by Tina Martin
“Well, Reggie has been the only man in my life and now you come along—”
Derrick interrupted, “But I haven’t done anything to disrespect the brother.”
“Derrick, just let it go, okay?”
“No, I’m not letting it go. If we’re going to be together, we need to talk about this.”
“Okay, then we’ll address it later. I don’t want to talk about this right now – not tonight,” I said holding my head.
“Ah’ight, baby,” Derrick said as he put his arms around me. “Let’s just chill, okay?”
And that’s what we did for the rest of the night until he left. Chilled. Who knows what would’ve happened between Reggie and I had Derrick never showed up. One thing was for sure – I would soon have some tough choices to make regarding these two men. I wasn’t mentally prepared for that.
Chapter 12
It had been two weeks, three days, five hours and six minutes since I’ve heard anything from Reggie. Since the scuffle between him and Derrick, I haven’t seen him once. He had completely disappeared on me. And his actions weren’t warranted. Granted he got into it with my boyfriend but that was between those two. I had nothing to do with it.
I left him a few messages and still, no response.
Today, I was at work, sitting at my desk staring at the computer screen. I didn’t feel like working. I just wanted to talk to Reggie. I peeped out of my office door and called Brenda in. I had to get a woman’s point-of-view on what was going on with the men in my life. Brenda came in my office with her cup of coffee looking like she was ready to hear some office gossip. She shut the door behind her.
“Girl, what’s going on?”
I said, “Let’s say you had this friend…not a boyfriend, but a friend you’ve known all your life and all of a sudden, he stopped returning your phone calls.”
“Girl, what’d you do to Reggie?”
I laughed and said, “I didn’t do anything to him. He just stopped calling. Every time I try to call him, I get his voicemail.”
“Just go over to his place…see what’s up.”
“I’ve been by there several times. He wasn’t home.”
“Well go again. I mean what if something done happened to him, girl?”
Brenda was scaring me. What if something had happened to Reggie? What if he was somewhere stranded without a cell phone? I had to go back and check on him again. I couldn’t call Patricia and ask her. She and my Mom were on a seven-day cruise and they had five more days to go. There was no need for me to wreck their trip over Reggie’s disappearance. After all, I wasn’t sure if he had disappeared.
“You’re right, Brenda. I’ma go again when I get off work.”
“Ah’ight. My work here is done. Let me get back to my desk.”
“Thanks, girl.”
I rested my head on my desk out of frustration. What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I kept saying it over and over again. Then I tried calling Reggie at work. I got his voicemail and left a message: “Hi Reggie. Where are you? I’m worried. Can you let me know where you are and if you’re okay? Call me.”
I called his cell phone right after I left the message on his office phone. That went to voicemail too. I left another message: “Reggie please call me.”
I skipped lunch. I was so worried I couldn’t eat.
AS SOON AS the clock struck five, I left my office at the speed of light. Reggie was on my mind. I had to find him. I needed to know where he was. His disappearance reminded me of the time when we used to play hide and seek as kids and when I couldn’t find him, I would cry. Then Reggie would come out of hiding and console me. This time, he wasn’t coming out of hiding.
I flipped my cell phone open again and dialed his home number. After a few beeps, I heard an automated message: “This number has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”
Reggie never let his phone get turned off. What’s going on here? The suspense was killing me. I needed to know where my best friend was. I pulled up in front of his apartment and rushed to the door. I knocked a few times and was surprised when I heard footsteps creeping up closer to the door. So he is here and he’s okay, I said quietly to myself. For a moment, I felt relieved. Reggie was okay and I had nothing to worry about anymore. The door slowly crept open and I waited with great anticipation to see Reggie. Finally, after all this time he owed me an explanation right then and there on the spot.
“Can I help you?”
My mouth fell open when I saw who answered the door. There before me stood a big-boobed, blue-eyed Caucasian woman with a dirty blonde bob, her voice similar to Dolly Parton’s. She was wearing a tight white tank top with an orange bra dominantly showing through along with some cut off jean shorts. Looked like she was on her way to a wet T-shirt contest.
“Ah…um…is Reggie here?” The girl had me stuttering and the situation had me confused. What was she doing there?
“No ma’am. I’m the only one who lives here. I just moved in two weeks ago.” For a second, I thought Reggie was playing a joke on me but the woman looked serious.
“Okay. Sorry to bother you,” I told her as I walked away from the door more confused than I was when I arrived. Why would Reggie move and not tell me? He told me everything, so why wouldn’t he tell me he was moving? And why hadn’t I heard from him in over three weeks? I tried calling him again. No answer.
As soon as I got into my car my cell phone rang. I looked at the display, hoping it would be one of Reggie’s numbers but it was a number I didn’t recognize. Hesitant to answer at first, I went ahead to see who it was.
“Hello.”
“Hey Tiffany,” I heard Reggie’s voice say to me in a somber tone.
“Reggie? Hey! What’s going on? Where are you? I just left your apartment and some white lady answered the door and—”
“Tiffany…Tiffany,” Reggie called my name rapidly to get my attention.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t live there anymore.”
“Well why didn’t you tell me you moved? What’s going on, Reggie? Why haven’t I been able to reach you? What’s up with that?”
Reggie was quiet though I could hear him breathing as if he was sitting right next to me. Then he said, “Tiffany, I need to get some things off of my chest.”
“Reggie—”
“Before you say anything, I want you to listen to me right now. We have been best friends all of our lives and I love you from the depths of my heart. From the deepest parts of my soul, I love you. That love has turned into feelings, feelings you obviously don’t want to…ah…share or explore with me and um…” Reggie stumbled on his words as he tried to relay his thoughts to me. “What I’m trying to say is I need to move on and I know this may sound harsh but I have to move on without you. I’m ready to really start my life and start living. I bought a house, Tiff. I have a new outlook on life and for the first time, I know what I want. I want to settle down, have a family and I want to be happy. I want a wife, a woman who loves me. I want that woman to be you, but since you don’t feel the same way then obviously that can’t happen. So I hope everything goes well for you and Derrick, but I can’t be there to watch another man love the woman I’m in love with. I can’t and I won’t.”
There was nothing I could say. My mouth was numb. Tongue lifeless. My throat was so dry, I dared to swallow. My eyes were watering. Body tense. Stomach had more knots than Buckwheat’s hair.
“Tiffany, I’m sorry baby but…”
I made a right turn into a gas station parking lot, panting.
“Tiffany.”
He called out to me again. My mind wanted to speak but my mouth wasn’t working. I couldn’t even open it.
“Tiffany, I’m sorry.”
Midway into my paralytic state, I flipped my phone closed. Then I felt a long streak of water on my face. I panted harder, thinking that I might need to see a doctor if this continues.
I pulled myself together so I could slowl
y make my way home. I was dizzy and the smell of gas was adding to my disorientation.
I can’t even remember how I got out of the car. My eyes were flooded. I tripped on my stairs as I stumbled into my apartment like a drunk person. I threw my purse and keys on the floor and laid face down on my bed crying like I’d just lost my best friend. Actually, that’s what happened. I just lost my best friend. Since I had a boyfriend, he couldn’t be tight with me any longer. On top of that, he said he wanted me. But why did he realize that now that I had a boyfriend? Why didn’t he realize it before?
True love should be just that – true, not brought on by a sudden burst of envy. Reggie needed to understand that.
Chapter 13
I remained on the bed next morning sobering uncontrollably. Head pounding. Heart racing. The feeling of losing Reggie was too much for me to bear. I was having flashbacks of my life with Reggie. When we were seven, Reggie and I built a flimsy old tree house in an oak in his backyard. And everyday for two weeks, we came home from school and played in that rickety ol’ tree house. I remember how proud we were when we finished building it. Sometimes we fell asleep in the tree house and Patricia would come and wake us up. Even then I knew Reggie would always be a special part of my life. I could feel it.
Lying here alone in tears was only bringing back memories. How could he move and not tell me? Reggie told me everything. If he bought a new pair of boxers, I knew about it. He never hid anything from me. But now I didn’t even know where my best friend was living.
To make the situation worse, his reason for his separation from me was because of my relationship with Derrick. Why couldn’t he have told me that he was in love with me before? Why did I have to be in a relationship in order for him to see how much he wanted me? Why?
I got out of the bed to grab some Kleenex. Besides, my pillow was wet enough already. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were a drunk, reddish-looking color. My face drenched. I blew my nose hard but it only made my head hurt worse than it already did. I sat down on the bed again to process all of this information. Reggie and I weren’t a couple but it felt like we just broke up from a twenty-three-year relationship. Who would I turn to for comfort and support now? Who?
I laid flat on my back and cried again. The thought of picking up the phone made my tears flow even faster. I couldn’t call Reggie just to say hi or to ask him to come over to chill with me. No more of that. According to him, the friendship was over.
THREE WEEKS FLEW by. It was now nearing the end of September. I felt like a zombie. It was hard to focus on work, couldn’t sleep at home, I couldn’t do anything but cry. It was clear, Reggie meant what he said to me. He didn’t call or visit. It was over and done and I couldn’t deal with that. Severe headaches began to take over as I thought about this situation between us, so today, I made an appointment to see my doctor – hoping she would prescribe me something to help me sleep at night.
I was cool with Dr. Stewart. We were actually on a first name basis. Tracey was the doctor I started seeing when I was in college. She was in her forties but a very cool and spunky woman. Reggie knew her too. He would often come to my doctor appointments with me, not that I frequented the doctor often but for minor issues he was there.
Once when we were college sophomores, I sprained my ankle playing football with him and a few of his boys. And it was all Reggie’s fault for tackling me rough like we were playing professionally. The day it happened, Reggie carried me into Dr. Stewart’s practice. He must have apologized a million times.
Then there was the time when he accidentally cut me while we were slicing pineapples for drinks at one of his frat parties when we were juniors. It was a deep cut, but not deep enough for stitches.
Oh, and I can’t forget the time he unintentionally hit me in the nose once while he was dreaming. He said he was dreaming that he was fighting somebody. My nose bled all over my pillowcase. I was so shocked, I cried while Reggie ran to get a cold rag. He took me to Tracey…again…because I thought it was broken. So Tracey was very familiar with my close friendship with Reggie, and I knew she would bring up his name, or ask where he was.
“And just what seems to be the problem today, Ms. Thang?” Tracey asked, smiling.
I faked a smile and said, “I need some sleeping pills or something. I’m not sleeping at night.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“For the past few weeks.”
“When did it start?”
Enough with the questions already, I thought. Just give me some freakin’ pills. I definitely wasn’t going to mention Reggie’s name in the middle of all of this.
I told her, “It’s just work. I’ve been so swamped.”
“Oh really? I thought your job was flexible.”
Crap. She had me. I had one of the most flexible jobs on the planet. I could even work from home at times if I chose to do so.
“I do, but…”
“But what? Now Tiffany, how long have I known you? Talk to me. What’s up? Why are your eyes puffy and where is your friend Reggie? He’s usually here with you every time you come by.”
I didn’t know which one of her questions to answer first. So I avoided the one about Reggie.
“I’ve just been under a lot of stress with personal problems.”
“Oh…okay.”
I was quiet after that while Tracey stared into my eyes like she was trying to read my mind.
“I’m okay,” I told her. But I wasn’t okay. If I was, I wouldn’t need any attention from a doctor. Then I started crying. Tracey must have thought I was insane.
“Tiffany, what’s wrong?”
“It’s…it’s just…Reggie and I aren’t friends anymore and I guess I’ve been so bothered by it I can’t sleep. Every night I go to bed I’m crying and it won’t stop. It’s been the same thing for the past two weeks. My head hurts, I can’t focus at work…I’m a mess.” Tracey probably couldn’t make out a word I said through my pitiful whimpering.
“Maybe you should seek some counseling.”
“No. No, I will not go to counseling for this. I just need something to help me sleep.”
“Okay, Tiffany. I’ll give you something to try. If you have any problems I want you to call me.”
Tracey whipped out her prescription pad like a weapon, clicked her pen open to write. Then she scribbled something I couldn’t even read, ripped off the piece of paper like a check and handed it to me.
“Take one pill an hour before you go to bed at night. If you have any signs of an allergic reaction…hives, swelling of your lips, tongue or throat, stop taking the pills and call me immediately. Okay?”
“Okay, Tracey.”
“Do you have any questions?”
“No.”
“Try to relax. Tiffany. If you and Reggie got into a little spat, just let it blow over. It’ll be all right.”
She didn’t know it wasn’t a little spat. Reggie had told me straight out that he didn’t want to be my friend anymore…like we were quarreling high school students again.
“Okay,” I told her. I got off of the exam table and took my purse from a chair.
“All right. I hope you feel better,” she told me.
“Thanks, Tracey.”
I left the place and went home. It wasn’t right. Not right at all. What did I do to deserve this? A lifelong friendship was destroyed over a telephone call. If it was a face-to-face encounter, I would persuade him otherwise. That’s how I knew he was serious about what he said. He had to tell me over the phone so my tears wouldn’t change his mind.
I took a deep breath as I sat there in my own misery. How was I going to live without my best friend? What was I going to do? Who would I be without him? We were together so often, he felt like he was a part of me. He was my life. I had no life outside of Reggie...well besides spending time with Derrick and my Mom. But Reggie was it. My best friend, my confidant, my support, my everything. Without him, there was no me. Who was I going to rely on now?
Derrick was fine. I would give him that. He had his own business, he had a house on the beach and nice cars, but he could never be as close to me as Reggie was. Derrick didn’t know what my favorite sports were. He didn’t know what my favorite food was. He didn’t know me. He was just beginning to learn a few things about me. In a way, I felt like I was starting over after being in a relationship for so long. Now I had to get to know someone else all over again.
It was quiet in my place. I walked into the kitchen to get some water. I had no appetite. Then I glanced over at the refrigerator. My refrigerator was filled with pictures of me and Reggie. Water poured out of my eyes again as I pondered the thought of never talking to him again.
My cell phone vibrated on the kitchen table. I had to wipe the tears from my eyes in order to read the display. It was a text message from Reggie. It was like a ray of sunshine peeping through the clouds after a dreary day. Maybe he had a change of heart and wanted to apologize. Maybe he missed me. Did he just now realize he couldn’t live without me? I opened the message and it read, “I didn’t want it to end like this.” That’s all it said. After three weeks, he decided to send me an eight-word message like that.
And what exactly did that mean? He was the one who chose the way our friendship ended. I had nothing to do with that. And it had been three weeks. Three weeks! I hadn’t heard a word from him besides this weak text message. He might as well had stayed the course and said nothing at all to me.
I put my phone back on the table. Enough with all the crying. It had almost been a month of this. It was time for me to move on. Reggie sure did, as evident by his bogus text message.
I dodged Derrick during those three weeks of suffering. I always had an excuse when he called me. I was busy at work, having lunch with my Mom, anything to get him off of my back. Still, he persisted. He sent me flowers, candy and even left a teddy bear at my door.
