by Magan Vernon
They were both living for free. In fucking luxury.
Pulling up to the gray brick building, I stared up at the black wrought iron banisters surrounding the balcony of each window.
When did my life become so damn complicated?
Maybe someone should have prepared me for what life would be like after my acting and modeling days were over. But now it was too late, and I had to face reality.
I parked along the curb before making the short walk up the cobblestone path to apartment B2.
Every part of me vibrated, a bundle of nerves ready to erupt at any moment. Which was usually how my talks with Ally went. Normally, it wasn’t with our daughter there. Or when I was up to my ears in my own shit.
This was going to be really fucking interesting.
I rang the doorbell, silently praying that maybe she wasn’t home and I could just have my mom pick up Juniper later, saying I was swamped with work.
No such luck, of course, because after not even a few seconds, Chad was at the door.
At least he was dressed this time, and I used that term loosely.
A Dallas Cowboys shirt about a size too small clung to his chest, the sleeves cut off to show his arms that were about as big as his head and dotted with smatterings of acne. The tell-tale sign of a man who was ’roiding. Had enough of those around when I was acting to know.
“Yeah?” His thick voice cut through us; his lack of a neck prominent as he swallowed hard. He stood straighter, as if he were trying to appear taller. Though he had to be at least six inches shorter than me, even with his damn man bun.
“Hey, Chad, how are you doing?” I said, trying to enunciate each word so I’d have something else to focus on instead of how much I wanted to punch the guy in his beady little eyes.
“You looking for Ally?” He crossed his arms over his chest and flexed, like somehow that was going to intimidate me.
“Yeah. The school said she picked up Juniper.”
He nodded, his eyes roaming over me as if he was trying to size me up. “Her and Juniper are down at the pool.”
“Okay,” I replied, wondering if there was more to this conversation.
“I gotta get back to my game. But you should be able to get in the gate. If not, just jump it,” he said, one hand already shutting the door between us.
Just jump it?
I was an almost thirty-five-year-old man and had my name on the damn lease. I wasn’t about to jump a fence.
But before I could say anything else, the door was closed, and I could feel all of the tension coursing through me as I unclenched the fists at my side.
At least I didn’t have to talk to Ally with the meathead there, but we still had to talk.
Slowly, I walked backward then jogged around the building toward the resort-style pool with its splash pad, lazy river, and two large swimming pools with waterfalls.
It may have been fall in Texas, but with the weather as hot as it had been, I don’t think the pool had closed. As evidenced by my little curly haired girl running around the splash pad with a group of boys in black trunks.
At least she had the pink tankini on that I left the last time she went to her mom’s. Before that, instead of calling me for anything, Ally just had her go down to the pool in a shirt and gym shorts.
So, I guess there were some small miracles. That, and the gate opened without having to jump it.
I crossed the row of chairs until I spotted Ally on her phone underneath a giant cabana.
When I first met her about ten years ago, we were both just kids, hanging, out at a local club, only caring about the cars we drove and what we were going to drink next.
Another rehab stint curbed the drinking that time around. But not all of my demons.
It was easy to hook up with and fall for the carefree girl with long blonde hair and legs for days. She was on a reality TV show for a few seasons as a house guest and was ready to step out of the limelight like I had.
It’s what initially drew me to her.
But soon I learned most of that was a lie and that even though she said the words, she was always trying to find a way to be the center of attention. Even trying to sell photos of Juniper when she was born to the highest bidder at the gossip rags. I stayed because of Juniper. Because I didn’t want her to be without a dad.
Like Cheyenne was.
That thought sent a chill up my spine that I couldn’t shake off.
Once Ally and I decided to go through with the divorce, I took custody of Juniper. Yet, I still felt like I was always just treading water. Like I couldn’t do anything right.
I walked up to my ex-wife with her fresh spray tan and bright silk wrap dress, hair in a big blow out and makeup airbrushed on. Instead of wondering where she got the money to do all of it, I just thought about how much I’d rather have her not put on a front. To try to impress everyone around her.
To be more like Rachel.
“Hey, Len,” Ally said, knocking me out of my thoughts as I took the seat across from her.
“Hey, Ally. Would have been nice if you would have sent me a text or something saying you were going to pick up Juniper, instead of just talking to my mom.”
She blinked her too-long-to-be-real eyelashes. “I figured you were busy, with the whole photo scandal going on. By the way, there were a few reporters who emailed and called me, wanting to know if it was my daughter in the photos. I, of course, didn’t want them to think she was anyone else’s, so I told them the truth.”
Just what Ally needed, her leeway to get her name somewhere. That explained the makeup and fresh manicure.
“Seriously?” I asked, trying to keep my voice low, but rage coursed through me.
Ally didn’t know about Cheyenne, either, thanks to that little NDA. I hadn’t even told my freaking wife about her.
Now, where did I even begin?
Damn, I could use a drink for this conversation. Or something stronger…
“That’s all you’re going to say about it? Not give me some shit about her needing privacy? Oh, wait, you can’t, since you’re the one who had the photo leaked.” She leaned forward with a satisfied smirk on her face.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Al, so drop it.”
“I can’t, Lennox. This does bring up an interesting predicament for us, doesn’t it? How both of our names will be back on the radar?” She raised her eyebrows. If I didn’t already have the hair standing on end at the back of my neck, now every part of my body had a cold chill sweeping over it. Goosebumps prickled my skin as I tried to figure out my next reaction.
“What do you want, Ally? What’s all of this really about?” I decided to go right for it.
She smacked her lips together. “I was asked not just about Juniper being my daughter, but about a visitor who came to your house.”
I blinked hard, clenching and unclenching my fists. She’d better not try and bring up Rachel. She had nothing to do with this. Sure, she took the photo, but I wasn’t getting her involved any more than she already was. She didn’t need to feel the wrath of Ally. She had enough to deal with.
“You know the one, Teresita is it? Your mom from the show?”
My eyes widened as my entire body stiffened. How the hell did she know? How did anyone know? How long had people been camped outside my house?
“What about her?” I managed to grumble.
“Well, since she was visiting you, probably to help with your little media problem, I’m guessing you two are still in contact, and it wouldn’t be too much trouble to get Chad and I a little guest spot on her show. You know, nothing too big, but enough to keep us steady and get both our names out there.”
That was the last fucking thing I wanted to do: help the two of them out.
“Un-fucking-believable, Ally. That’s what all of this is? So, you and your boy toy can get a spot-on Trish’s show?”
She wrinkled her nose. “That’s not fair to say, Len.”
I looked around the pool a
rea. No one was watching us, but it was as if I could still feel the heat of someone’s stares on me. All it would take was one slip, and a reporter would say I was an abusive husband, going after my ex. Then there went my shot at seeing Cheyenne.
And what would Rachel think?
I swallowed hard, letting out a deep breath. “You know what? I don’t have time to argue about this. I’ll get Juniper dressed and have her call you later.”
Standing up, I grabbed a towel and Juniper’s cover-up off the table, turning and still feeling Ally’s glare at my back.
I knew this conversation wasn’t over, but there was a hell of a lot more I had to deal with it. And for that, I had to get away.
How far… That was the real question.
Chapter 7
“Daddy?” Juniper asked as I got into the car, watching her buckle her seatbelt from the rearview mirror.
My shoulders tensed as I waited for what would probably be a barrage of questions, I didn’t have the answers to.
“Are we still getting a dog?”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in. “I can talk to Ariana’s aunt and see if she’s still available.”
Rachel’s sister, Karissa, or “Roo,” as Rachel called her, was part of a dog rescue and had a small dog I thought would be perfect for Juniper.
Of course, that was before everything went down with the photo and I had to cancel the meeting.
“Why not call her now? You have that fancy thing in the car. You just talk, and it listens.”
I winced. I wasn’t sure if Rachel had talked to her sister, but if she had any inkling something was going on after our last canceled meeting, there was no way in hell I wanted to have a conversation right now. Especially not with Juniper sitting right there.
“Honey. I don’t think—”
Before I could finish my thought, Juniper yelled over me “CALL KARISSA DOG LADY.”
The monotone voice of the car wavered through the speakers. “Do you mean Karissa Dog Adoption?”
“Yes,” Juniper called.
“Wait, no, don’t call her,” I tapped my hands on the steering wheel then fumbled a free hand, trying to stop the dialing.
But it was too late, and I gripped the steering wheel, gritting my teeth as the ringing of the phone surrounded us.
“Hello?” A high-pitched voice rang through the speakers, surrounded by the echoes of barking dogs.
“Um, hey, Karissa, this is Lennox. Rachel’s friend.” I cleared my throat.
“Hi, Aunt Roo, is the fluffy puppy still available?” Juniper called.
“Well, hello Lennox and Juniper. I didn’t expect to be hearing from the two of you this quickly…” Her words trailed as if there was more to say, but she wasn’t about to give me an earful with a little girl in hearing distance.
“I’m sorry about that. Juniper got excited and accidentally made the call.”
“I understand,” she said, but her flat words said there was definitely more to say.
“But, you know, I’ll definitely call you back or have Rachel text you later this week. We have some things going on that need to be handled, but then we can talk about getting the dog after that.”
“Perfectly understandable,” Roo replied in an even tone.
“What? Next week? Do I have to wait that long for a dog? That’s foreverrrrr,” Juniper drew out her words.
“Goodbye, Karissa,” I said, quickly ending the call before I cut my gaze at Juniper in the rearview mirror.
She had her moments of complete meltdowns, but they always seemed to be worse after she went to her mom’s.
“Juniper. What did I say about interrupting Daddy on phone calls?” I asked, watching her face fall as she clinked her shoes together.
“Not to do it,” she muttered.
“So then why did you, sweetie? I know you’re excited about the dog, but we could have waited until we got home to call.”
I glanced at her again, her head still down, her wet blonde hair falling over her face.
“I just thought maybe if we could get the dog then Miss Rachel and Ariana could still come over, and you wouldn’t break up, and I could still have another mommy.”
Her words cut something deep, and I found myself wincing.
“Honey, I know you adore Miss Rachel and Ariana, but where would you get the idea that we were breaking up? Or just because your daddy was talking to her that she’d be a new mommy?” I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral.
She sniffled. “I don’t know… I guess since Mommy has Chad, so I thought maybe it was time you had someone that made you happy like Miss Rachel does.”
I forced a smile, though my knuckles gripped tightly on the steering wheel. “I don’t need a woman to keep me happy, honey. And you don’t need a man or woman to make you happy, either, for that matter. It’s about what’s inside of you. What you can do to make your dreams come true.”
It was something that could have been out of a BS self-help book, but I also wasn’t about to raise my daughter thinking she needed a significant other to be happy.
“I know I don’t need anyone, but I just like seeing you smile, and when you were angry the other day… I just didn’t want you to frown anymore. I thought a puppy and more Miss Rachel could help that.”
I held my breath then slowly let it out.
Maybe my daughter was more clairvoyant than I thought.
At some point, I’d have to tell her everything.
But that would have to wait until she was older, or until I could figure it all out myself.
“We’ll figure out what makes us happy together. How about that, Juni?” I asked.
She finally looked up, meeting my gaze in the rearview mirror. “Does that include puppies and ice cream?”
I laughed. “Maybe.”
***
As soon as Juniper was tucked into bed, I went back downstairs, pulling my phone out of my pocket.
No new messages from Rachel.
Not like I expected it, but we had to do something.
Was she feeling the same thing for me as I was for her and not wanting whatever this was to end?
I stripped down to my boxers then got into bed, thinking maybe somehow in those few minutes she’d message me.
No such luck.
What was I? A teen girl pining over her crush? No. That had never been me. It had always been the other way around. But now I maybe knew a little bit how those girls felt. And how both of my daughters could be feeling over a boy.
My mind briefly flitted to Cheyenne. The girl I’d never known but now was curious to know every little thing about her. Did she have a boyfriend who needed to have a dad talk?
I mentally scolded myself and leaned back against the propped-up pillows against my headboard.
So, I fathered the girl, not like I’d been around her the last sixteen years and had any claim to her.
And I had my own daughter at home, who was now sleeping soundly, not knowing all of the shit that just went on in this house.
I mean, the girl was seven so she might not understand every little detail, but how would she feel if years later she found out she had a half-sister in another state? Would she be the subject of one of those Barbara Walters–type interviews after writing a memoir about being the daughter of a former teen star?
These were the things no one prepared me for when I started acting classes all those years ago.
I’d kept all of these things bottled up for so long, and now that everything was coming to a head, I had no clue what to do with everything going on.
Staring down at my phone, I wondered if there was anyone else who would know what I was going through. Any of the guys I hung out with back in the day.
Most had either disappeared for normalcy like I did, ended up in rehab or jail, or were still trying to come up in the business. The only one who I actually knew was still around was a former boy bander, but I didn’t even have his number. And who knew if he’d take my calls. Or
even be able to fathom what I was going through.
Then, as if on instinct, I scrolled down to Rachel’s number.
Texting her wasn’t going to do it, and I wasn’t much of a phone guy, but for her, I thought I’d try.
But instead of hitting the call button I accidentally hit the “video call.”
Jesus.
My own face stared back at me, the colorful dragon tattoo above my left pec somehow even brighter on the small screen, as if it were mocking me. That I was a freaking joke, calling a woman at night and hoping she’d answer.
I held my breath, and after the fifth ring figured she wasn’t answering.
But it was as if everything in life was trying to betray me today and a whoosh echoed through the screen before Rachel’s wide hazel eyes stared at me, behind a pair of large, red-framed glasses.
“What’s with the brooding spectacles?” I blurted, unable to hide my smile, remembering how she referred to my glasses.
“They’re computer glasses. Been working since we left Amy’s and they help when I’m editing and feel like my head is about to explode from all of the UV light,” she said, raking her fingers through her hair and loosening the bun, so her long brown waves fell down her shoulders.
“That’s very professional of you. Mine are just for sight,” I said, finding myself smiling despite all of the crazy thoughts that were racing through me.
Rachel had the uncanny ability to do that. No matter what I was going through, from Juniper getting in trouble at school, to forced bake sale meetings, she found a way to distract me and make me step out of the moment.
Probably why I was falling so hard for this woman.
And that scared the shit out of me.
Which was why I needed to stop doing this push and pull thing and just fucking man up already and decide what we were.
“Well, good thing you can see my hot mess self. I know you’ve been texting me and I probably should have texted back. But truth be told, I wasn’t sure what to say, so I was kind of avoiding it at first. Then Lola was messaging me about covers, and Ari had homework, and then, I guess you called my sister? Because she was over here with a bunch of dogs.”
I laughed, shaking my head. I almost forgot about the whole accidental phone call to her sister.
