by Stella Gray
He was calling me his buddy. “Sure,” I said.
“Let’s go!” he exclaimed, taking my hand and dragging me along.
I looked back at Anja and she just shrugged and smiled, trailing us in her heels. It was obvious by the way she interacted with Max that she loved him. That she’d do anything for him.
“You two go ahead,” she said. “I’ll catch up.”
As we left the reptiles and birds behind, I realized that Anja had been especially quiet all day, even deferring to me if Max asked her a question about the exhibits. She was letting me get to know him, one-on-one. I appreciated that.
Walking hand-in-hand with my kid, it was hard not to dwell on all the lost time. His entire life, I’d been a stranger to him—hell, I still was—when I could have been there for him. Could have been his father. A real father.
My heart twisted. I’d never thought much about being a parent or having a family, but spending the day with Max was forcing me to think about what I wanted. And that was to have a solid relationship with my son—and any future kids I might have. But what did Tori want?
“Looks like you found the lions,” I told Max as we stopped in front of the enclosure.
A pride of females lounged, some blinking in our direction, others stretched out for a nap. The male was further off, perched on a rock.
“In the wild,” I said, “the females do all the hunting. They’re fierce.”
“My mom’s like that too,” Max said seriously.
Anja came up behind us then, and Max stretched out his free hand to grab hers. With our kid in the middle, holding onto both of us, and the content smiles on all our faces, we probably looked like the picture of a happy, perfect family to anyone who was walking by. No one would guess that this was my first formal outing with my child, that he still didn’t know I was his father, and that his mother had been hiding from me for almost the last decade.
Still, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. I knew the true score.
I glanced down at Max. “You want to check out the tigers?”
“Yeah!”
The rapid click of a camera sounded from my right and my head snapped instantly in that direction. A young man was casually turning away, tucking something into the black bag at his hip. A camera? It had sounded like he was taking pictures, but this was a zoo and there were plenty of people taking photos all around us with their phones or digital cameras.
Max had already run off toward the tigers, and Anja was chasing him down. I followed after them, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in my chest.
This wouldn’t be the first time someone had tried to photograph me while I was out in public. I wasn’t famous, per se, but I was definitely recognizable due to the high profile of KZ Modeling. The agency was never far from the public eye, and that meant occasionally getting recognized or having people attempt stealthy cell phone pictures that would sometimes end up on the gossip sites. Usually Luka (drunk and disorderly) or Emzee (glammed up for an event or an art show) was the target, though, not me. The worst was when the photos showed up on the internet immediately. I was a private person, and it always felt so invasive.
Thank god I’d texted Tori earlier about my plans. I’d hate for her to see any images of Anja and Max and I today and get the wrong idea.
I checked my phone again, but there was still no response from her. I tried not to read into it too much, but given her behavior that morning, I couldn’t help wondering if she was ignoring me on purpose. If our marriage had crossed a line last night, and there was no going back.
Tori
Chapter 8
I dropped the vocab test off on my Latin professor’s desk as I headed out the classroom door, hoping my years of high school Latin would be enough to carry me through. My mind had been miles away during the test.
The truth was, school had been an absolute daze all day. I couldn’t focus, couldn’t stop thinking about Stefan. My marriage. My stepson. I had to talk to Stefan, as soon as possible. Putting it off had been a poor choice on my part. There was no way I’d be able to focus on my classes or anything else if I kept avoiding the conversation we had to have. Better to just do it now. Rip off the Band-Aid.
You have to be strong, I told myself. You can do this.
Knowing he’d be at work didn’t make me feel any better. He might not even pick up my call. Maybe I should just ask him to come home early from work so we could sit down and have dinner together, just the two of us, and figure out where things stood.
But as I dug around frantically in my bag, I realized my phone wasn’t in there. It had been in my hand on my way out the door that morning, but…no. I’d set it down on the entry table in order to put on my coat and scarf, and then I’d grabbed my keys and backpack but not my cell. Being in such a hurry to get out of the condo had made me careless.
Well, then. Tonight. I’d call him the second I got home.
Getting through my last class of the day seemed even more agonizing now that I knew I had no way to reach out to Stefan. I wondered what he was thinking. Had he already chosen between me and Anja? Was his mind made up? Had last night been his way of saying goodbye?
I knew I had to brace myself for that possibility.
The minutes seemed to inch by and I found that I was paying more attention to the clock on the wall than the sign language exercises we were supposed to be doing in groups of three. The other students were kind in correcting me, but I found it impossible to stay on track. What was wrong with me? Getting this linguistics degree had always been my dream, and here I was in one of the country’s most prestigious programs, supported by a brilliant and committed faculty, and I was fucking it up. Maybe Stefan leaving would be for the best. Maybe then I’d be forced to focus on my education and my career, like I had always intended.
But that thought didn’t make me feel any better.
After my ASL professor dismissed the class, I was planning to hail a cab and go straight to the condo. But as I was walking out of the classroom, I heard a familiar gabble of voices at the end of the hall. Looking up, I saw a bunch of students I recognized standing in a little cluster. Everyone was talking, laughing, and gesturing animatedly.
Had something happened? Was it something to do with the program? Something I needed to know about? Walking closer, I picked out my friends Audrey, Lila, and Diane all huddled around Audrey’s cell phone, absorbed by whatever was on the screen.
Impatient to know what all the fuss was about, I came up behind them and peeked over Audrey’s black leather-clad shoulder.
My stomach dropped at what I saw.
Pulled up on the screen was a celebrity gossip site called The Dirt, featuring a photo of Stefan in a sharp suit, Anja looking sophisticated and gorgeous in a black ensemble, and the little boy I’d seen at Konstantin’s last night, wearing a red down jacket. They were standing together next to a lion enclosure at a zoo. The boy smiled up at Stefan, and they were holding hands. His other hand was tucked into Anja’s, and the former KZ model was looking adoringly at both my husband and their son. They were all glowing and happy, the perfect family. A family that didn’t include me. The caption read, “NEWLYWED KZM SUCCESSOR STEPPING OUT ALREADY?”
So it was true. I’d lost Stefan.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from how the kid was holding Stefan’s hand. He seemed so blissfully happy to be with both of his parents. How the hell could I stand in the way of that?
The realization gutted me, and I rasped out a shocked breath. It was loud enough that my friends turned and noticed me and immediately went silent.
My cheeks were burning, my pulse pounding, and I desperately wished I’d never walked over to the group. I wished I’d never seen the picture, either, but I especially wished I hadn’t seen it surrounded by a crowd of my friends and classmates. Now everyone was staring at me, their expressions a mixture of pity and sympathy. I didn’t want either.
“I’m so sorry, Tori,” Audrey said gently, tucking her phone into he
r pocket.
“About what?” I said, forcing a smile onto my face. “You think that National Enquirer type crap has anything to do with reality? She’s an old friend of the family. She and her kid are just in town for the week.”
“Oh,” Audrey said, but I could tell she didn’t believe me by the way she was exchanging a sympathetic look with the others. “So your husband is just…taking them out sightseeing?”
“Yeah. Just keeping them entertained. They’ve been friends for like ten years,” I said, trying to make my voice sound bored and casual. “You know how those gossips sites are—always trying to make drama out of nothing.”
“That makes total sense,” Diane said, coming to my rescue as usual. “She looks like one of KZM’s models. Is that how they met?”
“That’s exactly it,” I said. “They go way back. She’s retired now.”
“Of course,” Lila said, sounding sincere. “People just love gossip.”
“Yeah,” Audrey agreed. “Scandal sells. I mean, and just because you have history with someone, it doesn’t mean you’re automatically getting back together every time you go out.”
Ah. Was it that obvious, judging by a single photo, that Stefan and Anja had been an item? Or was it just blatantly apparent that they were still attracted to each other?
Lila went on, “I’m sure he’s totally over her. I mean, he’s married to you now, right?”
“Right…” Except I didn’t know how much longer we might be married for.
My chest felt tight, and it was getting hard to breathe. I could feel a full-blown panic attack coming on.
“What’s going on here?” a familiar voice interrupted.
Gavin stepped into the center of the circle, breaking up our little group, and my tunnel vision instantly cleared. I had never been more glad to see him.
“Catch you later, Tori,” Lila said, scooting off arm in arm with Audrey. “Don’t let the fake news get you down.”
“Call me if you need anything,” Diane said, hanging back just long enough to give me a tight side-hug and leave a cloud of patchouli lingering in her wake.
The rest of the other students all seemed to scatter as well, and then Gavin and I were alone in the hallway. The moment the coast was clear, I dropped the smile I had been forcing.
“What’s wrong?” Gavin asked, drawing me toward a quiet corner nook and squeezing my shoulder gently.
My friends seemed to buy my cover story, but I couldn’t fake it for him, too—and I knew I didn’t have to. If anyone would understand, it would be Gavin. Stepping closer, I pressed my forehead against his chest, letting him hold me as I took several deep breaths. There was nothing I could do to erase the image of Stefan and Anja and their son. Every time I closed my eyes I saw the three of them, smiling and happy together.
“Are you okay? Did something happen with KZ?” Gavin asked in a whisper, stroking my back. “Talk to me. Is something going down?”
I leaned back, grateful that I wasn’t crying. “Yes and no. Last night we went to see him. We were supposed to have dinner and talk. But when we got to his place—there was no talk. Konstantin found Stefan’s old girlfriend and brought her there,” I said.
Gavin frowned, looking confused. “Okay,” he said slowly. “So what happened?”
“She had her son with her,” I continued. “He’s…Stefan’s son.”
His eyes went wide. “Holy shit.”
I took another deep breath. “Stefan has been searching for her for years. She disappeared when he was seventeen, but he had no idea that she was pregnant. That he had a son.”
As I recounted everything that had happened in the past day or so, Gavin listened silently, his face full of concern but nonjudgmental. I detailed everything, from Konstantin springing Anja and her son on me and Stefan, to the conversation they’d had last night that I hadn’t been around to witness, all the way up to the paparazzi photo that was now showing up on the gossip sites that seemed to show Stefan stepping out on me. The only part I left out was the emotional, sexually charged night I’d spent with my husband. Even if Gavin was over his crush on me, he still wasn’t the person to confide in about that particular aspect of my life.
When I was done, he walked me to the coffee kiosk and bought me a chamomile tea. Then he led me outside and sat me down on a nearby bench where we wouldn’t be disturbed. He took a breath and then reached for my free hand.
“Can I be honest with you, Tori?” he asked, squeezing my hand between his.
I nodded, sipping the hot drink, not sure if I really wanted to hear what he had to say.
“You know I’ve never been the biggest fan of your husband,” he began.
“Yeah. I know,” I said, laughing wryly.
“And selfishly, part of me hopes that things don’t work out, just so I can finally have a chance with you.” He cleared his throat and looked me in the eyes. “But I gotta say, when I talked to him myself, it was obvious that he cares about you very much.”
My heart leapt.
“So, as your friend, my advice is to just talk to him.” He said this almost grudgingly.
“Really?” I managed. Gavin’s words were reassuring, and unbelievably touching. He was a true friend—one who really cared about me, even if it meant we’d never be anything more.
He nodded. “He’s always acted like a man who was crazy about you. One who would do anything to make you happy. I don’t think it’s over between you two. Not by a long shot.”
“Thank you,” I told him.
I felt a little better, but I was still so overwhelmed. Tears burned the corners of my eyes and my bottom lip trembled.
“Hey.” Gavin gave me a sympathetic look and opened his arms to me. “Come here.”
Setting my tea down, I leaned into his embrace and let my tears fall as his arms wrapped around me.
“You’re okay,” he soothed. “It’s going to be okay.”
I knew there might be witnesses around, or even photos of this scene between me and Gavin—photos that might get back to Konstantin later—but I didn’t care. It was safe to assume that even with Anja back in the picture, my father-in-law was still having me watched, but I wasn’t going to build my life around the man’s opinion of me or the way I lived my life.
Still, there was a twinge of guilt about what Stefan might think. After all, Bruce was out there somewhere watching over me. He was never far off, and sometimes I’d even bring my new bodyguard a coffee in between my classes. There was a definite possibility that he’d send pictures to my husband right away, that Stefan was already looking at them now.
But I didn’t care.
As petty as it seemed, after seeing him with Anja and their son, I couldn’t help feeling like he deserved to be hurt, too. That was, if my actions still had the power to affect him that way.
If he still cared about me at all.
Tori
Chapter 9
Stefan was waiting for me when I got back to the condo. I don’t know if I was more shocked by the fact that he was home so early, or that he seemed to be in such a great mood as he sat on the couch. The smile he flashed glancing up at me was almost painfully joyful. He looked younger, too, the recent stress and familiar worry lines suddenly gone from his face.
Obviously spending a perfect day with Anja and their son had had an impact on him.
“We should talk,” he said, full of energy.
“Yeah,” I agreed, my guard instantly up. “We should.”
I set my bag on the floor and dropped myself into a chair across from him, bracing for the worst. What I really wanted was to go to the guest room and hide under the covers with my hands over my ears, but now wasn’t the time to act like a little kid afraid of nightmare monsters; it was time to face the facts.
Besides, I’d thought of nothing but worst-case scenarios all day, and after seeing the paparazzi photo on The Dirt, I felt like whatever Stefan had to say to me was already firmly decided. He was going to tell me he was leaving me f
or Anja and his new family. I could feel it. There was no point in putting off this discussion any longer.
“So here’s the thing,” he began softly, leaning toward me.
“I already know,” I said, cutting him off as I fought back tears. I couldn’t stand to sit here and let this play out in slow motion. The last thing I wanted was for him to stretch out the agony. “I know about you and Anja.”
Hearing him actually say the words, or beat around the bush in some well-meaning attempt to let me down gently, would have destroyed me. Maybe I could preserve some dignity by cutting him off at the pass.
A look of confusion crossed his face. “What about me and Anja? What are you talking about?”
I cleared my throat and regained control of myself. “I saw the picture of you on The Dirt—one of the gossip websites,” I said calmly, trying to remove any hint of accusation from my tone. “All three of you, actually. At the zoo today.”
Stefan frowned and pulled out his phone, tapping at the screen for a moment before breaking out into a huge grin.
“Yeah, that’s us.” He turned his phone toward me. “It’s a great photo. I think it really captured the day.”
Refusing to look, I blurted, “A day I had no idea you were planning! How do you think I felt when I saw that?” Anger flickered in my chest at how callous he was acting. “I had to cover in front of my friends! Pretend I already knew you were out on the town having the best time in the world with another woman and her son—your son,” I quickly corrected.
“Didn’t you get my text?” he asked, seeming genuinely puzzled.
“No…” I said cautiously. “I left my cell home by mistake when I was rushing around this morning.” What kind of text could he have sent?
Holding his cell out to me, Stefan said, “Just look at the message. Please.”
I took it from him and read what he’d sent: Took off work—going to the zoo to get to know Max better. Anja will accompany us. Let me know if this is a problem. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable with any of this. 9:37 AM
