J R

by William Gaddis

  —But, but no sir I, why why would . . .

  —See how she was mixed up with this outfit got her picture all over their damn magazine there don’t she?

  —Oh, no no sir that’s . . .

  —It’s not Emily I just told you that it’s some revolting nurse I said get me some crackers, most disgusting magazine I’ve ever seen tummy bulge sagging tits laxatives this revolting creature doing yogi tricks in a body stocking here show him this Beaton. There, does that look like Emily?

  —Here sir it’s, there’s a surface resemblance but I believe this is the wife of the parent company’s personnel manager the man who’s just been lost in, who’s taking part in this Teletravel trial apparently he used his influence to get her this position with an aid program to Ind . . .

  —Which position show him the top one Beaton show him el hedouli, can you see Emily doing that? Ninny wouldn’t lift her leg for the king of . . .

  —Shacked up with that drunk uptown didn’t she? Sure he’s out of the damn picture Beaton?

  —According to information from the doorman he was never seen there again after she . . .

  —Monty still mad how she flew the coop like that, told him maybe Cutler can talk some damn sense to her, why the devil she’d . . .

  —Cutler’s worse than she is, he wouldn’t get into her pants without an engraved invitation why do you think she chose him she’s still a cold ninny that’s why, you’ve seen her since they came back isn’t she Beaton?

  —No she, I haven’t seen her ma’am I’ve only talked to her on the pho . . .

  —She still sounds like a cold ninny doesn’t she? Did you hear what she said about me at the . . .

  —She sounded very cold yes ma’am she, she sounded frozen inside in fact when . . .

  —Go out spend fifty cents on their wedding present stack of damn placemats Zona what the devil you expect where’s that handkerchief, damn it Beaton told you to . . .

  —And I want my detectives back too they lost that ape when you took them and if anything happens to him Beaton I want to know it, his price could double and leave me sitting with my thumb in my . . .

  —Yes ma’am of course in the event of his death his estate would be assessed the full market value you’ve established on any work remaining in his posses . . .

  —Anything remaining anywhere belongs to me what about that heap of junk he went out and spent my good money on.

  —Yes ma’am he sold a large section of it we immediately attached the bank dep . . .

  —Unloaded it on this same damn outfit we’re talking about Zona, fool art foundation they set up paid out twenty thousand for it handed ninety more to some damn band want that money put in escrow Beaton, find out how legal that damn founda . . .

  —You put that money in escrow Beaton I’ll put you in escrow I’ll put Mister Katz there in escrow I’ll . . .

  —By God . . .

  —Please I think you’ll have to leave if the patient can’t . . .

  —Beaton you tell him if he tries that I’ll sue him for, dried up old Raggedy Andy with his tin heart I’ll sue him for impersonating himself for impersonating Mister Katz he’s nobody, he’s a lot of old parts stuck together he doesn’t even exist he started losing things eighty years ago he lost a thumbnail on the Albany nightboat and that idiot classmate of his Handler’s been dismantling him ever since, started an appendectomy punctured the spleen took it out then came the gall bladder that made it look like appendicitis in the first place now look at him, he’s listening through somebody else’s inner ears those corneal transplants God knows whose eyes he’s looking through, windup toy with a tin heart he’ll end up with a dog’s brain and some nigger’s kidneys why can’t I take him to court and have him declared nonexistent, null void nonexistent why can’t I Beaton.

  —Well it, it would be a novel case ma’am I doubt if there are precedents and the time it would take to adjudi . . .

  —By God Beaton shut that woman up get the damn phone!

  —The patient’s going up in a couple of minutes could you . . .

  —Hold that damn thing closer! who’s . . . Broos? What’s holding up the damn vote on this loan guaran . . . who is? Do some horse trading damn it got the vote on his sugar support bill haven’t you? Whole damn economy going to hell in a handbas . . . read your speech yes damn fine speech something don’t turn the damn Dow around fast we . . . Know that damn it have to restructure their damn debt first don’t we? Thought I’d turn it over to Monty once this smelter’s off and . . . By God what’s that got to do with it lot of damn . . . damn politician yourself don’t know it’s a lot of damn nonsense? Leftwing press drum something up smear anybody they can reach, Monty drew up that smaltite contract before he went into the damn government didn’t he? still working for the damn stockholders when he drew it up wasn’t he? Job he had running Typhon get the best damn deal he could for the stockholders just what he did, takes a salary cut goes to serve his damn country gets this leftwing press hounding him out of office any damn wonder Washington can’t get one single damn good man to . . . Whole smelting operation over there declared surplus what the damn contract says don’t it? None of their business in the first place, question of the damn national security cobalt stockpile requirements set up damn thing ought to be running right now only damn prob . . . labor force whole damn Malwi labor force decimated yes how the devil’d that happen, Dé’s people supposed to annex it just heard they walked in these buggers meet them armed to the damn teeth Dé’s bunch panic cut them down like flies go in to clean up find all they had’s toys, pistols carbeens submachineguns rocket launchers every damn weapon you can think of plastic toys poor buggers must have . . . don’t know damn it maybe Candia what’s left of it, heard that red regime collapsed when Nowunda cleared out probably find him hiding under Milliken’s phone damn it Beaton have to tell you to pick the damn thing up? Way that damn fool stuck his neck out backing that UN resolution supporting interven . . . what?

  —Yes . . .? no this is a hospital room who . . .

  —Who Milliken? Have to do some damn arm twisting, had his law firm out there retained by this Alsaka outfit of theirs didn’t he? Still sore the way they blew the corner off his state didn’t lose any damn constituents did he? few sheep and Indians no damn reason to get so . . . who that damn bunch camped out down below there? Whole treaty abrogated Bureau of Land Management’s got every damn right to lease it out for ninety-ni . . . still wards of the damn government aren’t they? Damn lawsuit even if they won it BIA still their guardian’s got to give them permission to spend every damn nickel don’t it? Meet their damn legal responsibilities litigation keep them busy the next ten years BIA break-in, stolen car transported across state lines did in a salesman out there even got his fine boy in the hospital heard one of them assaulted a federal marshal with a damn hair dryer, add on their court costs in this suit with these bankrupt cement companies over their original treaty reservation won’t have a pot left to . . . Any that wants to stay there fine stay there and work, heard they’re starting to pull out lowgrade coal plenty of damn work for everybody why I want this damn . . . no got Beaton up here on it now like something a damn monkey put to . . . know the figures are incomplete damn it that’s the what . . .? Never heard of it hold on, Beaton?

  —I never have no, just a minute . . .

  —Beaton! Wants the assets of J R Shipping Corp some query on a six percent subsidy, who the devil’s that.

  —A Mister just a minute I said! yes sir it’s right here with, most of the parent company employees seem to have been on the payroll but the only asset I’ve uncovered is a here it is yes, a vessel under construction designated hull number three five nine seven now lying in damaged condition in the vicinity of Mile sixteen point six Galveston River approximately four mi . . .

  —Broos? Beaton still digging up the figures on it sounds like the kind of stunt they tried to pull at the last minute there loading their Ray-X payroll with everybody in this damn fool family
of companies right down to the scrubwomen build up their overhead on these cost-plus contracts looked like they had half the damn country working on them, they . . . Know that damn it so’s the damn bank, can’t expect us to keep nursing it can you? Thought maybe Typhon could take it on Beaton tells me we’d run straight into antitrust only other damn thing’s DOD, already tied up in these cost overruns and . . . Well by God whose damn fault’s that! DOD’s projects aren’t they? DOD contracts aren’t they? So damn tied up in it cost overruns all the rest let them take over the whole shooting match can’t expect the stockholders to . . . no reason the damn Army can’t do it under the War Powers Act is there? buy up all the Ray-X preferred like the damn Navy did this Long Island defense plant here two or three years ago? No dividend nonvoting nonconvertible company redeems it in five years from after-tax prof . . . well why the devil’d you think I told you to hold up this damn vote, arms procurement budget this size you can damn well squeeze in this many million nobody look at it twice . . .

  —Excuse me could we put up the phone now? The patient . . .

  —Water somebody get me some water . . .

  —Damn it Beaton come back here with that! Broos . . . Didn’t hear you no, who . . . can’t take time to open that damn can of worms now just had Monty on the phone here nuisance over this tv channel point is who’s the damn applicants, stunt that peachy little wop just pulled probably expects to run for president stays out of jail we can stick him in a judgeship out here in . . . to call who? By God no wouldn’t ask a dog to appoint him, just get him the damn nomination tenth judicial district march right up and elect him been voting the straight ticket out there since McKin . . . know that damn it but he’s tied up with this Flo-Jan outfit that’s applying for this damn tv channel out there isn’t he? Him and this Whitefoot whatever his fool name is pull his damn bank out of the hole find him a berth on the FCC don’t know enough to keep his damn fool mouth . . . Well by God don’t talk to me about interference somebody has to hold things together that’s why damn it! Most of the damn trouble in the world’s made by damn fools with nothing to do have to give them something to do to keep them off the damn streets and I’m by God sick and tired of hearing them bite the damn hand that feeds them hear me? Only damn reason they think something’s worth doing’s they get paid to do it, make a nickel and they march around show off their damn cars ranch splits backyard pools outboard boats kids eating peanut butter take credit like they was the ones invented their success by their own damn selves don’t see me in a damn backyard pool do you? don’t see me taking vacations do you? Somebody don’t spend every damn minute working to hold the whole damn thing together for them they’ll be squatting in tents on the White House lawn make Coxey’s Army look like a damn Sunday school picnic by God Broos don’t talk to me about interference! Politicians can’t make up your damn minds take your winnings with one hand got the other one out shaking every fool hand you can grab still want to be liked well by God I made that choice eighty years ago never been here damn it give me that!

  —Now now let’s act our age let go of the . . .

  —Here nurse give me the, hello? Senator? Yes sir he’s going up in just a minute, he’s . . . to call you later sir I’m sure he will, goodbye . . .

  —Some, water . . .!

  —Go up when I’m damn ready! Beaton? What’s that other call.

  —That was Mister Leva again sir, he . . .

  —Get that damn payment stopped?

  —No sir it was too late Mister Crawley had already nego . . .

  —Drop in the damn bucket won’t do Crawley any good will it? Find out where he got the title to that damn music in the first place?

  —No sir he said he’d commissioned it but . . .

  —Could you get your briefcase out of the way sir? We’re . . .

  —Watch my damn foot there! What the devil’d this Leva want.

  —He’s furious because the new management has told Erebus to fire him sir, he insists this Mister Grynszpan assured him he . . .

  —Thirty damn million not enough to waste on one picture goes out spends another sixty thousand on music for it I’m the one fired him damn it, thought we’d put this Grynszpan in there he bought them the damn outfit didn’t he? Deals he worked out sound like he might have a crackerjack mind help untangle the whole damn thing told you to get me the story on him didn’t I?

  —Yes sir in fact there’s been speculation he may have been the éminence grise behind the company’s meteoric expansion, he seems to have led quite a varied career. According to yesterday’s paper he developed the Grynszpan theory of common foci and was engaged in a major work on mechanization and the arts, he apparently worked his way through Harvard selling encyclopedias and has left them a vast sum in securities and real estate although when the will was probated both the IRS and the Edison Comp . . .

  —Will was what? mean he’s dead damn it?

  —He’s reported to have died suddenly in Yucatan of leuk . . .

  —Dead what damn good is he! damn it Beaton what’s . . .

  —Joe just get the foot of the bed there and . . .

  —Water . . .?

  —By God damn it Beaton? Where the devil are you, want you to get that damn stockholder letter out while I’m up there Beaton hear me? Want you to look into the ownership on the shirttail family outfit in that damn patent suit have it ready when I come down hear me? Get that damn JMI stock out where we can get at it hear me? Court decision goes the wrong way whoever’s sitting on that JMI stock still give this shirttail outfit one hell of a fight on appeal, too damn much at stake here for any slipups you get that JMI out where we’ve got our damn hands on it hear me Beaton? Where the devil . . .

  —Please if the patient doesn’t lie dow . . .

  —Get out of the damn way where is he, Beaton? Get over here where I can see you, you get that JMI out hear me?

  —No sir.

  —And you look into the own, what did you say?

  —The current assets of both foundations have been frozen under an injunction, sir.

  —What the devil do you, why didn’t you tell me! what . . .

  —You didn’t ask me sir.

  —Well by God I’m asking you now! Whose injunction!

  —Mrs Cutler, sir.

  —Mrs, Emily? by God what . . .

  —Yes sir, she informed me this morning she had an injunction to freeze their assets pending resolution of control of both founda . . .

  —Control the, Amy by God no damn question who controls the, when’s that dividend told you to keep an eye on that damn fourth dividend didn’t I?

  —I have, yes sir.

  —Well damn it when’s it due!

  —In about twenty minutes, sir. In fact I believe she may be meeting with the other trustees right now and of course if no dividend is declared, her failure to have signed over these last powers of attorney will give her the additional votes of both her brother’s and her son’s . . .

  —I declare it hear me!

  —No get his arm Joe here, get his arm! He’ll go under in a . . .

  —As their duly appointed guardian in each of these . . .

  —Fourth damn dividend I declare it hear me! Hear me?

  —Joe get the supervisor he’s beginning to throw p v c’s, I think you ought to leave sir the patient is . . .

  —Yes I, I do too quickly where’s the men’s room . . .

  —There’s one out to the left, just . . .

  —Oh and the lady here nurse . . . he made the door between rustles of white,—she seems to be in difficulty, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her quite that color . . .

  —Hear me . . .!

  The door jarred behind him with the first surge and he caught the rim of the nearest basin, clung there brought down by heaves, clung there.

  —Excuse me would you, would this help?

  —What? oh, thanks . . . a hand came up freed for the wet towel—I’m, kind of you sorry I, I hope I didn’t . . .

  —N
o that’s all right it’s, I mean I just did the same thing do you need any help? Shall I send in a nurse or . . .

  —No! no, thank you I’m, I’ll be all right . . .

  —Yes well, if you’re sure . . . the door jarred again.

  —Careful! the cartload of lunch trays clattered still,—don’t get run over the day you’re leaving us Mister Bast, still a little shaky? Your friend Mister Coen just came he’s in your room waiting, that suit doesn’t look bad on you at all . . . she came on up the greens behind him, pushed—here we are Mister Coen. You want to just sit on that empty bed while I pull the sheets off yours Mister Bast? That suit doesn’t look bad on him does it Mister Coen, if he just keeps the jacket buttoned where the waist is doubled over? It’s not the latest fashion but what he had on when you brought him in that night, it was so shrunk he couldn’t wear it anyplace could you Mister Bast.

  —No but, if you think it’s all right for me to take this I . . .

  —He would have wanted you to have it, he really liked you a lot Mister Bast the way he was always telling us to do things for you and reading you the papers . . . a sheet came billowing to the floor.—He was a real character wasn’t he.

  —But, yes but how did it happen!

  —Don’t let yourself get all upset again now Mister Bast, sometimes they just slip away like that . . . the second sheet followed in a heap—you can’t blame anybody. Sometimes when you think they just really want to go and get it over with they hang on like your friend up in intensive care, you said his wife just came to see him Mister Coen he probably didn’t even know her, did he.

  —No, no he doesn’t know anyone no, she should be down in a moment Mister Bast and I think she, I think you should be prepared for the fact that this ordeal has taken quite a toll. Her deeply exaggerated feelings of responsibility that led her to insist on being held by the police are not entirely dissipated, her appearance of cold calm I think may be deceptive and her reactions to certain situations are liable to be somewhat, somewhat erratic, especially concerning these unresolved aspects of your family situation as they relate to her father’s estate. The sooner your own position is clarified and your aunts’ situation more clearly resolved . . .