The Therapist

by Kelly Holm

  Jessica called several times asking her if she wanted to get together, but Mila always had an excuse as to why she couldn’t; the truth was she just didn’t feel very social anymore. She knew she should probably talk with a professional, but she knew most of the therapists around town. She couldn’t risk anyone finding out her secret.

  Mila tried her best to push the bad feelings away and constantly reminded herself that things really weren’t as bad as they seemed… but they sure felt like they were. The harder she tried, the louder the voices in her head got; they were continually

  chanting ‘your outlook is hopeless.’ She felt like she was falling down a never-ending black hole, and there was no way to stop it.

  It was about that time the visions and hallucinations began. Mila would be in her office, and when she looked up from her paperwork, she would catch a glimpse of someone sitting in the chair across from her. Of course, when she took a second look, there was never anyone there.

  Mila knew that hallucinations were a symptom of depression, or possibly a mental breakdown, and she really needed to talk to someone, but she was stubborn and didn’t want to admit to any of her peers that she was not dealing with her situation particularly well. She tried self-medicating, but even with the most potent medications, she still saw things.

  Then one day she was with her patient, Marlon Jokavich, a very deranged individual, in Mila’s eyes at least. Marlon was the son of a very wealthy, very sick minded but dead, record producer. While his father was alive, Marlon endured years of sexual molestation and severe beatings from him. After his death, Marlon lost it.

  Mila was just about to ask if Marlon would like a glass of water, so she could learn his truth. Mila believed it was going to involve some inappropriate sexual acts with very young neighborhood boys, because of things Marlon mentioned in past sessions; when she suddenly caught a glimpse of something or more like someone sitting in the chair next to Marlon.

  At first, Mila thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. She quickly closed her eyes, and when she opened them, she couldn’t believe it was still there. She closed her eyes again, and when she opened them and looked up at the chair, to her surprise, she realized it was her sick and twisted dead husband Irving, sitting next to her patient waving at her!

  There’s no such thing as ghosts Mila, she told herself silently, but it wasn’t helping, she still saw him.

  She quickly closed her eyes and shook her head; she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Was she losing her mind? She wondered if Marlon saw him too, although he made no reference to him if he did. When she opened her eyes, Irving was gone. Did I imagine it, or is that son-of-a-bitch actually haunting me?

  Mila didn’t believe in ghosts, and she wasn’t about to start now; she chalked it up to exhaustion. She was working an average of fifty hours a week lately, and she was obviously exhausted. After Marlon left, she jotted a few notes down in his file and returned it to the file cabinet. When she turned around, there was her dead husband again, sitting in the same chair waving at her with that same stupid grin on his face.

  “Go away, I know you aren’t real.”

  “Oh, but I’m very real in your mind, my dear,” Dr. Blackmore’s ghost replied.

  “No, you are just a figment of my overactive imagination.”

  “Tell yourself what you need to hear, but I assure you, I’m very real in your mind.”

  “Shouldn’t you be looking for a light or something?”

  “Oh, my sweet innocent Mila, I think we both know that where you and I are going, there isn’t a bright light.”

  “If you are insinuating that I am anything like you, you can stop right now; I’m nothing like you, I have a conscience, and I care about my patients.”

  “You know what they say, like father, like daughter…” he sang as he leaned back in the chair and grinned.

  Mila didn’t know what to do; she was obviously losing her mind and had to figure this out. She put her head down on her desk in frustration, and when she sat up; her deranged dead

  husband was gone. She realized that day that she might need professional help.

  A few more weeks passed, the business was growing, and they were weeding out the weak and sick minded people faster than she could keep up. Mila was starting to see her dead husband’s ghost more and more, and she was also beginning to believe that she might be getting crazier by the day. She thought about asking if anyone else ever saw him, but she worried that she might look as bat-shit crazy as she believed most of her patients were.

  Then one day, a woman came in and asked to see Dr. Blackmore. She was young, maybe in her late twenties, with a short chestnut brown bob. Her eyes were swollen like she had been crying. She was dressed casually in black slacks and a simple white blouse. Mila happened to be putting some paperwork on the receptionist’s desk when she overheard the woman’s request.

  “I can help her, Linda,” Mila said to the new receptionist.

  “Thank you.”

  “Ma’am, I’m Dr. Mila Thorton, would you like to come back to my office and talk for a few minutes?”

  “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Hannah Johansen; I was hoping to speak with Dr. Blackmore.”

  “Yes, ma’am, I realize that. Dr. Blackmore isn’t available right now. Are you one of his patients?”

  “No, ma’am, but my husband was. I really need to speak to him.”

  “May I ask what this is about?” Mila asked as she led the woman back to her office.

  “My husband was his patient, and I need to let him know that Rupert had a massive stroke last week and passed away,” she said, as tears started to fill her swollen eyes and slowly trickle down her cheeks. Mila quickly offered her a tissue.

  “I’m sorry for your loss. How are you coping with your husband’s death?”

  “He wasn’t the greatest husband or father, but he paid the bills and put food on the table. I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I’m just a waitress at a shitty diner earning minimum wage, how am I going to support five children and a mortgage now that Rupert’s gone?”

  “May I ask how he died?”

  Mrs. Johansen took a moment; then she blew her nose and dried her eyes as best she could.

  “It was the strangest thing. Rupert was fine a month ago when he came to Dr. Blackmore to try this new medication for his OCD. He actually seemed to be getting a little better, and I had high hopes that he would finally be cured. Then one day, he started acting rather strange.”

  “What do you mean by strange?”

  “He started talking gibberish and not making sense. It would come and go; and then while we were packing to take the kids to the beach, he suddenly grabbed his head and fell to the ground. He convulsed a minute, and then he just went limp. When the EMT’s showed up, they pronounced him dead on the spot.” By this time, she was sobbing uncontrollably.

  “I’m so sorry.” Mila could tell this woman was very upset about her husband, and she did her best to comfort her.

  “I just wish the kids hadn’t been standing there watching the whole thing. I don’t know how they are going to deal with it. I don’t know how any of us are going to go on.”

  “I’m sure you’ll find a way. Do you have family nearby?”

  “No, we were all alone in the world. Look, I’d love to sit and talk with you longer, you’re very nice, but I really have to get to work, I can’t afford to lose this job. I really just need to make sure that we don’t get billed for any more appointments. I don’t

  have that kind of money; I can’t cover the cost of any missed appointments,” Mrs. Johansen said, as she wiped the tears from her face with the tissue.

  “I understand, and I will make sure that you will not be charged for any more appointments.”

  “Would you mind letting Dr. Blackmore know that Rupert won’t be back?” she asked as she stood up to leave.

  “Of course.” Mila didn’t feel it was necessary to tell Mrs. Johansen about Dr. Blackmore; she was obvi
ously much more concerned with the fact that she might be charged with a pricey missed appointment.

  After Mrs. Johansen left, Mila sat in silence for a moment. She felt horrible; this woman’s husband died because Dr. Blackmore sentenced him, and gave him the medication with the parasite in it; just like she had done to many patients herself. Mila had never seen this side of the operation; it felt nothing like the other side, which she really enjoyed. She knew she was sick, very twisted, and that judging her patients and sentencing them to death was wrong, but it was also so addictive and pleasurable, it was almost orgasmic.

  However, now that she’s seen what it does to the patient’s families, it kind of bothered her. Mila realized that she was responsible for a lot of pain and suffering due to her newfound judging obsession. Each day for the next couple of weeks, she felt more and more guilty, and it was pulling her deeper and deeper into that black hole of depression. She knew it was time to get some professional help.

  After looking into several mental health treatment centers around the country, Mila decided to look overseas. She found a facility in Thailand that sounded perfect. It offered a month-long program which focused on renewing mental health through talk,

  yoga, and meditation. The facility had incredible reviews and a high success rate; and the best part; no one would know her there.

  The facility was called Peaceful Escape Recovery Center and was located in Kanchanaburi, a town in west Thailand, just a couple hours outside of Bangkok. They offered villas with all the modern conveniences and weekly excursions to the many tourist sites in the area. Mila read the reviews and also checked some other places; just to make sure the facility was as good as it appeared.

  After checking the facility out, she still wanted to think about it. It was a big step, and she wanted to make sure she was ready. After a day of mulling it over, she was completely on board. Mila called Peaceful Escape Recovery Center, spoke with a therapist, and figured out a treatment plan. The therapist was very informative; Mila was surprised how comfortable she felt talking with her and immediately asked about a reservation. Luckily for her, the facility had an opening, and she was also able to get a good deal on the flight. Mila had never been to Thailand, and she was very excited to go.

  Now all she had to do was figure out who would run the business while she was gone, and there was also Smokey, her cat, to think about. She decided to ask her friend and colleague, Jessica, to handle the business part.

  “Hello, Jessica, its Mila.”

  “Hey, Mila, how’s it going? I feel like I haven’t talked to you in so long, how are you?”

  “I’m sorry about that. Things here have been absolutely bat-shit crazy, and I think I need a break.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I just need a little break; which brings me to the reason I’m calling. I am planning a trip to Thailand in a couple days, and

  I was wondering if you would be willing to step in and run the business while I’m gone.”

  “Seriously, that would be so awesome! Of course, I will run the business while you are gone. How long are you planning on being gone?”

  “Since Thailand is such a long flight, I thought I would spend a month there. I haven’t had a real vacation in several years, well nothing I really left town for, and I’m really looking forward to it.”

  “Are you sure it’s a good time to leave?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, like you said before, things are crazy right now, and business is booming; are you sure you want to leave right now?”

  “That’s exactly why I want to go now. I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed by everything. I’m doing less and less psychiatry and more and more admin work. I’m starting to resent it. I need to take a break before it turns into something else.” She knew she was lying; it had already turned into something ugly.

  “I get that. Wow, this is so exciting. Would you mind if I used your office while you are gone?”

  “That’s fine with me; I’ll talk to Sofia and fill her in so she can help you out.”

  “Wow. Thank you so much for trusting me with this. I promise I won’t let you down.”

  “I’m not worried, Jess, I know you are great at your job, and you’ll be great at this too. I feel totally confident, leaving it all in your hands.”

  As Mila hung the phone up, she thought about what to do with Smokey. She could ask Larisa or Leo to watch him, but she didn’t want to have to explain why she was going. Jessica was allergic to cats, so she wasn’t an option either. I wonder how Sofia felt about cats…

  “Excuse me, Sofia, do you have a minute?”

  “Sure, I’ll be right there.”

  Almost immediately, Sofia came into her office and sat down in the chair across from her.

  “I am going on a vacation to Thailand next week, and I’ve asked my friend, Jessica Stratford, to come and cover for me while I’m gone. I would like you to help her with anything she needs.”

  “Sure, it would be my pleasure. I really like Dr. Stratford, she’s hilarious sometimes.”

  “I know, doesn’t she have the greatest sense of humor? She cracks me up all the time. There is one other thing I wanted to ask you about.”

  “What’s that?”

  “How do you feel about cats?”

  “I love cats. If I could, I would be that lady with fifty cats running around. Why do you ask?”

  “I need someone to watch Smokey while I’m in Thailand.”

  “I would love to watch him while you are gone, but I should warn you, cats love me, and he might not want to come home after experiencing life with me,” she said with a big grin.

  “I’m so glad you said that. I was worried I would have to board Smokey somewhere.”

  “So, when are you leaving?”

  “Friday morning.”

  “Is there anything you would like me to handle while you are gone, other than helping Dr. Stratford with anything she might need?”

  “I don’t think so. If you need me, I will have my laptop with me. I’ll make a point to check emails each evening.”

  After Sofia went back to her desk, Mila realized there was just one more thing she had to take care of before she left, and that was to contact the cartel and tell them that she was going to have

  Jessica run the business while she was gone… a piece that she was very nervous about. Mila pulled out the phone number and placed the call.

  “This is Mila Thorton, I’m informing you that I have to leave town for a month and I have asked my colleague, Jessica Stratford, to handle things on my end until I return. If there are any problems with this, please contact me as soon as possible as I am leaving the country on Friday.”

  That night after work, Mila started packing and got her affairs in order for the following month. She packed comfortable clothes and a few books she wanted to read. She knew what intense therapy involved, and she tried to prepare for it as best she could. She knew she needed this no matter how difficult it might get.

  Chapter 22

  A month later, Mila returned from Thailand a new and improved woman. She had battled her demons and won; she also took some much-needed downtime to explore Thailand and catch up on her reading. While in Thailand, Mila visited several temples, spent time walking in nature, and by the end of the month, had finally gotten her priorities in order. She felt better than she had in years, and now she couldn’t wait to get back to her practice.

  During that month of intense therapy, Mila had a revelation; she no longer wanted anything to do with Dr. Irving Blackmore or his project. He had caused her enough pain for a lifetime. She knew it was futile to annul the marriage since he was dead anyway, but she could donate the entire inheritance. The money was tainted, and if she was really going to turn her life around, she had to get rid of it; not just some of it either, all of it. She was very proud of herself for getting her karma clean, now she just had to keep it that way.

  Mila decided to donate the entire
fortune, which amounted to something just south of one hundred million dollars, amongst several mental health clinics that cater to the less fortunate all around the world. As she made the final arrangements, she felt an enormous amount of stress and anxiety, leaving her body. Mila realized she was smiling more; something she hadn’t been able to do for the last few months, so she knew she was on the right track. Mila knew, with her practice alone, she’ll bring in more than enough money to live a very comfortable life; she didn’t need his dirty money.

  Along with the decision to donate her inheritance, Mila also decided that from now on she would concentrate on psychiatry only; no more judging her patients and sentencing them

  to death for mental problems they can’t control. Her new challenge was to live her life on the straight and narrow. Mila knew it would be quite an undertaking, but she also knew it was the right decision, and she would happier in the end.

  That did present a problem, though; Dr. Blackmore’s thriving side business. Who could she get to take it over? The first person she thought of was her friend Jessica. She seemed to be enjoying the challenge of running things, but was Jessica enjoying it enough to do it full time; that was the question Mila had to figure out. If Jessica didn’t want to do it, Mila would have to take over again until she found a replacement, which was something she didn’t want to do.

  Now that she made the decision to stop judging her patients, Mila didn’t want to be involved, in any way, with that side of the business. Mila was worried that if she was, even if she wasn’t doing it herself, the temptation might be too much for her, and it could cause her to relapse. Pulling herself out of that deep dark black hole of depression was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do, and she didn’t want to risk falling back in, or worse, sinking even lower than before.

  Her first day back was crazy busy. Not wanting to disturb Jessica, Mila set up in a separate office down the hall from her. After an hour of preparing her office, she was ready to see patients. She saw several patients that day, some were mildly disturbed, and others were what Mila liked to refer to as bat-shit-crazy. Through all the patients, Mila was able to keep herself from judging them, something she was very proud of. This is going to be easier than I thought, she told herself with confidence. She was completely committed to turning her life around. Later that afternoon, she stuck her head in Jessica’s office to see how things were going.