the crowds and when I found Pat he called over to a mate of his to take over, so he could talk to me.
“Son, you don’t look right. Are you sure you’re up for this?” I knew I looked like shit. I also knew Pat didn’t fuck around. If he thought I couldn’t fight, he wouldn’t let me.
Renegade Hearts (Rebels of Sandland Book 1) Page 27
