by T. A. White
Guilt crossed Kira's face. He guessed what she was going to say before she said it.
"Finn."
Graydon found himself surprised the oshota had kept Kira's secret. Then again, considering his history, maybe not. The man would not willingly give up another of his charges unless circumstances were dire.
"And Raider," Kira finished.
Graydon stood in an explosive movement, prowling the length of the room and stopping at the window to stare out. The two behind him were quiet, leaving him to his thoughts.
If Graydon was smart, he'd inform Harlow and Roake of Jin's presence immediately. His credibility would be damaged, but he'd likely not suffer too much from this debacle. From this point on, he would have no plausible deniability. If Jin was discovered and Roake decided to take issue, Graydon would be treated as a traitor. Everything he’d worked for gone.
The whispered argument taking place behind him brought his attention to the troublemakers.
He faced them. Kira's mouth snapped shut as she regarded him with a mingling of defiance and understanding.
She expected him to tell Roake, he realized.
Nothing was ever easy with this woman. Perhaps that's why he found her endlessly fascinating. She was complicated, with cracks that made her even more beautiful for their presence. She'd make him work for every inch of progress.
But the reward would be worth it.
"You're going to owe me for this," Graydon informed her.
Wary distrust filled violet gray eyes he could lose himself in. "What are you saying?"
His smile this time held cunning. The expression wasn't nice and it wasn't easy. He found himself chuckling internally when her suspicion deepened.
"I'm not going to reveal his presence to Roake," he said.
"Why?"
He shook his head. Oh no, she wasn't getting that. He might not want to see her pretty head separated from her body, but that didn't mean he was going to trust her.
"My reasons are my own."
Kira's eyes were steady as she held his gaze. "There are many things I regret in this life. Jin isn't one of them."
Graydon was starting to see that. Had the drone been flesh and blood, their relationship would be admirable. That he was a machine made her reliance on him worrying, but that was a problem for another day.
Graydon approached the bed, running a finger along one of the faint red marks on the exposed skin of her shoulder. Kira shivered, unable to hide her response.
"You took a chance with this," Graydon informed her.
Stubbornness filled her expression. "I couldn't leave Devon."
And that was why Graydon found himself breaking a law that had been in place for centuries. Devon hadn't been especially kind to Kira, yet she'd stayed and protected him anyway.
Her selflessness was inspiring. All the more so because not many would have bothered.
"No, I suppose you couldn't," Graydon agreed.
Graydon made to rise, Kira's gaze lifting to follow him.
"Make sure he stays out of sight," Graydon informed her.
"And this thing I owe you?"
His grin flashed. "You'll find out soon enough."
He suspected she wouldn’t be happy about the cost.
*
Kira waited until the door shut before whipping the nearest object at Jin. "What the hell is the matter with you? You told him?"
Jin spun out of the way. "What did you expect me to do? You were up against a primus. You might not know how terrifying it is to face one, but I do."
Kira's glare didn't ease. "You know he's going to use this as leverage to make us stay."
Jin let out a scornful sound. "Of course, he is. That's Tuann etiquette 101." Jin circled the bed, making sure to stay out of the range of any more missiles. "Just like I know you'll find a way to use this situation to your advantage."
Jin had a point. Some of Kira's anger drained away, and she slumped.
Graydon, for reasons of his own, had decided to keep her secret. It left them room to maneuver and plan.
A corner of her mind whispered she knew why he had chosen not to reveal Jin's presence. It was one she ignored.
As attractive as she might find Graydon, he wasn't for her.
Kira threw her legs over the bed, tentatively resting her balance on them until she was sure they'd hold her weight.
"What do you think about the tala dogs’ role in this?" she asked.
Jin snorted. "I think it's pretty convenient a nocturnal animal decided to leave its territory to hunt prey in an active section of the forest. They might be a deadly predator, but they don't normally challenge Tuann."
His assessment fit with hers.
"Is it paranoia or fact when you see Tsavitee machinations around every corner?" Kira asked him.
Jin played devil's advocate. "You could be seeing things after Graydon's history lesson."
Kira nodded. Very true. Not every plot or accident in her life led to them.
"But then, it's happened before. More than once," Jin said.
Also true.
"What do we do?" Jin asked.
"I'm thinking on it."
Jin sighed. "That’s what worries me."
*
Kira hovered at the edge of Quillon’s med bay, torn between crossing into his domain and leaving. Her daily treatments had ended shortly before her encounter with the primus, and there was no real reason for her presence here.
It had been over a day since she’d woken up with Harlow keeping vigil.
Since then, she’d decided she had questions. Many, many questions. Somehow, much to her surprise, Quillon had become one of the few she trusted to give her the answers she needed.
“If you’re going to linger, you might as well do it inside,” Elodie said from the end of the hall.
The healer continued toward her, brushing past Kira and Finn with barely a glance.
The healer’s presence gave Kira the incentive she needed to cross the threshold. She followed as Elodie headed for a table with the bag she was carrying. The healer reached inside, pulling out several delicious smelling containers of food and setting them on the table.
“I didn’t realize you had a treatment, so there isn’t much. You’re welcome to what food we have,” Elodie said without looking up.
“I don’t have an appointment today. I don’t expect you to feed me,” Kira said, one finger tapping restlessly against her thigh.
Since the first confrontation when Kira had insisted Elodie not be privy to the details of her diagnosis, the healer had made herself noticeably absent during Kira’s morning treatments.
Elodie finally looked up. “In that case, Quillon should be here soon. I’m sure you’ll want to wait until he returns.”
Kira nodded, drifting around the room as Elodie sat and began serving herself a spoonful of the many dishes she’d unpacked.
Finn waited next to the door, his expression typically blank.
“It was brave, what you did for Devon,” Elodie said after several minutes. Her eyes lingered on the inhibitor still locked around Kira’s wrist. “Stupid with that hampering you, but brave all the same.”
“You’re not the first person who has said something to that effect,” Kira admitted.
Elodie snorted and sat back. “I can imagine. They do like to harp on a person.”
Kira sent a look at the healer, surprised to hear such a sentiment echoed by one of Roake’s members. She’d thought they all happily toed the same line.
Elodie laughed. “I’ll admit it’s not always easy to live with these people, having them critique your decisions like a bunch of overprotective siblings.”
“Then why do it?” Kira asked.
Elodie sobered. “Because the alternative is far worse. To be alone? To have no one care enough to call you on your bullshit? I’ll take the small irritations this lot gives me any day over such a bleak existence.”
Kira considered her words. “Fair point.”
Solitude—true solitude—wasn’t easy. It preyed on the soul, filing it down to the bare bones. Lucky for Kira, she wasn’t alone. She had Jin. Always.
“Did you ever consider following Quillon’s path?” Kira asked.
Elodie snorted and busied herself with the food. “No.”
“But you could—if you wanted to.”
This time Elodie speared her with a look, a frown wrinkling her forehead as she studied Kira. “I could. If I indicated a leaning toward that direction, I could submit myself to the Trial of the Broken and request a seon’yer who would prepare me for that life.”
“But you don’t,” Kira said slowly, trying to understand.
“No, I don’t.”
“Why?” Kira asked.
Elodie released a deep sigh. “By now, you should have realized the path you’ve chosen is hard. Even if you pass the uhva na, you face a difficult road. Training is designed to break the weak. Doing and seeing things that the rest of us don’t have to. It’s a calling and not one to be undertaken lightly.”
Elodie glanced at Finn. “Ask your oshota. He’ll tell you.”
Finn stared at the healer for a long moment before lifting his eyes to Kira’s. “She is correct. There is great honor in being deemed worthy for the adva ka, but there is a lot of hardship as well.”
Elodie took a bite of her meal, chewing and then swallowing. “The uhva na has killed those it deemed unworthy. Call me crazy, but I have no desire to chance that fate.”
Kira pondered their words.
Elodie sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Is that it? Is that why you came here?”
Before Kira could answer, Quillon stepped inside the med bay, coming to an abrupt stop as he caught sight of Kira.
Elodie placed a piece of bread-like food on her plate and dusted off her hands. “I’ll be going. I’m sure you’d like a little privacy for your conversation.”
Kira hesitated. Her instinct was to let the healer go, but for some reason, she found herself saying. “Not yet. This next part isn’t sensitive.”
Surprise crossed Elodie’s face. After a moment, she settled in her chair as Quillon lifted his eyebrows at Kira.
“I’m surprised to see you,” he finally said. “You’ve made no attempt to hide how much you dislike coming here every day. I thought once your preliminary treatments were up, I’d have to find someone to drag you here.”
The corner of Kira’s mouth quirked in wry acknowledgment. “I can’t say I would be here now if not for Elodie’s interference.”
Quillon slid his fellow healer a look. “Then I’m glad you two had a chance to talk.”
As was Kira. She still wasn’t comfortable with the other woman, and unreserved trust was a long way off, but Elodie made her pause and consider a different perspective.
In the healer’s place, Kira wouldn’t have handled being kicked out of her own territory with nearly as much grace. That Elodie had, said the woman was someone worth knowing.
“What have you come here for?” Quillon asked.
Kira folded her arms across her chest, uncomfortable. It had never been easy for her to ask for help, less so when it came to doctors and the sort.
The confrontation with the primus, however, had made it clear she couldn’t keep trying to do this alone.
“Affinities,” Kira finally said. “I don’t understand them—and I’d like to.”
The two glanced at each other. Quillon’s expression gave nothing away, even as Elodie looked slightly confused.
“What about them?” Elodie asked.
“How do they work? Why are they important?” Kira asked.
The two exchanged another look.
“What makes you ask?” Quillon finally said.
Kira screwed her mouth up, unsure how much she should reveal. “Devon. He used ki while in the primus form.” She hesitated, before adding. “I never have. At least not in that way.”
Tear things apart with her bare hands? Yes. Go on a killing spree that left dozens dead? Of course. Use her soul’s breath? Not once that she knew of.
Elodie stood without a word and strode to a cabinet, rustling inside while the rest of them watched.
She returned with her arms filled to overflowing with stones of all colors and shapes. They clattered to the table she’d been using for her meal as she moved quickly to set the food aside.
“This is a test we give every child to see what form their soul’s breath takes. Since you didn’t grow up among us, it might be a good place to start,” Elodie said, her hands moving quickly as she laid out the stones.
Kira watched as they took on a familiar pattern. “I’ve taken this test before on Luatha. No affinities revealed themselves.”
“Most Houses typically test for those skills prevalent within,” Elodie explained. “Though you have Luathan blood inside you, you’re also Roake. It’s possible your affinities lie more with us.”
Quillon stirred, “Each House cultivates the affinities that are most beneficial to them.”
Kira bristled. “And how do they do that?”
Quillon’s eyes crinkled. “Nothing as bad as you’re imagining, though there are some who do choose mates based on their affinities and strength. However, that is not the primary way Roake introduces new affinities into our bloodlines.”
Kira relaxed. The idea the Tuann would arrange breeding lines to boost their abilities was a disturbing one. It smacked too much of the camps and what they’d been willing to do for power.
“The best way we’ve found is through accepting applications from those who wish to join our House,” Quillon said. “The affinities are naturally introduced into our bloodlines after that since most tend to marry within their House, unless it’s for an alliance.”
Seeing the question on Kira’s face, Elodie drew closer. “Cuts down on the questions about loyalty.”
Kira paused before shaking her head. She wasn’t going to get into that. “So, either of you can choose to go to a new House?”
“Not quite,” Quillon said. “It is more common for those with warrior potential to change Houses when they are an initiate.”
Kira cocked her head. “I assumed all of the initiates would return to their House once they were through with the uhva na and the apprenticeship that comes after.”
“Most will—but not all,” Quillon agreed. “Some will apply to remain with our House. The Overlord accepts those who he thinks might be of benefit to us.”
Hence the introduction of new affinities to a House.
“Elodie could still change Houses if she chose to walk the path you’re on. My path is set,” Quillon finished explaining.
“You can never change Houses then?” Kira glanced at Finn. That wasn’t the impression she’d been given.
Quillon opened his mouth, then paused as he noticed where her attention had gone. “Few choose to leave because of how difficult it can be. The Overlord has to release you from service. Finding another Overlord willing to let you join their House is the next obstacle you have to conquer. If you don’t, you become Houseless. Not many want to chance that fate.”
“But you did it?” Kira directed her question to Finn.
He inclined his head. “I did, but as you can see, I wound up in my birth House anyway.”
“Why leave then?” Kira asked.
Finn hesitated, his expression vaguely uncomfortable.
Elodie snorted. “A woman.”
He flashed her a hard look. Her mouth flattened, and she looked down, nudging the stones into an order they were already in.
“I felt there was little for me if I remained,” he said, not elaborating further.
Kira left the matter, returning her attention to the stones. “Even if I have an affinity, I still don’t understand its point. The others are being taught how to use their soul’s breath, their ki, but the outcomes are often similar.”
Elodie’s tone took on the cadence of a teacher’s. She held up her hand, her forehead furrowed
in concentration. “Ki moves through and over everything. It is raw power.”
Her hand lifted as the air stirred beneath it, ruffling Kira’s hair and tugging on her clothes.
“It comes from within and without. Some have vast stores of the soul’s breath waiting inside them. Others, a very small amount.”
The wind settled, and Elodie’s hands rose, sketching the rune for a shield. It popped into existence.
“However, the skill to manipulate it into different forms depends on a person’s affinities. This is my version of the ki shield, one of the first things taught to initiates,” Elodie said, her forehead wrinkled in concentration. “Finn, would you care to demonstrate the difference.”
Finn’s lips quirked as he stepped forward. His hands flowed through the gestures impossibly fast. His gestures looked markedly different than Elodie’s to Kira’s untrained eye.
When his shield burst into existence, Kira thought she saw what Elodie had been speaking of.
Finn’s shield was larger than Elodie’s and carried with it a substance, whereas Elodie’s shield looked small next to it and almost fragile. Very little force would be needed to puncture it.
Of the two, Kira was willing to bet Finn’s would deflect a much stronger attack.
“The way we get to an outcome differs,” Quillon instructed. “Elodie used a katta more suited to her abilities. Finn, a different one.”
With a grunt, Elodie’s shield vanished, and her hands dropped. After a moment, Finn’s shield disappeared as well.
“Elodie’s affinity is more suited to precision and control. It’s why she’s a healer,” Quillon said. “Whereas Finn has devoted his life to protecting others. His affinities suit that drive.”
“I think I am beginning to understand,” Kira said slowly.
“A person’s affinity determines what skills they are most suited to learning,” Elodie said. “You can try to refine and perfect what you have, but trying to learn an opposing affinity would be like a blind person learning to see.”
“Not impossible, just very, very difficult,” Finn said.
“Why the gestures and symbols when using the ki?” Kira asked. She had always been able to use the soul’s breath without them.
