“I’ll take what I can get.” Was that hurt in his voice? No. Surely not. He was the one with another person warming his bed, not me. “Give me another chance?”
“You don’t deserve one,” I barked back. I was an asshole.
“I have no reply to that.”
“How about, ‘I’ll see you later. I’m going home to my man?’ Will that work?” Tears started to blur my vision. Why was he here? Couldn’t he leave well enough alone?
“I don’t have a man. Please. Let me in to talk?”
I could hear Ben from next door starting to make a fuss. If he didn’t watch it, either he or his husband Barry were going to call the police on Rex. It was kind of their thing, which was great when they caught someone trying to break in across the street, but less so in this situation.
“What? Are you stringing him along too? Or are you a serial cheater?” My voice lowered with each word.
“I don’t cheat. Ever.” Which technically might be true. We never had an arrangement other than casual, and for all I knew he and his gross lover had an arrangement.
Shit. He had a lover.
I’d had unprotected sex with someone who had sex with at least one other person, possibly more.
Dread filled my middle at all that might mean.
How that registered for the first time I didn’t begin to know, but now that it did, I felt sicker than sick. I was pregnant by him and he was sticking his dick in who knew where. I was such an idiot. For all I knew, I had four thousand diseases now.
I’m sorry, baby.
“Tell that to your fiancé,” I shouted as I faced the door. “Now go the fuck home.”
Not surprisingly, he didn’t go the fuck home.
Stubborn alpha.
85
Rex
“How many times do I have to say that I’m single? I didn’t cheat. I’ve never been someone’s fiancé. I wouldn’t and couldn’t do that to anyone, but especially would never do it to you, Jason.” I fell to my knees, but unless he had x-ray vision, he couldn’t see me in pleading mode.
One of Jason’s neighbors leaned out his window and screamed, “Keep it down.”
“Sorry,” I hollered. “But he’s being stubborn.”
“Jason,” the neighbor shouted. “Do you need me to get rid of this guy? Phone the cops?”
From inside the house, Jason’s muffled voice yelled, “It’s fine, Barry. I can deal with it.”
“Okay, but this guy at your front door seems like a loser.” Gee thanks. Butthead! “Let me know if you want me to kick his sorry ass.”
“Hey, Barry. I happen to like my ass, thank you very much.”
Jason banged on the door. “Read the room, Rex. This is not the right time.”
Barry glared at me before saying, “Lay one finger on him, and I’ll become your worst nightmare.”
He’s just protecting Jason. Let it go. Once Barry had closed the window and his light was turned off, Jason’s front door clicked, and I swear my cynical heart skipped a damn beat. Who knew it could actually do that?
His face peered around the edge of the door. At first glance he seemed pale but that may have been due to the yellowish streetlight. “Are you praying?” he asked.
I’d forgotten I was kneeling but stayed where I was. “Would that help? And do I get to come in?”
“Stay where you are.”
Shit. This wasn’t going the way I’d hoped. “Jason, you not speaking to me—essentially ghosting me—tore the heart out of my chest. I imagined you ripping it out with your bare fingers while I lay gasping on the ground.”
“Laying it on a bit thick, aren’t you?”
I chewed my lower lip until a metallic taste flooded my mouth. “When I discovered you thought I’d cheated, it was as though my life was draining away with each breath.”
“This was after I crushed it into a million pieces, I’m guessing.” He mimed curling his fingers around an imaginary object as he bared his teeth.
Was that a smirk? “Are you enjoying this?”
“A little,” he grinned.
“I was broken, and the pieces couldn’t be put back together again.” He was right. This was becoming a soap opera.
Jason asked, “Like Humpty Dumpty?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s fitting somehow.” His fingers gripped the edge of the door and a faint whiff of his scent wafted out and curled around me. “But have you finished your tale of woe?”
“Ummm, I guess.”
“My turn. If you think you had heart problems, consider it from my side. Imagine me seeing you with another omega with his hands and mouth all over you.”
“But it was just…” Shut it, Rex. “I mean, yes, that must have been hard.”
“Try heartbreaking. I’d also given you something. My trust. And I’ve been… dealing with things… and haven’t been well…”
“I thought you looked a bit pale.” Jason’s glare told me I’d said the wrong thing. Again. “Sorry.”
“And combined with my exhaustion, I jumped to the wrong conclusion that night when you said you were going out. So, I’m sorry too.”
I winced. “Jason, can I come in? My knees are killing me.”
He hesitated. “If I say no, will you leave?”
“Doubt I can walk. These pebbles are lethal.”
Jason sniggered. “Thought you were already half-dead.” He pointed at my chest. “What with your heart being removed and all.”
“Hilarious.” I staggered to my feet and stumbled into the house as I was hit in the face with his aroma. It was different from what I remembered. Sweeter somehow. But also more mature. But just as enticing.
Thinking back to him in my bed, I had to stop myself from stretching out my arms. I wanted him close, my nose buried in his hair and our hearts that needed healing pressed against one another.
Instead, I gazed around. Jason’s living room was small but tidy which pleased my Type-A personality. He apparently liked bright colors, and the cushions strewn on the bright green sofa were red, pink, and blue. A blue that reminded me of his eyes.
But those eyes were shadowed as though he’d pulled down the shades and wasn’t allowing me a peek. He seemed thinner than when we’d done our last video chat. And what was that he’d said about being sick?
“Sit. Would you like some tea?”
“Thanks.” He headed into what I assumed was the kitchen.
I slumped onto the comfortable couch and leaned back onto the cushions. Jason brought out two mugs of steaming tea and sat opposite in an armchair. It was weird that we’d both talked about our hearts and pain and yet this was only the third time we’d met in person. How is that possible?
I sipped the dark brew. “Nice tea.”
“Thanks.”
“Jason.”
“Rex.”
We both blurted out each other’s names at the same time. And we smiled. That’s a good sign. “You go first,” I said.
“I owe you a real apology.” He grabbed a cushion and hugged it to his chest. The hand holding the mug trembled, and I swear there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead.
“How do you figure that?”
“I should never have blocked you. That was childish and cowardly. If I’d confronted you, it would have saved us a lot of hurt. But I was confused both by my feelings for you and fear as you weren't looking for anything serious. And those pics didn't help.”
“I’m not entirely blameless. I should have been more sensitive. And I teetered between just having a good time and falling for you.”
“You did?” he asked in a small voice.
“Big time.”
Jason pursed his lips and avoided my gaze. “Well Rex, something’s come up…” His voice trailed away, and my thoughts went to my cock which was definitely up. Down, boy.
“I’ve been a dick, but can’t we get past this?” Please!
Jason tossed the cushion on the floor and got up. The light from a lamp shone on his hollow
cheeks.
He’s definitely lost weight. “Are you okay, Jason? Is it the flu? Or something more serious?” I had enough money to throw at doctors and hospitals, if necessary, but thinking of losing him just as I’d found him—as we’d found each other— had my stomach churning. “I’ll do whatever I can.” My voice was rising to screech level. “Just tell me and I’ll take care of it.”
He nibbled a nail and stood behind the armchair. “You did enough.”
“What? Did I get a bump on the head? ‘Cause I have no clue what you’re going on about. Help an alpha out here, please.”
“That first night we slept together.”
I was rather proud of my sexual prowess and how many times we’d done it. “The only night. I’ll never forget it.”
“Me neither.” His long dark lashes fluttered which sent my pulse racing. “I’m pretty sure we’re both functioning adults, but that night the only things operating were our cocks and not our brains.”
“Just spit it out, Jason. What are you saying?”
“I’m pregnant.”
86
Jason
“Say that again?” He stumbled over his words. This was not how it was supposed to happen.
“I’m pregnant.” This time my voice fell almost to a whisper, and I couldn’t even look him in the eye.
Why had I told him how I felt? If I were in his place I’d be sure I was being trapped. He had money...a lot of money, and who was I? Some one-night stand who shows up later to say, “Congrats! You’re a dad now.” In the ranking of things I’d fucked up most in my life, this was definitely in the top few.
“I don’t need anything from you. I can do this on my own. I promise.” Please don’t think me a money-grubbing loser. Not that I should care what his cheating ass thought.
“That’s not how this is going to work.” He went to stand and then seemingly changed his mind.
“You aren’t taking my baby.” The mug slipped from my hand onto the wood floor, missing the throw rug and any hope of not shattering into a thousand pieces. “Sorry.” I ran out of the room to get a towel and broom and air and time to think.
Did he plan to try and get my baby? He’d get custody because of course he would. That’s how money worked.
“Jason.” His voice came from close behind me, soft, and cracking slightly. His arms came around me as I stood there, frozen, looking at my broom. What was he doing? “I would never take our baby from you.” Ours…not your baby, our baby. “You’re going to be a great father.” His arms closed loosely as if seeing if it was okay, and I leaned back into him. There were so many reasons why I should be stepping out of his embrace or telling him to let go, but I couldn’t think of a single one.
I allowed myself this comfort, and as he hugged me closer, I closed my eyes pretending everything was finally okay. “I promise you. And you don’t have to do this alone. Please let me be a part of this.”
“What about your… the other people in your life?” He may or may not have a fiancé but someone like Rex would always have someone to warm his bed. Tears began to slide down my cheeks. His words were nice and filled with comfort, but what good were they? They were cheap and no good to me. And that was a fact I needed to accept.
“There is no one but you. I swear it.”
I took a step out of his arms and turned around, placing my four fingers in the hashtag sign, “Hashtag rings a coming.” No matter what he said, that stupid expression blinked on and off in my mind.
“Oh. I’m such a dumbass. That is not what it looked like. I swear it.” He bit his bottom lip.
“You mean, you didn’t leave me in your bed to go on vacation with your one true love?” I snapped, snatching the broom and walking around him to go clean up the mess, grabbing a dish towel along the way.
“Allow me.” How did he get there so fast? He held out his hand for the broom and I gave it to him, unsure what else to do. I needed to kick him out, but at the same time, I needed him with me.
I was a hot freaking mess.
“That was Alan. He’s someone who tried to pick me up and then I don’t even know what. I was out of there two seconds after he put his disgusting hands—”
“And mouth. Don’t forget the mouth,” I seethed.
“Yes. That.” He leaned against the broom. “He did that, and I left. The next day I saw his drunken post, and while I was pissed, it was so adolescent, it seemed like a bad joke ”
And dammit it sounded like the truth.
“And you weren’t with him?”
“I never held his hand, kissed him, even looked at him twice with anything other than disgust. He was just a drunk asshole who tried to get in my pants and turned it into a social media op.” He went back to sweeping like it was his job, taking the dustpan off the handle and scooping it all up and then taking the towel from my hands as I stood there, jaw open, trying to figure out what all this meant.
“I’m sorry,” I finally blurted out. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I shouldn’t have freaked out. I should’ve told you about the baby sooner.”
He walked out, with all the cleaning supplies in hand, and I just stood there, not sure if I should follow him or wait for him, wondering if I already ruined everything beyond the point of repair or if it was fixable and what that fixable might look like. Never in a million years would I have expected his next sentence to be what it was.
“Move in with me.”
“No,” I mouthed more than said.
“Jason, I’m not going to lie and say you handled things well, but I didn’t either. I forgive you, and being in your shoes I might’ve done the same thing.” He stepped close to me, taking my hands in his. “Please. Move in with me.” He brought our hands to my belly, “Both of you.”
I wanted to. I so very much wanted to. I wanted to be in that place where we were both happy in love and enjoying this amazing pregnancy together. But the truth was, we weren’t even close. Shit, we weren’t on the same continent. We had one almost date, one date, and a few phone calls, and that was it. Our trust was so weak I let a dumbass picture on the internet turn me into a tailspin. There was no way I could just up and move in with him.
I’d been the king of bad choices, and amplifying them wasn’t in my plans—couldn’t be in my future. I had more than me to think about. I had our child, the one that needed me to adult up and start thinking before I acted. The one that needed me to make the best choices. The one that needed me to lead with my head not my heart.
“I can’t.” Two of the hardest words I’d ever spoken.
87
Rex
“That makes no sense. I have a huge apartment. Why not move in with me, and I can take care of you?” I’d been walloped over the head with the huge news of Jason’s pregnancy and was trying to process it while arguing about places to live.
“Firstly, I’m not one of your employees, Rex.”
I threw up my hands. “What does that mean?” My mind kept going back to the night we slept together. Jason was right about one thing. Neither of us had been using our brains. I had condoms on the bedside table. But all I’d thought of was putting my dick in him.
I could hear my omega father’s voice as I was growing up saying, “Wrap it, Rex. You don’t want to burden yourself and any omega with an unplanned pregnancy.” My teen self had paid attention but not 30-something me. Oh no. I had to wriggle by ass and sleep with a blind date and get him pregnant. How could I have been so stupid?
A coldness had crept through me when Jason told me he was pregnant. The thought of becoming a father was terrifying—what did I know about kids—and I was overwhelmed at the responsibility. But we had created something, and no matter who we were to one another, Jason and I would be part of one another's lives until we died. It was hard to wrap my head around.
“Rex?” Jason clicked his fingers. “Come back from wherever you are.”
“Yeah, I’m listening.” I rubbed a hand over my eyes.
“You ca
n’t tell me what to do.”
“I’m not.” Actually I was but living in my apartment made the most sense. “It’s…”
But Jason cut me off. “And secondly, I’m not sick. I’m not an invalid. I’m having a baby. Your baby. Our baby.”
I was sure next door neighbor Barry could hear every word. Probably had his ear to the door and was messaging the entire neighborhood “I get that.”
“Do you? I’m not sure.”
We were getting nowhere.
“And also, you're forcing me into doing something like you don’t think I can look after myself or our child.”
“I never said that. You’re putting words in my mouth.”
He harrumphed and hugged that damned cushion again as my eyes went to his belly. “I’m not showing if that’s what you’re thinking.” He stuck his hand under the armchair and tossed me a thick book with well-thumbed pages. “Read that in your spare time.”
I studied the smiling pregnant omega on the cover with an alpha beside him caressing his huge bump. They looked so blissful and in love. And here I was arguing with the omega who was pregnant with my child. I’m already a horrible parent. The baby was probably whispering to Jason that I was a loser, just as Barry had done.
I got up and kneeled beside Jason. “May I have your hand?”
“Huh? Rex, what are you saying? Please don’t. It would be a huge mistake.”
“I’m trying to comfort you. Be a good guy. I just want to hold your hand.”
“Oh, thank God! I thought you were asking me to… never mind,” he mumbled.
“I care about you and the little one inside you. I was trying to make things easier, not more complicated.”
Jason took a deep breath. “And I was coming on down too hard on you,” he sighed. “I’ve been on my own so long it’s hard to accept help from someone—especially when this is your baby too. I just need to stop making bad choices and I’m not sure that’s the best idea right now.”
Love at Blind Date Complete Series: Books 1-4 Page 31
