"I didn't thank you for the night before," Alexa said.
Her presence startled him, causing Eric to jump. Things never got to him, even if he wasn't expecting them. She had a way about her—quiet, stealthy. She was the sort who would sneak up on you and create havoc, even if it was unintentional.
She was dangerous.
"For letting me in," Alexa clarified. "I'm sorry I came across like such a mess. I don't even know what I was doing or saying. I can drop your clothes back off to you tomorrow, by the way."
"It's fine," Eric said, waving away her concern. "Keep them."
Alexa opened her mouth as though she was going to argue before pressing her lips together to stop herself. She took the offered cup of tea and brought it to her face, letting the steam sink into her pores. She took a deep breath before bringing it to her lips.
Eric watched her, fascinated by how she drank her tea. Something as simple as that could somehow be turned into a sensual gesture. It amazed him.
Alexa looked up at Eric and moved toward the dining table. She sunk into the seat, the mug between her hands and looked up with a shy gaze, like she knew what she had to say but wasn't sure exactly how to put it into words.
"So," she said.
"So," he repeated. He took a seat across from her and crossed his arms over his chest. He leaned back in the chair, looking at her with a level gaze, and waited. He wasn't sure if she expected him to say something first or if she needed to collect her thoughts. "I guess we should probably start with the first lesson in this little education you want to receive."
Her cheeks turned red at his even mentioning it, and Eric wondered how they were going to get through an entire lesson if she couldn't sit through a simple conversation.
"The first thing you should probably know is that experience isn't everything," he said. "In fact, a lot of women with experience sometimes try too hard and that can be a turnoff."
Alexa scoffed, causing Eric to shoot his brows into the sky.
"What, you don't believe me?" he asked.
"It's not that," Alexa said quickly, folding her hands in her lap and turning her head so her long, blonde hair fell into her face. "It's just…I guess it's just hard for me to believe. Would you ever have sex with a virgin?"
"Well…" Eric let his voice trail off. He hadn't actually thought about having sex with a virgin, if he was being honest.
"See?" Alexa said. "Maybe coming on too strong is a turnoff, but so is not knowing what the hell you're doing."
Eric felt his lips tug up into an amused grin. He reached for Alexa's hands and pulled them from her lap so he could hold them himself. Her hands were cooler than most, but soft, and his thumbs began tracing patterns on the back of them. He had no idea why he was doing this, but it caused Alexa to pick her head up, to look at him with such surprise, that he couldn't help but continue the gesture, even if it wasn't something he typically did.
"You're overthinking it," Eric told her, his voice soft. "It's not that I wouldn't have sex with a virgin. I would just have to make her understand that just because I would be her first, there's a good chance I wouldn't be her last. A lot of the time, women are virgins because they're saving themselves for marriage. They have this romantic idea about giving something to their husband they've never shared with anyone before. And while that is romantic, a lot of those women make exceptions regarding premarital sex if they believe their partner will eventually marry them. Does that make sense?"
"I think you're making a lot of assumptions about virgins," Alexa said, looking down at her hands in his. "Maybe there are some virgins who are saving themselves for marriage, but what I know, the reason I am a virgin, is because I have high expectations and I want to make sure I'm with the right guy before I do something like that."
"Weren't you with your boyfriend for a year?" Eric asked.
"Yes."
"And in that time, he didn't push you to have sex with him?" he asked.
"He did," Alexa said.
"Well, you were all set on marrying him," Eric pointed out. "If you weren't saving yourself for marriage, why not have sex with him?"
Alexa bit her bottom lip and tilted her head to the side, thinking. The gesture caused the column of her throat to be exposed and Eric couldn't help but let his eyes linger on her skin. He wanted to put his mouth there, to take the skin between his teeth and leave hickies up and down in order to stake his claim.
"Honestly, I don't know," Alexa said slowly. He could tell she was choosing her words carefully, but there was some awe to her voice as though she hadn't given his question much thought. "I guess it never just felt right."
"Can I tell you something?" Eric leaned forward. He watched as her eyes widened and her spine stiffened. He pressed his lips together to keep himself from smiling a feral smile at her, like she was his prey and he was going to corrupt her. She nodded her head. "That's an excuse."
Her eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?" she asked. She was surprised by his words but wasn't offended, though her words were sharp.
"It's an excuse," Eric repeated. "The thing about being in a serious relationship with someone is that it has to have balance. It ensures the relationship is well-rounded, right? It has to be emotional and physical and, some would argue, spiritual. So, if you only have one part of that—the emotional part—your relationship isn't complete."
Alexa rubbed her lips together. "So this is my fault?" she asked.
"Anytime there's a breakup, there are always two people in play," Eric said. "It's one of the reasons I don't get involved with people at all. I think you're afraid of the physical aspect of the relationship, and I think Tim was over it and didn't want to wait around for it after a year had already passed. That doesn't say anything about you and everything about him. What you need to work on, what we'll work on together, is learning to trust yourself and to trust your partner."
Alexa licked her lips, nodding her head. Her knees were pressed together and her shoulders were hunched forward, like she was minimizing herself. Like she was scared. Of him.
He almost took that as a compliment. He didn't want to let something like that go to his head. She wasn't one of his usual conquests. She was only here to learn, not to gain an experience—although he did want her to have the time of her life with him.
"And that means," Eric said. "Trusting me. What you need to understand—” he took his fingers and tilted her chin up so she was looking at him in the eyes. He was surprised by how captivating they were and he cleared his throat, having forgotten what he was going to tell her temporarily—"I mean, what you need to understand is if you want to have a relationship with the butterflies and the lust and the connection and everything else, you need to let go of feeling right. Because, really, you choose how you feel."
"I loved Tim," Alexa said as Eric released her chin.
"Did you?" he questioned. "Maybe you thought you did, but you probably didn't. Because why not express that love physically?"
Her silence spoke volumes.
5
Alexa
Alexa didn't like to think that the reason why part of her relationship didn't work out was because of her choices. She considered herself an excellent girlfriend and always went above and beyond for Tim, even when she didn't necessarily want to. Even when it meant putting his needs before hers.
Except when it came to sex.
However, as she sat with his words, Alexa could not help but wonder about her choices. Was sex really as important to the relationship as some people said? It was hard for her to say one way or the other because she never had sex in the first place. She didn't understand what it felt like to have sex or the emotions that stemmed from physically showing your love for someone. She had only seen it on television and in the movies, and even then, she felt it was overdone.
When her mother had had The Talk with her, she seemed to imply the only good thing to come out of sex was reproduction—but only if you were with the right guy. The last thing Alexa wanted at
this point in her life was to become a mom, and since sex seemed overhyped and unnecessary, she didn't want to participate in it if she could help it.
Alexa stared up at her ceiling. She refused to turn over and check the clock on her phone again. It still had to be past three, and all she could think about was Eric and what he told her.
Eric had a lot of sex, she knew. He didn't try to hide it—it was one of the reasons she came to him in the first place. If he was telling her that sex was important in a relationship, maybe she had interpreted it wrong. Maybe her mom was wrong.
Alexa sighed, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. She needed sleep. But sleep was elusive.
- - -
The next morning, there was a knock on the door, interrupting Alexa from her restless slumber. She groaned and threw her legs over the side of the bed before forcing herself into a sitting position. Someone knocked again.
This time, she did check her phone.
6:07AM.
Who the hell was at her door this early in the morning?
She pushed herself up to a standing position and padded over to the peephole. When she saw Eric there, standing outside her door in a tracksuit with disheveled blond hair, she frowned and proceeded to unlock the door. Was everything okay? Was her brother okay? As far as Alexa could remember, they hadn't scheduled their next lesson.
Just as Alexa got the door open and dropped her mouth, ready to ask if everything was okay, Eric placed one hand on her cheek, the other one on the small of her back, holding her against him, leaned down, and placed his lips on hers.
Alexa was paralyzed.
The kiss was overwhelming and perfect. It took her breath away. Slowly, her eyes came to a close and her arms—which had instantly felt like anchors plummeting to the sea floor—lifted and coiled around his neck. She wanted to pull him closer to her but she wasn't sure if she wanted to get more intimate with him than she already was. Truth be told, she felt as though she was kissing for the first time.
Which was silly.
She had never had sex before, hadn't done a lot of sexual things before, but kissing was something she had done, something she liked. And yet, Eric made her feel like this was all brand new. He made her feel as though she was inexperienced but not lacking in skill. More like when she tasted chocolate for the first time as a baby and how she got addicted to it and craved it almost instantly.
His lips gently prodded hers, teasing them just so. Somehow, they were soft and coaxing, like a stranger's voice trying to tempt a child closer and closer to a windowless van. He was dangerous, someone not to be trusted—at least with how he was making her feel. But Alexa still wanted more, so she stepped closer to him, held tighter to him, and opened her mouth and let him enter her.
His tongue slid inside with no hesitation. At first, he was tentative, as though it was doing a cursory glance around.
Before she could stop herself, a whimper fell out of her mouth. Her eyes snapped open and she stilled. She could feel her heart pounding against her chest. Had she ruined it? Had he even her? Maybe the whimper wasn't enough to stop him. Maybe he hadn't heard her at all.
Eric pulled away but didn't go far. He rested his forehead on hers, breathless. Such a strange sight, because Eric was not the sort of guy to get breathless. He was cool, calm, collected, always. He was the cool guy who had always been out of her league, and he had just delivered the best kiss she had ever had in her life. And what was even crazier than all of that was the fact that this was all pretend. This kiss did not mean anything.
At least, it wasn't supposed to.
"Do it again." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. They betrayed her sense of desperation, her sudden desire to be overwhelmed by Eric once again.
Eric's eyes snapped open. Instead of being the crystal blue she was used to, his eyes looked stormy, dark, filled with…she wasn't sure. She had never seen that look on his face before. Granted, she hadn't known him that well, hadn't spent that much time with him before, but this made her feel both nervous and desperate.
He took his time. Alexa figured he was trying to figure out if he wanted to do it again or not. He curled errant strands of hair behind her ear, and she looked up at him with wide eyes, trying not to stare at the perfection that was his face, but then again, not being able to look away. She had control over her breathing finally and since the silence was loud, had to ensure that she wasn't panting like some kind of desperate dog. His fingers lingered behind her ear before they dropped to her neck and held her throat with a firm hold. He wasn't choking her, but Alexa recognized a power position, even if she wasn't terribly familiar with all things sex.
"You want me to kiss you again?" he asked slowly, his thumb tracing the column of her throat.
Her entire body was set on fire, like she was a witch and she would die for her crimes tonight. She didn't care. If she needed to be lit up, then she would pour some lighter fluid on herself just to make the flames taller.
"Why?" he wanted to know.
Alexa opened her mouth, ready to respond, but no words came out. She wasn't sure what to say to that. Shouldn't he know? Or was he just stroking his ego?
"Tell me," he instructed gently, his voice coaxing, tempting.
Her eyes closed voluntarily, just imagining his lips on hers once again. She wanted it. Even if that meant telling him something she really didn't want to talk about.
"Because it was the best kiss I've ever had," she told him. She didn't know where she got the courage to pick her head up and look him in the eyes when she said the words but she did. "Because I want to know if it was a fluke, or if it's because you know how to kiss like that. I want to feel the way your kiss made me feel again."
Eric did not need to be told twice, it would seem. He was already leaning toward her before the last word of her sentence was out and when she finally finished her sentence, he captured her lips with his. At first, the positioning of where they both were made the kiss slightly awkward, only because they were sitting on the couch together, twisting their bodies to meet one another in the middle. He touched her face with his palm tentatively and she placed one hand on his chest. His beating heart—rapid and fast—pounded against her palm, taking her by surprise. It almost seemed as though he was just as nervous as she was—which had to be impossible.
The kiss, like the last one, started tentatively. It felt like Eric thought she would suddenly change her mind and he didn't want to be too deep in the kiss before that happened.
However, it was much quicker for him to invade her mouth, to take control of the situation, to tighten his grip on her cheek and to tilt her head back so he had better access to every inch of her mouth. She wasn't even fighting him. Wasn't scared or nervous. She wanted Eric to completely dominate the situation. There was a small part of her that liked feeling helpless.
It made no sense to Alexa.
The reason she was trying to educate herself with Eric in the first place was so she could be more in control, more experienced, more mature. And yet, Eric had an innate ability to curl her toes, to cause her to make some sounds she had never heard fall from her lips before.
It was confusing and tantalizing, and Alexa wasn't sure if she wanted to continue this freefall into the contradiction or if she wanted to go back to being ignorant.
Because ignorant meant safe. Ignorant meant that her pelvis didn't throb with forbidden desire and her core didn't moisten her thighs. She didn't feel shudders rip down her spine and cause her nipples to harden.
All of this just from a kiss.
Alexa couldn't even imagine what happened when things got more intimate, when they got deeper. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought but she didn't pull away from the kiss. Her fingers ran through his blond hair, tugging at the roots, causing him to let out a soft, approving moan. She gasped. She hadn't expected to be able to elicit something like that from him.
Like she had power over him.
When they finally had to break apart
in order to replenish their lungs with air, Alexa leaned forward so her head rested on his chest. Eric's arms wrapped around her waist, and she immediately felt her knees nearly give out. She was a pile of goo, turning into liquid, and seeping into the carpet of her apartment. Her heart beat against her chest like an angry parent trying to get into a rebellious teenager's room, and she worried that there was a chance that Eric could feel how erratic it was, how completely boneless she was now.
"Are kisses," she felt herself asking, "are kisses supposed to feel like that?"
It was a question that revealed just how inexperienced she was. If she weren't still recovering from the kiss, she would have been embarrassed that she was practically painting a red sign on her forehead that spelled out her innocence.
Eric was silent for a moment. Alexa wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Perhaps he was thinking of a nice way to respond. Perhaps he wasn't sure what to say at all.
After another moment passed, Alexa was about to write Eric off as not willing to answer—at least not yet—when she felt him move. Furrowing her brow, she tilted her head up so she could see him shake his head.
"No," he told her. "Kisses don't always feel like that. In fact, they rarely do."
6
Eric
Kissing should not feel like this. Kissing should not make his heart thud against his chest and make his toes curl and his stomach drop and his groin tingle. Kissing should not make him feel awed and filled with wonder at such a simple gesture he had participated in multiple times to the point where there was nothing especially moving about it, save for the fact that it was a precursor to sex. Kissing should not make him want to kiss her again and again, with no regard to whether sex came after it or not.
And yet, Eric experienced all of that as he kissed Alexa.
After he finally left for morning skate, it was as though he had stepped out of a dream or finally emerged from a spell he had been under. And yet, said spell was his own doing. He had come to her place so early in the morning to kiss her—their next lesson.
The Defenseman: Book 4 in the Bad Boys of the NHL Series Page 3
