Pretend We're Over

by Ella Miles

  Shadow, the puppy that Millie ended up keeping, comes bouncing down the hallway to me when I enter. He’s peed almost everywhere, ripped up carpet, chewed the legs off of two chairs, and destroyed all of my shoes, but he still makes me smile every time I see him. Another thing I’m going to miss when we get divorced and Millie takes him with her.

  “Come on, buddy. Let’s go get you fed.”

  I carry him to the kitchen when all of a sudden, Millie pops the cork on a bottle and yells, “Congrats!”

  I startle, and Shadow barks happily at her as champagne spills everywhere.

  “I thought you had to work?” I say with a large grin as I grab her and pull me to her as Shadow wiggles between us.

  “I changed my days. I couldn’t miss celebrating that you got your cast off.”

  “With champagne?” I raise an eyebrow.

  “Non-alcoholic champagne.”

  “What’s the point then?”

  “It’s fun to drink out of the flutes, that’s the point. I also ordered in dinner since you know I can’t cook and macaroons, your favorite, for dessert.”

  “How do you know my favorite dessert?”

  “I asked Larkyn.”

  “You’ve been hanging out with Larkyn?”

  She kisses me, playfully. “Yea, I can see why you two are such good friends. And I get the best dirt on you.”

  “I don’t like you hanging out with her,” I say, pulling her lip into my mouth.

  “Too bad. I learned your guilty pleasure is watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”

  “Stop,” I say, kissing her again. And then I spot the food behind her. “Sushi? Really? You know I hate sushi.”

  She bites her lip to try to hold back her huge smile, but she can’t. In fact, her entire body screams light, bright, and happy. She’s wearing a bright blue sundress making her eyes sparkle. Her hair is loose in messy waves, and she’s painted her nails a bright pink color.

  “I want you to give sushi a second chance. And if you hate it, that’s what the macaroons and fake champagne are for.” She’s so excited to have me try the new sushi that there is no way I can turn her down.

  I put Shadow down, and he goes to work chewing on my shoelaces.

  “I’ll try, but only because I plan on eating you for dessert.”

  She blushes with a twinkle in her eye as she looks at my healed ankle. “I can’t wait to see what you can do now that you’re completely healed.”

  I laugh and dip her before kissing her again. “Oh, my dirty girl. I think we should skip dinner.”

  She pushes me back. “Nope, you just don’t want to try any of the sushi I got. There is no getting out of this. Put your charming grin and lustful words away. We are eating and celebrating first.”

  “But my way is celebrating.”

  Her cheeks puff out from grinning so much as she shakes her head.

  “Sit.” She points to the new table we bought together after we broke the last one.

  I sit, and she carries over a large assortment of sushi before sitting down across from me. I focus on looking at how beautiful and incredible she is instead of on the gross raw fish in front of me.

  She pours the bubbly sugar water into two glasses and hands one to me. “To finally getting your cast off.”

  I clink my glass with hers.

  “Now, what is it that you don’t like about sushi?”

  “It’s undercooked and cold, and the texture and smell is…” I shiver at the thought.

  She laughs. “Try this one.” She picks up a piece with her chopsticks and holds it up to my mouth. She waits patiently for me to open. I would do anything she asked. All I want to do is make her happy. Maybe it’s my addiction to her talking. Or maybe…

  I open my mouth, and she puts the sushi into my mouth before I can finish my thought. I start chewing, surprised that it’s warm, has a tough texture instead of the chewiness I’m used to, and doesn’t have a strong fish smell or taste.

  I swallow.

  Millie claps excitedly like I just won a race or something.

  “What do you think?”

  “Not bad.”

  “Yes!” She makes a pumping gesture with her hands. “I knew I’d get you to like it.”

  I stare at the plate of ‘sushi,’ but most of it is cooked, not raw, so no wonder I like it.

  “I’m not sure you can call this sushi.”

  “We have to start with baby steps. I’ll get you to be more adventurous eventually.”

  I scourer over the sushi pieces. “Where are the raw ones?”

  She points to the corner closest to her. I pick up my chopsticks and get one of the pieces.

  “You’re going to try one?”

  I nod.

  “Close your eyes when you do.”

  I scrunch my nose in confusion but do as she says, not sure how this will help. I pop the bite into my mouth, feeling the cool, salty, fishiness of the bite. At the same time, I feel her lips come down on my throat as I swallow.

  I moan as the bite goes down.

  I open my eyes and find Millie straddling my lap.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Making sure you have a good experience with sushi. Did you like it?”

  “I’ll eat sushi all day if it means you’ll kiss my throat like that.”

  Her eyes darken. “I changed my mind.”

  “About what?”

  “I can’t wait until after dinner.” She grabs my neck as her lips land on my mouth harshly, like there is no possible way she can get enough of my lips and tongue.

  I grab onto her hips, yanking her body tight against mine as I kiss her back. I love that she’s always pushing me to try new things, but right now, all I want is her—just her.

  I wish I could say the words, but for now, my kisses will have to do. Kisses that I’m addicted to. These kisses are the only thing keeping me sane right now.

  Her hips start moving, grinding over my lap as her body craves more.

  I lift my hips, pushing my erection into her, wanting her to feel as good as she possibly can. The moment is full of frenzy and lust. This moment very much feels like before, when we broke the table.

  “Don’t break the table,” Millie says with heavy breaths as she keeps kissing me as I lift her up.

  “We won’t.” But I also know there is no way I’ll make it to the bedroom either. I need inside her.

  Thank God she’s wearing a dress. And when I slide my hand up her inner thigh, I realize she has no panties either. I spread her wetness around as I lift her up, trying to find a place to fuck her without having to wait.

  Her fingers are already fumbling at my zipper, trying to get my pants down. And then she’s reaching into my pants and grabs my cock.

  I growl as she takes hold of me. There is no way we are making it to the bedroom.

  I press her back against the wall as I push my pants down with a gleam in my eye. “Good thing my ankle is all better, so I can do this.”

  My cock pushes at her entrance as she holds on tightly to my body. She arches her back and moans as I push deeper.

  Then our mouths are locked together again. Her hands fist my hair, and I pound into her, pushing her closer and closer to her orgasm while chasing my own. I can’t get enough of this woman.

  I’ve fucked dozens of women over the years to the point that my friends and family have thought of me as a manwhore. But none of the women I’ve been with come close to making me feel the way I do when I’m with Millie.

  I thrust harder into her, until I’m sure we are making a dent in the wall. Her moans only grow louder, more desperate. I know her body well. I know what to do to prolong her orgasm and what to do to make her come immediately. I know how to tease her and how to please her. I know how to make her screaming angry and how to worship her. And there hasn’t been one moment where I haven’t loved everything about her.

  I love her.

  I’ve never said those words to a woman before. Never even tho
ught them. But I think them now. And for the first time, I want to say them. I want to shout them from the rooftops.

  I don’t think while I’m thrusting inside her is the best time to say those words for the first time. So I stay silent, vowing to find the perfect way to say the words.

  But I have to say something.

  I wait until we’ve both come. Until we are both floating high and then I mutter the closest thing I’ve ever said to ‘I love you.’

  “I don’t want to pretend anymore.”

  36

  Millie

  I don’t want to pretend anymore.

  Those words. He’s said them before.

  He’s said them before…

  Suddenly, it all comes flooding back.

  How we ended up together.

  Why we ended up together.

  What the plan was.

  I go white. My heart jumps to my throat. My hand trembles, still grasping onto Sebastian’s neck.

  “Baby, are you okay?” Sebastian asks still inside me, able to sense everything about me without saying a word.

  I kiss him softly, not able to speak. Sebastian just told me that he wants more than just pretend. He just fucked me like he didn’t want this to end. And I can’t even speak because my thoughts are racing a million miles a minute trying to process how I remember, how I forgot.

  I was drunk, so drunk. That’s how I forgot.

  And now I remember everything.

  “Shower with me?” Sebastian asks, as he sets me on my feet.

  I nod, still speechless.

  He doesn’t speak either as we walk toward his bathroom—both of us shedding the rest of our clothes as we walk. Sebastian turns the water on, and I get us fresh towels, needing a moment alone to compose myself.

  Oaklee led me to believe that what Sebastian did that night was the problem. And at the time, I thought he was the problem. But I ruin everything. I ruin every relationship I’ve ever been in. Turns out, I ruined any chance Sebastian or I ever had before our relationship even started.

  I hang the towels next to the shower and then step under the water, where Sebastian is already waiting for me. He wordlessly starts washing me, but I know he’s studying me. I’m not usually this quiet. He knows something is wrong.

  I should say something—anything. But I can’t. Because I can’t believe what I’ve done.

  And I don’t know how to fix it. Or if it can be fixed. I don’t know…

  No, I can fix it. It will be a process, but I can fix it.

  But Sebastian will never forgive me. It’s too much to forgive. There is no chance at more. In less than two weeks, this ends as planned. The most I can hope for is that he never finds out the truth and that he can think back to our time together with some small joy. Despite how we got together, he has become more than that. He has become my everything.

  “I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have said that,” Sebastian finally says, and he pulls me into his bare chest.

  “No, you shouldn’t have.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too. If I were looking for a husband, I would choose you. I’m just not looking. That’s not what I want.”

  “I understand.” His voice is firm and strong, but there is an undertone of confusion beneath his strength. Inside, he wants more. So much more.

  After we speak, everything shifts once again. Gone is the lust and charge between us. Now we are just two empty vessels headed toward the end. And our end was never supposed to end in happily ever after. Our end is just that—an end.

  I can’t think about what that will mean, though. Hopefully, tomorrow we can go back to some level of normalcy so that we can enjoy our final two weeks. But if not, then I’ll remember tonight forever.

  We both get dressed and climb into the bed.

  “I don’t want this to change, yet,” I say.

  “It won’t.” Sebastian pulls me onto his chest as he snuggles with me.

  He says things won’t change, but it has. Usually, he would have fucked me again, feeding his addiction of me, but it seems he’s trying to wean off me already.

  It’s for the best.

  Twenty minutes later, Sebastian is snoring, and I’m still wide awake, thinking about all the things I have to do. All the things I have to fix before our time is up so Sebastian doesn’t get hurt.

  But all I can think about is how badly my heart is breaking. Is his breaking too?

  I know my eyes aren’t going to close. I want to remember every moment of our time together. I’ll sleep when he’s at work tomorrow.

  I run my hand through his gorgeous thick hair. “I’m so sorry, Sebastian. So sorry…I ruined everything.”

  A tear spills from my eye and lands on his cheek.

  “I love you. And in a different world, I would stay married to you, and it would be more real than any other love in the world. But I fucked up, and now I’m just going to have to love you from afar.”

  37

  Sebastian

  I hold Millie’s wedding ring as I sit on the couch. She’s currently in the shower getting ready to go over to Kade and Larkyn’s tonight. It’s Larkyn’s birthday, and Kade is throwing her a big party.

  It’s supposed to be the night where we fake a fight and tell everyone how miserable we are together. Then Millie will ask Oaklee if she can stay with her tonight. They will have a pity party and talk about how horrible their men are, and then eventually, one of us will file for divorce, and that will be that.

  That’s how everything is supposed to go. That’s been the plan all this time—for six months now.

  And yet, these last two weeks have been the hardest of my life. Every moment has been moving toward today. And as much as I applied the breaks, swerved, done everything I could to stop us, to slow down time, nothing has worked.

  To make matters worse, Millie won’t talk to me at all about us except to plan today.

  She’s afraid—and I can understand why. Her ex is a piece of work. The more my private investigator looked into him, the more criminal charges he dug up. I can understand why she’s afraid to enter a real relationship again.

  But that’s what we’ve been doing for months now. I can’t remember the last time I did pretend with her. I can’t remember ever pretending. Every moment with Millie has felt real.

  I twist Millie’s ring around on my pinky finger, examining it. I wish it would jog my memory. I wish I would remember where I got the ring. I wish I could remember our wedding night. Maybe it’s for the best, though. Because if I remembered that night, things might not have led me here.

  I’m supposed to pretend we are bickering and fighting. But I can’t, no matter how hard I try. Millie doesn’t want to talk to me. She doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t trust that I love her. She doesn’t trust that this is real. So I’ll just have to show her how real we really are.

  “Sebastian?” Millie says as she pads down the hallway. I tuck her ring into my pocket. “Have you seen my wedding ring?”

  I shake my head. “Nope, I haven’t seen it.”

  “Huh. I took it off to shower and put it on the bathroom counter, but it’s not there anymore.”

  “I can help you look for it. But if we are supposed to be fighting, maybe it’s best that you’re not wearing it.”

  She rubs her bare finger. It doesn’t look right without her wedding ring on her finger. And the way her face falls, I know she’d rather be wearing it. But I have something special planned for tonight that involves it.

  “Yea, I guess you’re right.”

  “You look beautiful, by the way.” I stand and take her hands in mine, trying to get her to stop thinking about her missing ring. I kiss her cheek, careful not to mess up her hair or makeup.

  “Thanks, I feel weird wearing a dress. It’s not usually my style, but I know how much you like me in a dress.”

  “I like you in anything. Dresses are my favorite because I can do this.” I lift her dress and find her cunt bare. Once again, she’s not wear
ing panties or a bra.

  She gasps as I touch her. “Sebastian, don’t. I can’t—“

  But then she’s coming. It’s not a full explosion, but enough to take the edge off and give her a beautiful glow.

  She blushes when I remove my hand. “You ready to go?”

  She nods, her pink lips gaping, still in shock of what I just did to her. I take her hand in mine, and then we head to the suburbs where Kade and Larkyn live.

  I park on the street outside the house. Millie and I haven’t spoken much on the drive over. We just held hands in comforting silence. These could be our last moments together as a couple. Tonight, Millie could end up sleeping at Oaklee’s, or I could end up sleeping here at Kade’s.

  I can’t let that happen. I’ll do everything I can to change her mind. It might not be fair to do this publicly, but I think it’s the only way she’ll listen to me—the only way we have a shot at a future. And right now, I’m not ready to give up.

  “You ready?” she asks. It’s a loaded question. She doesn’t know the thoughts racing through my head. She doesn’t know how far I’ll fight to keep her, but she’s about to.

  I grip her hand tighter. “Yes.”

  Her eyes shake back and forth like she’s reading my thoughts running across my forehead, but of course, she can’t.

  “We’ll stay friends after this? Maybe meet up on some island somewhere for a weekend or something every couple of years and just hang out? No matter what happens after tonight,” she says suddenly.

  I do my best to hold back my grin, but I feel it all the way in my toes. She still wants more. Whether she says it or not, she wants more. That is all I need—hope.

  “Yes, no matter what, we will still be in each other’s lives.”

  Her lips pull back into a thin smile, and then she bites her bottom lip like she isn’t sure that’s enough.

  It’s nowhere near enough, baby. Soon you’ll realize you can have everything you never knew you wanted.

  Once out of the car, though, I try to take Millie’s hand back in mine, but she pulls away. And so it begins.