by Carol Dawn
“You’re the only family I have,” he says before anyone has a chance to speak. “I’m scared that some of you will want nothing to do with a man who dresses as a woman. I’m worried that none of you will want anything to do with me if I’m not a brother. And I’m downright terrified that I will be pushed out to be alone once you hear what I’m running from.”
“What the fuck, man?” Brick shouts.
I take a step forward, ready to break Brick’s nose when he continues.
“You fucking know us, Slim,” Brick says, pissed off. “You know better than to think any of that shit is true. You’re our family, man. It doesn’t matter if you’re a patched brother or not. It doesn’t matter if you dress in a biker vest, makeup, and heels, or a fucking diaper. Nothing will change that.”
“Whatever it is you’re running from,” Bear cuts in. “It won’t change who you are to us. A real family doesn’t toss someone aside when things take a different path than they expected.”
“Holy fuck, you’re sexy,” Ink says, with wide eyes.
“Really?” Chains says. “That’s where your mind is after everything that’s been said?”
“Hey,” Ink says. “If it wasn’t for the death glare that twin two over there is giving me, I’d go gay for Slim.”
“Ink,” Bear says, exasperated.
“Yeah?” he responds.
“Shut the fuck up,” Bear, Chains, Hawk and Brick all say at once.
The sounds of Phoenix’s laughter brings a smile to all of our faces.
“I told you that you had nothing to worry about,” I whisper in his ear.
“Yeah, you did,” he whispers back.
I lean forward and place a claiming kiss on his lips in front of our entire family. Apart from Ma. She’s going to absolutely love this.
“It’s about fucking time,” Trigger growls.
“Hey, why don’t you seem surprised, Trig?” Ink asks.
He glances at Bear, waits for a nod, then answers.
“After Slim had some trouble down at The Tunnel, I went to take care of it. I had to search the security cameras to identify the assholes who attacked him. I saw Slim on the feed.”
“I was dressed up,” Phoenix says.
“Did you take care of the fuckers?” Brick asks.
Trigger just gives a full toothy grin.
Scary fucker.
“That means ‘yes’ in Trigger,” Rose says.
“You speak Trigger?” Phoenix asks Rose.
Giggling, she says, “I had to learn really quickly or else I would only be able to have a one-sided conversation with him. I’ve picked up a few things.”
“Nice,” Bella whispers.
Ink walks up, wraps an arm carefully around Phoenix’s shoulder and walks him to the couch.
“Did you know that Hawk has been a fucking disaster since he met you?” he asks.
Phoenix laughs and says, “I haven’t been much better. It’s really hard to avoid someone you want to spend your every waking and sleeping moments with.”
That’s my man.
My. Fucking. Man.
“How did you get your eye shadow to look like that?” Rose asks.
The conversations around me pull in different directions. I stand there and watch my family. Bear pulls Rose onto his lap and is whispering something in her ear, causing her to laugh. Trigger is holding Sophia with a soft look on his face. Chains is explaining to Brick how to do some trick with a chain, while Bella sits crossed-legged on the floor between Chains` legs. Ink is telling Phoenix that Bear has taken Rose’s attention and it will be a while before he’s able to answer her question.
Phoenix glances in my direction with glossy eyes. He’s accepted by our family and a weight has been lifted off of his beautiful chest.
Tonight, I’ll get the rest of his story. I need to know what I’m protecting him from. Someone is after my man. I don’t give a fuck why. I don’t give a fuck who. I will stop them. I will make Phoenix safe. And happy.
And mine.
“I am not calling you Phoenix. You are Slim. Slim, my skinny friend.”
“Ink, shut the fuck up,” Phoenix says.
Laughing, I walk over to my man, lift him up, take his seat and sit him in my lap.
I’ll worry about everything else later.
For now, I’m going to spend time with my crazy ass family.
Chapter Five
Slim
We’ve been at Hawk’s cabin for a couple of hours now. So far, he hasn’t brought up the talk that we need to have.
Maybe he forgot?
Or, I’m kidding myself. It’s only a matter of time.
“It’s time for your meds, sweet boy,” Hawk says, walking into the living room.
He places a glass of water on the coffee table in front of me and hands me a couple of pills.
“These are over-the-counter pain pills,” he tells me. “I know you don’t like the way your prescriptions make you feel. But you will take them before going to bed.”
“Yes, sir,” I say without thinking.
Hawk’s eyes flare and I’m reminded that he is one kinky man. I’ll have to remember that.
“Take these, then we’ll talk.”
I nod my agreement. I’m really not looking forward to this talk. Sure, it’s not all that bad, but I know what will happen. I’ll tell him who’s after me, why he’s after me and Hawk will assemble the Infernal squad to search out and destroy the enemy.
“It’s really no big deal,” I say, trying to talk my way out of it.
“You will tell me, Phoenix,” he growls. “You will tell me every single detail of why you’re hiding.”
The look in his eyes tells me that I will be telling him everything, whether I want to or not.
I grab the glass of water and down the meds. There’s no sense in giving him an answer. He knows he’s won.
“Hawk, since I’m one-handed for a bit, can you help me with something?” I ask.
“There’s something I need to do even if it’s only to help calm my overactive brain.”
“You name it, it gets done.”
“Well…uhm.”
Why is it so hard to admit my feelings? Why is it so hard to explain my need for something so small?
Hawk kneels in front of me and cups my face.
“Whatever it is you need, baby, just ask me. I will move mountains to make you happy. You know that, right?”
“You can be really intense sometimes,” I tell him.
“Only when it comes to something that I am extremely passionate about, Phoenix.”
His thumbs gently rub along my jaw. Looking into his eyes, a sense of peace, love and complete safety rushes through me. I know, without a single doubt, that this man means every word he says.
My doubts moments ago seem silly now.
“I just need help assembling my new bracelet,” I say, softly. “I didn’t want to take the watch back from Bella, so I made a new tracking bracelet. I would feel better if I could wear it at all times.”
His eyes grow
warm with understanding. He doesn’t know my story, yet. But he does know how scared I always seem to be.
“I would feel better if you would wear it at all times, as well,” he admits. “What do I need to do?”
“Everything is in my small bag,” I tell him. “In the front zipper is a black case. That’s all we need.”
Hawk leans forward and kisses my forehead before standing and fetching my bag.
I love forehead kisses.
“Okay, got the black case, baby,” Hawk says, sitting down beside me. “Now what?”
“Inside is a stainless-steel bracelet,” I tell him. “Grab that, the paperclip and the small chip in the zipper.”
“The chain bracelet or the solid one?” he asks.
I tell him the solid and wait while he removes everything we need.
“Along the inside of the bracelet you’ll see a very tiny hole,” I say, watching him examine it. “Inser
t the tip of the paperclip into the hole and it’ll open. Then put the chip inside.”
I watch him struggle for a few minutes before I give in and offer to help.
“It might be a little difficult because the bracelet doesn’t bend and your hands are pretty big,” I say through my laughter. “You hold the bracelet and I’ll do the rest.”
Working together, we managed to get the tracking chip inserted and the bracelet onto my wrist.
“Can I track this one the same way as Rose and Bella’s?” Hawk asks.
I nod my head as I feel some stress leave my body at the sight of the bracelet on my wrist.
“I updated the names and added this one earlier,” I tell him.
“Good,” he says. “Don’t take it off, baby.”
I have no plans of removing this bracelet. Even if there comes a time in my life when I no longer have to look over my shoulder, I will never remove it.
“Now, time for that talk.”
Crap.
“Where should I start?” I ask.
“From the beginning. Tell me where you were born, who your parents are, what schools you went to. I want to know all the good as well as the bad.”
So, we sit on the couch for the next hour and I tell Hawk all about my past. Every memory that pops into my head, I retell in great detail.
Including my first kiss with Billy Jones. The soft grin he was sporting up until that moment was replaced with a scowl. I giggled at the thought of poor ten-year-old Billy getting scowled at by big bad biker, Hawk.
The scowl changed to laughter when I told him about the day my dad caught me wearing my mom’s heels and makeup. Instead of getting upset with me, he sat me down and explained that I should never choose diarrhea colored eyeshadow again.
Mom taught me about colors, blending, and the power of a good highlight. Dad took me shopping and watched as I spent hours giving him fashion shows from the beautiful clothes and shoes he bought me.
My parents were the absolute best.
Then we get to the day the officer showed up at my school.
“I was in science class when the school’s counselor called me down to her office,” I say. This memory is emotionally difficult to remember. But I remember every single detail of that day.
“When I got there, there was an officer waiting for me. He informed me that my parents were involved in a head-on collision with a semi-truck earlier that morning,” I pause, trying to fight back the emotions of that day. “He said they were both killed on impact.”
“Oh, baby.”
Hawk scoots closer and takes my hands into his. Up until this moment he was giving me space to tell the story of my life. I’m glad he chose this moment to take that space away. I don’t need space. I need him.
“I was only sixteen at the time,” I continue. “I only had one family member left alive. My dad’s brother, Uncle Steven. He lived an hour away from where I was at the time, so I had to uproot my life during my senior year of high school and move away.”
I look away from our joined hands to glance at Hawk. He nods his head and squeezes my hands. He must see that this is the part that explains everything.
“Uncle Steven never really had anything to do with me,” I continue. “I don’t think he said even a handful of words to me the first sixteen years of my life. That never changed when I moved in with him. I hardly saw him, and when I did, he barely spared me a glance.
It didn’t really bother me. I was trying to figure out who I was as a person without my parents. It took me about six months to accept that I would never be the same person I was before they died. So, I just started to live my life as I am now. I guess I’m not really any different, I just feel different. Like a part of me is missing.”
I really don’t want to continue, but this is the part he’s been waiting for.
“I never hid my desire to be pretty. I would dress up and move freely around the house. I even went to school every day with a sprinkle of makeup and a pretty outfit. Steven never said anything, but I could tell he was disgusted.
One day, about a week before I turned eighteen, I was about to leave for work when I heard my dad’s name mentioned from my uncle’s office. I didn’t think twice, I flattened myself against the wall and listened without remorse. Steven hadn’t mentioned my parents once since they died. I was very curious.”
I close my eyes, remembering the details of that day.
“I didn’t hear any other voices, so I assumed Steven was on the phone. He said that it wouldn’t be long before his stipend would be taken away because I would turn eighteen. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. That is until he put his phone on speaker.”
Squeezing my eyes against the onslaught of memories, I tell Hawk what I overheard.
Steven puts the call on speaker and starts pacing the room.
“I’m going to lose that stipend,” he says, running his fingers through his hair. “Two thousand dollars a month is all I’ve been getting and as soon as that fucking boy turns eighteen, I lose it.”
“Have you told him about it yet?” Steven’s long-time friend, William, asks.
“I don’t go near that disgusting creature,” Steven sneers. “Prancing around my damn house dressed like a whore. Probably what he does now that he’s graduated high school. Goes out and whores himself around.”
“Have you ever considered taking care of the situation before his birthday?” William asks.
“What, you mean like get rid of him? What good will that do?”
“Sometimes I wonder if your brother got all of the brains,” William says. “It will do one hell of a good thing, man. You get rid of Phoenix for good, then all that inheritance goes to you. There is no one else. Remember what the Will said?”
Frustrated, Steven flops down in his chair.
“Yeah, each month two thousand dollars will be given to the guardian of Phoenix to help care for his daily needs,” Steven says, remembering the details of the Will. “And when he reaches eighteen, the funds stop, and he will have full access to his account.”
“What else?” William pushes.
“I don’t fucking know, William,” Steven says, aggravated.
“Calm down, man,” William says, calmly. “It also said, that in the case of Phoenix’s premature death, all forms of inheritance from Barb and Mitch Owen will be passed along to the next living relative.”
Steven’s heart races.
“Holy fuck,” he says, breathless.
“That’s right, my man,” William says, with malice. “If poor little Phoenix perishes in an unfortunate accident, you will inherit his five million fucking dollars.”
“I was on my way to work when I overheard him, so I already had everything I needed. My wallet, the clothes on my back,” I say, looking down at our connected hands.
“Instead of going to my job at the local computer company, I got a ticket to Chicago. There was only a week left before I turned eighteen. I knew that I had to leave as quickly as possible before they implemented their plans. I kept track of him, and every month his search would get closer and closer. Eventually, I made it to the Infernal Sons doorstep. I knew that I had to let go of a big part of me if I wanted to stay hidden. So, this part,” I nod to my body. “This part had to go.”
Hawk is quiet. Too quiet.
I look up and see a rush of emotions flitting across his handsome face.
“So, what you’re telling me,” he says, roughly. “Is that there is a man, possibly two men, out there who want to kill you?”
“Well, when you put it like that,” I mumble.
“Names, baby. I want their fucking names.”
Knowing that I would lose against this fight, I give him my uncle's name. I wasn’t sure of his friends' last name, for some reason, I never even considered looking into him.
“What if he’s after me, too?” I ask, more terrified than ever. “Hawk, I never even considered him. The thought never crossed my mind to keep track of him, too. Oh god, I do
n’t even know his last name or what he looks like.”
“Calm down, baby.”
Hawk pulls me onto his lap and wraps his arms safely around my body.
“Here’s what we’re going to do,” he says. “You’re going to use that crazy smart brain of yours and find out the exact location of Steven. Then you will dig deeper and find out what William’s last name is and his location as well. Then, you’re going to let your man take care of everything else.”
“Are you my man?” I ask, unassured.
“Never fucking doubt it,” he says, before kissing the top of my head. “I’m sorry about your parent’s baby.”
The tears I’ve been holding at bay, fall.
“They were great people, Hawk. They were so amazing. So smart. So lovable.”
“I can see every bit of that shining through you, sweet boy,” Hawk says.
“I miss them so much.”
I lose the battle, and my silent tears turn into the sound of my broken heart. I haven’t cried much over my parents. I’ve had to be strong for myself because I was all I had left. But, being enclosed in Hawk’s strong arms, feeling safe, protected and loved for the first time since my parent’s died, I let go. Trusting that Hawk would be there to catch me.
I’m not sure how long we sat in that position. How long I cried. But I felt exhausted when I finally ran out of tears.
“Tell me about them,” Hawk says.
I shove my face into Hawk’s neck before talking.
“My mom was a Pediatrician,” I say. “My dad was a Neurosurgeon.”
“So, for us dumb people, a baby doctor and a brain surgeon?” Hawk asks, impressed.
Yes,” I chuckle. “They were great people. And, even though they were both extremely busy most of the time, they always made time for me. I never felt like I was put on the back burner. I think they would have loved you,” I added with a whisper.
“If you are any amount of reflection of your parents, I know I would have loved them, too, baby.”
I sit on Hawk’s lap and tell him every memory I have of my parents. When I’ve run out of memory and my eyes start drifting shut, he hands me a laptop and I dig until I find my uncle's friend.
William Young.
