The Therapist

by Kelly Holm

  “I don’t know if I can do this a whole month.”

  “You have nothing to lose but your OCD. Isn’t a little discomfort a small price to pay for not cutting yourself anymore?”

  “I guess.”

  “Why don’t we set up an appointment for you to come back, and we can talk more.”

  “Can’t we talk now?”

  “I’m sorry we can’t. I have another patient scheduled. I do have an opening around 6:00 p.m. tonight, would you like to come back then?”

  “Ok, I’ll come back at 6:00 p.m. tonight.”

  When Laura left, Mila quickly sent a text to Dr. Blackmore, telling him briefly what just happened. While she was waiting for his response, the buzzer rang, telling her that her next appointment had arrived.

  “Hi, Larisa, please come in and have a seat. How are things going?” Mila asked, as Larisa walked in and sat down in the chair across from Mila.

  “Ok.”

  “Have you had any anxiety attacks this week?”

  “I had an attack earlier today. It was pretty bad, are you sure you can’t just give me an on-going prescription?”

  “That isn’t how therapy works. The medication is used as a tool, but in the end, what usually helps the most is talking. I know it isn’t what you like, but you’re doing great. Last time we made great progress.”

  Mila knew she had to find Larisa’s truth; it wasn’t going to be easy; she was really good at dodging questions and only saying what she thought Mila wanted to hear. She almost said something last time, I need to get her to say more, but how…, Mila wondered.

  She thought for a moment and then said,

  “Would you like a glass of water?”

  “That actually sounds really good, thank you. It’s so hot outside today; it reminds me of when I was living in Phoenix.”

  Mila poured Larisa a glass of the unique water and handed it to her. She immediately took a sip, and then another and another. Mila waited a moment for the drug to take effect before asking her questions.

  “Would you like to get started?”

  “Yes, isn’t it amazing how sometimes a glass of water just hits the spot?”

  “Yes, I agree. Would you like to tell me more about your baby?”

  “There isn’t much to tell, she died,” Larisa replied flippantly.

  “You mentioned that in our last session, how did she die?”

  Come on, baby, give me something good, Mila thought.

  “I told you, she went to sleep one night, and never woke up.”

  “Let’s take a moment and think back to that time. What was your life like?”

  “It was summer, and I just graduated high school. One night I got these horrible cramps. I was so scared because I didn’t know what to do to make them go away. I tried everything I could think of, but they just got worse and worse.”

  “What did you end up doing?”

  “I found the number for this nice lady that helped my mother once when she was sick. I called her, and she immediately came over. She saved me; I didn’t know I was pregnant, I just thought I ate something that didn’t agree with me.”

  “Did this nice lady help you deliver the baby?”

  “Yes, she was very kind. She helped me after the baby came too.”

  “How did she help you?”

  “She brought me supplies like food and blankets, and clothes for the baby.”

  “Let’s jump ahead and talk about the night your baby died. Do you remember that night?”

  “How could I ever forget it; it was horrible, and I was just beginning to like her too,” Larisa said, as she closed her eyes to watch the memory.

  “Like who?”

  “The baby, Ella, but she wouldn’t stop crying.”

  “Was she colicky?”

  “Yes, I didn’t know that at the time, but now I do.”

  “Larisa, how did your baby die?”

  The moment of truth, make it a good one…, Mila thought.

  “She wouldn’t stop crying, it went on for days. It hurt my ears, and I didn’t know what to do.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I gave the baby some medicine. It worked, too; she stopped crying and went to sleep.” Larisa stopped talking and sat quietly.

  “Are you ok, why did you stop talking Larisa?” Mila wondered if the water mixture had worn off early.

  “Because I think I gave her too much, and that might be why she died. I wasn’t trying to kill her, or maybe I was, I don’t know. I was going crazy, I was only eighteen years old, and I was all alone, and I couldn’t tell anyone I had the baby. I had to take care of things on my own, just like I always have.”

  “What did you give the baby?”

  “The herbal mixture Mama used to give me when I had a cough or cold.”

  “Do you know what the ingredients are?”

  “No, Mama just got it and used it when we were sick.”

  “Do you know where she got the mixture?”

  “From the lady that lives at the top of the hill, Mama used to say she was a good witch.”

  “What did you do when the baby died?”

  “I cried, and then I wrapped her in a blanket, and placed her in a white office supply box. There was a terrible storm that night, it was raining so hard, but I had to walk out into the woods to bury the box. I could hardly see where I was going, but I eventually found the perfect tree to bury her under. I dug the hole and placed the box inside, and then placed the dirt on top of the box until it was completely buried.”

  Mila watched as tears started to fall down Larisa’s face, she could tell this was an extremely painful memory for her. Mila thought it was best to stop with the questions since Larisa would be coming off the medication soon.

  So, she killed her baby, excellent candidate, Mila thought.

  “There is an experimental drug that we are testing, and I think it might help you get rid of your anxiety. Would you be interested in being in a clinical study?”

  “What would you need me to do… I’m so busy with work. I don’t have much extra time.”

  “It would be one appointment. We run a few tests and then administer the medication; that’s it. All you have to do is tell me how it’s working for you the next time we meet.”

  “Tell me more about this new medication.”

  “It isn’t cleared by the FDA yet, but we have seen wonderful results with patients experiencing severe anxiety like you. It takes the anxiety away completely.” Among other things, Mila thought as she snickered to herself.

  “How long will the appointment take?”

  “No more than two hours, probably less.”

  “Ok, I’ll try it. It can’t hurt, right?” Larisa had no idea that she told Mila her truth; she didn’t remember any part of the conversation. As far as she was concerned, they only talked about her attacks and then Mila suggested the new medication.

  Chapter 11

  Leo rolled over and looked at his phone sitting on the nightstand next to the bed, it read 7:30 a.m., he sighed, rolled over on his side, and went back to sleep. He was exhausted and decided to sleep in this morning. He knew it was going to be a little strange having lunch with Mila today, and he needed to be at his best.

  When he got up at 8:00 a.m., he started thinking. How can I approach the subject of Dr. Blackmore without coming off like her parent? I have to be very careful, I’m not her father, but it’s my responsibility to watch over her now that Krystal is gone. This is going to be tricky.

  At 10:30 a.m., Leo went out to his car to meet Mila, but just as he was about to start the car, he got a text from her. The text said that she was running late and asked if she could meet him at the restaurant. He texted back that was fine and asked for the address of the restaurant.

  Leo arrived at Rutherford’s Bistro just before 11:00 a.m., but it didn’t look like Mila was there yet. Before asking for a table, he quickly looked around, just to make sure she wasn’t already seated, and then walked over to the hostess
station.

  “Will you be dining alone, sir?” A young man with short spiky hair asked him.

  “No, there will be one other person joining me; would it be possible to seat me before she arrives?”

  “Sure, usually I can’t, but we aren’t very busy yet, so I don’t think it will be a problem.” He grabbed two menus and led Leo to a small open table on the patio. “Will this be ok?”

  “This is great, thanks,” Leo said, as he pulled a chair out and sat down.

  “I’ll send a waiter over right away to take your drink order.”

  “Thank you.”

  Rutherford’s Bistro was a nice restaurant with a large open-air setting and several tropical plants and flowers placed strategically around. For as open as it was, the tables felt very private. It was a lovely day to dine outside, the sun was shining, and there was a slight cool breeze. As the clock struck 11:00 a.m., Leo watched the door for Mila to arrive. Ten minutes later, she walked in.

  When Leo saw her, he quickly stood up and waved. She immediately saw him and came over.

  “I’m so sorry; things have been really crazy this morning. Have you been waiting long?” Mila asked.

  “No, I just got here too. This is a really nice place, have you been here before?”

  “I have, and the food is wonderful.”

  “It’s great to see you. Do you want to order something to drink before we order lunch?”

  “That sounds wonderful; they have a delicious peach iced tea here.” Leo motioned for the waiter and ordered them each a peach iced tea.

  “I’ll be back shortly to take your food order,” the waiter said.

  “So, how are you?” Leo asked, hoping to break the ice.

  “I’m doing ok, although, I do find myself dialing Mama’s number about a million times a day. I have to keep reminding myself that she’s gone; but you know, I guess that’s normal. How about you, how are you doing?”

  “About the same; it’s hard. I feel so lost without her.” Leo looked down, hoping that Mila didn’t notice him choking up just thinking about Krystal. It still felt a little weird being alone with Mila, but Leo hoped that soon conversation would take over and the feeling would go away; but right now, there was a definite awkward silence.

  “So, where did you decide to scatter her ashes?” Mila asked, hoping it would lead to other topics. She felt the awkwardness of being alone with Leo, too; she kept thinking her mother would walk up at any moment to join them.

  “I was really struggling with that; I wasn’t sure if I should keep her close or bring her somewhere we visited. So, I just let fate, or maybe Krystal herself, who knows, guide me, and it led me straight up to the cabin on Lake Hoople. I wasn’t sure if it was the appropriate place, but then I saw that beautiful oak tree we planted right after we bought the place, and I knew it was. I waited until dusk, her favorite time of day up there, and then I said a little prayer and scattered her around the tree.”

  “Sounds like the perfect place. I know the cabin was one of Mama’s favorite places to be. She always said she had such great memories from the times you guys spent there. I didn’t get it; I was bored when I was up there with you guys those few times, no tv, no internet, no thank you.”

  Leo chuckled to himself; he knew exactly what she meant.

  “You should have seen the sunset that night; it was amazing, the vibrant colors and the way it reflected on the lake, it was almost like the sky was paying tribute to her.”

  “That sounds amazing; I wish I could have gone with you.”

  The waiter brought their peach teas and took their lunch order; while they waited, they made small talk.

  “Leo, can I ask you something that I’ve been wondering about for years?”

  Mila thought about asking who her real mother was but decided against it. If he didn't tell Krystal, he probably wouldn’t tell her either. Besides, then she would have to explain how she found out she was adopted, and she didn’t feel like going down

  that road today. So instead, she asked him about something else that she’d been wondering about for many years.

  “Sure.”

  “Why didn’t you and my mother ever get married?”

  Leo sat back in his chair and softly chuckled.

  “What did your mother tell you?”

  “She wouldn’t tell me anything. Every time I asked, she quickly changed the subject.”

  “Damn, she’s good; any chance that would work for me?” He asked with a big smile.

  “Is it that bad? I mean, I just always wondered.”

  “Why do you think we didn’t marry?”

  “I’ve never been able to figure it out, you two always seemed so in love and disgustingly perfect for each other. Please tell me, it’s something I’ve always wanted to know. I could never understand why my mother wouldn’t tell me.”

  “Alright, I’ll tell you, but it’s probably not what you think.”

  “That’s ok; I’ve made up so many scenarios in my mind over the years, I’d just like the truth.”

  “That’s fair. Damn, I sure hope she doesn’t have me struck dead for this.”

  “I’m sure she’d love for you to tell me. Please tell me.”

  “I doubt that, but anyway, it wasn’t because we didn’t love each other; we were both hopelessly in love with each other. A lot had to do with her father and her childhood.”

  “She never talked about her father or her childhood for that matter.”

  “I’ll just start at the beginning. When your mother was about six years old, her father started molesting her. She told her mother, but her mother wasn’t much help because if she ever said anything that her husband didn’t like, she got a severe beating.” Leo looked over at Mila and wondered if she could handle this, was it too

  soon after her mother’s death? He wondered.

  “Oh my gosh, that’s horrible. How long did it go on for?”

  “She said it was constant until she was about fourteen, and then one day, her father had a massive heart attack and died. After her father’s death, her mother basically fell apart. She no longer talked, and she started drinking whiskey like it was water. She was always either drunk, on her way to being drunk, or passed out.

  “Since Krystal was too young to get a full-time job, she did the only thing she could think of and called her older brother Hurley. He reluctantly agreed to move back and help them out. For a while, things seemed to be looking up. Hurley had a good job at the local mill, and she was able to get a part-time cashier job at Jasper’s grocery store. Between the two of them, they made ends meet.

  “Then one day, when Krystal was finishing her shift at Jasper’s, she met a boy. She never went into details, but she did say he was quite popular and very handsome. He asked her out on a date that night. She was so excited; it was her first date. He took her to the drive-in, and then things went bad.

  “The boy was a few years older than Krystal, and his intentions were anything but pure. As soon as the movie started, he made his first move. Krystal didn’t know what to do; she had never been on a date, so she just followed along. When the boy took things farther then she wanted, she just closed her eyes and waited for him to finish, just like she did with her father.

  “After that night, Krystal didn’t go on any more dates, she knew what would happen if she did, and she didn’t want that anymore. As far as she was concerned, men were pigs and only wanted one thing from girls; they couldn’t be trusted. So, she concentrated on her schoolwork and dreamed about moving far, far away once she graduated.

  “When Krystal was sixteen, Hurley lost his job at the mill,

  and money got really tight. She tried to increase her hours at Jasper’s, but it wasn’t nearly enough. Then Hurley got this asinine idea of marrying Krystal off in exchange for money. He found a guy who lived in Utah, who offered him a couple thousand dollars for Krystal, and Hurley jumped at it. The guy was several years older than Krystal and didn’t treat her very well at all. He was an old
school Mormon and had several wives already. He firmly believed that beating and raping them was the only way to teach them to be submissive. I won’t go into details.

  “Krystal said she tried to make it work for about a month, and then she was done. She ran away in the middle of the night and came back to Rockville. She thought Hurley’s wrath would be less than all the beatings her husband would give. When she got home, she found out that Hurley got busted for selling drugs and was away in prison, leaving her drunken mother to fend for herself.”

  “What happened with the guy she was married to, did he ever come looking for her?”

  “She said someone must have been smiling down on her because he never did.”

  “I can’t believe she went through all this; I never would have guessed.”

  “She was very careful not to bring up the past; she believed that life was meant to be spent in the present time.”

  “She used to tell me that all the time,” Mila said, as she smiled thinking about her mother.

  “So anyway, now she was back taking care of her mom. She had dropped out of school when Hurley married her off, and now she had to get a job to support herself and her mom. She went back to Jasper’s and started cashiering full-time. Krystal was young and naïve and had no real skills. That was about the time

  she met Willie. This guy was very devious; he ran with that biker gang, the Reckless, and tried to get your mother to join too. Krystal was smart though; she didn’t fall for his tricks, well, not at first, at least. He was the first man to treat her better than her father, husband, or brother ever had.”

  “So, what happened?”

  “Well, one day, she found herself pregnant. She was so excited, but Willie wasn’t. He didn’t want kids, and he was determined not to have them either, so when Krystal told him about the baby, he stared blankly at her and then started punching her in the stomach, over and over as hard as he could, until she miscarried.”

  “That’s horrible. So, did she leave him?”

  “Unfortunately, she didn’t, she was too afraid of what Willie might do to her. Before he left her alone that night, he put a gun in her mouth, held her tightly by the back her neck, and told her if she ever crossed him again, he would beat her to death; she was terrified. Then one night he told her that they were going to break into this guy’s house, and get some money that this guy apparently owed Willie. That son of a bitch sent your mother in first, and long story short, she got pinched.”