by Tina Martin
Reggie4398 (4:31): I’m sorry
Bam, there it was. Reggie the cyber stalker must have been waiting for me to log in. He felt the need to apologize to me, again. I was starting to feel sorry for him.
Reggie4398 (4:31): I messed up…
Reggie4398 (4:32): I should’ve been there for you and I wasn’t. I’m sorry.
I sat there in a daze staring at the screen again. What do I say to him? Before, I could talk to Reggie about anything but the one time I really needed to say something, I had no words.
Reggie4398 (4:38): will you please say something?
Reggie4398 (4:39): Tiffany…
He had me. What I told Brenda was right. I loved Reggie so much, he could do anything he wanted to me and get away with it. I craved him. I didn’t want anyone else. Just him. I missed him and I needed to be close to him again. Once we were back on good terms, those pills would be history. The only stress in my life was having to deal with living without my best friend.
Reggie4398 (4:43): Tiffany…
I wanted to tell him to call me but on second thought, I didn’t want him hearing me get emotional on the phone. So I replied to him what I was really feeling in my heart.
TiffW49 (4:44): I miss u Reggie.
Reggie4398 (4:44): can I call u?
TiffW49 (4:45): no…
TiffW49 (4:45): I don’t want u 2 hear me crying.
Reggie4398 (4:46): I’m leaving work right now. I’m coming over there, okay?
TiffW49 (4:46): k
Reggie4398 is Offline.
He signed out as soon as he told me he was coming over. I guess he wanted to hurry up and be on his way before I changed my mind. I had no clue what I was going to do when he actually arrived. Would I still be this forgiving and allow him to waltz back into my life with an instant-message apology? Was my love for him that strong?
Why did I agree to him coming by my crib in the first place? I asked myself over and over again. But I missed my best friend and I needed to see him just as much as he needed to see me. And honestly, there hadn’t been anything in our past that we weren’t able to fix before. We always worked out our differences, no matter how big or small. Anything between us was fixable.
That being said, I didn’t want to give the impression that he could do whatever he wanted to me and get away with it. I treated people the same way I wanted to be treated and if I was going to be nice to him and treat him with the utmost respect, then what was the harm in demanding that I be treated the exact same way?
I ran in the bathroom and washed my face. Reggie’s workplace was minutes down the street and with the way he drove, he was due to be here any minute now. I was a nervous wreck. The weeks we spent apart felt more like months. What was I going to say to him, I thought as I stared into the mirror. I took a washcloth and dried my face and that’s when I heard him knocking at the door.
I slowly paced myself as I walked to the door. My eyes were dry but looking at me, you could tell I’d been crying. I opened the door and Reggie was standing there in a black pinstriped suit with a pink shirt underneath and a black and pink necktie. He was as sharp as a tack, looking like he walked right out of a magazine.
“Hey,” he told me.
“Hi.” I felt a tear roll down my face after I spoke. That’s when he grabbed me.
“Tiff, I’m sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you.” I wrapped my arms around him while the right side of my face lay against his chest. His hand palmed my head like a basketball. “I never meant to hurt you,” he sniffled. “I will never forgive myself for what I did to you.”
I was enjoying the way it felt to have him hold me again. I wasn’t even paying attention to what Reggie was saying. We released each other and I got my balance. I looked at him, noticing the tears in his eyes. Reggie was a strong black man with feeling – with real emotion.
“You okay?” he asked me.
“Yeah. I’m just a little dizzy. I haven’t had anything to eat.”
“Well let me go get you something.”
“No. Let’s just talk. I’ll be fine. I’ll grab something out of the kitchen before I go to bed.”
Reggie took off his suit jacket and loosened his necktie.
“I was wrong, Tiffany. I guess for the first time, there was a real chance I could lose you.”
Reggie was starting to sound like he wanted me only because I was taken. I didn’t like that.
He continued, “Don’t get me wrong, I love you more than I love life and I’m willing to be whatever it is you want me to be. Whatever. I’m willing to do anything so as long as I have you in my life.”
I sat there and studied his face with a special focus on his lips as he spoke. They were so inviting now that I knew what they feel like. I got off of the couch to walk over to him and the next thing I knew I was lying on the floor.
“Tiffany! Tiffany!” Reggie rushed to my side. Nothing was wrong with me other than the fact that I had nothing to eat all day, but just now I bumped my head on the floor. I sat up holding on to Reggie and holding my head at the same time. Reggie lifted me up and put me on the couch. He got on his knees so that he was eye level with me.
“Tiffany, do I need to call a doctor?”
“No Reggie. I’m fine. I just need to eat.”
“Then I’ma go get you something.”
“No. I’ll eat some crackers or something. Okay? Now move so I can get up. I’m fine.”
I stumbled to the kitchen to get some crackers and Reggie followed me closely, preparing himself to catch me if I got dizzy again.
“What are these?” he asked, holding my bottle of anti-anxiety medication that he took from the kitchen table. “When you start taking medicine?”
“It’s nothing. Give it here.” I reached for it, but Reggie waved it around in the air so I couldn’t snatch it out of his hand.
“No. What is this?”
“It’s for anxiety.”
“Anxiety?”
I bit into another cracker. Reggie walked over to me. I was standing near my washer and dryer in the corner of my kitchen.
“Tiffany? Did you hear me? What made you think you needed to take these?”
I didn’t want to come right out and tell him he was the reason for that.
“The doctor prescribed them for me. I’ve been under a lot of stress.”
“Because of me?”
Well if the shoe fits…it was on the tip of my tongue but I refused to spit it out.
“Because of me?” he asked again.
“Reggie just forget about it.”
“I did this to you?” He picked up the pills again as he asked me the second time.
“Reggie, when you told me you were ending our friendship, that hurt me like nothing else in this world. My heart still hurts because of it. How could you do that to me? You said any time I needed you, you would be there for me.”
“I am here.”
“But you weren’t there for me, Reggie. You’re here now but who knows? Tomorrow you might have a change of heart and run away from me again, right?”
“Tiffany, I’m sorry,” he said in a stern tone as if he was tired of apologizing to me.
“Oh, so now everything supposed to be cool, because you’re sorry?”
“That’s not what I’m saying, but—”
“You know what Reggie…I don’t even know why I asked you to come over. I’m not ready to talk to you.”
“Ah’ight then. I’ll give you some time to think.” Reggie walked out of the kitchen, grabbed his jacket from the couch and was out of the front door in a flash.
It was an early night for me after that. As soon as he left, I went to bed though rest didn’t come easy. I tossed and turned for hours, then around midnight I got up to get a glass of water. My throat was so dry, I felt like I couldn’t swallow. When I walked in the kitchen, Reggie was sitting at the table. He nearly scared me to death.
“Reggie, what on earth are you doing here?”
His eyes yearned
for sleep. He rubbed them and told me, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine. I don’t need for you to stay here with me.”
“I’m not leaving, Tiffany.” He stared at me.
“But I’m telling you that I’m fine.”
“And I’m telling you I ain’t leaving.”
“Fine. I’m not gonna argue with you.” I left him in the kitchen and went back to my bed, hoping to get some good quality sleep. I threw the covers over my head. That’s when I heard my bedroom door creak open.
“How did we get here?” Reggie asked me.
“What are you talking about?” I asked from underneath the covers.
“I’m talking about this…this thing that happened to ruin our friendship?”
I popped up from the covers and sat up to respond to him. “Why are you asking me? You’re the one who wanted this to end. You walked out of my life…not the other way around.”
I laid back down while pulling the covers over my head. He laid beside me, pulled the covers off of me.
“Tiffany.” He touched my face with his strong hands. “Look at me.”
“You hurt me, Reggie,” I told him. I was so close to crying but proud of myself for holding it in.
“I know I hurt you…okay, but we need to fix this. I made a mistake. I love you so much Tiffany and you know that. You hear me?”
“Yeah. I hear you,” I said, pretending to be unconvinced.
“I’m sorry about all of this and I’m sorry I hurt you. But I need you in my life. You’ve been in my life for every aspect of it and to lose you now…” Reggie took a moment to get his self together. “I don’t know how I could’ve let this happen. I must be a fool to think I could function without you.”
I took him into my arms and we laid there getting reacquainted with each other’s faces. It seemed awkward at first. It had been so long since we were like this and so much had happened to damage our relationship.
So many thoughts were running through my head while I watched him. Would a relationship work out between us? There was no reason why it wouldn’t. We’d been friends all our lives. He knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. Why wouldn’t a relationship work?
“What’s going through your head right now?” he asked me.
“I’m just thinking about you...about how much I missed you. I didn’t have anyone to pillow fight with me.”
Reggie grinned. So did I, and as I watched the smile on his face slowly fade, I felt myself being drawn to his lips.
I closed my eyes instead, took a deep breath. I needed more sleep and my eyes were getting heavier by the second.
WAKING UP TO the aroma of coffee in the morning not only had me feeling like I was in a Folgers commercial, but also let me know that Reggie was in the kitchen. I tiptoed quietly to find him and stood in the doorway, watching him operate.
“Reggie, do you remember our junior year in college the night after your birthday…you were cooking fried bologna at one o’clock in the morning and the smoke alarm went off three times. That bologna was burned to an unrecognizable crisp. The frying pan was full of ashes.”
Reggie laughed with me. “Oh, you got jokes.”
“I’m just acknowledging how far your cooking skills have come.”
Nothing on the table was burnt. He had cooked some eggs, sausages and bacon and it all looked good to me.
“Have a seat, my beautiful princess,” that’s what he called me. Beautiful princess – had me feeling special.
“Okay.”
Reggie handed me a plate and joined me at the table, only he didn’t make himself a plate.
“Aren’t you gonna eat something?”
“I ate already.”
“So you’re gonna sit here and watch me eat?”
“Every bite.”
That’s exactly what he did. He watched every piece of food go into my mouth.
“This is good. Reg,” I mumbled to him with a mouthful, but he just stared, watching me enjoy every satisfying chew.
“So when am I going to see the new place…well I guess it wouldn’t be considered new anymore, but when can I see it?”
“You can see it whenever you want. It’s junky right now, though…still unpacking boxes…and you know I ain’t good at decorating.”
“I’ll help you.”
Reggie smiled at me.
“What? Why you smiling at me like that?”
“You’re always so eager to help me.”
“That’s what friends are for, right?”
“I love that about you.” Reggie sighed with a relief of satisfaction. Then he said, “I wanna be with you.”
He made me choke on my eggs as he stared at me with a straight face.
“Come again?”
“I mean, I want to spend the day with you,” he said as he smiled at the same time. Reggie had a knack for playing with words while he waited for my reaction.
“Okay. Can you take me by your new house?”
“Of course. As soon as you finish eating, we can bounce.”
I was anxious to see his new place so I ate quickly and took a few sips of coffee to wash my food down. As I was about to get up from the table, my cell phone rang in the pocket of my pajamas. Derrick’s name flashed on the display.
“Hello,” I answered quickly.
“Good morning, Tiffany.”
“Good morning, Derrick. How are you this morning?”
“I’m supposed to be asking you that.”
“So ask me.” I grinned and blushed at the same time. When I looked up, Reggie was staring at me.
“Okay. How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. Reggie just cooked breakfast for me.”
“Oh,” Derrick said, downcast. “Okay. Well, I just wanted to check in on you and make sure everything was good.”
Since Reggie was staring so fiercely, I dismissed myself from the table and went into my bedroom to shut the door. I needed some privacy to talk with Derrick without the heat from Reggie’s eyes beaming on me.
“Tiffany, you there?” Derrick asked.
“Yeah. I’m here.”
“Oh…I thought I dropped the call.”
“No, I was doing something…but thanks for checking on me. I really appreciate it and I know you don’t have to call me, but you do and that says a lot about you. Okay, I’ll stop rambling now.”
Derrick was quiet as he listened to me talk.
“Hello. Derrick, you there?”
“Yeah. I’m here. I was just…just thinking about you.”
I smiled. I was starting to miss Derrick, even though we didn’t share similar interests, we did have a relationship. And our interests could’ve been similar if our courtship wasn’t filled with so many of interruptions (on my side). The four months we dated felt more like one month. I didn’t even know where he lived.
“What were you thinking about?” I asked him.
“The first time we met and how nervous you were. You were so beautiful that night and you’re still beautiful. I ah…” Derrick grew quiet again. “I’m sorry. I’m not going to bore you with details of the past. I’m glad you’re feeling okay though. Enjoy your day, sweetheart.”
“Wait…you were starting to say something.”
“I was going to say that I miss you.”
“So why did you hesitate?”
“Well, I don’t want to say things that don’t matter to you any longer.”
“It does matter to me, and I miss you too, Derrick but things are crazy right now. I told you before that you had yourself together and I don’t. I just—”
“Don’t explain. You don’t owe me an explanation. I’m just making sure you’re okay and now that I know you are, I’ma let you get back to your day.”
“All right Derrick. Thanks for calling.”
I flipped my phone closed and closed my eyes tight as I thought about Derrick. Did I give up on him for the wrong reason? Derrick was good to me. He never did an
ything to hurt me. He was refreshing and exciting and so free spirited. Now I was starting to have second thoughts about breaking up with him.
Chapter 17
I jumped in the Expedition with Reggie and rode with him to his house. I knew the house was on South Atlantic Avenue since he had given me the address. I just never seen the place. I was on edge, hyper, extremely excited.
“Reggie I cannot believe you bought an oceanfront house!”
“Calm down, baby. You’ll see it in a minute.”
Reggie pulled up at the back of his house. It was indeed an oceanfront house and like all beach houses, his home was built on posts so high tides wouldn’t brush water up against the walls. I could see the ocean when he turned into the driveway. I jumped out of the car and ran to the shoreline.
“Tiff, wait up,” Reggie yelled to me but I kept on running in the sand while taking my sandals off at the same time. I stopped at the edge of the water and stared out into the distance.
“This is beautiful!” I shouted out into the Atlantic. Then I ran back to the house and climbed the stairs to the front porch. The house had a front and back deck.
“I take it you like the place so far?” Reggie said while he unlocked the front door.
“I love it.”
“I knew you would.”
Stepping inside the house, the living room was spacious with bay windows providing a full ocean view. It felt like the ocean was a part of the living area, like an animated picture hanging on the wall. Reggie had boxes everywhere in the living room, which left little space for walking. He’d somehow made a pathway to his bedroom, which was next to the living room. So not only did he get to enjoy watching the ocean while relaxing in his living room watching TV, but he had the luxury of having the beautiful view in his bedroom as well.
“Reggie, how many bedrooms are in this place?”
“There are a total of three. The other two are upstairs. We can go up if you want.”
