The Maple Effect

by Madeleine Cull

He’d have to try it.

  “I’m not gonna turn the light off on you or anything like that,” June said, gesturing to the bathroom. “I just want you to get used to wearing this.”

  Aaron didn’t know what good it would do, but no one had ever asked him to cover his eyes before. It made him nervous. This whole situation made him nervous. He couldn’t understand June’s reasoning, and there was no rational reason he could think of, for him to put something over his eyes and pretend it would cure his phobia.

  His phobia went beyond having his eyes closed or covered, so how did it make any difference?

  “Aaron, come on.” June’s patience was wearing thin. “Just…do you trust me or not?”

  To be completely honest, he wasn’t sure if he did trust June. Needless to say, the guy hadn’t always given him good reason to. He’d kept his secret far longer than necessary, he’d lied to Aaron to try and deter his feelings, and he’d pulled away when Aaron needed him most. Their relationship wasn’t built on trust (not yet at least). Their relationship was built on havoc and fire and trial and error.

  “I don’t…I…”

  “Please?” June breathed, stretching the elastic of the mask between his hands. He tilted his chin down, peered up with those dark, stormy eyes, and batted his eyelashes. “I’ll make it worth your while…”

  Aaron wished that didn’t have such an effect on him. He swallowed and looked away toward the drawer where the lube and condoms were still hiding. June hadn’t hinted at using them again since he tried to bet Aaron at air hockey, but they were getting closer to it all the time. Tonight could be the night, especially if Aaron pushed for it, but he didn’t want to lose his virginity while blindfolded.

  “Fine, I’ll do it.” He gave up anyway, shoulders sagging. “But you better not turn the light off.”

  “I swear, I won't!” June agreed. He shifted up on his knees and reached toward Aaron’s head. “You’d be fine anyway, but I really won’t.”

  Before June stretched the elastic over Aaron’s head, he placed a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. Held him there for a moment and breathed. The smell of mint toothpaste on his breath made Aaron want to lick his mouth open. The mask came down over his eyes in the same motion as June pulled away.

  “Good boy.” June patted his knee. He sounded amused. “How do you feel?”

  “Like I’m no longer afraid of the dark,” Aaron said sarcastically. “By golly, I think you’ve cured me.”

  “Oh, fuck off.” June jabbed him in the shoulder. “I have ideas, just roll with it.”

  He sighed.

  “You’re gonna get the better end of the stick anyway,” June went on. The mattress dipped closer to Aaron, and he fought the urge to yank the thing off his face. It wasn’t that it made him feel afraid; it just bunched up around his ears and was uncomfortable. He wanted to see what June was doing.

  Hands, strong and sturdy came down flat against Aaron’s chest. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and the touch of skin against skin was hotter than he remembered. June’s fingers uncurled and curled against his collarbone; nails raking down softly. Aaron reached out for June’s body and found his sides closer to him than he anticipated. There was another shift, a dip in the bed, and then June was crawling into his lap. His thumbs found leverage against Aaron’s nipples. Rolled them until Aaron blushed like hell.

  “I think you being blindfolded is sexy,” June whispered against his neck. “It makes me feel in control…” a wet kiss below his ear. “I like being in control.”

  Aaron felt like he was vibrating. All his insides jumped and clenched as June used his body weight to push him down. The creaking of the bed was loud in his ears, as was the roar of blood pulsing. He felt June’s strong, firm thighs rub the sides of his waist, and then the pressure of their groins together, making him gasp.

  Being blindfolded made everything else feel heightened, and that was something else entirely, but when June slid back down Aaron’s legs and guided them farther apart, he all but expected the sudden, precise way June slotted his hands under his backside and lifted. Fingers caught the waistband of Aaron’s boxers, and June slipped them over the curve of his ass, exposing Aaron in a different way than he had before.

  Aaron gripped at the pillow under his neck and fought the urge to say something stupid as June fought with his sole article of clothing. He wanted to lean up and take them off himself, but with the mask on, and what June said about control, he felt obligated to let June finish what he’d started.

  “One second…” June whispered, rolling off the side of the bed somewhere and stepping away. Aaron heard the scuffle of his feet, and then the slide of the nightstand drawer opening and closing again. His heart raced as June returned, removed the boxers completely, and then crawled back into the same position he was in a moment ago.

  Aaron wasn’t sure if he was the only one now completely nude, and it made the desire to remove the mask burn more and more fierce with each passing second. He knew he couldn’t leave it on much longer, but for fear of upsetting June, he waited. Bit his lip and felt every one of his nerves sing as he heard the cap on the little bottle.

  This was happening. This was absolutely happening, and Aaron had so little time to prepare for it, he felt dizzy. His erection strained hard against his abdomen, seemingly more confident than he felt. He wondered, for a split second, if June had other motives in keeping him from seeing what was happening. Maybe June was more embarrassed about this part? Maybe he thought (irrationally) that Aaron wouldn’t enjoy seeing him finger himself in preparation.

  There was a moment of stillness between them; nothing but their bated breaths and Aaron’s brain screaming for his eyesight back. He trembled, hands gripping the sheets and mouth dry like cotton.

  “Relax,” June said. The same moment his hand returned, this time slippery and cold and almost immediately between Aaron’s butt cheeks.

  He jolted back as if electrocuted; eyes flying open behind the mask before he even had time to tear it away from his face. He flung it across the end of the bed, feet scrambling back and forth over the sheets until he was halfway propped up against the headboard, stunned.

  “What are you doing!?” Aaron demanded, and really, he didn’t mean to sound so harsh. He was just startled.

  June leaned back, eyes just as wide and eyebrows raised unexpectedly. He was still wearing his boxers. One hand held the bottle of lube while the other one was dripping wet with it.

  “Uh…well, I thought we were gonna have sex?” he said, eyes narrowing.

  Aaron felt like he’d been flipped upside down and shaken so hard his brain scrambled. It had never occurred to him June might feel differently about sex than he’d imagined. Everything they’d done so far had been heated and pleasant. Mostly mutual, passing initiative back and forth. They’d shared the burden of making each other feel good. June had been confident, and Aaron had been sensitive, but other than that there had been no reason to worry over who would do who.

  Being blindfolded was one thing. Being on bottom was entirely another.

  Aaron gestured with both his hands, still bewildered. “N-Not like that!”

  “What do you mean, not like that?” June grimaced. “You didn’t think…that I…”

  “Yeah!” Aaron nodded. “I totally thought that.”

  June made a strangled noise. Something between laughing and choking. He sounded nervous and made a move to run his hand through his hair only to stop when he remembered there was lube on his fingers. He grimaced.

  “Aaron, I-I always figured I would be on top.”

  “Well, I always figured I would be on top!” He grabbed the pillow and held it in his lap to cover his softening erection. “We should have talked about this first.”

  “We’re talking about it now, and I’m telling you that I want to be on top,” June said matter of fact. “I’ve always wanted to be on top.”

  “Well!” Aaron blushed, trying not to imagine what that might be like—lying helpless on his
back or face down in the sheets. “Up until this summer I thought I was straight, so I’ve never once pictured myself…you know.”

  “Taking a fat cock?” June sneered, nose scrunching up and eyes glinting mischievously. “You’ll like it, I promise.”

  “You can’t know that.” Aaron shook his head. “And if you think you do, then you must have more experience with it than I do, and therefore you should go first.”

  “I don’t want to be on bottom for my first time.”

  “Neither do I.” Aaron crossed his arms. He felt as though they were playing air hockey again, and every stubborn comment was the puck flying back and forth between them. “I’m not comfortable with that,” he added. No way was he losing this round.

  Frustrated, June heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes. He unfolded his legs from under him and scooted off the edge of the bed, bent to pick up Aaron’s boxers in his non-lubed hand, and chucked them at Aaron’s head.

  “Guess we’re not having sex then.”

  Aaron refused to feel guilty for his preferences. June could throw whatever tantrum he wanted, but it wasn’t going to change the fact that Aaron wasn’t ready to be penetrated.

  “Fine,” he agreed. He’d waited longer for sex than June anyway, and between the two of them, it was obvious who had more patience.

  He watched June march away from him and into the bathroom before slipping out of bed to re-clothe himself. Nothing was going to happen tonight, and that was fine. He could do with a full night of sleep.

  “You still gotta wear the blindfold to bed though!” June yelled from beyond the sound of the sink running, and Aaron cussed.

  June sat at the picnic table on the back porch, whistling an out-of-tune melody to a blue jay hopping back and forth along the wooden railing. His head was cocked slightly to the side, eyes soft with morning light, and hair damp from showering. The small Mp3 speaker played music from its place on the floor next to an old outlet. Aaron stared from behind the patio door, heart both weightless, and somehow very, very heavy.

  Since his talk with Angie, he’d been thinking about June’s future more and more, and in moments like this, it was harder than ever to set aside his feelings for the promise he’d made. June was so healthy from a distance. With rich caramel skin and lean muscles, it was impossible to tell anything was wrong with him, let alone pin him for a cancer patient. He wasn’t a delicate flower, but rather like the sprawling, huge maple tree. Durable and resilient and seeping with life. With the exception of June being ill the morning before they had left for Ventura, he’d never shown even the slightest weakness. Never coughed. Never grew weak. Never hesitated....

  Truthfully, Aaron wasn’t convinced June was dying at all, and that was getting more and more dangerous with each passing day. He wasn’t sure if it was denial or hope that led his heart astray, but logically, he knew it wouldn’t end well.

  He waited until June was able to convince the blue jay to take a piece of cereal out of his palm before stepping out onto the porch. It fluttered away into the tangle of leaves above them.

  “Impressive.”

  “Thanks.” June smiled. “I think with enough training, I can be a Disney princess.”

  Aaron laughed, set his hands on June’s shoulders, and leaned down to kiss the side of his face. “You’re already a princess.”

  June shrugged him off, eyes glinting wickedly. “Yeah, right, get away from me.”

  Aaron retaliated by hugging him harder. Pressed their cheeks together and breathed in the fresh smell of him. June tossed the remaining Cheerios in his hand at Aaron’s head but made no move to get away. In fact, his hands then came up to grip Aaron’s forearms, and he held them there for a moment, rocking back and forth to the music.

  It took a moment, but Aaron recognized the song Hope by Shaggy, which was a song he hadn’t heard in a million years but remembered listening to on an old cassette in his Aunt’s kitchen. He smiled, shoulders swinging a little more rhythmically. Sappy ideas sprung to his mind.

  He gripped June’s hand when he pulled back, smile warm as his heart felt.

  “Dance with me.”

  “What?” June snorted. “You can’t dance.”

  “I can too dance.” Aaron blushed. He might not be great at it or anything, but he’d taken ballroom dance once in high school. Plus, slow dancing wasn’t that hard. He turned around and bent to raise the volume on the speaker. Put it loud enough that people jogging by the house would hear.

  “Come on.” He gave June another tug. “I know you can dance. I’ve got proof of it.”

  “You swore you’d never speak of that,” June grumped but turned toward him anyway. He stood up from the picnic table and let Aaron guide him to the more open space of the porch.

  They came together slowly at first. Hands turning this way and that until it felt sort of right between them. Aaron snagged June by the waist and shifted up to him; just tall enough that his chin met June’s cheek. He listened to the words of the song, trying to remember the chorus and eventually just settling on humming to it. June’s eyes met his, softer than usual, and seemed to look for something. It took a moment, but eventually, he brought his free arm up to Aaron’s shoulder and slid it around the back of his neck.

  “You know, I’ve never danced with someone like this before.”

  “That’s a shame.” Aaron bumped their foreheads together and closed his eyes. “Never went to prom?”

  “Oh, I went to prom. I was just too busy spiking the punch bowl to dance.”

  Aaron smirked. “Would you have danced with someone if you weren’t too busy being a shithead?”

  June smirked back, lifting his chin a little and pressing the corner of his mouth to Aaron’s. He started to sway back and forth easier now. Bare feet shuffling over the old wood. Hand brushing through the hair at Aaron’s nape.

  “I would have danced with you…if you were there.”

  It wasn’t often June was so honest or open about his feelings, so Aaron took advantage of it. Kissed him once, twice, and then again just before pulling back to spin him around. When they connected again, it was easier this time, and they turned faster to the beat. Aaron caught a few words on his tongue and sang along quietly, then laughed under his breath.

  “I didn’t take you for a Shaggy fan.”

  June shrugged. “Not everything I listen to is alternative.”

  “Or Usher,” he teased, and June tugged on the back of his hair gently.

  “You’re not supposed to bring that up, either.”

  Aaron wasn’t about to argue June’s reasoning of never speaking of the embarrassing things that happened to him. He just chalked it up to pride and indifference. June had a funny way of dealing with things like that, and regardless, it didn’t matter. He was happy. If only for the moment, he was unphased with important details of life.

  They danced together until the song ended, spinning two more times and only stepping on each other’s toes once. June cursed because it had been his fault, but Aaron found it rather endearing. When the wind blew, it knocked a flurry of bright green maple leaves astray, and they too, danced until they touched down on the deck.

  Aaron released June’s hand only to hug him tightly. To bury his nose in the crook of his neck and memorize the shape of him. They stayed like that through the first verse of the next song—the only indication time hadn’t stopped altogether around them. He could feel June’s heart start to run in his chest and wondered what he’d done to deserve such a feeling. Proof that June was living. Not dying.

  “I love you.”

  At first, Aaron thought he’d accidentally said it out loud. His heart hiccupped and cast a line out to the words to try and reel them back. It fell short, and he swallowed, understanding that he must be going insane because there was no way June had—

  “I figured I should tell you,” June murmured. “You’re not gonna run away at this point, right?”

  Aaron shook his head. No. There was no way he was leaving now. How co
uld he?

  “You gonna say it back?” June tried to look at him, but Aaron was hiding his whole face in June’s shoulder now. Everything from his neck up was flushed and burning.

  Aside from family members, no one had ever told Aaron they loved him before. It made him oddly vulnerable. He felt small beneath the weight of happiness and fear crushing him simultaneously. Loving June wasn’t something he’d been prepared to say out loud because he’d thought June would react badly. He’d thought June would find it juvenile or silly. He’d thought it would only lead to more heartache. But he’d been incredibly wrong. June was as unpredictable as ever, and Aaron could hardly keep up.

  He shook his head again, not because he didn’t want to tell June he hopelessly adored him, but because if he opened his mouth now, his voice would crack. And that was far more embarrassing than Aaron bringing up any of June’s careless little flukes.

  June must have caught the shift in mood between them because instead of being grumpy, he was kissing the side of Aaron’s head and trying not to laugh.

  “It’s okay,” he allowed. Finally, nails scratching gently up and down Aaron’s back. “I know you do too.”

  Aaron could only nod.

  Aaron spent a week getting used to the way a sleep mask felt over his eyes, and in the end, started to actually enjoy it. June never explained to him why he was wearing it, but Aaron had given up on asking in turn for the way June teased and fooled around with him. He’d make Aaron walk the length of the cabin blinded, following behind him and grabbing him around the waist just before he was about to bump into something. He’d encourage him to do things he normally wouldn’t while wearing it as well—like eating toast or watching T.V. (which really wasn’t watching it at that point, just listening).

  Aaron found June’s presence behind the mask warm and inviting; encouraging. He was in high spirits because whatever strange plan he’d become invested in, was working. Aaron didn't know how, but at the very least, it was keeping things interesting.

  They fooled around on and off; though never quite tempting fate with the lube or condoms again. Neither one of them were prepared to give in, and Aaron quite enjoyed watching June struggle with it. He would sometimes catch him staring at the nightstand, brown furrowed and lips pinched together in a tight pout. June might be wearing down, but Aaron didn't want to ask because regardless, at some point, the inevitable end would come near. June wasn’t going to go back to North Carolina the same virgin he was before, and with only a few weeks left of their summer together, it was only a matter of time.