by T. S. Joyce
“Ready,” Jathan said, smile bright white in the night shadows. “Steady… Go!”
Lynn popped the top and chugged, but it took her way longer than Jathan. For a second, she felt bad until he started cheering her on. She had to stop once because of laughter and spilled a little on the ground, but she finished it. Sure, it was silly, but she was kind of proud of herself. Especially with Jathan lifting her up and spinning her in a circle like she’d just won a damn Olympic game.
He kissed her and then licked her chin with the tippy tip of his tongue. “You have beer on your face.”
“You’ve seen me worse,” Lynn deadpanned.
“I didn’t say I didn’t like it. Fiery, redheaded, badass panther shifter who tastes like beer? Hell yes to all that. Next clue. Get on my quad.” He jerked his chin toward the four-wheeler.
“You make everything sound filthy.”
“Hidden talents, Lynn. I’m gonna make you fall in love with me.”
Ha. Too late.
Lynn rushed upstairs, pulled on a lacey thong, a pair of jeans, and a tight T-shirt she hadn’t felt good enough to wear in a long time. She did a quick tie of her hiking boots, and then she jogged down the stairs back to her Knight in Shining Holey Jeans.
Jathan squeezed her ass hard as she got on the ATV. She giggled the entire way up the trail to Bear Trap Falls, and when they ended up at the beach by the river, right by where the water dropped off the cliff, she thought maybe this was the best night of her whole life. The moon was full and bright, the stars speckling the sky, not a cloud in sight, and even though the breeze was chilly, she was flushed with the adventure and didn’t feel the cold. There were two more beers on a flat rock with a letter squeezed in between them. Lynn scrambled for it.
“Last clue,” she read aloud as Jathan shut off the four-wheeler behind her. “Time to take a leap of faith, little scrapper. Down this beer and jump. Your dinner is under the falls. Also, Jathan wet the bed until he was ten, is terrible at sharing food, and had reoccurring dreams about chickens chasing him until he graduated high school. Ask him what his biggest fear is.”
“Chickens,” Jathan muttered without hesitation as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. “They freak me out.”
Lynn belted out a laugh and finished reading. “Are you sure you still want to deal with all of that? Just making sure. Your tacos are probably soggy. Maybe it will make Jathan not suck at sharing. Sorry for earlier. I wanted you to remember how to fight. I wanted you to live. Willa.”
Lynn swallowed a few times to try to control her emotions. They were swinging so far and wide right now. Jathan stabbed the beers, made the holes bigger, and they shotgunned their second blue cans. She did better this time and was feeling buzzed.
“Ready?” Jathan asked, stripping out of his shirt and kicking out of his boots. He left his jeans on, so she did the same. No shirt, but the pants and lacy bra stayed.
“Ready,” she said.
“Thata girl,” Jathan said quietly before he pulled her to his chest. For a few moments, he searched her eyes before he leaned down and kissed her. Giant, dominant, tatted-up bad boy who turned gentle with a touch for her. He was the most surprising man she’d ever met. As he sipped at her lips, such a strange sensation took her. It was butterflies in her stomach and an unfamiliar ache in her chest. And the more he kissed her, the sharper the pain in her heart became until she gasped and flinched back.
“Hurts,” Jathan said, head still angled like he would kiss her again. His eyes were on her swollen lips, and he was smiling.
“Yeah.”
Jathan frowned slightly. “All this time, I thought it didn’t exist.”
“What didn’t?” she whispered, gripping onto his strong arms to stay steady.
He pressed his lips against her forehead, let them linger there for the span of three breaths, and then he released her and ran for the edge of the falls. As he jumped over the side of the cliff, he spun in the air to face her and called out, “The bond, Lynn.” And then his smiling face disappeared.
She ran to the edge just in time to see him sink into the waves below. He’d probably jumped off this cliff a thousand times. The bond? Lynn pressed the flat of her palm against her chest and shook her head. Couldn’t be…could it? She’d never felt this with Brody. She ran her fingertips over the healing claiming mark, tracing Jathan’s bite. And it hit her. Tonight had been so up and down, so emotionally draining, and then they’d gone right into the scavenger hunt. This was her first moment alone when she could come to grips with everything that happened.
He’d claimed her. She was his and he was hers. And where was Monster? Where was the blinking and losing time? Oh, she wasn’t cured. She was still messed up and probably always would be, but she was standing here, present, smiling like a lunatic, tracing a claiming mark from someone she loved. Really loved.
Her life had flipped so fast it had stolen her breath away. And right now, she wanted to revel in this moment of freedom and not worry about anything. Not tomorrow, or the pressure, or the work that lay ahead. She wanted to eat dinner with her mate—her mate—under a waterfall and pretend they were both normal and undamaged for just one night. Because with Jathan, he made her feel…okay.
She inhaled deeply, blew her breath out twice, and then let out a whoop as she ran for the edge. She threw her arms out and flew for a few breathtaking seconds, before she put her hands together and dove into the water. She wanted to cry and laugh and yell with elation because she’d never in a million years thought she could feel this again—joy.
She swam for the surface and broke the waves with a gasp. And Jathan was there, grinning so big she wanted to kiss him just to taste that smile. He inhaled deeply, then sank below the waves, and she followed. Streaks of blue moonlight striped the water, and it sparkled when the light hit tiny pieces of sediment. Jathan led them to the waterfall where billions of bubbles were racing toward the surface from where the river above pounded into the river below. He swam deeper under the falls and disappeared, and for a second, she panicked. Her breath was almost gone, and she didn’t know whether to go back up or keep following him.
She trusted Jathan though, so she pushed on, and right on the other side, she kicked upward and found the surface. Breath heaving, she made her way to the edge of a rock shelf where she’d spent hours talking with the kids from Damon’s Mountains when her foster parents brought her here for visits. This place was full of happy memories. They echoed in her mind—children’s laughter, her laughter.
Jathan stood in his soaking jeans, abs flexing with every breath, longer dark hair on top messy and dripping, skin glowing blue where the moonlight crept in the sides of the waterfall. He was stunning, but it wasn’t the muscles or tattoos or the height. It was the way he looked at her, like she was important. Like she really was redeemable.
“Are we really bonded?” she asked, gripping the edge of the rocks and kicking against the current.
Jathan bent down and pulled her out of the water, settled her on her feet, and brushed wet tendrils of hair out of her face. “Your hair is always wild. I like it because it’s so…you.”
Did he not hear her question?
Jathan’s gaze dipped to her lips, and his eyes went serious. “Brody told you that you two were bonded, right?”
She dipped her chin once.
“So me telling you we’re bonded isn’t the answer you need. That is something you need to feel for yourself.”
“I do feel different. There’s something in my chest. In my heart. I feel steadier, like you are pulling the darkness from me and calming Monster.”
Jathan ran his hands up and down her arms quickly, as if trying to warm her, but she hadn’t even noticed her gooseflesh until he did that. “Date number two and three. An almost dinner with my crazy parents, and soggy tacos and whiskey. You’re a lucky woman, Lynn.”
“I know you’re being sarcastic, but I really am lucky. And also hungry.”
&n
bsp; There were three battery-powered lanterns on a blanket, and in the middle was Clinton’s flask, two paper plates, and a bag of food. Best date ever.
Jathan was talking about how he was glad they included extra hot sauce, but a breeze lifted the soaking ends of her hair and the scent of something familiar hit her nose. When she turned, the back of the waterfall wavered and changed. It morphed to the clearing of the cabins in Red Havoc Territory. She could hear crying on the wind, just the softest sob, and then Lynn saw her. Eden. Her bird. Her best friend. The albino falcon shifter who had been so determined to save her. She was sitting on the front steps of Lynn’s old cabin, staring off into the woods, crying.
Lynn didn’t know how she knew, but Eden was crying for her.
Two cabins down, Barret, the panther she’d dragged into that lion war, was standing with his shoulder propped on the side of his cabin, watching Eden cry. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, and his eyes were full of ghosts. Such a bone-deep feeling of homesickness hit Lynn right in the gut.
Her people were hurting while she was here.
Firm hands gripped her shoulders, and the mirage wavered to the back of the waterfall again.
“Lynn. Lynn, talk to me. Stay with me.”
With a frown, she gave her attention to Jathan.
“Are you still here with me?” he asked, worry pooling in his dark eyes.
“Yes, I’m still here.”
He huffed a sigh of relief and pulled her against his chest, hugged her up tight. His heartbeat banged against her cheek as she stared at the waterfall and remembered the tone of Eden’s heartache.
Lynn was still here with him for now.
But soon…very soon…if she really wanted to get better, she would have to go home and face the crew she’d left behind.
Chapter Eleven
Lynn hid like a coward behind a pine with a wide, knobby trunk. She hadn’t been back to her parent’s house in so long, and it felt strange, like déjà vu. She had planned on being the badass Jathan thought she was and march right up to the front door and knock, just like she belonged. But when she’d walked down here from her tree house, three miles of woods, the first thing she saw when she came to the house she’d grown up in was Jathan’s motorcycle.
She’d thought he was working. It was lunch time, so maybe he was on a break from hauling logs.
He’d taught her how to be brave, but she wanted to do this part alone, and then afterward, she wanted to fall apart alone. It was a hard balance, this recovery. She waffled between needing Jathan to prop her up and keeping him from becoming her backbone. She needed to do some of the work alone so that she could be proud when she came out of this. And she would come out of this.
The door to her parent’s house opened, and Jathan ducked under the low doorframe. He was wearing a black tank top with mud stains across the front and worn jeans over his work boots, both spattered with the dirty remnants of last night’s rainstorm. He wore a distracted smile and was saying something too low for her to hear from where she stood in the cool shadows of the tree. He was a huge and intimidating man. Sometimes she forgot how big he was until she saw him standing next to someone else. And when her mom came out of the house after him, a foot and a half shorter than him, she was overwhelmed with the urge to laugh and sigh with relief all at once. Mom. God, it was good to see her.
She’d pulled her dark hair up in a messy bun, and her eyes crinkled at the corners as she looked up at Jathan and responded to something he’d said. Her dad came out next, but Lynn couldn’t even look at his face. Her attention was devoted to the little, precious baby he carried in his arms.
Lynn crouched immediately because she was overwhelmed and wouldn’t stay standing for long anyway. One year old. Amberlynn was so beautiful, crop of red hair the same shade as Lynn’s on her head, eyes the same shade of soft brown as hers, too. She looked absolutely nothing like Brody.
Lynn blew out a silent, shaking breath as her eyes filled with tears. My babyyyy. A purr rattled up her throat. A purr? God, how long had it been since she made that happy sound? It tickled.
Amberlynn was smiling a big gummy grin at Jathan who was covering his face, then uncovering it. Peekaboo. He reached for Lynn’s baby girl as though he’d done it a million times and pulled her against his chest. And then he did something that stunned her. Jathan, big bad bear who never attached to anyone, hugged her daughter close, hand on the back of her head as he rocked back and forth and talked to Lynn’s parents. Amberlynn was soooo tiny in his big, tattooed arms, and she settled against him instantly.
Oh, Jathan had given that little girl his heart. Lynn could see it clear as day.
Her arms itched to be the one holding her.
Jathan gave the baby back to her mom, and as he jogged down the stairs with a wave, Lynn did a Monster check. In her middle, the cat was quiet and watchful. Not the foul demon she was most of the time.
The rumble of Jathan’s bike engine was loud in the quiet clearing. One more two-fingered wave, and then he was blasting off down the road. Her parents watched him go. They used to do that with her when she would leave. They always waited until she was completely gone before they went back inside. It made her smile. They liked Jathan, and something about that made her really happy. Had he told them they’d bonded? Had he told them he’d claimed her, or that she’d claimed him back?
Had he told them he was trying to save their daughter?
This felt like date number four, and he didn’t even realize she’d been here.
Be brave.
Lynn stood and walked out of the shadows, eyes on her mom’s face. Mom jerked her attention to Lynn, and her lips parted in shock. “Lynn?” she asked in a hopeful voice. “Lynn?” she asked louder, bolting down the steps, holding tight to Amberlynn.
Lynn lost it, just bawling, as she ran to her mom and threw her arms around her and her little girl. “I’m sorry,” she whispered brokenly. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I didn’t come back. I’m sorry—”
“Shhhh,” her mom crooned.
“I’m sorry for everything.”
Another pair of arms went around them. Dad. Tears streaming down her face, Lynn rested her cheek on her dad’s chest. He’d always been the strongest man she knew, but even he was tearing up. He kissed the top of her head three times quick and hugged her tighter.
“Ba!” Amberlynn said.
The noise startled Lynn. Not because it was loud, but because even if she hadn’t seen her baby in a hundred years, she would recognize her voice, down to her bones, down to her base instincts. That little voice was for her. It was Lynn’s call.
Lynn eased back and smiled through her tears at Amberlynn. My baby, my baby, my babyyyy.
“Can I hold her?” Lynn whispered, hopeful but terrified of rejection.
“Are you okay right now?”
Lynn winced at the pain Mom’s question caused, but she understood. They were the ones keeping Amberlynn safe right now—even if that meant from Lynn.
“Oh, honey,” Mom said, cupping her chin. “You pushed us away, but we didn’t stay away. We’ve been following everything. Ben kept us updated, and when you came back to Damon’s Mountains, Jathan started visiting. He’s good. He cares about you, we can tell. He tells us you’re gonna get better, but you’re still hurting.” Mom looked down at Amberlynn, then held her out to Lynn.
For a second, Lynn was shocked. The moment was here. She was going to get to touch her baby. What if she was bad at this? What if she didn’t remember how to be a mom? Monster check: still quiet.
Lynn reached for her and pulled her to her hip. She rocked with a little bounce as Amberlynn frowned up at her. Of course she wouldn’t recognize her. It hurt, but that was on Lynn, not Amberlynn. When she pressed her thumb against Amberlynn’s little hand, the girl wrapped her chubby little fingers around her and squeezed. Lynn gave off a relieved sigh at how good it felt. It was like the best hug she’d ever had, plus a drink of water after a week in the des
ert, plus her soul being filled with joy—all at the same time. It was beautiful.
“What will you do?” Mom asked softly, her eyes on where Amberlynn and Lynn were holding hands.
“What do you think I should do?”
“Live. Of course live, baby. I was so—” Mom’s voice hitched, and she swallowed hard before she continued. “You scared us. What should you do? Work toward a good life. That’s all we’ve ever wanted for you. To be happy.” She twitched her head toward the road where Jathan had disappeared. “Starting with that one was a smart move. We are just Amberlynn’s grandparents. She needs her mom.”
Lynn bit her lip hard to keep her face from crumpling. She hadn’t been called a mom in a while. “I’m not ready yet. I wish I could take her now. Right now. I wish I could walk her right back to where I live and be good enough for her. But I’m at the beginning…”
“We know you are,” Dad rumbled. Big cat shifter with the same snarly voice she’d grown up listening to. “You did good, girl. You brought her to us when you knew you couldn’t keep her safe. We’re family. We did our job while you were hurting, but now you have a bigger job. Recover, Lynn. Don’t be one of the shifters who has to be put down. It’ll break so many hearts. Be that tough-as-leather panther we raised. The one we can’t live without. The one we adopted because you made our family whole. It’s time to make your family whole now.”
“Three months,” Lynn promised, feeling liquid steel fill her veins. “Give me three months, and I’ll be ready for her, I’ll be whole, and I’ll be enough. I’m gonna put in the work. I’m gonna do this for her.” Even she could hear the conviction ringing clear as a bell in her voice.
Dad lifted his chin and smiled, his blue eyes dancing with pride. “There’s the Lynn I know.”
Chapter Twelve
“Oh, my gosh,” Lynn muttered as she nearly busted her ass on the stairs to the treehouse.
The plethora of grocery bags on her arms were to blame. This staircase was way too narrow for her to make this in one trip, but she was a get-shit-doner now, so she muscled the bags up the stairs like a boss-B and went to kick the door open like a ninja-badass, but the sound of a chainsaw made her stop mid-kick.
