When Your Novel Strikes Back

by Heather Lawson

  Chapter the Fifth – When In Rome

  “What are you typing?” Ayesha asked, trying to see the screen.

  “A strange pillar of lilac smoke twisted up around the maidens and their friends,” Ally read. “Completely engulfing them and lifting them so that they felt weightless.”

  The group watched as the pillar began to form around them, lifting them as Ally had said. They quite enjoyed the feeling of weightlessness.

  “Where are we going?” Heather asked.

  “To Rome!” Ally said, beaming at them. “Always wanted to go there.”

  “Then by all means, carry on,” Heather smiled back.

  “In what felt like no time at all, the lilac pillar vanished around them and they found themselves standing beside the Coliseum, people bustling about and ignoring them completely.”

  The group took in their new surroundings, gazing in wonder at the building behind them.

  “This is all well and good,” Dan said. “But you still don’t have a definite plot and without it… you’re pretty much stuffed.”

  “Thank you for that Dan,” Heather said, rolling her eyes. “But we do have a plot.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  “Do tell.”

  “Wax is the villain who is trying to take over the world and we have to stop him,” Ayesha cut in.

  “Too vague,” Dan smirked.

  “He’s specifically trying to get rid of us because we’re writing a novel,” Ally added.

  “That’s better.”

  “And the reason he’s doing all of this is because he wrote a novel and it was rejected for publication,” Heather finished.

  “I see,” Dan said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “I suppose that could work. Bad guy tries to take over the world, the three maidens must stop him or his evil book will end up getting published and brainwash millions of people. I like it, it’s a different kind of story than the previous four I’ve been in.”

  “What were they like?” Ayesha asked.

  “In the first one I was Chuck Sinclair, a lawyer who committed suicide by jumping into a whale’s mouth,” Dan began. “Second one I was Bobby Dingle, a farmer who slipped and fell in the pig’s pen and was smothered to death by the pigs, third novel I was John Smith, random member of the public who was shot by a bank robber and in the last novel I was Peter Jackson, a window cleaner who fell off his ladder an—”

  “Died?” Heather cut in. “So you’ve died in every novel you’ve been written into?”

  “Yeah, pretty much,” Dan said. “The computer doesn’t like its characters to live apparently. I’m kind of hoping that this one sticks. If I’m still alive by the end of the novel, I become a real boy.”

  He smiled at them and they couldn’t help but laugh.

  “What happens to our characters, the ones that we create?” Ayesha asked, glancing over at Crast.

  “They’re already real,” Dan replied. “You could write them out of the story and they’d live nice long lives without the computer doing anything to them, even your pizza thing.”

  He turned to Ally who smiled.

  “It’s good to know that Fluffy will be fine,” she said.

  “You have to write them out of the story to know that for sure,” Dan said. “Otherwise the computer can still do anything to them.”

  “Speaking of our characters, isn’t that Pip?” Ayesha said, pointing to a small boy who was standing not too far away from them.

  Heather peered in the direction she was pointing, trying to decide if it really was Pip. When the boy snapped his fingers and a burger appeared in his hand, she knew it was.

  “Let’s go see if he wants to help us,” she said, making her way towards the boy.

  “Heather…” Ally said, pointing up at the sky.

  “What the…? Is that who I think it is?!”

  “I think so.”

  A familiar large metallic vehicle was hovering over them. The group watched as it slowly made its way down to the ground. When it was about ten feet from the ground it suddenly crashed, landing right on top of the area Pip had been sitting in. Heather’s mouth fell open in horror and she ran towards the large vehicle.

  The door slid open and Wax started to walk calmly out of the vehicle and onto the street. Heather reached him quickly and started hammering him with her hands.

  “Hey!” Wax shouted, trying to shield himself from the onslaught. “What are you doing?!”

  “You smooshed my cheeseburger boy!” Heather shouted, still hitting him.

  Wax looked past Heather to the rest of the group.

  “What is she talking about?!”

  The group didn’t say anything but pointed to a section of his vehicle. Wax did his best to manoeuvre himself into a position where he could see what they were pointing at. A small pool of red was leaking out from the bottom of his vehicle.

  “Oh… terribly sorry about that,” Wax said, still trying to deflect Heather’s hands. “Minions and all that, can’t really drive you see.”

  Heather paused in her attack for a moment, waited until Wax breathed a sigh of relief and then punched him in the face. She beamed as Wax flailed about, holding a hand to his left eye.

  “You punched me in my good eye!” he shouted. “I can’t see now!”

  “Good!” Heather shouted.

  Ally opened up the laptop again, trying her best to ignore the scene in front of her, and quickly read what the computer had typed.

  “The evil overlord called for his minions but they were trapped inside the vehicle and had no way of getting out,” she shouted over to the others. “Although Pip the wonder boy of the universe was now gone, his powers hung in the air for any who was brave enough to accept them as their own.”

  “Wait, did you say wonder boy of the universe?” Wax said, blinking his good eye a few times and looking in Ally’s direction.

  “Maybe,” Ally said, quickly realising her mistake.

  “I want them!” Wax shouted, shoving Heather out the way and clamouring for the puff of strange rainbow smoke that had slithered out from underneath Wax’s vehicle.

  “No! Those are my powers!” Dan shouted, grabbing onto Wax’s cape and pulling him backwards.

  “Everybody stop!” Ally shouted. “Let’s just think about this carefully.”

  “No, those are mine!” Wax said, pushing everyone out of the way again.

  He ran towards the puff of rainbow smoke again but stopped abruptly. Everyone nearly ran into him as he did so. In front of them was a small ginger tabby cat, it was gazing up at the cloud curiously.

  “Don’t do it kitty,” Heather said, stepping forward and holding out her hands.

  The cat turned to look at her for a brief second before jumping right into the centre of the cloud.

  “Oh come on!” Dan shouted.

  There was a strange flash of purple lightning inside the cloud and the cat turned skeletal before their eyes as a horrifying meow echoed around them. They watched in horror, Heather noticed that Wax was now gripping onto Dan who didn’t seem to have noticed, as the cloud slowly dissolved and the cat returned to normal. There was one last flash of lightning and then the cloud disappeared. The group watched as the cat fell to the ground with a thud, landing on its back with its legs stuck stiffly in the air.

  “Is it alright?” Ally asked, peeking out from behind the laptop, where she had been hiding.

  “I don’t know, go and see,” Heather said, nudging Dan forward.

  “Why me?” Dan asked.

  “Because you’re the only guy here.”

  “Hey!” Wax protested.

  “You don’t count, you’re the villain.”

  Wax opened his mouth to say something else but closed it with a confused look. Dan sighed and stepped closer to the cat, that was still frozen and didn’t seem to be moving. Dan reached out a hand, which was shaking, and moved closer and closer to the cat. His fingers were just grazing the cat’s fur, he licked his lips,
took a deep breath and made to poke the cat.

  A loud meow sent Dan crashing backwards with fright. The group couldn’t help but laugh at him as they watched the cat roll back onto its feet and casually walk away.

  “So that cat now has all the powers of the universe?” Ayesha asked.

  “Yup,” Heather said.

  “I wonder what else is going to happen around here.”