Her White Lie

by Jackie Walsh

  ‘We’ll just say we’re unloading stuff if anyone asks.’

  I hear her but I’m not paying attention because Amy’s isn’t the only car parked outside the entrance. There’s a navy car in front of us. Through the back window I can see the shape of two people and my gut tells me this is not good. The passenger looks like a man and there’s no mistaking the fuzzy head of hair in the driver’s seat. The detectives are back.

  Chapter Twenty

  ‘Drive on,’ I say. ‘Amy, drive on quickly before they notice me.’

  But it’s too late. Detective Siobhan Lee has seen me and is stepping out of the car.

  Amy is looking at me, then at the detective, then back to me. ‘What’s wrong, Tara? Who’s that?’

  I’m taking deep breaths. The detective’s eyes have locked on mine.

  ‘It’s the cops.’

  ‘The cops. Sweet Jesus, how did they know I was going to pull up here in my car?’

  ‘That’s not why they’re here, Amy.’ Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Amy’s head turned towards me. She must be staring in disbelief. My heart is thumping in my chest but I continue to keep eye contact as the detective gets closer.

  ‘What’s… going… on?’ Amy whispers.

  ‘I’ll tell you later; it’s about Avril Ryan.’

  ‘Who the hell is Avril Ryan?’ We’re both talking through closed lips, trying to communicate like we don’t want our words read. I don’t know why. The detectives would never hear us from here and we’re not saying anything bad.

  ‘The woman whose body was found.’ I take a quick glance at Amy and see her staring at me. Her mouth is open wide and for the first time since I’ve known her, I think Amy is lost for words.

  I pull on the handle of the door and get out of the car. Acknowledging the detective with a nod, I walk towards her.

  ‘Tara,’ she says.

  ‘Yes.’ My heart is almost in my mouth now; I’m so nervous. What is she doing here again so soon? They must have discovered something. I try to convince myself that this is all just routine but I’m failing. It seems a bit much calling twice in one week. Maybe they spoke to Faye. Maybe Faye let something slip.

  ‘Can we go inside?’ she says.

  ‘Yes, well, okay, but…’ I don’t want to tell her I’m here to unload half an off-licence full of alcohol for a hen party. Not that she’d care. I’m sure she’s been to many herself.

  ‘Okay… Erm… I’ll just tell my friend to move on.’ I step forward, then backwards and look completely flustered. The detective nods and walks back to her car.

  ‘Amy, you’ll have to go, they want to speak to me inside.’

  ‘Is Lucas in there?’

  ‘No, he’s going straight to the pub after work.’

  ‘I’m coming with you, so.’ Amy rolls up the window and opens the door.

  ‘No, Amy, you better not. I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’

  ‘But you’re on your own, Tara, and I’m not leaving you on your own. I don’t have to listen. I can wait in the bedroom if you want, but I’m not leaving you.’

  A part of me is relieved when Amy says this. I’m not sure I would have told her what was going on but she knows now that something is and I could do with some support.

  ‘Okay, but what about the car? You can’t leave it here, it might get a ticket.’

  ‘Are they leaving their car here?’ she says, nodding at the police car.

  ‘Yes, but they’re cops, Amy, they can park where they like.’

  ‘Fuck it.’ Amy steps out of the car and slams the door closed. Then she links her arm through mine and walks towards the detectives with me. She must be able to feel my body trembling beneath my coat. She squeezes my arm tighter.

  * * *

  My hand shakes as I try to fit the key into the keyhole. After what feels like forever the door eventually opens. Amy and I walk through first, followed by the two detectives. When we step into the living area, Amy asks if I want her to stay. I don’t know if I do. I feel stronger with her by my side but what if the detective says something I don’t want Amy to hear? No. I’d better not take any chances.

  ‘You can wait inside,’ I say. ‘I’ll be okay.’

  ‘Call me if you need me.’ She looks at the female detective before leaving the room.

  ‘I wasn’t expecting to see you again,’ I say to the detective when she asks me to sit down.

  ‘Well, here we are.’ She sits on the chair opposite me. Detective Mullins remains standing with his notebook in his hand.

  ‘Okay, Tara, I’ll get straight to the point. You’ll have heard by now the body discovered at Huntley Lodge is Avril Ryan’s.’ As she sits forward in her chair, I nod my head. ‘And you probably know Avril went missing while you and your friends were living at Huntley Lodge.’

  Again I nod.

  ‘Did you know Avril Ryan, Tara?’

  ‘Did I know Avril Ryan?’ I say in a surprised voice, while pointing at myself. ‘No, I never heard of her until last week.’

  The detective is staring at me, saying nothing, waiting for me to continue.

  ‘Well I kind of remember hearing about her in the news when she went missing but I don’t know her. I never knew her.’

  ‘So why is your number on her phone?’ The words echo loudly from the small man standing in the corner of the room. Detective Mullins has jumped in with a ludicrous remark, rendering me speechless. Did he just say my phone number was in her phone? Did I hear right? That can’t be. I didn’t know that woman. I never met her. What’s he talking about? Is this a trick? I look away from Detective Mullins and back to Siobhan Lee.

  ‘What did he say?’

  ‘He said your mobile phone number was found on Avril Ryan’s phone.’

  ‘But I never met that woman! I didn’t know her from Adam; that can’t be. Are you sure it’s my number?’ My head is going to burst. I feel like a huge boulder is pressing down on it.

  ‘Tell us how you knew Avril Ryan, Tara,’ Siobhan says in a soft voice. I recognise that technique from the television. Speaking like they understand: we know your pain, we know you didn’t mean to kill her. They won’t fool me. I remember Faye’s warning. Be careful what you say, they’re professional at getting information out of people.

  ‘I didn’t know her, I never met her and I never spoke to her.’

  ‘So why is your number in her phone?’

  ‘I don’t have an answer for that. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s a mistake or maybe someone gave it to her. But I didn’t give it to her. I never met that woman. Ever.’ I can hear the fear in my voice. It’s disguised as anger. My mind is racing. How did they know it was my number? I don’t remember giving them my number.

  ‘How do you know it’s my number?’

  ‘Simple, we rang it yesterday and you answered,’ Detective Mullins says.

  ‘But Avril Ryan went missing three years ago. Maybe someone else had that number back then.’ I’m trying to figure out in my head how this could have happened but Mullins’s smug expression tells me they have covered all angles before coming here to confront me. He just shakes his head.

  ‘It’s your number, Tara. What was Avril Ryan doing with your number?’

  ‘You’ll have to ask her,’ I say, regretting my smartness as soon as the words leave my mouth. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that but I’m completely in shock here. I do not know how this happened. And it was so long ago.’

  I begin to panic. Did I meet her? Did I give her my number? I met a lot of new people at Mam’s funeral. I gave my number out to different people when I was helping Dad make the funeral arrangements. But Avril Ryan didn’t have anything to do with arranging funerals.

  I feel my confidence deflating when Detective Lee speaks.

  ‘Tara, you are the last person Avril Ryan rang before she went missing.’

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I want to ring Lucas. I want to tell him what happened but if I do he’ll rush home and his stag party will be
ruined. No. I’ll sit here and wait until he comes in.

  Amy stayed for as long as she could, making me drink a brandy. Twice.

  When the detectives eventually left, she came out of the room. She probably heard everything that went on. I know if it was me I would have had my ear to the door. But she said nothing. She just asked if I wanted to talk about it and I was so drained, I wouldn’t have known where to start.

  It took Amy seven runs up and down the stairs before she had all the drinks unloaded. I hope I didn’t waste her time. The way I’m feeling now there will be no hen party. I’ll be lucky to make the wedding.

  I asked Detective Siobhan Lee if I needed a solicitor. She said that was up to me, which means I do. I told them I was getting married a week on Saturday and asked them if they were going to be calling here, asking me questions that I didn’t know the answer to on the days before my wedding. Detective Lee said they would stay away unless it was necessary. What’s necessary to them may not be necessary to me. I’m picturing them standing outside the church when I arrive, white dress, sparkling veil, handcuffs. I feel sick.

  And Lucas, what is he going to think? Will he be as eager to take me for his wife if I’m embroiled in a murder case? I can’t believe this is happening.

  Tears are rolling down my face but they’re not from sadness, I don’t know how I feel. Numb. That’s it. Numb. I should have known something would come along and derail my happiness. It’s not right to be that happy. To have all the stars aligned. I don’t deserve to be the luckiest woman in the world. Not after what I did. But I just thought for one brief moment I was going to be.

  Faye hasn’t called yet. If she doesn’t contact me by tomorrow afternoon, I’m ringing her. I don’t care what she says about it. I want to know what those detectives asked her. Does she know about my number being in Avril Ryan’s phone? Can she come up with an explanation for that? And Andriu. He’ll be arriving on Tuesday. All happy and where’s the pub. He’s going to get some shock when he hears the cops want to speak to him. I’d better warn him too. I’ll text him to arrange to pick him up at the airport. I’ll get Amy to drive and I’ll fill him in then.

  I’m nervous and completely confused about that number. None of this makes sense. I wish Lucas would come home soon so he can tell me what to do, what to feel. He’ll relax me.

  Lifting my phone, I check the time, before moving out onto the balcony with the throw from the sofa wrapped around me. It’s only half past eleven. Lucas will probably be partying for hours yet. It could be the morning before I see him.

  A cold icy breeze brushes my face. The water is still tonight, going nowhere. On the opposite side of the river, I see a crowd of people gathered outside a pub, drinking, smoking, laughing. That should be me tomorrow night. I don’t know what to do.

  A few minutes later, I go back inside and lock the door. I really should try to get some sleep. I’m placing the throw over the alcohol stockpiled in the corner of the room in case Lucas arrives home and thinks Santa came early, when my phone rings. I rush to grab it, hitting my foot on the corner of the sofa. ‘Shit. The pain.’ I lift the phone. With my heart beating a hole in my chest I look at the name flashing on the screen and answer.

  ‘Tara.’

  Faye is dragging out my name, she’s drunk. Which doesn’t surprise me. Faye was always fond of getting drunk. ‘Merry’ didn’t satisfy her. ‘Just one more’, she’d say when I’d tell her I’d had enough. But it was never one more, it was always two or three and sometimes four more. I thought that habit might have stopped when she qualified as a doctor. I don’t know why; I’m sure doctors get drunk too.

  ‘Faye, is that you?’

  ‘Tara Moore… soon to be married…’

  ‘Faye, are you drunk?’

  ‘Am I drunk?’ she slurs. Then the phone goes quiet.

  ‘Faye, are you there?’

  ‘I’m here.’

  ‘Are you alright?’

  ‘Am I alri…’

  God, she must be pissed. I don’t want to talk to her when she’s like this.

  ‘Faye, maybe you should hang up, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’

  ‘That bitch called,’ she says, her voice a little clearer now.

  ‘What bitch?’

  ‘That detective one, she called me, all serious and what did I know… and she said you knew the missing woman.’

  ‘I know, it’s all a bit confusing. Maybe we should talk tomorrow, Faye.’

  ‘Why would you tell her you knew that woman? I jusst don’t underssstand.’

  ‘I didn’t tell her I knew her. I’ll explain to you in the morning, Faye. Look, try to get some sleep.’

  ‘You’ve ruined me, Tarrra Moore, soon to be marrrried. You’ve destroyed everything I have worked for.’

  ‘Faye, stop it, what are you saying that for? You’re drunk.’

  ‘This is all your fault,’ she says.

  I think she’s beginning to cry. Then she hangs up.

  God, will today never end? I wait a few minutes to make sure she doesn’t call back then I head into the bedroom to put my thumping head down on the pillow. My eyes are getting heavy. I’m exhausted with worry.

  Poor Faye. I feel sorry for her. The detective has her rattled too. Which makes me even more nervous. Faye was never one to crumble easily. She was my strength back in the day, always telling me to relax, that everything would be fine. Faye could take me from a high of ten on the panic chart back to a three with just a few words. A bit like Lucas does now. But Faye is just as worried as I am, this time. She’s afraid we’re going to get caught.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I don’t know what time Lucas arrived home. I must have fallen asleep at some point. The rest of the night was spent tossing and turning and praying the detectives would get a suspect soon so I could get on with my life.

  After I had driven myself mad thinking about what the detective said, I thought about the wedding. The fact that I was marrying the love of my life. The man who currently reeks of stale alcohol, lying in the bed beside me. I decided that was the most important thing. I also decided I was going ahead with the hen party. I can’t let this Avril Ryan business ruin everything.

  Pushing the duvet to the side I step out of the bed and drag myself to the ensuite where I take a shower. I feel like I’ve been marinated in beer from the smell in the bedroom. Lucas will have some head on him when he wakes up. I’ll leave him to sleep another while. I’d leave him there for the day if I didn’t have to break the news to him that the cops think he’s marrying a fugitive. I need him to reassure me. To tell me everything will be okay.

  I’m tempted to ring Faye to see if she’s okay but I’ll wait and see if she rings me. I picture her holding her head, going to the sink for a glass of water and suddenly remembering she called me. Oh the terror. I’ve been there. There’s nothing worse.

  In the corner of the room I see the tower of promise hidden behind the throw. In a few hours’ time this place will be buzzing with laughter, music, chocolate willies and bridal sashes. I hope they don’t have anything too embarrassing arranged for me.

  I step out onto the balcony where the brightness hits me, making my eyes squint. Dublin city is quiet on a Saturday morning. The traffic will come but it will be slower to build. I look at the river rolling like a green army towards the sea. Lifting my mug of coffee to my lips, my hands shake. I sense a sadness roaming through my body. This is not how I should be feeling on the day of my hen party. I should be bursting with enthusiasm. Instead, I’m only half excited. Going through the motions. Finding out Avril Ryan rang my phone has me completely confused and anxious. I’m going to have to wake Lucas up.

  ‘Lucas, Lucas,’ I whisper at first. Then I crescendo all the way to a roar. ‘Lucas.’

  ‘What the fuck?’ Lucas jumps in the bed. His eyes are squinting through an angry expression. ‘For fuck’s sake, Tara.’

  ‘I’m sorry Lucas, I know you’re probably dying but I need to talk to you.’r />
  He slaps his tongue against his dry lips.

  ‘Here,’ I say, handing him a glass of water with two Solpadeine fizzing in it. ‘Drink that.’

  His eyes are only slightly open but I can see the red where the white should be. I cringe; that’ll be me tomorrow.

  ‘Lucas, I’m really sorry for waking you, but the detectives called again last night.’

  He pulls himself up in the bed and is now resting on one arm and drinking from the glass. When he tastes it, he stops to look at the contents before knocking it all back. Then he hands me the glass. ‘Water.’

  I rush back out to the kitchen and fill the glass. When I go back into the room, Lucas is sitting up at the side of the bed. His head is a mess, his face green.

  ‘What did they want this time?’ he says.

  I sit down beside him and hand him the glass. Lucas looks at me, smiles and puts his arm around my shoulder. ‘You should have called me. I would have come home, Tara.’

  ‘No, I didn’t want to spoil your night. I was alright. Amy was here for a while.’

  Lucas stands up and stretches his arms in the air. For a man who doesn’t believe in sweating unless he’s bathing in the sun, he has a wonderful body. ‘The cops, what did they want?’ he says, belching as he turns around to look at me.

  ‘They called because they found my phone number in the dead girl’s phone, but I don’t know how that could be. Could they be lying?’

  Lucas walks out to the living area so I follow him. ‘Once someone’s talking they can be lying, Tara, but that’s not the point.’ He yawns, moving barefoot towards the sink.

  I follow him, watching his every move, listening for his words. His magic. Tell me everything is going to be okay Lucas. I will believe you.

  ‘This all happened three years ago, Tara. Your number could be in her phone for any amount of reasons. Don’t let it bother you.’ He turns to find me standing right behind him. Lucas lifts his hands and holds my head. ‘It means nothing. Don’t be worrying; they’re just doing their job. They’ll have moved on to the next person by now.’