Farmer in the Sky

by Robert A. Heinlein

“Nonsense!” he answered. “Did you come here to stare at the sights or to make a farm?”

  “That’s a moot point,” I admitted. “Sometimes I think one thing, sometimes the other. Sometimes I don’t have the foggiest idea.”

  He wasn’t listening. “See that slot up there?”

  “Sure. What about it?”

  “If we crossed that little glacier, we could get up to it.”

  “Why?”

  “I think it leads into another valley—which might be even better. Nobody has been up there. I know—I was in the topo gang.”

  “I’ve been trying to help you forget that,” I told him. “But why look at all? There must be a hundred thousand valleys on Ganymede that nobody has looked at. Are you in the real estate business?” It didn’t appeal to me. There is something that gets you about virgin soil on Ganymede; I wanted to stay in sight of camp. It was quiet as a library—quieter. On Earth there is always some sound, even in the desert. After a while the stillness and the bare rocks and the ice and the craters get on my nerves.

  “Come on! Don’t be a sissy!” he answered, and started climbing.

  The slot did not lead to another valley; it led into a sort of corridor in the hills. One wall was curiously flat, as if it had been built that way on purpose. We went along it a way, and I was ready to turn back and had stopped to call to Hank, who had climbed the loose rock on the other side to get a picture. As I turned, my eye caught some color and I moved up to see what it was. It was the crystals.

  I stared at them and they seemed to stare back. I called, “Hey! Hank! Come here on the bounce!”

  “What’s up?”

  “Come here! Here’s something worth taking a picture of.”

  He scrambled down and joined me. After a bit he let out his breath and whispered, “Well, I’ll be fried on Friday!”

  Hank got busy with his camera. I never saw such crystals, not even stalactites in caves. They were six-sided, except a few that were three-sided and some that were twelve-sided. They came anywhere from little squatty fellows no bigger than a button mushroom up to tall, slender stalks, knee high. Later on and further up we found some chest high.

  They were not simple prisms; they branched and budded. But the thing that got you was the colors.

  They were all colors and they changed color as you looked at them. We finally decided that they didn’t have any color at all; it was just refraction of light. At least Hank thought so.

  He shot a full cartridge of pictures then said, “Come on. Let’s see where they come from.”

  I didn’t want to. I was shaky from the climb and my right side was giving me fits every step I took. I guess I was dizzy, too; when I looked at the crystals they seemed to writhe around and I would have to blink my eyes to steady them.

  But Hank had already started so I followed. The crystals seemed to keep to what would have been the water bed of the canyon, had it been spring. They seemed to need water. We came to a place where there was a drift of ice across the floor of the corridor—ancient ice, with a thin layer of last winter’s snow on top of it. The crystals had carved a passage right through it, a natural bridge of ice, and had cleared a space of several feet on each side of where they were growing, as well.

  Hank lost his footing as we scrambled through and snatched at one of the crystals. It broke off with a sharp, clear note, like a silver bell.

  Hank straightened up and stood looking at his hand. There were parallel cuts across his palm and fingers. He stared at them stupidly.

  “That’ll teach you,” I said, and then got out a first-aid kit and bandaged it for him. When I had finished I said, “Now let’s go back.”

  “Shucks,” he said. “What’s a few little cuts? Come on.”

  I said, “Look, Hank, I want to go back. I don’t feel good.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Stomach ache.”

  “You eat too much; that’s your trouble. The exercise will do you good.”

  “No, Hank. I’ve got to go back.”

  He stared up the ravine and looked fretful. Finally he said, “Bill, I think I see where the crystals come from, not very far up. You wait here and let me take a look. Then I’ll come back and we’ll head for camp. I won’t be gone long; honest I won’t.”

  “Okay,” I agreed. He started up; shortly I followed him. I had had it pounded into my head as a Cub not to get separated in a strange country.

  After a bit I heard him shout. I looked up and saw him standing, facing a great dark hole in the cliff. I called out, “What’s the matter?”

  He answered:

  “GREAT JUMPING HOLY SMOKE!!!”—like that.

  “What’s the matter?” I repeated irritably and hurried along until I was standing beside him.

  The crystals continued up the place where we were. They came right to the cave mouth, but did not go in; they formed a solid dense thicket across the threshold. Lying across the floor of the ravine, as if it had been tumbled there by an upheaval like the big quake, was a flat rock, a monolith, Stonehenge size. You could see where it had broken off the cliff, uncovering the hole. The plane of cleavage was as sharp and smooth as anything done by the ancient Egyptians.

  But that wasn’t what we were looking at; we were looking into the hole.

  It was dark inside, but diffused light, reflected off the canyon floor and the far wall, filtered inside. My eyes began to adjust and I could see what Hank was staring at, what he had exploded about.

  There were things in there and they weren’t natural. I couldn’t have told you what sort of things because they were like nothing I had ever seen before in my life, or seen pictures of—or heard of. How can you describe what you’ve never seen before and have no words for? Shucks, you can’t even see a thing properly the first time you see it; your eye doesn’t take in the pattern.

  But I could see this: they weren’t rocks, they weren’t plants, they weren’t animals. They were made things, man made—well, maybe not “man” made, but not things that just happen, either.

  I wanted very badly to get up close to them and see what they were. For the moment, I forgot I was sick.

  So did Hank. As usual he said, “Come on! Let’s go!”

  But I said, “How?”

  “Why, we just—” He stopped and took another look. “Well, let’s see, we go around—No. Hmm… Bill, we will have to bust up some of those crystals and go right through the middle. There’s no other way to get in.”

  I said, “Isn’t one chopped up hand enough for you?”

  “I’ll bust ’em with a rock. It seems a shame; they are so pretty, but that’s what I’ll have to do.”

  “I don’t think you can bust those big ones. Besides that, I’ll give you two to one that they are sharp enough to cut through your boots.”

  “I’ll chance it.” He found a chunk of rock and made an experiment; I was right on both counts. Hank stopped and looked the situation over, whistling softly. “Bill—”

  “Yeah?”

  “See that little ledge over the opening?”

  “What about it?”

  “It comes out to the left further than the crystals do. I’m going to pile rock up high enough for us to reach it, then we can go along it and drop down right in front of the cave mouth. The crystals don’t come that close.”

  I looked it over and decided it would work. “But how do we get back?”

  “We can pile up some of that stuff we can see inside and shinny up again. At the very worst I can boost you up on my shoulders and then you can reach down your belt to me, or something.”

  If I had my wits about me, maybe I would have protested. But we tried it and it worked—worked right up to the point where I was hanging by my fingers from the ledge over the cave mouth.

  I felt a stabbing pain in my side and let go.

  I came to with Hank shaking me. “Let me alone!” I growled.

  “You knocked yourself out,” he said. “I didn’t know you were so clumsy.” I didn
’t answer. I just gathered my knees up to my stomach and closed my eyes.

  Hank shook me again. “Don’t you want to see what’s in here?”

  I kicked at him. “I don’t want to see the Queen of Sheba! Can’t you see I’m sick?” I closed my eyes again.

  I must have passed out. When I woke up, Hank was sitting Turk fashion in front of me, with my torch in his hand. “You’ve been asleep a long time, fellow,” he said gently. “Feel any better?”

  “Not much.”

  “Try to pull yourself together and come along with me. You’ve got to see this, Bill. You won’t believe it. This is the greatest discovery since—well, since—Never mind; Columbus was a piker. We’re famous, Bill.”

  “You may be famous,” I said. “I’m sick.”

  “Where does it hurt?”

  “All over. My stomach is hard as a rock—a rock with a toothache.”

  “Bill,” he said seriously, “have you ever had your appendix out?”

  “No.”

  “Hmmm…maybe you should have had it out.”

  “Well, this is a fine time to tell me!”

  “Take it easy.”

  “Take it easy, my foot!” I got up on one elbow, my head swimming. “Hank, listen to me. You’ve got to get back to camp and tell them. Have them send a tractor for me.”

  “Look, Bill,” he said gently, “you know there isn’t anything like a tractor at camp.”

  I tried to struggle with the problem but it was too much for me. My brain was fuzzy. “Well, have them bring a stretcher, at least,” I said peevishly and lay down again.

  Some time later I felt him fumbling around with my clothes. I tried to push him away, then I felt something very cold on me. I took a wild swing at him; it didn’t connect.

  “Steady,” he said. “I have found some ice. Don’t squirm around or you’ll knock off the pack.”

  “I don’t want it.”

  “You’ve got to have it. You keep that ice pack in place until we get out of here and you may live to be hanged, yet.”

  I was too feeble to resist. I lay back down and closed my eyes again. When I opened my eyes again, I was amazed to feel better. Instead of feeling ready to die, I merely felt awful. Hank wasn’t around; I called to him. When he didn’t answer at once I felt panicky.

  Then he came trotting up, waving the torch. “I thought you had gone,” I said.

  “No. To tell the truth, I can’t get out of here. I can’t get back up to the ledge and I can’t get over the crystals. I tried it.” He held up one boot; it was in shreds and there was blood on it.

  “Hurt yourself?”

  “I’ll live.”

  “I wonder,” I answered. “Nobody knows we are here—and you say we can’t get out. Looks like we starve. Not that I give a hoot.”

  “Speaking of that,” he said. “I saved you some of our lunch. I’m afraid I didn’t leave much; you were asleep a long, long time.”

  “Don’t mention food!” I retched and grabbed at my side.

  “Sorry. But look—I didn’t say we couldn’t get out,”

  “But you did.”

  “No, I said I couldn’t get out.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  “Uh, never mind. But I think well get out. It was what you said about getting a tractor—”

  “Tractor? Are you out of your head?”

  “Skip it,” Bill answered. “There is a sort of tractor thing back there—or more like a scaffolding, maybe.”

  “Make up your mind.”

  “Call it a wagon. I think I can get it out, at least across the crystals. We could use it as a bridge.”

  “Well, roll it out.”

  “It doesn’t roll. It, uh—well, it walks.”

  I tried to get up. “This I got to see.”

  “Just move over out of the way of the door.”

  I managed to get to my feet, with Hank helping me. “I’m coming along.”

  “Want the ice pack changed?”

  “Later, maybe.” Hank took me back and showed me. I don’t know how to describe the walker wagon—maybe you’ve seen pictures since. If a centipede were a dinosaur and made of metal to boot, it would be a walker wagon. The body of it was a sort of trough and it was supported by thirty-eight legs, nineteen on a side.

  “That,” I said, “is the craziest contraption I ever laid eyes on. You’ll never shove it out the door.”

  “Wait until you see,” he advised. “And if you think this is crazy, you should see the other things in here.”

  “Such as?”

  “Bill, you know what I think this place is? I think it’s a hangar for a space ship.”

  “Huh? Don’t be silly; space ships don’t have hangars.”

  “This one has.”

  “You mean you saw a space ship in here?”

  “Well, I don’t know. It’s not like any I ever saw before, but if it’s not a space ship, I don’t know what it is good for.”

  I wanted to go see, but Hank objected. “Another time, Bill; we’ve got to get back to camp. We’re late as it is.”

  I didn’t put up any fight. My side was paining me again, from the walk. “Okay, what happens next?”

  “Like this.” He led me around to the end of the contraption; the trough came nearly down to the floor in back. Hank helped me get inside, told me to lie down, and went up to the other end. “The guy that built this,” he said, “must have been a hump-backed midget with four arms. Hang on.”

  “Do you know what you’re doing?” I asked.

  “I moved it about six feet before; then I lost my nerve. Abracadabra! Hold onto your hat!” He poked a finger deep into a hole.

  The thing began to move, silently, gently, without any fuss. When we came out into the sunshine, Hank pulled his finger out of the hole. I sat up. The thing was two thirds out of the cave and the front end was beyond the crystals.

  I sighed. “You made it, Hank, Let’s get going. If I had some more ice on my side I think I could walk.”

  “Wait a second,” he said. “I want to try something. There are holes here I haven’t stuck a finger in yet.”

  “Leave well enough alone.”

  Instead of answering he tried another hole. The machine backed up suddenly. “Woops!” he said, jerked his finger out, and jabbed it back where it had been before. He left it there until he regained what we had lost.

  He tried other holes more cautiously. At last he found one which caused the machine to rear up its front end slightly and swing it to the left, like a caterpillar. “Now we are in business,” he said happily. “I can steer it.” We started down the canyon.

  Hank was not entirely correct in thinking he could guide it. It was more like guiding a horse than a machine—or perhaps more like guiding one of those new groundmobiles with the semi-automatic steering. The walker wagon came to the little natural bridge of ice through which the crystals passed and stopped of itself. Hank tried to get it to go through the opening, which was large enough; it would have none of it. The front end cast around like a dog sniffing, then eased gradually up hill and around the ice.

  It stayed level; apparently it could adjust its legs, like the fabulous hillside snee.

  When Hank came to the ice flow we had crossed on the way up to the notch, he stopped it and gave me a fresh ice pack. Apparently it did not object to ice in itself, but simply refused to go through holes, for when we started up again, it crossed the little glacier, slowly and cautiously, but steadily.

  We headed on toward camp. “This,” Hank announced happily, “is the greatest cross-country, rough-terrain vehicle ever built. I wish I knew what makes it go. If I had the patent on this thing, I’d be rich.”

  “It’s yours; you found it.”

  “It doesn’t really belong to me.”

  “Hank,” I answered, “you don’t really think the owner is going to come back looking for it, do you?”

  He got a very odd look. “No, I don’t, Bill. Say, Bill, uh, how long ago
do you think this thing was put in there?”

  “I wouldn’t even want to guess.”

  There was only one tent at the camp site. As we came up to it, somebody came out and waited for us. It was Sergei.

  “Where have you guys been?” he asked. “And where in Kingdom Come did you steal that?

  “And what is it?” he added.

  We did our best to bring him up to date, and presently he did the same for us. They had searched for us as long as they could, then Paul had been forced to move back to camp number one to keep the date with the Jitterbug. He had left Sergei behind to fetch us when we showed up. “He left a note for you,” Sergei added, digging it out.

  It read:

  “Dear Pen Pals,

  “I am sorry to go off and leave you crazy galoots but you know the schedule as well as I do. I would stay behind myself to herd you home, but your pal Sergei insists that it is his privilege. Every time I try to reason with him he crawls further back into his hole, bares his teeth, and growls.

  “As soon as you get this, get your chubby little legs to moving in the direction of camp number one. Run, do not walk. We’ll hold the Jitterbug, but you know how dear old Aunt Hattie feels about keeping her schedule. She isn’t going to like it if you are late.

  “When I see you, I intend to beat your ears down around your shoulders.

  “Good luck,

  ”P. du M

  “P.S. to Doctor Slop: I took care of your accordion.”

  When we had finished reading it Sergei said, “I want to hear more about what you found—about eight times more. But not now; we’ve got to tear over to camp number one. Hank, you think Bill can’t walk it?”

  I answered for myself, an emphatic “no.” The excitement was wearing off and I was feeling worse again.

  “Hmm—Hank, do you think that mobile junk yard will carry us over there?”

  “I think it will carry us any place.” Hank patted it.

  “How fast? The Jitterbug has already grounded.”

  “Are you sure?” asked Hank.

  “I saw its trail in the sky at least three hours ago.”

  “Let’s get going!”

  I don’t remember much about the trip. They stopped once in the pass, and packed me with ice again. The next thing I knew I was awakened by hearing Sergei shout, “There’s the Jitterbug! I can see it.”