Under Christmas Stars

by Alissa Callen

  Cressy turned her head slightly to see a white four-wheel drive slow to a crawl. Her chest rose and fell with a sharp sigh. She should have known Edna Galloway would be in town. The queen bee of Woodlea’s social scene wouldn’t rest until she’d discovered whether or not Cressy had heard from Denham. Despite the thick soles of her emergency service–issued boots, she increased her pace. Her silver ute was still two blocks away parked near the museum. Head high, she ignored the prickling on the hairs of her nape as Edna followed slowly behind her. If she didn’t make it to her ute, she’d adopt her trademark Zen-smile and handle Edna’s inquisition like she had countless times before.

  Even as she told herself to keep walking, an unexpected vulnerability had her swing into the closest open shop door. The sweet scent of blossoms greeted her as she entered the charity store. Sue volunteered today and the avid gardener had sat a vase of pink blooms beside the cash register.

  ‘Hi, Cressy,’ the older lady said from behind the counter, her blue eyes soft with welcome.

  The tension churning in Cressy’s stomach ebbed. Sue had been the local librarian and had known Cressy ever since she’d flopped onto a beanbag in the children’s corner and read horse books until closing. Even now Cressy remained a frequent visitor to the old railway station that housed the local library.

  ‘Hey, Sue.’

  Sue’s smile erased years from her lined face. ‘Long day?’

  Cressy nodded. Sue’s question had nothing to do with Cressy’s SES call-out to rescue a man trapped down a well and everything to do with the cowboy who would soon arrive home. ‘You have no idea and it’s about to get longer.’

  They turned as one to look through the large shop window to where Edna carefully reverse-parked her vehicle in front of the store.

  ‘Well, look at that.’ Sue checked her wristwatch. ‘I’m sure it’s four o’clock. Closing time.’

  She bustled forward, flipped the OPEN sign to CLOSED before locking the shop door. She then motioned for Cressy to follow her out the back of the narrow building.

  Cressy joined her in the small room where donations were sorted. When an insistent tapping sounded on the front door, Sue smiled. ‘There’s something to be said for days when my hearing aid battery runs flat. That could be knocking but then again it might not be?’

  ‘Thanks, Sue, but I should let Edna in. I don’t want to get you in trouble. I know you have a church fundraising proposal to go before the board on Friday and Edna is the chairperson.’

  Sue patted Cressy’s arm. ‘I can handle Edna Galloway. Ever since my scones won first place at last year’s show she’s been desperate to find out what my secret ingredient is.’ Sue winked. ‘I’m yet to tell her it’s lemonade.’

  She reached for a basket of bright spring flowers that rested beside the tiny kitchenette sink. ‘Besides, I was hoping to catch you as you walked past.’ She handed Cressy the basket. ‘I know things are dry out your way and with dear Audrey’s funeral tomorrow, I thought you’d like some fresh flowers to take to the cemetery.’

  Cressy leaned forward to kiss Sue’s soft cheek. She breathed in the familiar scent of Sue’s lavender perfume. Since Cressy had lost her parents in a car crash while she was at university, the widow’s care and concern had filled the vast and empty space within her. In the basket there were enough bouquets for several vases. Sue knew she regularly left flowers on her parents’ and grandparents’ graves.

  ‘Yes, I would. Thanks so much.’

  A fresh tirade of knocking on the door was followed by a sudden silence.

  Sue peered around the doorway. ‘Edna’s rushing across the road.’ Sue leaned out a little further. ‘Ah, good. She’s talking to Mrs Knox. That Harriet of hers is so fussy, there won’t be a wedding dress in Sydney fancy enough for her. You can slip out the back door while they discuss the latest dress disaster.’

  But as Cressy turned to leave, Sue caught her hand.

  ‘Sweetheart, don’t be too hard on Denham. I know it was a long time ago now but he could have had more reasons for leaving for America than just to join the pro-rodeo circuit.’

  Cressy fought to keep her expression from changing. Even to Sue she couldn’t reveal the depth of her hurt over Denham’s abandonment. It was only in the weak light of pre-dawn when the world hovered between darkness and hope that she could admit her pain even to herself. She had no doubt why the man she’d loved had left small town Woodlea … and her. They couldn’t compete with his bull-riding dreams.

  She squeezed Sue’s hand. ‘Me? Hard on someone? Never.’

  The older woman’s lips curved and eyes twinkled. ‘You might look like you’d blow away in a dust storm but you and I both know you take after your grandfather. That no-good Shaun deserved the dressing down you gave him at the picnic races. A flash suit and a charming smile doesn’t excuse him for sneaking off with a tipsy Bella, not when he went as your date.’ She paused, her eyes searching Cressy’s. ‘Some may say Shaun and Denham look similar but they’re very different men …’

  Cressy frowned. ‘That’s ridiculous. They don’t look the same at all. Shaun’s much shorter.’ She gently freed her hand. ‘Don’t worry. Denham’s just lost his mother. If I do speak to him, I promise to go easy.’

  Sue nodded and opened her mouth as if to talk again. But then she shook her head and opened the door for Cressy to walk through.

  ‘See you tomorrow, love.’

  ‘Will do.’

  Making sure she kept out of sight of Main Street, Cressy crossed the neat park beside the museum to reach her ute. She slipped into the driver’s seat and placed the flower-filled basket beside her. Throat aching, she traced the delicate curve of a vivid daffodil. Her mother had loved seeing the cheerful bulbs push their way through the winter earth. Thank goodness she wasn’t here now to see how parched her beloved garden looked. The past years had been dry and the family farm’s water supply grew dangerously low. Glenmore just couldn’t catch any of the local storms.

  Cressy rubbed at her right temple. The bad luck that had plagued them ever since her father had sold off the prime river flats without any explanation showed no sign of ending. The rich, alluvial flats and wide river formed the heart of the farm and without them Glenmore ceased to function. While the pastures on other properties grew thick and lush, the lifeless dirt in her paddocks scattered with only a breath of wind. She’d already culled her Black Angus breeding herd and couldn’t bear to part with any more cattle. Surely, she’d get rain soon?

  Edna’s boisterous laughter drifted from Main Street. Through the side window Cressy could see her still talking to willowy Mrs Knox. Mrs Knox’s pedigree poodle now strained on the leash to touch noses with a scruffy black kelpie tied up outside the coffee shop.

  Cressy started the ute engine. She had to keep moving before Edna saw her and before she dwelled too long on her thoughts. It was when she stopped to reflect that the strain of keeping Glenmore viable seeped through the cracks in the box in which she stashed her fears. She turned left at the yarn-bombed street sign where the metal pole was wrapped in knitted woollen stripes.

  Guerrilla-knitting had reached Woodlea. The last item to be yarn-bombed by the knitters had been the post box outside the post office. Instead of being a glossy red, the post box now sported a blanket of colourful squares. Theories were rife about who the guerrillas were and she’d heard whispers about an underground knitting club. The bush telegraph had joined in the conjecture and tourists now visited to see and take photos of the mysterious woollen creations.

  She left the town limits and turned onto the dirt road that led to the cemetery. She’d place flowers on her parents’ and grandparents’ graves and have a quiet moment; tomorrow the tiny cemetery would be teeming with people. She’d then head home to feed her animals. She only hoped Tippy hadn’t helped herself to the chook eggs again. The aged black kelpie was getting far too round.

  Cressy changed gears. The simple action made her arm ache. She had a stress knot the size of a go
ose egg between her left shoulder and neck. By avoiding Edna and her curiosity, she’d only prolonged the inevitable. At Audrey’s funeral she’d not only face Edna but Denham. It had been inevitable she’d one day see him again. She’d just thought she’d be stronger and more prepared. It didn’t matter how much she told herself she wasn’t loving a man who didn’t love her in return, a part of her refused to listen. The invisible wound in her heart still bled like it had the day he’d driven away without once looking back.

  She lifted her chin. But she’d since made a life for herself without Denham in it and that had to be enough for now. Between running the farm, her volunteer emergency services work and her community involvement, she had no time to wish for the things she could never have. By tomorrow she’d be ready to see him again. Her defences would be watertight. They’d also only need to hold for a short time. The cowboy who’d walked away from her once before would again soon be gone.

  ***

  It felt like a lifetime since Denham Rigby had smelled eucalyptus.

  He closed his eyes and drew in a slow and deep lungful of air. Beside him the leaves of a gum tree rustled as a spring breeze eddied around him and tugged at his hat brim. He caught the faint and acrid scent of cabbage. Near the historic Woodlea cemetery a pungent canola crop had to be in flower. He opened his eyes. Sure enough, beyond the hill on which he stood stretched an undulating landscape of canola-yellow.

  He looked west to where his family farm, Claremont, lay. Phil, the farm manager, had taken advantage of the early rain and the paddocks were an ordered patchwork of colour. Denham’s attention shifted a little to the left. Here no winter crops rippled in the breeze. Instead, caught in a pocket drought, the land was bleached and colourless. It was as though Mother Nature had simply run out of inspiration. His jaw tightened. Cressy would have to watch her water. Their properties might be side-by-side but Claremont was the only farm to now enjoy any river frontage.

  He rubbed the back of his neck beneath the collar of the blue western shirt he’d bought in some small Wyoming town he couldn’t remember the name of. All thoughts of Cressy and any concerns he might have about her unreliable water supply were off limits. Three years ago he’d lost the right to look out for her. All he could do now was not complicate the new life she’d made without him. Bitterness coursed through him. A life he had had to set her free to live.

  He swung away from the graves of his father and brother. He’d come to the cemetery to make peace with the past, not to obsess about the things he couldn’t change. All he could do was keep on taking one day at a time. He might have made it as a world-champion bull rider but that didn’t spare him from being gossiped about or from being compared to his father. His hands fisted and he carefully relaxed them. He was nothing like the unemotional man who’d raised him.

  He rolled his shoulders to force the tension locking his muscles to release. His emotions were as volatile as an electric storm and he needed to get them under control. Tomorrow all eyes would be on him and all tongues quick to comment. He strode towards his ute, and heard tyres crunch on gravel. He glanced at the cemetery entrance … and froze.

  Mouth dry, he stared at the battered ute that rattled across the cattle grid flanked by two white picket fences. He knew every dent and every panel scratch. Just like he knew every micro-expression of the driver whose attention remained focused on the dirt road.

  Cressy.

  He forced air into his lungs. He’d been counting on seeing her tomorrow when surrounded by a sea of people. Not here and now when alone and where he’d be vulnerable to both her questions and her hurt.

  She saw him. The ute’s gears grated before the vehicle came to an abrupt stop. For a beat she sat in the driver’s seat frowning through the passenger side window. Then she unclipped her belt and opened the car door.

  He set his jaw and allowed his emotions to drain away like rain through fine-grained sand. Life on the rodeo circuit had taught him that to survive he couldn’t feel. He couldn’t allow the 2000 pounds of badass bull beneath him to sense his tension. Just like he couldn’t let the woman who approached know how fast his heart raced. He walked forward.

  Cressy halted a body-length away, arms by her side. Her shapeless orange SES uniform couldn’t disguise the neat curves below that were a perfect fit for his hands. A cap hid her fine-boned features but not the uncompromising line of her mouth. Her thick brown hair hung over her shoulder in a careless braid. Would her hair still smell like orange blossoms?

  A loss, so deep and so potent, hit him like a physical blow. He planted his boots on the ground to stop his knees from buckling.

  Her chin tilted and she touched her cap brim to push it higher so her steady hazel gaze could meet his. Silence settled around them, suffocating and uncomfortable.

  He owed it to her to speak first. Even if his voice would emerge as unused and as rusty as the broken windmill in the paddock beside them.

  ‘Hi, Cressy.’

  Her eyes widened at the unfamiliar American inflections in his voice.

  ‘Denham.’

  He swallowed. Her greeting was as cold as the early-winter snow that capped the rugged Rocky Mountains he’d left behind.

  Her arms folded but her mouth softened a fraction. ‘I’m sorry about Audrey.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  He kept his reply short but even then emotion deepened his voice. So much for not feeling. When he was around Cressy he still felt too damn much.

  He gave in to the urge to look at her left hand. The Woodlea rumours had been rife with talk of a serious boyfriend and his mother had confirmed she’d been seeing a newcomer named Shaun. She didn’t wear a ring but she wouldn’t when carrying out her SES volunteer work.

  He met her eyes again and had no idea what she was thinking. Loss again buffeted him. He’d always been able to read her. Not anymore. The girl who’d worn her heart on her sleeve had learned to mask her emotions. Guilt twisted inside like a knife.

  ‘Do you need anything?’

  Her polite question failed to span the divide that gaped between them. Cressy’s generosity always ensured that she looked out for others, even the man who’d left her to follow his so-called dreams.

  He cleared his throat. ‘No, I’m right, thanks. Meredith’s coming out to Claremont so I won’t be on my own.’

  A wash of faint colour over Cressy’s fair skin hinted at her relief he wasn’t in need of anything. ‘Knowing Meredith, she’ll arrive with a boot full of groceries and baking so you’ll definitely be right for food.’ Cressy glanced over his shoulder at the two graves he’d been visiting. ‘I’ll leave you in peace.’

  ‘No worries.’

  She unfolded her arms and turned.

  He should let her go. He shouldn’t try and rewind the past. But the need to hear her voice and to be near her proved too much. Every day he’d spent away was carved on his heart like notches on a blackened fencepost.

  ‘Cressy …’

  She stiffened and slowly turned to face him.

  ‘How’s Felicity?’

  ‘She’s good, thanks. She’s finished medicine and she’s working in a Sydney hospital.’

  He nodded. ‘I can imagine her in a large city hospital. Fliss always liked being in charge.’

  A ghost of a smile touched Cressy’s mouth. ‘She still does. She’s a typical firstborn and is in her element overseas having a holiday and helping a uni friend organise her wedding.’

  ‘I bet she is.’ He paused. ‘Mum said Glenmore’s keeping you busy.’

  The small talk didn’t appear to relax Cressy. Her rigid body remained angled towards her ute as though preparing for a fast getaway. ‘It has.’

  ‘I really appreciate the time you spent with her.’

  ‘It was the least I could do. She was so … alone.’

  He flinched. He didn’t know what lashed him the most, Cressy’s harsh tone or the condemnation in her eyes.

  ‘No. She wasn’t.’

  Cressy’s frown w
ould have stopped a runaway racehorse. ‘Yes, she was. Her only surviving son wasn’t here for her.’

  ‘I was.’

  ‘Denham, cut the rubbish. I know you weren’t. You’ve been on the other side of the world.’

  ‘Not all the time.’

  ‘What do you mean? You haven’t set foot on Claremont in three years.’

  He scrubbed a hand over his face. He hadn’t ever intended to reveal so much but Cressy’s censure corroded his self-control. His mother also hadn’t raised him to lie.

  ‘Yes. I have.’

  Silence.

  He continued speaking, throat tight. Cressy wasn’t going to like what he had to say. ‘I’ve been home and the last time was … a fortnight ago.’

  Shock pinched her features. ‘You’ve been home? You’ve been with Audrey?’

  ‘Yes. I was holding her hand until the … end.’

  He didn’t try to hide the emotion that rasped in his words.

  Cressy stared at him. Grief shimmered in her eyes and she was again the kind-hearted girl he’d known. Whenever there had been a poddy lamb or an orphaned joey he’d deliver them to Cressy to be cared for.

  ‘I’m glad Audrey had you with her. No-one realised she was sick again, otherwise we all would have been over.’ Confusion replaced the softness in Cressy’s gaze. ‘But how did you come and go without anyone seeing you? And why didn’t Audrey, or Phil, say anything?’

  ‘I asked them not to.’ His tone remained low. ‘It’s not hard to hire a car and come the back way from Dubbo to Claremont.’

  ‘We were … friends. I wouldn’t have told anyone.’

  ‘I know.’ He took a step towards her before his mind could warn him it was a bad idea. ‘It was … easier this way.’

  ‘Easier?’

  The single word contained all the spirit and the strength that had always defined who Cressy was. She was far more than fragile bones and large eyes.