Can't Just Be His Friend

by Tina Martin

  “No. I’m not mad.”

  “Good…then I can kiss you?”

  Derrick leaned toward me with those wet, luscious, firm lips of his. I closed my eyes and kissed him too. He was all over me and while he kissed me, all I could think about was how he found the courage to date again, to love again. He had found me.

  “You’re still upset,” he told me as he pulled away from me.

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Yeah you are. I don’t feel the same energy in your kiss.”

  “I’m not mad. I was thinking about what you said about your wife and I have a question.”

  “Okay.”

  “Would you get married again?”

  “I would.”

  “Under what circumstances?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What would it take for you to make that commitment again? Would you want someone like her…who looked like her, talked like her?”

  “No. Not at all,” Derrick said.

  “Then what?”

  “I want a woman who likes to spit watermelon seeds at her friends for recreation.”

  I smiled. Derrick had an incredible memory and sense of humor. “I love you, Derrick.”

  “I love you too, Tiffany.”

  He kissed me again, this time shifting his body on top of mine as we laid there on my couch making out like college students.

  “Mmm,” Derrick said as if kissing me gave him his fix for the day. “Your lips are addictive,” he told me.

  “So are yours,” I said, kissing him more.

  We laid there smiling at each other, then Derrick said, “Do you want me to get off of you now?”

  “Is that a trick question?”

  Derrick laughed then stood up.

  “Hey, did you have dinner?” I asked.

  “No. You want to go somewhere?”

  “I actually had dinner with my Mom not too long ago. I have some leftover baked chicken. You want some?”

  “Sure.”

  I made Derrick a plate of food – baked chicken, macaroni and French cut string beans – and brought it to him. “Here you go.”

  “I can eat in the kitchen, baby. I don’t want to mess up your living room.”

  “No…you can sit right here. It’s okay. If you spill something I’ll have to give you a spanking.”

  “Don’t say that. I’ll turn this plate over right now.”

  I smiled, then said, “I hope you like it. I know it’s not fancy but it’s good.”

  “It ain’t gotta be fancy.”

  I watched Derrick take a bite out of the chicken.

  “Mmm, this is good,” he said.

  “Glad you like it.”

  He ate quickly. I took his plate back into the kitchen, snatched two cans of Coke from the fridge.

  “So since we’re telling each other’s secrets, what is it that I don’t know about you?” he asked me.

  “Nothing. My life is boring and uneventful. I wasn’t a player like you.”

  Derrick laughed it off. “I was a player. I changed that lifestyle a long time ago. Now I’m a one-woman man. What about you? Any secrets you wanna put out there?”

  “Nope.”

  “C’mon. I know there’s something you could tell me.”

  I smiled. “Nope. Not at all.”

  “Okay, well I wanna ask you something. You remember a while back when I stopped by your apartment and Reggie was there? You answered the door and Reggie was with you…he had his shirt off…was there something going on that day between you two?”

  “I don’t remember that.”

  “It was the day I stopped by to see you after not seeing you all day and when you answered the door, you said y’all were in a pillow fight or something.”

  “Oooh…that day.”

  “Yeah…was something going on?”

  “You really wanna know?”

  “Yeah.”

  I inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly. “Okay, we were kissing. I mean, Reggie had been coming on to me all day and then I had our parents over for dinner. After dinner, he stayed and we kissed. Nothing else happened.”

  “So had I not shown up, something could have happened?”

  “Not necessarily, and I don’t want to dwell on it. The past is the past, right?”

  Derrick nodded and said, “Where is Reggie, anyway? I haven’t seen him around.”

  “He came by yesterday. He was mad when I told him we were back together. He just bounced, said I was doing this to get back at him.”

  “Why would you need to get even with him?”

  “Well first of all let me say that I am not trying to get even with him. But my relationship with Reggie goes way back. It’s a long boring story.”

  “I have nowhere to go.”

  “Okay. Well I’ve always had a crush on Reggie, but the feelings I had for him multiplied when we started high school. I thought that since we were friends, I was guaranteed the girlfriend position. Then he started dating other girls. He was a ladies man like you were. Reggie had all the girls and I just stood back and watched him. I guess you can say I was like a sister to him.”

  “A sister?”

  “Yeah. We were a family. He loved me. So anytime I needed him, he would come to my rescue. His girlfriends didn’t like that and therefore, none of them liked me. The last girl he dated even came here, to my apartment and begged me to leave him alone. Said she loved him but he wasn’t loving her like he should have because I was in the way. I understood what she meant and I agreed to leave him alone. When I did, he flipped out…said I was more important to him than his own girlfriend of two years. A few weeks later, he broke it off with her. Around that same time, I had my first date with you. Then suddenly, he began showing an interest in me…started coming on to me and telling me how much he loved me. He even confessed that I was the woman he always wanted…said he wanted to marry me and have children with me and couldn’t stand by my side and watch me love another man – you.”

  “So that’s why you broke up with me.”

  “I hate to admit it, but yes. I finally had my chance to be with him. Then one day, it dawned on me. Reggie only wanted me because I was with you. That was the only reason. So in conclusion to this long boring story, I’m not trying to get even with Reggie. I love you because you make me happy. I love the way you make me feel. You make me feel like I’m worthy of your love and I don’t have to wait for you to realize that I’m feeling you because you already know.”

  “Yes…I…do,” Derrick said as he kissed me.

  I leaned over and rested against his chest. Derrick put his arms around me. It was a familiar feeling of being in the arms of a man who loves me. I felt the same love while I was with Reggie. The difference was, Derrick made me feel wanted and desired. He practically had bent over backwards to please me. Derrick was the type of man who would do anything to satisfy his woman. All I had to do was play my position and he made that easy to do.

  “Baby, I hate to leave but gotta be to work bright and early in the morning,” he said.

  “Nooo. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here forever and hold me like this.”

  “Ah baby, don’t make it hard for me.”

  “All right, all right. I guess you can go.”

  I walked Derrick to his car, gave him a goodbye hug and kiss. I didn’t want him to leave. I was starting to feel dismal whenever he wasn’t around and that’s how I knew I needed him. We needed each other.

  Chapter 24

  December 2008

  Three weeks passed. Derrick and I were going strong into our relationship, more so than before. Reggie hardly spoke to me during that time. I must have only seen him once or twice, but it didn’t matter. My infatuation with him had faded. Even if I did want to see him, we would only be arguing over my relationship with Derrick.

  Still, I missed him and my emotions got the best of me sometimes. I regretted this rift between us, but I guess this pitfall had been a long time coming.
The ups and downs of me and Reggie’s relationship had me in a tizzy. Watching him date his girls and still having to be a part of his life felt like it split my mind into two beings – giving me two different personalities to deal with him. One personality loved him despite who he was dating. He was my boy, my friend, my everything. But the other personality – that one was heated. That one was angry at the fact that the man I loved most of my life didn’t give me the time of day. He didn’t share an inkling of a feeling to love me the way I wanted him to back then. He would tell me he loved me all the time, but like I said, anyone can say it.

  Now, I had a man – a good man who was good to me in every way imaginable. Derrick bought me flowers, candy, cards, jewelry, he cooked for me often and he made me feel like a princess. But even after all the royal treatment, I still didn’t feel complete without the missing component in my life – Reggie. I missed our friendship, our closeness.

  I reached in my purse to grab my buzzing cell, wondering who it was calling me. Derrick? Reggie? I grabbed it, saw my Mom’s name on the screen and flipped it open. I already knew what she wanted. She was having a shindig at her place tomorrow and was calling me to confirm my presence. She usually had one of these parties every fall for friends and family, though this year, she seemed to have fallen behind schedule, it being December and all. As soon as I answered, she said, “Tiffany, please tell me you’re coming tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there, Mom, and I’m bringing Derrick with me.”

  “Okay. That sounds good. How are things between you and Reggie? You know he’s coming too.”

  “I don’t talk to Reggie and that’s not my fault. Ever since Derrick and I got back together, it’s like he wants nothing to do with me.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “All because of Derrick, huh?”

  “Yeah and I’m not giving up Derrick for him. Derrick is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  “You can thank your Mama for that.”

  “Anyway, Derrick and I will be there. I can’t wait to see everyone.”

  “Okay. See you tomorrow.”

  I MET UP with Derrick for dinner at his place later that evening. He had made a vegetable beef stew for the chilly night. For dessert, we shared a chocolate soufflé in front of the fireplace. Derrick particularly enjoyed licking whipped chocolate off of my index finger. The night was storybook romantic. The feeling of being with a man that loved me and wanted to be with me in every way was my new addiction. I couldn’t get enough of him, lying there looking at me. I could see the flames from the fireplace reflect off of his eyes.

  “Tiffany.”

  “Yes?”

  “I want you to spend the night with me,” Derrick told me after I slid my finger out of his mouth for the umpteenth time.

  “Ah…okay. But I don’t have anything to wear to bed.”

  “We’re not going to bed right now. Grab your jacket and come with me.”

  “It was seventy-five degrees earlier today. I didn’t wear a jacket.”

  “Okay, grab my jacket right there and I’ll go get another one.”

  I took his black, double-breasted Martin Margiela coat from the couch and slipped my arms into the sleeves.

  Derrick came downstairs in a leather jacket, took me by the hands and I followed him to the front door where he led me out near the water. From what I could see, there was a comforter spread out on the sand with a few blankets, a couple of pillows, some unlit candles, two glasses and a bottle of champagne.

  “Derrick, what is all of this?” I asked him as we held hands walking up to our make-shift bed.

  “Have you ever laid on the beach at night and watched the stars?” he asked me while he lit five candles.

  “No.”

  “Then that’s what we’re going to do tonight.”

  It was a little chilly outside but not unbearable. It was relaxing, especially with blankets. The time must have been anywhere from ten to twelve. I lost track. That seemed to be happening a lot lately while I was with Derrick. That was definitely a good thing.

  I took off his jacket so I would be comfortable underneath the blankets with him. Derrick lit the candles. The gentle breeze forced the flames to perform a dance for us as we laid there, staring up into the sky. Loud roars of water followed by low after tones made the mood tranquil and relaxing.

  “This is beautiful. I can’t believe I’ve lived here all my life and have never done this.”

  “Isn’t it beautiful? It’s so peaceful, makes your mind wonder,” Derrick said, interlocking his right hand with my left as we lay side-by-side.

  “It makes you see how small you are in relation to the universe.”

  “Yeah, it does. You sure you haven’t done this before?” Derrick teased me.

  “I should have. This is so romantic.”

  “I knew you would like it.”

  Derrick shifted his eyes from the heavens and turned my way. He didn’t say a word, just stared for a moment then said, “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

  I smiled, looked at him and said, “Okay, you’re making me nervous.”

  “I know.”

  I slid closer to Derrick and found a nice resting place on his chest. “I have to admit, I love the time we spend together,” I told him. “Everything we do is amazing and it’s not the activity that’s amazing – it’s because I’m spending the time with you.”

  “I feel the exact same way about you. That’s why I wanted you to come out here with me tonight – so we could get a feel for each other.”

  Derrick sat up and poured some champagne for us. I took a few sips and watched him take a few.

  “You like it?” he asked me.

  “Yeah. It’s good.”

  He gave me the same awkward, silent stare as he did before. Then he said, “C’mere,” as if I could get any closer.

  “Where? Where do you want me?”

  “Come sit right here in front of me,” he told me, and when I did, he whispered in my ear that he loved me.

  “I love you too,” I told him, watched him bite his bottom lip.

  “So if I asked you to marry me right now, what would you say?” he asked me out of nowhere.

  “Ah…uh…” I didn’t know how to answer the question. I mean was he speaking hypothetically or what? “Ah…um…I…ahh.” I watched him grin while he watched me squirm.

  “Tiffany, why are you so nervous right now?”

  “Because you’re talking about marriage and stuff…” I said, laughing it off.

  “Yeah, and if I were to ask you to marry me tonight, what would your answer be?”

  “Ah…um…” I looked away, hung my head trying to decipher what he was asking. I don’t know why I was frontin’ like I wouldn’t know what my answer would be. If Derrick asked me to marry him, I’d be screaming ‘yes’ like the women on those Herbal Essence commercials.

  “Don’t look away,” he whispered. “Look at me.” I looked into his eyes. “If I were to ask you to marry me tonight, what would your answer be?”

  “Is that a proposal?” I said, then giggled.

  He didn’t say anything right away. He only smiled while keeping stellar eye contact like we were playing the see-who-blinks-first game.

  “Yes,” he said, taking my left hand and sliding a ring on my finger. “Tiffany, I love you. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I love the way you make me feel and I want to spend my life loving you. Will you marry me?”

  I couldn’t speak. All I did was cry and tremble. I felt chills run through my body like an electric current. I was happy, scared and nervous all at the same time.

  “Yes! Yes, I will marry you,” I said, in tears.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes.”

  We kissed again, sealing our engagement. I was so happy. I couldn’t wait to tell Mom. But then my excitement turned into anxiety when I thought about what Reggie would think of all this. Would he be hap
py for me? Or would he hate me for the rest of his life? Only time would tell. It wouldn’t be long before he found out about the engagement. My only hope was that he would be happy for me. I needed that from him.

  Chapter 25

  I intentionally arrived at my Mom’s party a few hours late. Mom had invited most of her friends from work, some relatives and some people from the neighborhood. There were about sixty people out there, sitting at white tables.

  Mom and Patricia had a table reserved for us. I wore a green tunic and some black leggings. Derrick wore a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved black polo shirt. We sat at the table where my Mom wanted us.

  “Hey, Pat.”

  “Hey, Tiffany. Hey, Derrick.” Patricia seemed to be in good spirits, unless she was faking it.

  “Hi, Patricia.” Derrick responded to her.

  “Derrick, I’m gonna go grab us something to eat. I’ll be right back.”

  “Ah’ight baby.”

  I stuffed our plates full of hotdogs, hamburgers, chips, baked beans, potato salad, macaroni and cheese – Mama hooked it up. I went back to the table with Patricia, Derrick, and my Mom.

  “What took y’all so long to get here?” Mama was already starting to shake things up a bit with her insinuations.

  “We weren’t doing anything, Mom.”

  “Well, we were doing something,” Derrick told them, then had the nerve to look at me and wink.

  “Woo woo,” Mom rallied.

  I tapped Derrick’s thigh and asked, “What are you talking about?”

  “Georgia, I’ve asked for your daughter’s hand in marriage and she said yes.”

  I didn’t know Derrick was going to spring it on them so fast. Mom was shocked and happy at the same time.

  “Congratulations guys!” Mom got up and came over to hug us. “Let me see the ring.”

  I held my hand up to her so she could get a good eyeshot of the four-carat, three stone, platinum diamond engagement ring Derrick bought for me and while Mom was checking out the bling, Patricia got up from the table and went inside. She didn’t congratulate me or even try to look at the ring. She just bailed.