The Panther

by Ezra Dawn

  Present day…

  I’ve spent the last two weeks cleansing the house of every trace of my scent except for in my bedroom. As a black panther I have some magic abilities and during my years as an enforcer for the shifter council, I studied under a warlock who taught me many things, one being how to mask my scent. I plan on using that ability around Benji until I’ve figured out what kind of person he is now. It’s deceptive, I know, but I have to protect us both right now.

  As I’m getting Benji’s food ready, I hear a faint cry, followed by a shout, that has me rushing upstairs. I reach the guest room just in time to hear him scream, “No! Kuro don’t go! I’m sorry!” Which is quickly followed by the sound of crying and more whispered apologies until finally, everything is quiet. I press my ear to the door and listen for any signs that he might be awake. Not hearing anything, I quietly open the door and peek inside.

  Seeing him still sound asleep, I go back downstairs to finish preparing his food while his apology plays on a loop in my mind. I think he might be coming around but, I could be wrong, so just to be safe, I also send a message to the doc, in case something could be wrong. He’s quick to respond with the possibility that Benji might be coming out of his coma and let’s me know to keep an eye on him.

  Thirty years ago… I’m walking down the hallway on the way back from lunch with some of my friends on the football team. They’re bigoted assholes but, they’re the ones standing between me and the other team on the field and if I piss them off, they could retaliate by leaving me wide open for a tackle that could easily result in an injury that could jeopardize my dreams. I might be a shifter, but I haven’t shifted yet so, my bones aren’t strengthened as much as they would be.

  I only have to put up with them for one more year before I’m off to college. My best friend Kuro and I have plans to go to the same college, him studying art and me studying engineering even though my goal is to play professional football for a few years before retiring and falling back on my degree. Kuro and I have been inseparable since we were kids only recently, we’ve grown apart. I have a feeling it’s because of my choice in friends.

  I’ve selfishly tossed aside our friendship in public in order to fit in and maintain my popularity among the it crowd in school. Something I’m not proud of since it means neglecting my friend and pushing the feelings, I have for him aside. I’ve loved Kuro for a long time but, have never acted on it out of fear that if we do get together and one of us shifts, we might realize that we’re not mates and will have to end it. That’s not something I want.

  The words, “Did you see what that fag was wearing today,” brings me out of my thoughts.

  Bud says, “Yeah. Did you see his hair? The little pussy dyed it pink like a fucking girl.”

  Realizing they’re talking about Kuro, -whose colorful expressiveness is one of the things I love most about him- I force myself not to cringe at the hate spewing from their mouths. One more year… I can handle this for one more year… Up ahead, I see Kuro looking as sexy and colorful as ever with his pink hair, skintight green pants, black shirt, and red glitter shoes, walk into the bathroom.

  Clint says, “Look, there he goes… come on, it’s time we teach him a lesson.”

  I follow the group of guys into the bathroom even though I know nothing good will come out of this. A point which is proven when Clint grabs Kuro by the back of the shirt and pulls him away from the urinal, before he can even unbutton his pants. The other six guys surround them, and a sense of dread fills me. Before I can open my mouth and protest what they’re doing, Clint punches Kuro in the face so hard he falls to the floor and snarls, “Fairies like you shouldn’t be using the men’s room. You want to be fucked like a woman you should use the same bathroom as them.” Then, he kicks him in the stomach, and I watch in horror as the others join in.

  When they realize I’m not participating, they stop and turn to me giving Kuro enough time to force himself to his feet. Seeing the horrified expression on my face, Clint’s expression twists into a scowl and he says, “Get over here and help us teach this fag a lesson.”

  Shaking my head, I say, “No,” to which Clint responds, “Do it or you’ll get the same treatment, fag lover.”

  As they advance on me the scenarios of what’ll happen now, and in the future if I don’t agree flash through my mind. All I see is my dream of being a pro football player going up in smoke so, I make a selfish decision, one I’ll regret for the rest of my life. Crossing over to Kuro, I draw back my fist and hit him, ignoring the pained expression on his face and praying that when I apologize, he’ll forgive me. Only, I never get the chance because after a week of closing himself off from everyone, Kuro disappears never to be seen again.

  Present day…

  “No! Kuro don’t go! I’m sorry!”

  I’m sorry.

  My eyes fly open as the dream leaves me. It’s one I’ve had for years where Kuro finds me in the lab but instead of saving me, he punishes me for what I did by leaving me there. I know it’s not real but the pain in my heart it causes definitely is. Feeling wetness on my cheeks, I realize I’ve been crying in my sleep. It happens every time I dream of Kuro. I tried to find him, even made it as far as the council building but, before I could meet with anyone to get any information, I was captured while out running and tossed into a lab where they’ve tortured and experimented on me for who knows how long. Being in that place, I had no sense of how much time had passed and seeing some of the horrors inflicted on the others there, I know I somehow got off easy. Sure, the things that were done to me were horrible, but it always could’ve been worse.

  The one thing I regret most, is missing my chance to apologize to Kuro and tell him how I really feel. Being locked away for an unknown amount of time makes me sure of the fact that Kuro has probably moved on and found someone of his own to love and start a family with. It’s not something I allow myself to think about, since seeing Kuro again and apologizing is what got me through some of the darkest times. Times where I watched as the friends, I had made among my fellow captives came back broken beyond repair. Some even died.

  One of them, I was the closest to as our cells were next to each other. His name was Leonard and he’d been captured at the same time I was. Leonard was an iguana shifter. They amputated one of his legs to see if he could grow it back like his animal part could grow back a lost tail. It didn’t work and he died a few days later by committing suicide. Unable to bear what had been done, he partially shifted into his animal form and used his teeth to tear the flesh from his wrists. He bled out during the night.

  Shaking off the memory, I decide to focus on my current situation. Looking around the room I see that I’m not in the same location I was in. Damn it, I’ve been moved again. Although, I have to say, the accommodations are a lot nicer this time around. Instead of a cage, I’m in a nice bedroom, painted a slate grey with white trim and the sun shining through a window that isn’t barred. The bed I’m on is soft and I’m covered by a thick grey duvet plus the softest of pillows under my head. There’s even a dresser with a TV -at least, I think it’s a TV, it looks vastly different from the one my parents had- and a closet. It’s like the Ritz-Carlton compared to where I’ve lived until now making me wonder what could’ve happened to get me here. Not willing to allow anyone to know I’m awake in case I’m still a captive in a lab albeit a nicer one, and someone is outside listening, I don’t voice any questions. I’m not even sure why I’m awake unless my cougar foolishly thinks we’re somewhere safe.

  I shifted the day I heard Kuro had disappeared. The pain of losing him caused my cougar to react in defense. After spending so long in a lab only able to shift when they wanted to experiment on me, I started to sense that experiencing much more of the torture would kill my animal spirit, so I made the conscious decision to allow my cougar to lock our souls deep inside our mind, sealing the ability to shift and cutting us off from feeling or being present during any procedures the scientists tried. They could break my bo
dy and put it back together but, I made sure they’d never break my spirit no matter how hard they tried.

  Hearing the doorknob turn, I brace myself for whoever might be on the other side of it. When the door opens fully and a man walks in carrying a tray of medical supplies wearing jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt instead of a lab coat and scrubs, I relax a little. However, nothing could prepare me for the shock I feel when the sunlight hits the man’s face, revealing his identity. Feeling tears prick my eyes, I say, “Kuro, is that you?”

  His head snaps up at my question and our eyes meet. His features are still the same -the slate grey eyes, ebony hair that shines when the sun hits it and angled features any model would kill for- but his body is different. Gone is the scrawny teen and in his place is a man with a muscled build, wearing a black long sleeve t-shirt, black tactical pants, and black boots. Seeing the coldness in his gaze makes my heart hurt. In that instant, I realize the Kuro I once knew is gone. Suddenly, a thought enters my mind and fear grabs hold of me. What if he’s working for the scientists and my nightmare is about to come true?

  Panic swells within me as I realize I can’t scent him at all. Spots dance across my vision as it becomes harder to breathe. I hear the clatter of the tray on the table next to me before I’m wrapped tightly in Kuro’s arms. “Easy Benji, you’re safe here. No one is going to hurt you.”

  Clinging to him, I bury my face into his neck, taking in the scent of his laundry detergent, wishing I could scent him as well. Relaxing in his hold, the tears come full force, and pretty soon, I’m sobbing while he rubs my back and tells me over and over again that it’s okay. When I finally calm down, I lean back and say, “Sorry… I got your shirt all wet.”

  He moves away and says, “It’s fine,” then pulls what I assume is a phone from his pocket, taps the screen a few times then puts it back. Still, seeing such technology has me realizing I’ve been inside a lab a very long time. Looking at Kuro, I gather the courage to ask, “How did I get here?”

  “You were in a lab. The pack I live with has been working with a couple other packs and a vampire coven as well as the paranormal council to destroy those labs and rescue the paranormals in them. We discovered the one you were in thanks to some intel we found in a different lab. You’ve been with us for two weeks and because I knew you, I volunteered to take care of you.”

  With wide-eyes, I ask, “Why would you do that?”

  “Because after what you’ve been through, I thought seeing a familiar face might make things easier.”

  “It does. Thank you.”

  He smiles faintly. “You’re welcome. Now, I sent a message to the doc letting him know you’re awake. He’ll probably want to examine you and run some tests just to be sure you’re okay. We have no explanation for why you and four others were in a coma despite being physically fine. Though it would seem the scientists cared about keeping you alive, so you did have feeding tubes and I.V.s when we located all of you, but our doctor changed them out and moved the feeding tube in case any of you woke up. He didn’t want any of you to panic and pull the tube out on your own.”

  “Wait… physically fine?”

  “Yes. I’m not sure how long the five of you were in a coma but it looks like it kept you safe from experiments. You and the others showed no signs of having been experimented on recently.”

  “Well, that’s a relief. I can’t speak for the others but, I put myself in a coma.”

  “How did you do that?”

  “I let my cougar spirit lock our souls deep inside our mind blocking my ability to shift and keeping me from feeling or being present for anything they might’ve done.”

  He leans against the wall and folds his arms. “If you want to talk to someone about what happened to you, I’m here to listen and if you don’t want to talk to me you can seek out a professional. The coven and the pack both have a licensed therapist.”

  Shaking my head, I say, “The idea of seeing a shrink makes me feel like I’m crazy.”

  “Therapists don’t deal with crazy. That’s psychiatrists, but the decision is yours.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind for when I’m ready to talk about it.”

  “Good. The alpha will probably want to speak to you too, about how you ended up in the lab and how long you’ve been there. As well as any other knowledge you might have.”

  Bringing my knees up, I take care not to dislodge any of the tubes and wrap my arms around them. “I looked for you, you know. After you left. I made it all the way to the shifter council building but, before I could meet with anyone for information I was captured.”

  His eyes widen in horror, then suddenly he’s in front of me, hands on my shoulders looking me directly in the eyes as he says, “How long after I left were you captured?”

  “A couple of weeks, why?”

  “Jesus Christ…”

  Seeing the pained expression on his face, I ask, “What’s wrong?”

  He squeezes my shoulders and says, “Benji, I left home thirty years ago.”

  Thirty years? I’ve been gone for thirty years? Pain stabs at my heart as I realize how much I’ve missed. Gripping Kuro’s arms, I say worriedly, “My family, what happened to my family?”

  Kuro steps away and says to himself, “Gods, I’m an asshole.”

  Confused at the response, I say, “No you’re not.”

  He looks down at me and nods. “Yes I am. I’ve held onto the pain of the past for so long that whenever I spoke to my family or saw them, I forbade them from talking about you and yours. If I hadn’t done that, I’d have heard you were missing a long time ago and might’ve been able to do something about it. And, now that I’m thinking about it, I always felt they were trying to tell me something about you, but I refused to listen and look where that’s gotten you.”

  Reaching out, I take his hand and say, “Do not blame yourself, where I ended up is not your fault it’s mine because I was an idiot who caused you to leave. I know I hurt you back then, and I’m so sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am. I regretted it as soon as I followed through so, I don’t blame you for not wanting anything to do with me. I was selfish, only wanting to protect my dream of going pro in football without thinking of you and your feelings. In my head, I thought ‘it’s just a punch, I’ll apologize later, and he’ll forgive me.’”

  He looks down at his boots and says, “To me, it was more than just a punch. After your friends were finished, you all left me there in a pool of my own blood. No one found me until third period ended. By then, my broken bones had healed incorrectly. The pride doctor had to rebreak them so, they’d heal right otherwise I’d have been handicapped for the rest of my life. The agony I had to go through combined with the knowledge that you had a hand in it, destroyed me. I’m not the same person I once was.”

  “I can see that and I’m so sorry.”

  “You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

  Squeezing his hand, I say, “Yes I do. I hurt you and I need to make up for that. I’ll keep apologizing until you believe me.”

  “I do believe you and after knowing where you’ve spent the last thirty years, I realize it’s pointless to hold onto the past. Holding onto the pain is only going to make us both suffer, and I think we’ve both suffered enough.”

  Kuro bites his lip as he seems to be contemplating something. He opens and closes his mouth a couple times like he’s unsure of what to say until finally, he looks me in the eye and says, “Can I ask why you hit me that day?”

  Sighing, I say, “It was stupid. I let peer pressure get to me. All I could see when faced with joining them in hurting you or suffering the beating with you was everything I’d lose. My popularity, football and my dream of going pro. I idiotically thought it would be like all the other times we fought, I’d give you some space, apologize after a few days and everything would go back to normal. When I was faced with the reality of losing you, all the other stuff didn’t matter anymore because, my decision cost me the one thing that meant the most to me.
My best-friend.”

  Hearing the doorbell ring, Kuro squeezes my hand and says, “That’ll be the doc. I’m going to go let him in. We can talk more later.”

  He turns to leave, and I say, “Kuro wait a second.”

  “What is it?”

  “While the doctor is examining me do you think you could call your parents and see if they know anything about my family?”

  Kuro smiles and nods. “Sure. My parents still live in the same house so, hopefully your family does too. I’ll find out.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  With a final nod, he walks out, and I’m left alone to ponder the revelation that not only have I been locked in a lab for thirty years but also that I caused Kuro so much pain that it snuffed out the light within him. I can see it in his eyes. He’s no longer the bright and happy Kuro I knew, but, it’s my hope that if he allows me to stay with him for a while, I can fix what I’ve broken. Even after thirty years, the feelings I had for him when we were younger are still as strong as ever and I don’t like seeing what my stupid choice has done to him, which is why I plan to do everything in my power to make up for it. But, first, I need to recover and get to know Kuro as he is now. Only then, can I put my plan into action.