Heartfelt Lies

by Alexandra Christopher

  It's dark outside, when I make my way down the stairs, yet Gram sits in her recliner, wide awake. Her loving smile fades when she spots the suitcase, I'm dragging behind me.

  She rises from her chair and makes her way over to where I stand at the bottom of the staircase. "Oh, Ella. Please tell me you're not leaving me, sweet pea. I just got you."

  I reach out and wrap her in my arms, squeezing her as tight as I can. "I have to, Gram. I've got to get out of here. It's like I can't breathe."

  "Oh, honey, this isn't the answer. I tried to tell your mom the same thing, but she would never listen to me. Hear me Ella, when I tell you this isn't the answer. I know you found out some very hurtful things tonight, but you need to let me explain exactly what happened. You have to face your problems head on. I promise to be right here by your side, to hold your hand the entire way. Running is never the answer."

  "I've got to leave, Gram, if even just for a little while. I'll never leave you and not come back like Mom did." I take her hand in mine before meeting her eyes, a mirror image of my own. "I promise you, I'll be back. I just need a little room to breathe before I can think about processing anything more at this point," I explain. "I'm going to visit Reed, I need him so much right now," I whisper.

  I hold her stare until she sees the sincerity behind my words. She gives me a single nod before pulling me into her arms for another hug.

  "I'm letting you go, Ella. But you come back to me! Do you hear me? You. Come. Back. To. Me."

  "I will, Gram. I promise."

  "I wish you would wait until morning. It's not safe for a young girl to travel alone in the middle of the night. You need to rest, too. What if you fall asleep behind the wheel?"

  "It'll be fine. There's no possible chance of me getting a minute of sleep tonight. I'm wide awake. I just want to get a few hours out of town, then I'll find a safe hotel and rest. If I stay, Kohl will be here before the night's out."

  "You know what? Give me ten minutes, I'll pack a bag and come with you." She turns to head for her room.

  I reach out, placing a hand on her shoulder, so she'll turn back to face me. "I appreciate the offer… so much. But I just need this time alone. It's how I cope when times get hard, it's all I've ever known. Please, Gram, try to understand."

  "I understand, Ella. I do. It's just so hard to watch someone you love walk away." She sighs. "I guess I don't have much of a choice, though do I? You, go on, do what you need to do and then come back to me." She raises a finger and shakes it directly at my face. "And call me when you get to a hotel. I don't care about the time. I just need to know you're safe."

  "I will, Gram. Promise. I love you."

  I kiss her on the cheek and get one last hug before hurrying out to my car. I throw my suitcase in the back seat and turn my phone to silent, before setting off for Alabama. The drive is around seven and a half hours, and I plan to drive half now and half after I've had some rest.

  It's about one-thirty in the morning and my eyes are starting to cross. I spot a sign for several hotels at the next exit, so I turn my blinker on and prepare to exit the interstate.

  It doesn't take long to find a safe place to stay. I park in a spot nearest the entrance and pick up my phone to call Gram. She tells me Kohl stopped by, just as I suspected he would. She wouldn't tell him where I had gone, just that I had left. I let her know I'm okay and promise to call when I wake up.

  When I end the call, I noticed several missed calls and texts from, Kohl. Just as I'm about to click my phone off, another text pops up. I read the first few words and can't stop myself from opening the message.

  Kohl: Please come back to me, sweetheart. I'm completely devastated without you. I know your world has been shattered into a million pieces, but I promise I'll help you glue each and every one back together—I don't care how long it takes. It's you and me now, Ella. I'll love you until the end of time, and a day after that…

  He's included a link. My brain tells me not to click it, but my heart wins the fight. It's a YouTube video, Jimmy Limbu singing a cover of How Long Will I Love You. The first sob bursts from my lips just as the song ends. All the hurt I pushed to the back of my mind is front and center once again.

  I call Reed, just as I always have, needing to hear the comforting sound of his voice. He answers on the first ring.

  "Ella? What are you doing calling this time of night? Is everything okay?"

  "Reed," I cry into the phone.

  "What's wrong? Tell me what's happened," he demands, voice filled with panic.

  "I… I need you!" I choke out.

  "I'm on my way!" I hear the rustling of covers, as I imagine him jumping out of bed.

  "No! No, I just needed to hear your voice for a minute. Just talk to me, help me to calm down."

  "What's going on? I can leave right now and be there by—"

  "No," I cut him off. "I'm coming to you, just stay put. I don’t want to talk about it over the phone, I just need you to tell me everything will be all right," I whisper.

  "Everything will be all right, Ella. I don't know what's going on, but I promise you we'll fix it, just like always. You hear me?"

  "Yeah, thank you, Reed. I love you so much."

  "I love you, too. What time will you be here?"

  "I just pulled into a hotel to get some sleep. Hopefully around two o'clock this afternoon. Text me your address when we hang up please," I manage the request through a flurry of sniffles.

  "Will do. Drive safe, and don’t hesitate to call if you need me. I can grab a buddy and we can come to you. He can drive my truck home and I'll drive your car if you're too upset. Don't take any chances."

  "I'll be fine, Reed. Thank you for always being there for me. I don't know what I'd do without you. See you this afternoon."

  22

  Kohl

  I couldn't bring myself to watch Ella walk out of my life. When I peered up at her and saw the vacant stare in her eyes, I knew I had lost her. She had completely shut down, turned all emotions off.

  I couldn't watch her, but I listened as she walked away, each step crunching along the stone. I never once lifted my head, even after she was gone. I kneeled there on the rough river bank, long after her depart, my eyes cast to my knees, devastation so thick I couldn't move.

  It was dark before I found the strength to pull myself off the ground. I drug my ass over to my truck and drove straight here. Ms. Ann just delivered the news that knocked the air from my lungs and hope from my soul. Ella's gone, fled the scene. Ran right out of this town and out of my life. I didn't expect anything different, but I thought I'd at least have a chance to see her first, try to talk her into staying.

  I begged her to tell me where Ella had gone but she wouldn't budge. I understand that her loyalty lies with her granddaughter. It doesn't make it any easier to swallow, but I guess I wouldn't want it any other way. So, here I sit, at the end of her drive, staring up at Ella's dark window, questioning every conversation that ever took place between the two of us.

  There were so many opportunities for me to be honest, to tell her the truth. I was selfish though. Too scared to lose her, so I lied. I wanted to protect her heart with everything I have inside me. So, how is it I've hurt the one girl I'd do anything for? I have no answers, only more questions.

  I start my truck, then drive to the end of the street. Mr. Bradley left me the garage door opener and keys to the house even though we haven't signed the papers yet. He and his daughter are coming back when the bank has everything finalized. He turned it all over to me though and told me to do as I please in the meantime, the house is mine now.

  I notice Lily's car is gone as I circle the cul-de-sac. She must have fled the scene herself. Only she's not getting away so easily. Pushing the remote, I watch as the garage door closes, before starting back down the street. I want answers and I'm going to get them.

  I call her repeatedly on the drive to her house. I suspect she's turned her phone off because it's going straight to voicemail every
time. Pulling into her drive, I jump out of my truck and rush up to her door, ringing the bell repeatedly. When no one answers I bang hard on the solid barrier.

  Mrs. Montgomery finally answers the door, fury marring her face. Her hand holds the door tightly against her side, telling me wordlessly I'm not welcome. I couldn't care less though. Her daughter created this shit storm I'm in.

  "Kohl—" she starts.

  "Where's Lily?" I ask, pushing past her and into the house.

  "She's already in bed. This has been really tough day for her. I'm sure you can understand why she doesn't want to see you."

  "Hard on her?" I growl through clenched teeth. "Are you kidding me right now? Lily!" I yell up the stairs. "You can come down here on your own or I'll come get your ass myself. You choose!" I warn.

  "Kohl, I think it's time for you to go home. I'm calling your dad." Mrs. Montgomery says, picking up the phone.

  "Lily!" I yell again.

  "What do you want?" I hear snarled from the top of the stairs.

  "What do I want? Are you serious right now? You know what the hell I want! Answers, Lily! I want some fucking answers!"

  "I already told you!" she screams, coming to a stop in front of me. "You were supposed to be mine! I've waited around for years, Kohl! Years! You and I were always meant to be. I've known it since we were kids."

  "You're out of your damn mind. There is no us, Lily! There never has been nor ever would've been. It doesn't matter if I were with Kennedy or Ella or anyone else. I do not love you like that. I have never been in love with you. You were like a sister to me—my best friend. Now, you're nothing, from this moment forward, you don't exist to me."

  "How can you throw me away like I'm worthless? How can you do this?" she cries.

  "I didn't do this. You need to get that straight right now. You did this. You wanted to hurt Ella and tear us apart and you did one hell of a job doing it. Didn't you stop to think, it would also hurt me in the process? You can't hurt the woman I love without destroying me, too. Don't you see that?" I ask throwing my hands out to the side. When she doesn't answer, I continue, "You got what you wanted, she's gone. I hope you're happy now. I never want to see your face again as long as I live. You best keep your distance from me."

  "But… but…" she stutters. "You're my best friend!"

  "Was… I was your best friend. Now, you're just the bitch who shattered the person I love the most in this world."

  "I just needed her out of the way. It was our time! It's was supposed to be our time, Kohl!"

  "Tell me Lily, where did you get your little piece of information from anyway? How did you know what happened to Ella's dad?"

  "Will you just calm down and listen to me a minute? Even my mom knows we're supposed to be together. She said when we get married—"

  "Answer my fucking question!" I boom, blood boiling.

  "Kohl, that's enough!" I turn at the sound of my dad's voice. I never even heard him come in. "That's enough, son. Come on let's go," he says, grasping my shoulder.

  "Not until I get some answers." I say, shaking off his hold. "I want to know why Lily told Ella you killed her dad tonight and I want to know where she heard it."

  "What did you just say?" Dad's head whips in my direction.

  "You heard me." I point to Lily, "I want to know why she barged into my house and told Ella that you killed Ryan."

  "Who told you that?" Dad asks, hard face glaring toward Lily.

  "Lily, don't answer that!" Mrs. Montgomery cuts in. "Jack, I want you and Kohl both out of my house right now or I'm calling the police."

  "Maybe you should! Tell me, why Lily would tell Ella I killed her dad." he demands.

  "Get. Out. We don't have to tell you anything!" she seethes.

  "We'll leave but hear me loud and clear, if either of you spread another lie about me around this town, you'll be hearing from my attorney. I won't stop until I own every last thing you possess," he warns. "And both of you best stay the fuck away from my son! He doesn't deserve any of this."

  With that we both turn and walk out the door. I follow Dad back to the house, where I tell both he and Mom exactly what went down and how Ella has fled town. He reassures me that everything will be alright and reminds me of his promise to find her and bring her home if it comes to that.

  Mom's in tears, heartbroken over Ella and upset that Lily would try to hurt us in such a way. She and Mom have always been close. She spent so much time over here while we were growing up, that she was like the daughter Mom never had but always wanted.

  Now, not only has she lost both Ella and Lily, but she's lost her best friend, too. There's no way my parents can continue to be friends with Lily's when they're purposely spewing hate filled words that hurt our family. You don't do that to the people you care about.

  I find myself mentally checking out of the conversation. Thoughts of Ella continue to circle through my mind on a never-ending loop. I just need to know where she is, and if she's safe. I'll go crazy until I find out.

  Mom knows me like the back of her hand, so after repeating the same question for the fourth time, she can see I'm not coping well.

  "Honey, why don't you go on up to bed and get a good night's sleep. I think it would do us all a bit of good. Things will look better in the morning," she suggests, sympathy lacing her tone.

  There's no way I can sleep, not even if I wanted to. I'm like a live wire, my body vibrating with tense energy.

  "I don't think I can right now, Mom, I'm wide awake. I'm just so worried…"

  "I know, Kohl. Your dad and I are worried, too. Ella will be alright though. I'll make sure of it. I promise.

  She's making promises she has no way of keeping but I don't call her out on it. I know she's just trying to be supportive.

  "I think I'm going to drive over to my house and hang out there for a while. Maybe I can find something to keep me busy, burn off some of this nervous energy."

  "Okay but promise me you'll call if you need us."

  I agree to call if anything new comes up and let them know I'll probably just crash at my place tonight. I don't tell them it's so I can keep a close eye on Ella's house, just in case she decides to come back. We say our goodbyes and they retreat to bed.

  Tonight, all I want to do is drown my sorrows in whiskey. The only problem is, I don't have a drop to drink. It's Friday night, I'm sure I could head out to the field and drink to my heart's content, but the last thing I want to do is face a crowd of people. I know Jax is still out and about, so I pick up my phone and send him a text.

  Me: I need alcohol. Lots of it! And I'm not talking beer, I need the hard stuff.

  Jax: Got you covered! I'll raid my stash.

  Me: I'll be at the new house.

  Jax: See you in a few.

  The doorbell rings soon after I arrive at my house. I answer the door and pluck the two bottles of whiskey Jax has tucked under his arm, leaving him to carry the six pack of soda gripped in his hand. We walk to the kitchen and sit at the island. Five leather stools are the only available seats in the house.

  I unscrew the cap off the half full bottle and take a long deep drink. The harsh burn traveling down my throat doesn't stop me from taking another before slamming it down on the granite countertop.

  "That bad, huh?" Jax asks.

  "Understatement, man." I shake my head.

  "Let's hear it. Ella still freezing you out?"

  "Ha, if only! No, she came over today, we talked things out and made up."

  "That's a good thing, isn’t it? So, why the need for this?" he asks, raising a bottle of whiskey in each hand.

  I release a long-resigned sigh. "I don't even know where to start." I pause, scrubbing my hands up and down my face.

  "Well, we have all night and some strong liquid therapy. Like I always say, start from the beginning," he says, popping open a can of soda.

  So, I do. I tell him about Ella showing up at my door. The relief I felt when I had her in my arms again. I tell him how
Lily barged in and destroyed it all with one little sentence. I lay it all on the line, holding nothing back.

  I tell him about Ella's childhood, the circumstances in which she came to live with her Gram, the minute I realized who she was and chose to keep quiet. He's understandably shocked to hear the complicated history between our dads. I recite each horrid detail. If there's one person, other than family, I can trust in this world, it's Jax. By the time I'm finished answering all his questions, it's one in the morning and we're both drunk.

  "Damn, Kohl. I'm… I have no words," he slurs.

  "I know, shit's pretty messed up. You see now, why I didn't want to tell her?" I ask. "I mean, fuck! I knew it would destroy her. How could it not?"

  "I don't know, I think that would destroy most people. Ella though, that girl's something special. You don't meet people like her every day. She's strong, resilient. She has to be to go through all that and still be the person she is today. And you know what? If she could forgive her mom all those times and love her despite all the shit she put her through, I bet she finds it in her heart to do the same for you."

  "That was her mom though. She had to love her. I'm just some asshole that chose to lie to her, knowing it would only hurt her worse in the end. You can't really compare the two."

  Jax staggers to his feet. "I gotta piss before I find a place to pass out. I can’t believe you don't even have a damn couch in here yet. That floor looks hard as shit. You know, that's no way to treat your best friend who plies you with alcohol when you need it."

  "Give me a break, asshole. I think there's a couple lounge chairs out back. I'll go grab them. I'll even give you the one with the cleanest cushion, pretty boy."

  "Awe. Look at you, spoiling me already," he winks.

  I flip him off before heading out back to drag the chairs inside. We lay them out in the empty living room and settle in.