J R

by William Gaddis

  —Rhoda of course, yes go ahead and shave Bast . . . he came down cautiously on Hoppin’ With Flavor!—I’ll just sit down and chew the fat with Rhoda.

  —Man like try that and you’ll get a fat lip, and like watch that can by your foot I mean do you want grape drink?

  —Good God no I . . .

  —Well I mean will you just hand me the can then? and like that red cup off the, man not this can I mean look at it like does that look like grape drink?

  —Frankly I didn’t want to say, but since you . . .

  —It’s enchilavies I mean what’s the matter with enchilavies, like I mean what do you have to put everything down for man.

  —I? Wouldn’t have you think that for the world, I’ve been marveling at the woman’s touch everywhere since I came in in fact really cozy, pants hanging on the dishcloth rack in there, dirty cups on the sill and Mister Bast’s greasy diploma up here on the wall like an earnest young dentist, milady’s lemonfresh bath scenting the air and, yes what’s that behind you on the floor . . .

  —Man like what are you trying to, I mean what do you mean what is it it’s this Indian hat what does it look like.

  —Mister Gibbs? Is it all right if I, I’ve been wearing these shirts you left here once and . . .

  —No by all means, neck size makes you look a little cadaverous and those trousers are, where in God’s name did you get that outfit anyhow.

  —Man like what’s the matter with his outfit I mean look at yours, like you’re wearing this old summer suit of somebody’s man.

  —Yes well it’s all right Mister Gibbs I can’t stop to, you don’t know what time it is do you?

  —It’s like ten after man I mean don’t ask me ten after what, and I mean before you go like can you leave me some coin? Like I have to go to this vietrinary before they stuff him.

  —But I thought you, when I gave you that five dol . . .

  —Five dollars I mean like that new razor I got you was like three ninety-eight and those pants were like eighteen dollars and that jacket man, I mean you’ve got all these checks in there like just tell your friend to like cash them.

  —Yes well if he, if you could Mister Gibbs they’re just some dividend checks and, oh and wait this check here I meant to give you this check for the rent sixty-one forty, I think Mister Eigen said . . .

  —Didn’t expect you to pay it all though Bast after all we . . .

  —No no that’s all right it’s all made out and, I mean it’s really not exactly me anyway it’s . . .

  —But who’s, who the hell is the J R Shipping Corp.

  —Yes well it’s just a, just I don’t have time to explain Mister Gibbs it’s all too, if you could move your knee I just have to get that music there and . . .

  —What this whole pile? Good Lord what’s, is this your what was it? your oratorio? No wonder you look, Bast that’s great you’ve finished your oratorio?

  —No well the, the oratorio, it’s not exactly an oratorio now it’s, it’s just going to be a suite for small orchestra but it’s not exactly finished I, I’m . . .

  —Small orchestra good God, must be enough parts here for a whole Berlioz . . .

  —Yes but, but this isn’t it this is, this is just something else I’ve been working on so I could . . .

  —Man like don’t let him get started I mean when he starts explaining like why he can’t do this one thing until he does this other thing he’s not doing either because there’s like something else he has to do as soon as he finishes this other thing I mean can you move your foot . . .

  —Yes if can you just hand me that Indian . . .

  —Better help your squaw with her blanket in back there too Bast wouldn’t want people in the street to . . .

  —Look man I’m just going in the tub I mean where do you think I’m going.

  —Oh and Mister Gibbs I meant to say if you’re going to be here if any phone calls come they may sound like business I mean they are business and . . .

  —You mean that phone in there works?

  —Yes oh and that’s something else if you can keep something hung over it, I mean it’s a picturephone and if somebody’s in the tub or anything I wrote a number down there you can just tell them to call Mister Piscator he’s a lawyer, I wrote his number down there too if he calls about a movie company called Erebus somebody called Mister Leva if you could just help me with this box here I . . .

  —Look Bast I’ll do anything I can for you but God damn it can you take two minutes to sit down and tell me what this is all about? This business these dividend checks what’s . . .

  —They’re in the icetray yes if you could just cash them for her I’ll try to explain it all when I get back oh and don’t let Al answer the phone anymore he . . .

  —Al who wait look how long are you going to be gone where the hell are you going?

  —It’s just, it’s something I said I’d do Mister Gibbs so I, I have to do it if you could hold the door for me . . .

  —Yes here but listen Bast there are some other things I wanted to talk to good God no is that a hearing aid?

  —Yes no Rhoda can tell you goodbye thank you Mister Gibbs goodbye . . .

  —Good, good luck . . . his weight and the door’s supported one another till it shuddered back in place,—good . . . God.

  —Man like could you hand me one of those red cups by the sink?

  —With grape drink? Look will you tell me . . .

  —Like I just want it to dip over me man I mean all this real sudsing power, like do you want to get in?

  —In, the tub?

  —Well like what do you think I . . .

  —No look Rhoda I just came up here to get some work done, I thought Bast was shut up here alone writing music find all this going on and him never seen him looking worse, never saw anybody look worse what the hell was that hearing aid he’s wearing.

  —Like that’s this little ear radio man I mean it’s this job he has on the side, like he writes down every record this station plays so these musicians don’t get screwed on like royalties and . . .

  —But of what, this job on the side of what you mean he composes with that thing playing in his ear all the time?

  —Like that’s all this music he’s getting this four hundred dollars for so he can write this other music I mean that’s why he doesn’t even know what it sounds like till he goes to this hotel someplace to like play it on the piano there, I mean like he was trying it here only he couldn’t find these octaves on the piano, like I mean he’d just find them and some more stuff would like come and get piled on them and I mean now you can’t even find the fucking piano anymore.

  —All right but what’s all this got to do with his, with this business this J R Shipping Corp and all these . . .

  —Like that’s what it’s on the side of on the side of, I mean wait till you see the mail like there must be these fifty sick corporations man, I mean when the telephone rings you never know what it is like can you lend me your hand so I don’t slip getting out?

  —Yes here but . . . he cleared his throat—be careful, this lawyer he mentioned this Piscator . . .

  —He’s this lawyer they’ve got that like could you give me that shirt to dry off? And his boss, I mean when he calls you never heard such a creep like could you throw me those moccasins?

  —Yes listen on second thought I’d better just forget the . . .

  —I mean like whenever he calls man he’s got like this whole list of stuff and you can’t hardly . . .

  —Never mind listen I shouldn’t have asked, came up here to do some work and . . .

  —Man like do it then I mean who’s stopping you, like I mean what are you climbing up there for . . .

  —I’m looking for a God damned looking for a blue folder and some boxes of notes Tootsie Roll boxes, they say Tootsie Roll on them have you seen . . .

  —Like this blue folder’s someplace I mean I saw it once but these Tootsie Rolls man, I mean you could dig for look out! Like that whole
pile’s going . . .

  —God damned . . .

  —Like before you get buried I mean could you come down and cash these checks like you said?

  —Look I didn’t say . . .

  —Man like it’s not this million dollars and I mean by your foot like throw me that raincoat?

  —All right just, wait hold those film cans before they, there . . .

  —They’re like right in the refrigerator I mean that’s where he keeps . . .

  —Yes but wait what, good God what is this in here . . .

  —That’s all this literature for these investments man, like . . .

  —No this, this Cornish hens à la Kiev, classic dish of the Imperial Court of Old dripping all over these . . .

  —It’s some present he got like it says keep refrigerated I mean just look in the icetray.

  —But, all these? you expect me to cash all these U S Steel what the, forty cents? International Paper forty-three cents what are all these on one share? General Telephone forty cents, Typhon International . . .

  —Man like don’t ask me I mean just add them up okay?

  —Columbia Gas forty-seven, El Paso Natural Gas really God damned diversified portfolio, Walt Disney . . .

  —And there’s like this forty-five more cents of them under the couch with the . . .

  —Western Union look they’re not even endorsed, I mean what do you . . .

  —What like signed on the back? I mean endorse them then like just sign a fucking x on the back what do they want for thirty cents, Abraham Lincoln’s autograph?

  —One eighty, two ten, two thirty look I’ll give you five dollars for the lot, here . . .

  —Five dollars? Man like I need cab fare I’m going shopping.

  —Now? like that?

  —Like what, I mean can you see through it?

  —No but it’s, you’ll freeze your pants are hanging in there on . . .

  —Like what do you want me to do leave them at Macy’s? And I mean I could get you something man, like that suit you’ve got it looks like out of some old movie and I mean it’s this big sale down there today I could get you a . . .

  —Look what difference does a sale make if you’re just going down there to . . .

  —The crowds man the crowds, I mean they’re so cheap like for a hundred people they’ve got this one spaced out sales person that’s like trained not to see you, I mean look is that this blue folder you’re looking for up there? No like over the refrigerator on that Flakes box . . .

  —How’d it get up there yes lost this and I’d really be, what in, what the hell . . .

  —Oh wow, I mean like there was this frozen pizza up there . . .

  —Frozen what do you mean frozen cheese and tomato all over the whole God damned throw me that shirt God damn it, I mean God damn it if you and Bast are staying here at least you could . . .

  —What man at least we could what, I mean he just gave you some rent didn’t he? And I mean like you weren’t even very nice to him, man I mean this one time I ever saw you before you’re up here that night waving this bottle around with like one shoe and I mean now you come on like you’re this really different person, man like I mean really up tight you know?

  —Yes well listen . . .

  —I mean you just come in here all at once from like nowhere and everybody should drop dead while you look for your Tootsie Rolls and this great folder with cheese and tomatoes like it’s War and Peace I mean what . . .

  —Listen it is it’s, look . . . he wiped a hand, sank back on 24-12 Oz Btls Fragile!—chance I’ve been waiting for to work on this book again I’ve finally got it, worked on it before never any reason for me to finish it anything to make me really want to do it now there is that’s why it’s, why I’ve got to really damn it . . . he got to a knee, reached up,—hello yes who . . .? Wait who is it what do you . . . Monsieur Bast oh, no il n’est pas là . . .

  —Man like just say j’ai mon foo and they hang right up . . . the door shuddered, hung,—I mean I’ll see you man . . .

  —Comment . . .? Le commissionnaire du, du mal oui? comment? C’est un pays . . .? Yes all right bon no offense damn it qu’est ce que vous . . . qui moi? Moi je suis ahm, je suis son aide oui, Monsieur Bast est parti mais je . . . Urgent oui mais je . . . de quel catalogue . . .? Rouge et vert, de quoi? Ray X? Don’t see one here no je ne . . . Que vous êtes pressé bon je le dirai au Monsieur quand il re . . . yes well look écoutez God damn it what do you want me to qu’est ce que vous . . . comment? De bonne vente oui mais you mean acheter tout . . .? Oui fine prix convenu mais l’inventaire tout entier . . .? Tout à l’instant même fine see what I can . . . qui moi? Je m’appelle ahm, oui je m’appelle Grynszpan oui, Monsieur Grynszpan . . . bon, si vous . . . plus tard bon pas de quoi good God . . .

  He came down wiping a hand, caught the door tipped on its hinge and set it firm before he wet the shirt’s tail at the sink torrent and came in to the couch wiping the blue folder—try to get anything done here . . . sitting to open its pages and wipe at margins, pausing with—I hope every weeder . . . to clear his throat,—I hope every reader will, from this history, take warning, and stamp improvement on the wings of time . . . and his feet came up to rest on Thomas Register.—Pursued by the crippled ghost of exquisite and delicate sensibility, Frank Woolworth fled to wait . . . he reached, dug, came up with the nub of a pencil.—Fleeing that crippled ghost of exquisite and delicate sensibility to Lancaster Pa where his best would be good enough, Frank Woolworth secured success with a line of ten cent items to stamp his nickel’s worth of improvement on democracy even then being flushed from elsewhere in Aristotle’s lecture notes as forlorn delusion rising out of the notion that those who are equal in any respect are equal in all sounds fine doesn’t it, nothing hard about that. Roused by the steam whistle, democracy’s claims devoured technology’s no wait. Roused by the steam whistle, democracy claimed technology’s promise to banish failure to inherent vice, where in painting it survives today, and America sprang full in the face of that dead philosopher’s reproach to be always seeking after the useful does not become free and exalted souls. By the nineties the arts were already seeking refuge at Hull House dressed as, by the nineties the arts showed up disguised as therapy at Hull House seeking refuge from streets ringing with Jack London’s howling discovery of Spencer’s immutable law, Give me the fact, man! The irrefragable fact! and elsewhere their torrent catalogued as literature to trample Maggie the Girl of the Streets where John Dewey came groping for the close and intimate acquaintance got with nature at first wait. And elsewhere their torrent no. Catalogued elsewhere as literature, these . . . the pencil nub drew lines, an arrow detouring a tomato blot—published this ten years ago it would have been damn it have to type it over anyhow where I put those cigarettes . . . he rummaged.—Give me the fact man sound like I mean that’s Spencer’s law? howling discovery of Spencer’s immutable Christ anybody thinks Spencer would say give me the fact man no business reading this in the first place. Now . . . smoke rose.—Catalogued elsewhere as literature, these no. These, catalogued elsewhere as literature, catalogued as literature to trample made it an active verb, conspired no . . . smoke rose, the cigarette finally dropped into the enchiladas, his head rested back.—These . . .

  The smoke drifted through planes of light from the askew blind mounting 24/One Pound H-O and Won’t Burn, Smoke or Smell, crossed the plateau of bound volumes of the Musical Courier to climb no DEPOSIT NO RETURN and fail against the arc of the clock where the long hand pursued the small, passed it, descended and was gone. He sat up abruptly—damn it get anything done in this place . . . and he was in past 36 Boxes 200 2-Ply—hello . . .? Not here no Mister Bast left this morning, who . . . Mister Grynszpan? not here either no, who’s . . . oh. Oh they did . . .? and they said they’d just talked to a Mister Gryn . . . can’t understand them at all no matter of fact Mister Piscator they ahm . . . No, no it’s French yes talked to them myself, I . . . me? Grynszpan yes I just said that because I’m u
p here getting some work done didn’t want to be dist . . . just helping Mister Bast out yes took this call from . . . radium? No they . . . oh, didn’t mention rhodium no sounded like they had a catalogue of x-ray machines red and green catalogue want to buy the whole . . . Ray X that was it yes red and . . . all outdated inventory? Didn’t even ask didn’t seem to care no I don’t think they could read the specifications either, sounded like all they could read was the prices they want immediate . . . discount no didn’t ask for one they just want im . . . in the catalogue yes everything in it I sold them everything in the catalogue complete inventory if they can get hold of it immediately, just want to know where they can . . . got it all warehoused where . . .? Fine yes I’ll tell them that, goodbye . . . you’re welcome yes, good . . . what? No, no Mister Bast mentioned it said this Leva might call but he didn’t give me any details just left here this morning in a hell of a hurry and . . . Yes well look I’m busy I can’t . . . sorry yes but look I can’t get into . . . who B F Leva? worst God damned moviemaker in . . . losing how much . . .? You mean your company’s looking for tax credits up in the range of . . . who Bast? No didn’t say anything to me about a threat to the tax loss status of your textile wait look Mister Piscator don’t go into it please, I’m working on something up here and . . . yes I . . . All right look all five studios what’s the book val . . . what just in carrying charges . . .? All right look take on the whole thing get rid of that two and a half million cash outlay in carrying charges by dumping these four smaller studios well under book value, say you sell them off at two million one bring your tax credits up around forty million just hang onto the big studio rate this Leva’s going you’ll be . . . problem getting hold of their stockholders list quote the book value at a hundred and sixty-eight a share real God damned point’s how active it is, stockholders probably watching these losses sitting on their look I don’t know the whole story shouldn’t be trying to . . . can’t no I told you I’m working on something I . . . help Mister Bast out yes but he didn’t say anything about a . . . Didn’t mention that either no he . . . no look I . . . didn’t tell me about that either damn it look Mister Piscator trying to help out but I’ve got something here I’m working on that’s . . . I don’t know when I’ll finish it no! Now will you . . . you’re welcome yes good . . . I will yes goodbye.