Heartfelt Lies

by Alexandra Christopher

  "Not at all. It's just—" I stop mid-sentence. What the actual fuck? I know that voice, that's Zach.

  What the hell is happening? My head starts to spin, so I place a hand against the side of my truck to maintain balance while I pinch the bridge of my nose with the other. I take several deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I've got to reign this anger in before I do something I'll regret.

  When I hear Zach say, "damn baby, you feel so good. After all these years, I swear you're still just as tight as you were when you were fifteen," I lose my fucking mind and charge toward his truck. I yank his door open so hard I think it's going to rip from the hinges.

  I catch him mid-thrust, Kennedy's long legs wrapped around his waist. "What the fuck?" Zach shouts as he pulls out quickly and turns to sit on the seat, immediately slipping on his boxers. Kennedy lays there facing me with a Cheshire smile, hands cupping her tits and legs spread wide, pussy on full display, not an ounce of shame on her face.

  "Kohl, listen to me—" Zach starts.

  I don't give him a chance to finish his sentence. I reach inside and hook a hand behind his neck, yanking him out. Kennedy loses the smile and immediately starts screaming for help at the top of her lungs. I shove Zach against the truck and hit him twice in the face and once in the side of his ribs before he falls to his knees coughing.

  "You fucking, bastard!" I scream, giving him a hard kick, before landing a blow to his jaw that sends him falling over onto his back. "How could you? All this time, all these years you were fucking my girl!" I yell, spit flying from my mouth.

  Before I can raise my foot to kick him again, strong arms wrap tightly around my chest as Jax pulls me back. I'm not done though and break loose easily. As I take a step forward, Jax and Will both tackle me to the ground to keep me off Zach.

  "He's had enough, Kohl! Dammit, that's enough!" Jax growls. "Do you see your girl? Your girl, is Ella. Think about what you're doing man, how do you think she feels seeing you lose your shit over Kennedy? Look at her!"

  I look over at my truck into devastated eyes. Ella stands next to Jessa, holding her hand, tears sliding down her cheeks, but her expression is absolutely blank.

  Damn, I've messed up once again.

  17

  Ella

  I have no idea how I feel right now. I'm just… numb. I've never witnessed someone fly off the handle to that extreme before. Kohl was so consumed with anger, it's like the world around him didn't exist. Like I didn't exist.

  When he started hitting Zach and calling Kennedy his girl, I checked out, totally detaching myself from the situation. I watched it all take place, but it didn't seem real.

  With my heart in my throat, I watch as Jax and Will take Kohl to the ground. Jax whispers something to him harshly, before turning to me with sympathetic eyes, he then helps Will get Zach into the passenger side of his truck. Kennedy sits behind the wheel, a smirk of triumph painting her face.

  Kohl walks toward me with his head hung low, broad shoulders sag as if they carry the weight of the world. When he stops before me, I see the remorse clear on his face.

  "Sweetheart," he whispers. "I'm so sorry." He stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his eyes meet mine briefly before turning to his feet.

  I want to speak but I honestly don't think I can. I don't have a clue what to say. There's an intense burning sensation clawing its way up my throat as I hold back a sob that so desperately wants to escape. I know if I allow my lips to part, that hold will crumble and so will I. In the end all I manage to do is shake my head, as I too, stare toward my feet. Defeated. I watch as tears begin to drip from my cheeks and onto the ground, tiny circles of dirt darken upon their contact. Humiliation consumes me. He's made me feel like the other woman and I just want to go home. I don't belong here.

  Jessa continues to stand by my side. Her grip on my hand never lessening. "Ella, would you like me to take you home?" she asks.

  It's like she just read my mind and relief begins to flow through my veins. I nod my head vigorously, still unable to find my voice.

  "No!" Kohl states, reaching for my arm, just as she gives me a tug away from his truck.

  "Excuse me?" Jessa asks harshly.

  "I didn't mean… shit! That came out wrong, this is all so wrong," Kohl releases me, scrubbing both hands harshly down his face. I notice the blood seeping from his swollen knuckles and can't turn away. He catches my stare and quickly returns them to the front pockets of his jeans.

  "Ella? Please, sweetheart, just look at me," he pleads in a broken voice.

  I raise my chin slowly, meeting his red-rimmed eyes. So full of tears they're about to spill over the edges.

  "Will you please let me take you home? I need to explain. I know what I did was awful. I can't tell you how sorry I am that you had to witness that, but it wasn't for the reasons you're thinking.

  "You don't know what I'm thinking, Kohl. How could you when I don't even know myself?" I say, finally finding my voice.

  "Because it's written all over your beautiful face. Please, Ella. I know you're upset with me, but I'd really like to take you home."

  My attention is pulled back to Jessa when she gives my hand a squeeze. "It's up to you, Ella. I'll do whatever you want. You don't have to go with him if you don't want to."

  I turn my attention to the road and watch as the red tail lights of Zach's truck fade in the distance. I decide I'm not running away from this. I deserve some answers and I'm going to get them before I let my own insecurities get the best of me.

  "Thank you, Jessa." I squeeze her tightly in a hug. "I couldn't ask for a better friend than you. I think I need to talk to Kohl though. Call you tomorrow?"

  "You better!" She gives me another quick hug before brushing past, Kohl. If looks could kill he'd fall over where he stands.

  Kohl starts the truck once we're both settled inside. Instead of putting it in drive and heading home, he rests his back against the door and turns to face me.

  We sit here staring at each other, our faces saying so much without a word spoken. Anger, hurt, regret, they consume the air surrounding us, the perfect recipe for heartache.

  "I don't even know where to start, Ella. I'm so damn sorry! It seems like I'm always hurting you and that's the last thing I ever want to do. When I saw you crying tonight… your tears absolutely destroyed me. Knowing that I hurt you… again—"

  "What exactly was tonight about, Kohl?" I interrupt.

  "Betrayal, that's all it was. I swear to you, Ella, it had nothing to do with me being jealous over Kennedy. When I heard Zach's voice, what he said, I lost it. It wasn't that they were together tonight, that didn't bother me in the least. It's what he said that hurt, they were messing around behind my back all those years. I'm such an idiot. He was supposed to be my friend, and she… we used to talk about getting married one day. It hurts. I don't understand how they could do that to me."

  "I don't know, but maybe you should have taken some time to cool down first, and then tried to talk to them. I have to tell you, it was really hard to watch. You said some things that really hurt me tonight."

  "I know I did, and I swear to you I didn't mean them the way they came out. When I called Kennedy my girl, I was trying to say they were fucking when she was my girl. I was just so mad, it came spilling out of my mouth all wrong. She's nothing to me now and I'm not even a little jealous. I don't care who or how many people she fucks. I just feel so betrayed by the two of them, I was committed and invested in that relationship, and the whole time it was one big joke. I wasted so much time…"

  "I'm sorry, Kohl. I know all too well what it's like to be hurt by someone you're close to. I don't have any grand advice to make it better, but I will say this, when someone hurts you like that, you have to realize it isn't about you or anything you've done. All you can really do is learn how to forgive them and let it go. Otherwise, it just continues to cause you pain."

  "I don't know if I can forgive them. I don't know if it really matters, honestly. She and
I have been over close to a year now and he and I were never that close. I guess I just jumped the gun and let my pride get the best of me. I'm such an idiot!"

  "You don't have to be friends with him, just forgive him and move past it. You have to let it go, bring yourself peace. If you stay upset, they win, they hold all the power. Don't give the two of them that privilege. Show them you've moved passed it and that you don't care enough to be bothered by them."

  Kohl draws in a long, cleansing breath. "I'll try. That's all I can do, right?"

  "That's all any of us can do. Just take it day by day."

  "Thank you, sweetheart. I don't deserve you," he says, a sad smile on his face.

  "Of course, you do. All I need is honesty, Kohl. Lying is a deal breaker for me, as long as your honest, like you just were, we can work through anything."

  He stares down at his lap for several minutes before meeting my eyes. "Ella, I need to talk to you about something. I need to tell you how—" he stops, panic overtaking his features as he runs a hand roughly through his hair.

  "What is it, Kohl?"

  He stares into my eyes several seconds before saying, "it's nothing." He shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts. "We can talk about it later, I'm spent for the night and I know you must be, too. Let's get you home so we can go pick out your new car in the morning."

  "Um… yeah, okay," I mumble.

  I'll let it go for now, but I can't ignore the uncomfortable ball of dread forming in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I'm just still worked up from the turmoil of the evening. I'll see how things look after a good night's rest and ask him what he was going to say another time. He's not wrong, I'm spent.

  Today has been a good day. I woke up feeling good about life this morning. Gram and I picked up Kohl and made our way to Jefferson to car shop. We shopped around at numerous dealerships, and test drove several cars and mid-size SUVs. In the end I decided on a MINI Cooper. It's a couple years old but in pristine condition.

  Having a car never really mattered to me much, but I have to say, I love my new car. It's black with red stripes that run down each side of the hood. The roof of the car is painted the same shade of red, as are the side mirrors.

  The interior continues the black and red theme with black leather seats sewn together with red thread and trimmed in red piping. The dash and doors have accents of red scattered throughout. It's a small, compact car but it has four doors and the inside is roomier than I would have imagined.

  It's a lot of fun and the perfect size to drive comfortably. Not to mention it cost a lot less than some of the other vehicles I test drove today.

  I've already been to the grocery store for Gram and spent a couple hours writing in my journal at the river since getting home this afternoon, yet I'm itching to get out and drive again.

  I know Kohl had a dinner to attend with his parents tonight, his mom called and told him about it while we were at the revenue department licensing my car. I don't know how long dinners usually last but it's after eight and I haven’t heard a peep from him. I send him a text to see what he's up to.

  Me: How's dinner going?

  Kohl: It was good. Just visiting now. What's up?

  Me: Nothing important, just bored. Was going to see what you were up to. I didn't mean to bother you, I didn't realize you were still at dinner. I won't keep you. Talk tomorrow. :)

  Kohl: You're never a bother, Ella. I'll be heading home soon. Want to meet at my house in about thirty minutes?

  Me: Sounds perfect! See you soon!

  Thirty minutes later I pull into Kohl's drive. He's sitting outside on the porch steps waiting for me. He stands, when I park and makes his way to my door.

  "Hey, sweetheart." He smiles, pulling me into his arms for a warm hug. "How is it I already missed you, when we were only apart a handful of hours?"

  "I don't know but I missed you too. That's kind of crazy isn't it?"

  "Nah. Come on, let's go inside."

  When we get inside, he leads me toward the stairs. The house is dark and quiet, the only light coming from a floor lamp in the hallway. I look around as we walk through the dim kitchen, I peek into the living room as we pass, but don't see a soul.

  "Are your mom and dad already in bed?"

  "Huh? Oh, no. They're not home yet. They'll probably play cards at The Montgomery's well into the night."

  "The Montgomery's?"

  "Yeah, Lily's parents. They had a few of us over tonight to discuss details about the trip we're taking at the end of next week." Kohl pushes his door open and pulls me inside like he didn't just drop that shocking news in my lap.

  "What trip? This is the first I've heard of it."

  "A group of us all take a trip together each year at the end of summer. One last hoorah before classes start back. It's tradition. We've done it for years, only our parents don't have to take us anymore." He twists around to face me, his brows drawn together. "Are you sure I didn't mention it to you already? I swear we had this conversation weeks ago. I haven't given it much thought lately, it just sort of snuck up on me. It caught me by surprise when Mom reminded me it was next week on the way to dinner."

  "No, you haven't mentioned it. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have forgotten a trip. I don't want you to leave," I pout.

  "You're right. I'm sure you wouldn't have." He pulls me snug against him as we sit on the couch at the end of his bed. "We leave for the beach bright and early next Thursday morning, we'll be back sometime the following Tuesday night. Hey, is there any way you could go with us?"

  I shake my head, "no, probably not on such short notice. I doubt I could get off work. Plus, I used a lot of the money I had saved to pay the sales tax on my car today, so the expense of a trip is kind of out of the question right now. Gram had a fit about me spending my own money, but I couldn't let her pay for the car and the sales tax too."

  "Damn." Kohl sighs. "I really hate to go without you, we could have so much fun. The long ass eight-hour drive would definitely be a lot more enjoyable, too. Maybe I should just back out," he suggests. "I don't want to leave you for five days."

  "Don't be silly! Go and have fun. I'll be here waiting for you when you get back."

  "Now, that's something I'll look forward to."

  He leans forward, parting the seam of my lips with his tongue. We're soon lost in each other and the world melts away.

  "This is awful cute." Kohl tugs on the bottom of my romper. "I think it would be even cuter on my floor though." He gives me a wolfish grin.

  I stand and step between his legs. "Only one way to find out." I challenge.

  "I like the way you think." He reaches up and unties the strings resting on my right shoulder. I place an arm across my chest to hold the material against me as he makes his way to the other side, untying the remaining strings that hold my clothing in place.

  "Shall we test my theory?" He quirks a brow.

  I let my arm fall to the side, watching his face as the material slides down my body and onto the floor. I'm left standing in a black lace strapless bra and matching panties.

  "Well?" I ask.

  Kohl swallows hard before bringing his eyes up to mine. "I was right, it's definitely cuter on the floor," he rasps, standing to lift me.

  I wrap my legs around his waist and run wet lips up his neck as he walks us around to the bed. My ankles remain tightly hooked behind his back as he bends forward, laying me across the mattress. His hard body covers mine, his kiss consuming as rough hands explore every inch of my exposed skin.

  His fists push against the comforter on each side of my face as he pushes himself up to his knees. "Sit up for me," he commands.

  I unhook my ankles, letting my legs fall to the side. I prop myself up, my arms straight, hands planted firmly on the bed behind me. Kohl kneels between my legs, reaching around to unhook my bra, before throwing it to the floor behind him, never once removing his eyes from my breasts.

  "You're so perfect, Ella," Kohl groans, palming a breast in each hand. His m
outh covers a hardened nipple, his tongue twirling around one stiff peak before releasing it with a pop. Wet kisses tease my breasts, leaving faint marks behind as he rolls each nipple between his fingers.

  "Are you wet for me, sweetheart?" he whispers as his long fingers trail down my stomach and dip inside my panties. "Fuck me, you're soaked."

  A satisfied moan falls from my lips as he curls a finger inside me. My arms grow weak with pleasure and I fall back onto the bed. Kohl slides down my body, taking my panties as he goes, their lace lightly tickling my skin. His hands press against the inside of my thighs, spreading me wide, his pale green eyes never leaving mine.

  A muscular arm curves under the small of my back, pushing me further across the bed. Wide shoulders part me wider, as Kohl lies on his stomach between my legs, placing an open mouth kiss to each thigh. He parts my folds, licking a hot path front to back, before pushing inside my opening, fucking me with his tongue as his thumb rubs fast tight circles to my clit.

  I'm so turned on, I'm gasping his name and squeezing his head between my thighs within minutes. I come so hard I think I'll pass out from lack of oxygen, I’m gasping for air. Kohl continues lapping at my juices, while I float back down to earth. When my legs soften their grip, he places a kiss to the top of my mound and makes his way back up my body.

  He slants his mouth over mine, his tongue fucking my mouth the same way it just brought me to a mind shattering orgasm. I return his kiss, tasting myself on him, as my hands run up the inside of his shirt.

  "You're turn," I quip, dragging his shirt up his chiseled torso.

  He sits up, reaching behind his back to pull his shirt off overhead. My fingers explore each of his deep cut abs as my hand makes a path to the waistband of his jeans. I release the button and lower his zipper, reaching inside to grip his hard cock over navy boxer briefs. He grabs my wrist, halting my movement before jumping off the bed.

  I give him a questioning look.

  "Sweetheart, I don't want to come until I'm inside you. I'm too turned on and you're touch feels way too fucking good. Another second and you'd have me coming in my pants like a preteen."