Prose Before Bros
Page 28
After Xavier’s exit, a thick tension permeated the room. Although we were alone, Grant and I weren’t talking. We just stood stock still, looking anywhere in the room but at each other. Suddenly, I found myself feeling too exposed in spite of wearing lingerie. I’d never experienced that feeling before around Grant. I grabbed a throw off the back of one of the bedroom chairs and wrapped it around me.
Finally, after an eternity of stony silence had crawled by, I shook my head. “How?” I murmured.
Grant’s surprised gaze met mine. “How what?”
“How . . .” I licked my lips, which had run as dry as the Sahara. “How did we get here?” Before I let Grant respond, I added, “I know things haven’t been stellar, but I never thought it was as bad as—” Since I couldn’t find the words, I merely motioned around the bedroom to sum up what had just transpired. “This.”
Exhaling a ragged sigh, Grant said, “There was a purpose in today.”
“A purpose?” I blinked at him. “A purpose in witnessing my trainer naked and in my bedroom for the purpose of screwing my husband?”
Grant winced. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Ah, then what could possibly be the fucking purpose behind today’s events?”
“I meant, I sent you to the spa for a purpose. I wanted to do something really nice for you because I planned to tell you about Xavier tonight. When I asked Xavier to stop by, I didn’t think you would be home until much later.”
“Yes, that part I can believe.” Cocking my head at him, I asked, “How long has it been going on?”
“Does it really matter?”
A mirthless laugh bubbled from my lips. “Yes. Of course, it does.”
Grant jerked a hand through his hair. “Remember that day you introduced the two of us?”
Three months ago, Grant had come home from work early to find me working out with Xavier. I had originally wanted to keep my workouts a secret since I didn’t want Grant to be disappointed in me for quitting yet another workout regime. I was totally surprised when the two of them struck up an easy conversation. They hit it off so well that Xavier had even stayed for dinner. At the realization of what that truly meant, I slowly nodded my head.
“That night I couldn’t sleep for thinking about him. At first, I thought it was just about wanting to be around someone so full of life.”
My chin trembled. “I’m not full of life?”
Grant raked a hand through his hair. “You used to be. Then all the fertility stuff just seemed to drain it all out of you.”
I swiped the tears from my cheeks. “Yeah, well, you try having your nether regions poked and prodded in the pursuit of whether you’re viable to carry a child.”
“I had to do a semen analysis.”
“You jerked off in a cup. Big. Fucking. Deal!” I snapped.
“I’m sorry. I was just stating facts.”
“Why don’t we get back to the facts? You wanted to hang out with Xavier because he was so full of life. Then what?” I prompted.
“The next day I called him to procure his services.”
“Ah, so procuring his services is code for banging him.”
“Do you have to be so crude?”
I threw up my hands in exasperation. “You’ve been having an affair, but I’m the crude one?”
“It wasn’t banging with Xavier. It was a connection. Being around him ignited something in me I’d never really allowed myself to acknowledge.”
“Have there been others?” I swallowed hard. “Other men?”
“No,” he replied adamantly.
Cocking my brows at him, I countered, “How can I believe you?”
“Because for the first time in my life I know who I am. Trust me, Finley, I’ve been lying to myself a lot longer than I have to you. This isn’t just an affair or a mid-life crisis—”
“Jesus, Grant, we’re not that old.”
He swept his hands to his hips in a huff. “Would you let me finish?”
“Fine.”
“Like I was saying, this isn’t just an affair or mid-life crisis. It’s who I am, and nothing you can say or do is going to change that.”
“You won’t get any arguments out of me about labeling you a cheater.”
“It’s more than that.” Grant swallowed hard. “I’m gay.”
His words sent me spiraling backward until my knees bumped into the mattress. Thankfully, the bed was there, or I would have probably collapsed to the floor. My husband was gay. I’m not sure why hearing those words were almost worse than seeing his naked lover in our bedroom. Maybe it was because there was no coming back from him being gay. Experimentation was one thing. An admission of being bisexual was another. But Grant hadn’t left any gray room. It was all black and white.
“You’re gay,” I stated. I didn’t have to question him again. We’d been together long enough for me to know when he was absolutely certain about something. He’d worn the same expression on his face when he’d seen the condo.
He gave a quick bob of his head. “Yes.”
“And we’re over,” I murmured.
Remorse filled Grant’s face. “I’m sorry, Fin. Although there has been such exhilaration in finally acknowledging who I am, it comes at a terrible price for our marriage. Both Xavier and I never meant to hurt you.”
Right. That same trite sentiment again. Regardless of how many times they voiced it, I certainly didn’t feel any less hurt. In fact, the anguish only seemed to grow. Before I could tell him to get out and I never wanted to see him again, he beat me to the punch. “Look, I’ll go and give you time to process all of this.”
“That’s it? You’re just going to drop a bomb on me then walk out the door?” I protested.
“I think we both know there’s nothing else I can say or do that wouldn’t be detrimental.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I countered, “Are you really that concerned about me, or are you more concerned with running after Xavier?”
Once again, his expression betrayed his feelings. “Get out,” I once again said.
Grant didn’t argue with me. Instead, he quickly turned and fled the bedroom. When I heard the front door slam, I slowly sank down onto the floor. I didn’t know how to “process this” as Grant had suggested. How does one even begin to process the demise of their marriage? The decimation of the world they had built with another person? A person I had loved with all my heart, who had broken our martial vows and cheated on me. The man I had planned to be the father of my children. The man who in the end turned out to be a complete stranger.
The tears began in tiny drip-drops. As the recollection of happy memories coupled with broken dreams charged through me, the tears began to flow as a stream.
Life was so fucking unfair.
** End Sneak Peek **
Shelf Awareness in Book #4 in the Green Valley Library Series and is coming November 19th, 2019!