Deuce

by Jen Silver

  When Charley added first one finger, then two, and a third, Jay thought she would lose her mind.

  Gasping as the tidal wave of the climax subsided, she was overcome with emotions she didn’t know existed until then.

  Charley pulled herself up and kissed her, juices dripping down her chin. Jay welcomed the taste of herself, letting their tongues dance together. As Charley broke the kiss to catch her breath, her eyes bored into Jay’s, the depths of blue capturing her as they always did. “How was it? An ace?”

  “Better. Two in a row at least.”

  From that first time to the last, the intensity of their lovemaking never lessened.

  “Can I stay tonight?”

  “I’m sorry, Amanda. I really don’t have any energy.” Jay knew she couldn’t make love to her with thoughts of Charley swirling around.

  Ritchie sat up and jumped off the chair just as Josh appeared in the doorway. “Hi, Amanda.”

  “Oh, hi, Josh. I’ll be off, then. See you tomorrow?”

  “I’m not sure. We have the final suit fitting, don’t we, Josh?”

  “Yeah. They look great, Amanda.” He was shifting from foot to foot, a mannerism Jay knew well. “Uh, could we have a chat, Mum?”

  “Of course.” She got to her feet slowly. “Can you see yourself out, Amanda?”

  “I’ll come down with you. I think Ritchie needs a toilet break.” Josh led the way, and after a searing glance at Jay, Amanda followed.

  Jay drank another glass of water while waiting for Josh to return from giving Ritchie a run around the garden. Once they were all three settled in the living room again, she waited for Josh to speak. He was picking at imaginary lint on his trousers.

  “Spit it out, son. I’m not getting any younger.”

  “I met up with Tess in the pub.”

  “Yes, I thought that’s what you were doing.”

  “You’re not mad.”

  “No. It’s only natural you would be curious about her.”

  “The thing is, though, how did she know, as soon as she saw me? Most people don’t.”

  Jay didn’t need to ask what he meant. But this question hadn’t surfaced for several years now. “Well, she’s been researching her background and has probably studied any photos of Charley she could find. It may be your nose. Or lack of an Adam’s apple.”

  “But it was like she instantly knew.”

  “Maybe just intuition, a sibling thing.”

  Josh touched his nose. “Do you think I should have a nose job?”

  “Not unless you really feel unhappy about it. Personally, I don’t think it’s a problem. And you have a bigger operation to consider.”

  Josh nodded and looked at his feet. They’d talked it over many times, but Jay knew he was still undecided on taking the final step. The stages he’d already passed through had made him extremely happy. His body had reacted well to the hormone treatments through his teens and the double mastectomy she’d bought him for his twenty-first birthday.

  “Amanda didn’t seem very happy,” he offered, finding his voice again.

  “Oh.”

  “She asked me if I thought you really loved her.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I said you wouldn’t be marrying her if you didn’t.”

  Jay sighed. She did feel drained from all the talk about Charley. And now this. Sleep wasn’t going to come easily.

  Chapter Seven

  “So how did it go? Did she talk to you about Charlotte?” Lynne couldn’t stop herself from asking as soon as they met outside the bridal boutique on Saturday morning.

  “Yes. More than I wanted to know. And it wasn’t so much what she said as the look on her face when she mentioned her name. Charley. If the woman weren’t already dead, I’d want to kill her.”

  “What about the mystery weekends?”

  “I didn’t get a chance to ask. Josh came in and she clammed up. And with him there, I couldn’t stay the night. Honestly. Talk about children being weaned, I think she’s the one who won’t let go of him.”

  Lynne followed her into the shop. They were ten minutes early for the appointment, but the dressmaker was ready for them. Amanda disappeared through a doorway, and Lynne sat in one of the chairs by the window. She flicked through the bridal magazines, wondering at all the different dresses and accessories displayed. Amanda had been secretive about her choice. Lynne hoped she hadn’t gone over the top. Somehow she didn’t think Jay Reid was the type to go in for all the big-wedding hype.

  When Amanda emerged from the fitting room, Lynne gasped. The simple white sheath dress emphasised all her friend’s curves. “You look stunning. I’d certainly marry you.” She cringed inwardly. A stupid thing to say but luckily Amanda was too absorbed in twirling around in front of the mirror to check out the dress from all angles.

  “Do you think Jay will like it?”

  “I’m sure she will. No doubt about it.”

  Amanda was practically skipping down the street when they left the boutique. “I can’t wait. This time next week we’ll be married.”

  Lynne kept pace with her and tried to shake off the feeling that the fairy-tale ending Amanda envisioned would only end in tears. Viewing their relationship from the outside, solely from Amanda’s point of view, the sex was great but they shared little else. Amanda had done all the running. She had even proposed to Jay. The mystery Lynne grappled with was why Jay Reid said yes. Seeing her lover two or three nights a week was all she’d offered of herself. A week before the wedding and Amanda still didn’t know where Jay spent her weekends.

  Maybe there was no other physical woman in the picture, but the ghostly presence of Charlotte Summersbridge was all too real.

  †

  Mo parked outside the cottage and pulled her helmet off. A freshening breeze blew through her hair. Even if she didn’t need to see Jay, she enjoyed the ride to the coast. It was good to get out of the city and she didn’t do it often enough these days.

  Ritchie ran up to greet her as soon as she rounded the corner of the cottage. Jay followed more sedately, looking windblown from a trek to the beach.

  “Hey, wasn’t expecting you today.”

  “No. Could have waited until Monday, but I fancied the ride. Papers for you to sign.”

  “Okay. Good timing. Coffee or something stronger?”

  “Coffee. You look like you could do with a caffeine boost.”

  “Is that your way of saying I look like shit?”

  “Yes.”

  “Thanks. I haven’t slept much the last two nights.” Jay led the way into the house.

  Mo sat at the kitchen table and took the file out of her backpack while Jay moved around setting up the coffee maker and taking two mugs out of a cupboard. She seated herself opposite while they waited for the machine to filter the water through the grounds.

  “So what’s keeping you awake?”

  “A lot of things got stirred up this week. Tess came to see me, wanting to know about her biological parents. Josh arrived home while we were talking, so they are now comparing notes as siblings. He was upset at first because Tess immediately sussed him as trans. And on the same evening, Amanda turned up with questions about Charley.”

  The coffee maker burbled to its conclusion and Jay got up to pour the coffee. When she sat down again, she faced Mo with an anguished expression. “I can’t marry Amanda. I don’t love her.”

  Mo stirred milk into her coffee and tried to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. “That’s stating the bleeding obvious.” Relenting, she reached across and grasped Jay’s arm. “Have you told her yet?”

  “No. How do you go about dumping your fiancée a week before the wedding? I’m not on Facebook. Text maybe?”

  “I know you’re not serious. If you can’t face her in person, at least do it by phone.” Mo placed her other hand on the file she’d brought. “Do you still want to go ahead with signing the mews house over to Josh?”

  “Yes. Absolutely. I need to secur
e his future.”

  “And what are you going to do? Hide out here again?”

  “No. I’ll keep working. If and when Josh wants me to move out I’ll find somewhere to rent.”

  “Josh isn’t likely to kick you out, is he?”

  “Not at the moment. But he won’t want me hanging around when he gets a steady girlfriend.”

  “Does he know you’re doing this?” Mo opened the file.

  “No. It’s a surprise. An early twenty-fifth-birthday present.”

  “Lucky boy.”

  “Man.” Jay smiled for the first time since Mo’s arrival. “He was so thrilled with the suit when we went for the final fitting yesterday.” Her smile disappeared. “I didn’t have the heart to tell him he might not get to wear it for the wedding.”

  Mo flipped to the page at the back of the document and handed Jay a pen. She watched her sign where she’d put small crosses. Her signature as witness was already there. She returned the file to her backpack and waited for Jay to finish pouring another coffee for both of them. “Call her now.”

  Jay stared into her mug and let out a huge sigh.

  “I know you. You’ll keep putting it off and before you know it, you’ll be walking up that aisle and saying, ‘I do’, even though you don’t mean it.” Mo glanced around the kitchen and spotted Jay’s phone on the counter by the fridge.

  †

  “How about a coffee?” Lynne asked as they passed Starbucks, still trying to keep up with Amanda’s energised pace.

  “Oh no. I can’t. The dress fits perfectly now.”

  “Have a glass of water, then. I’m gasping.”

  Amanda slowed and looked at her. “Okay. I’d really like a celebratory drink. But that’s out of the question until after the wedding.”

  She let Lynne steer her into the café and over to a table with comfy seats by the window. It had been recently vacated by the looks of the empty cups and plates that hadn’t been cleared. Amanda sat while Lynne located a tray and took away all the debris. A parade of elephants could have passed by on the street and she wouldn’t have noticed. Her mind’s eye was seeing her walking down the aisle in that white dress, Jay waiting for her looking impossibly handsome.

  Lynne returned with a glass of water and a large cappuccino before the vows were exchanged. Amanda smiled at her, still partly in her dream world. “Thanks for coming with me today.”

  “Well, I’ve never been a bridesmaid before, but I figured it was part of my duties.”

  Her phone’s ringtone sounded before she could reply. Amanda fumbled in her bag and smiled broadly when she saw the name on the screen. “It’s Jay.” She accepted the call and held the phone to her ear. “Hello, sweetheart. I’ve just been trying on my dress. It’s fabulous.”

  “I’m sure it is. I’m sorry, Amanda. But I can’t go through with it.”

  “What do you mean?” The words didn’t register right away.

  “I mean I can’t marry you.”

  “Why? Why not? What’s wrong?’ Amanda could feel the tears gathering.

  “We are. Or I am, anyway. I don’t know how to say this without hurting you. But the truth is, I’m not in love with you.”

  “Is there someone else?” The tears fell rapidly now and she couldn’t keep the tremor from her voice.

  “No.”

  “It’s her, isn’t it?” Stirrings of anger coursed through her body. “That woman from your past. She’s dead, Jay.”

  “I’m sorry.” Jay ended the call.

  Amanda stared at the screen and gulped back her tears. She accepted the napkin Lynne handed her and wiped her face. “I guess you heard that.”

  “Yes. Not unexpected, I’m afraid.”

  “Well I didn’t see it coming.”

  “Come on, Amanda. She’s hardly a candidate for Lover of the Year. Someone who disappears every weekend without explanation. I would have called her on that the first time it happened. You’ve been engaged for six months.”

  “What am I going to do? All the preparations, the venue, the catering, the honeymoon….”

  Lynne placed a hand on hers. “That can be taken care of. If you call today, I’m sure the venue and the food can be cancelled without incurring a fee. As for the honeymoon, I’ve always wanted to visit Corsica.”

  †

  Jay placed the phone on the table and frowned at Mo. “There wasn’t any other way, was there?”

  “A bit brutal. But no, I guess not. You could have saved her the heartache by not agreeing to marry her in the first place.”

  “I know. I regretted it the moment I said yes.”

  “But you let all the preparations go ahead? What were you thinking?”

  “I guess I wasn’t. I sort of got caught up with the idea of being married.”

  “Well, in a way she’s right, you know.”

  “About what?”

  “About Charley. You’ve never let her go.”

  There wasn’t anything she could say to that. It was true. Every time she thought she could attempt to put the reality of Charley’s death behind her, memories of their time together would charge through her dreams and continue to surface when she woke. Jay knew it was wishful thinking, but part of her couldn’t believe that Charley was really dead. Remembering her as a living, breathing person kept her going. Kept her from walking into the sea to join her.

  Mo finished her coffee and stood. “Better be off. Where’s Josh today?”

  “Visiting friends in Brighton.”

  “So just you and Ritchie.” Mo reached down to pat the terrier, who had come into the kitchen as soon as she moved. “You take care of your mum.”

  His tail wagged as if he understood, but Jay knew he was just hoping she was moving towards his biscuit tin. Jay got up and hugged Mo. “Thanks…for everything.”

  “Yeah, sure. I’m adding relationship guidance counsellor to my list of services.” Mo held on briefly, then moved away. “Call me when you get back in to town. Tuesday evening, lasagna and garlic bread.”

  “Sounds good. Count me in.”

  With the sounds of Mo’s bike growing fainter, Jay shook herself. There were people she needed to tell about the wedding cancellation. It wasn’t a big list. Josh, Dougie, staff from the clinic. They could all wait until Monday. Except Dougie. If he’d only planned to visit London because of the wedding, he might need advance notice to make other arrangements so he could make the most of his time off before setting out for another oil field thousands of miles away.

  He answered on the first ring. “What’s up, Jay Bird?”

  She let him get away with that greeting. It was a compromise, after she’d threatened to kneecap him when he tried calling her Baby Bird. Stewie’s nickname for her didn’t sit right coming from anyone else.

  “The wedding’s off.”

  “Oh, what’s happened?”

  “I just came to my senses. Realised I couldn’t go through with it.”

  “Too bad. You’ll miss out on seeing me in a penguin suit.”

  “You weren’t….”

  “Well, you’ll never know now. But, seriously, are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I should have done it before. Amanda deserves better. My heart was never really in it.”

  “Right. I’m going to be in London anyway at the end of the week. So let’s meet up.”

  Jay agreed, and when he ended the call, she felt better. Ritchie pawed at her leg. She understood the signal and reached into his biscuit tin to hand him a treat. While he munched, she decided to take a run up to the seal sanctuary. Watching the large sea mammals always had a soothing effect on her.

  †

  Tess rolled over into the space Alice had recently vacated. A Saturday shift meant she was on her own for the day. Their regular lunch with the parents was off too. But instead of the free day she would have relished, she was meeting Donna in town. Cheryl was at a reunion with her old university pals in York, and they were taking advantage of her absence to finalise plans for her sixty
-fifth birthday. A surprise party. Tess didn’t think a surprise was a good idea for someone that age. Could give her a heart attack.

  Pulling the duvet close around her body, she revelled in the warmth, and drifted off to sleep. When she woke again, the room was lighter than it had been before. She rubbed her eyes and edged over to Alice’s side of the bed. The digital figures glared at her showing 9:47. Damn, she barely had time to get dressed to be on time. Donna would be pacing Selfridges Foodhall like a feral tiger if she weren’t there at 10:30 on the dot.

  Setting the all-time record for washing, dressing, and leaving the house without forgetting anything vital…keys, money, phone, Oyster card…Tess reached her destination only ten minutes late. She found Donna inspecting the boxed-chocolate selections.

  “Morning, love.” Donna kissed her cheek and turned back to the display. “What do you think? I’m tempted by this one.” She indicated a box with drawers, each containing a selection of mouthwatering chocolates. “It’s different, isn’t it?”

  Tess looked at it. “Hm. I don’t know. I like that one better.” She pointed to a smaller box with the chocolates built up in a pyramid. “Depends how much you want to spend, though. That other one is way more expensive.”

  “You know how much Cheryl loves her chocolates. And she’s only sixty-five once.”

  “Why didn’t you just order online? Either of these is going to be awkward to carry home.”

  “I couldn’t risk her opening whatever was delivered.”

  “Well, send it to me, then. I can arrange to be in.”

  “Oh, would you, sweetie? That’s a great idea. I was wondering where I would be able to hide it.”