I Wished For You

by Colette Davison

  "That's great!" Matt said. His eyes narrowed as Seb's lips twitched down. His expression fell. "Isn't it?"

  "Yes…" Seb said slowly. "Except it's in Bristol."

  "Bristol?"

  "That's…" Connor began.

  "Miles away?" Seb asked.

  "Yeah."

  Silence fell between them. Seb wasn't sure what to say. He was even less sure what he'd expected their reactions to be. Neither of them looked any happier than he felt.

  Matt was the first to speak. "How long would it be for?"

  "I don't know exactly. A few months, at least. Daniel will want to take his time finding local solicitors to bring in."

  Matt nodded thoughtfully, pinching the skin on the underside of his jaw. "You have to go."

  Seb stared at him.

  "This could be a step closer to partner for you, right?"

  He fidgeted with his shirt cuffs. "Yes, but it would almost certainly mean becoming a partner at the new office rather than here."

  "Then you should go."

  "Even though it might end up being a permanent move?"

  "Yes," Matt replied without hesitation.

  Seb held his gaze. "Do you want me to go?"

  Matt knelt down on the floor in front of him. "Do I want you to be three hundred miles away from us? Hell no, but this is an amazing opportunity for you, Seb. I…" He glanced at Connor, who remained still and stoic. "We would never hold you back." He placed his hands on Seb's knees. "For now, it's only a temporary move. We can make it work."

  "And if I get offered a partnership in Bristol?"

  "We'll talk it through when it happens."

  Seb cupped Matt's face in his hands and dragged him into a kiss. "What if I don't want to go?"

  "You do," Connor said, his voice quiet and low. "I can see it in your eyes."

  "Yes, I do. But I also want to be with you two," Seb said. "I don't want either of you thinking I want to leave you." He especially didn't want Connor to think that. Judging by their conversation the previous day, his lover was still deeply affected from being abandoned by his dad. But he couldn't turn the chance down; it would hamper his career, possibly even cripple it with his current firm. "I wish you could both come with me."

  Connor shifted his weight from foot to foot.

  "I wasn't serious," he added quickly. "You two have jobs you love. Matt… you're close to promotion, too. I wouldn't want you to jeopardise that for anything. Your lives are here." So was his.

  "It's only for a few months," Matt said, his voice heavy with forced optimism.

  "Longer than we've been together," Seb pointed out.

  Matt gave him a mildly scathing look. "Like that matters when we've known each other for most of our lives." He threaded his fingers through Seb's, moving Seb's hands from his face to clasp them tightly. "This will be a great career move for you."

  "Matt's right," Connor said, sitting beside Seb on the sofa. "We'll be okay."

  Seb searched Connor's eyes for a moment. He'd heard his lover's words but wasn't sure there had been enough conviction behind them. Was Connor saying what he thought Seb needed to hear? Was Matt doing the same, for that matter?

  "Will we?" he asked. "Because I couldn't make things work with Craig when we were in the same flat every day for five years."

  "Craig's a prick." Matt snorted. He wrapped his arm around Seb's neck and pulled him close so he could kiss the top of Seb's head. "I can assure you Connor and I aren't."

  Seb laughed. "I know that." But he couldn't shut out the doubt and fear he was feeling. Nor could he batter down the jealousy that was already welling up within him. Connor and Matt would be here, together, whilst he was alone, hundreds of miles away.

  "Bristol's not so far," Matt said. "And I happen to have a personal chauffeur."

  Connor rolled his eyes. "You wish."

  "Connor works a lot of weekends," Seb reminded them both.

  Matt kissed Seb again. "I can catch the train down on those weekends. Or you can get the train here."

  "Work will pay my train fare home once a month," Seb said.

  "There you go, then. I bet we can figure something out most weekends."

  "Yeah."

  "It'll be okay," Connor said softly.

  "I don't want either of you thinking I'm putting my career first."

  "Yes, you are," Matt said. "And that's okay because you've worked damned hard to get where you are. And helping out in Bristol for a few months will lead to you being made partner sooner rather than later. You're being given an amazing chance, and you have to take it."

  Seb tugged Matt up onto the sofa and then wrapped an arm around each of them, holding them tightly. He didn't want to let go. He didn't want to do anything that might result in him losing them.

  "And if you get offered a partnership down there… well… contrary to popular belief, Bristol needs mechanics and software engineers."

  "I couldn't… I…" Seb stammered.

  "Hey, we're a team," Matt said, returning his embrace. "We always have been, always will be. For now, let's just get through the next few months and see where we go from there, okay?"

  "Sounds good," Seb said.

  "When do you go?" Connor asked.

  "The second week in January."

  "That's… soon."

  Too soon. "Everything had been arranged, and then the person who was supposed to be going pulled out. She's pregnant," he added quickly. "After years of trying. It's not the right time to be away from her husband."

  His lovers nodded in understanding.

  "I'll find a short-term rental close to the new office."

  "I'll get that weekend off," Connor said. "We can drive down together and help you get settled."

  "That would be great." He stared between them. "I love you both."

  "We know," Matt said. "And honestly, who wouldn't love me? I'm freaking awesome."

  "And big-headed."

  "That's not the only part of me that's big," Matt said with an exaggerated wink. "I'll show you later if you're both good."

  "I'll miss that." Seb sighed.

  "I hope that's not the only part of me you'll miss!"

  Matt's comment made them all laugh, which made Seb feel a little lighter. He knew he had to go. He'd worked too hard to neuter his career by saying no. But he would miss them both terribly.

  Seb caught Connor just before they headed to bed, later that evening. "You okay?"

  "Yeah."

  "Really?"

  Connor stroked his arm, leaving a tingling trail on Seb's skin. "Really."

  Seb focused on the slow movement of Connor's fingers, not letting himself look at anything else. "If you don't want me to go to Bristol, I won't."

  The silence that responded forced Seb to look up. Connor's expression had shifted, his mouth and eyes scrunching tight as though he'd tasted something sour. His face relaxed, and he sighed.

  "Don't put that on me, Seb. It has to be your decision. You can't let me or Matt sway you." He squeezed Seb's shoulder. "I know you're not deserting me, if that's what you're worried about."

  Seb curled his hand over Connor's. "I would never do that."

  "So you keep saying." Connor kissed Seb's forehead. "And I believe you." He brushed his thumb over Seb's cheek. "Go if you want to. Stay if you want to. I'll be happy for you whatever you decide, and we'll still be the three of us."

  "The distance thing will be hard."

  "Yeah, it will be. I'll miss the hell out of you." Connor pursed his lips. "But I think you'll find it hardest."

  Seb didn't need to ask why.

  "I wouldn't want you to feel left out," Connor said.

  "And I can't ask you and Matt to put things on hold while I'm not here." Seb caught his lower lip between his teeth.

  Could they make it work? Really? Or had he just set things in motion for Matt and Connor to become stronger as a couple without him. He let that thought settle in for a moment too long. It would have congealed inside him if Connor hadn'
t grabbed his face and pulled him into a searing kiss. He blinked before relaxing into it. As comfortable as Connor had become with their bedroom antics, he rarely took the initiative quite so forcefully.

  "I promise we will find a way to make it work," Connor breathed. "I promise I'm okay with you going. It's still you, me, and Matt against the world. Now and always."

  "Thank you," Seb whispered. Those were just the words he'd needed to hear.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Matt

  "This is nice," Matt said as they walked into Seb's temporary flat for the first time.

  The flat was light and airy, with faux-white-washed laminate floorboards and crisp white walls. There was a small entrance hall, barely big enough for a coat stand, but at least it meant they weren't walking straight into the living area like they did in both his and Connor's flats. The main living space was open. A small kitchen took up one short wall. In the middle, a glass circular table with four white chairs stood beside a large window. Even though the weather was grey and dreary outside, the window gave the room a light and airy feel. There was a sofa bed opposite, barely big enough for two people to sit on.

  "That won't be much good for fooling around on," Matt noted, ensuring his tone was suggestive. He had every intention of christening the flat before he and Connor left in the morning.

  He set the box he'd been carrying down on the kitchen counter before taking in the rest of the living space.

  Bizarrely, the fridge stood in the corner of the other short wall, next to a desk, which also housed the TV. A large potted plant helped make the room seem homely.

  "I like it," Seb said. He motioned towards the only other door. "The bedroom must be through there. We should definitely check it out next." He carried his suitcase through the other door, prompting Connor and Matt to follow him.

  The bedroom was a good size. The same flooring had been carried on through, but the walls were painted magnolia. Whilst the window was half the size of the one in the main living area, a massive wardrobe with glass doors gave the illusion of more space and light.

  "It's only a double," Matt noted.

  "It'll be cosier than a king size," Connor said, setting down the suitcase he'd been carrying.

  Matt snorted. "Cosy."

  "Cosy is good," Seb said. He flopped onto the bed and patted the mattress on either side of him. "We could forget unpacking for now and get straight to testing it out."

  "Is it comfy?" Matt asked, tilting his head to the side as he stared at the bed.

  Seb pushed himself up onto his elbows. "Feels okay. Comfy enough for what I've got in mind, anyway."

  Matt chuckled, glad his lover was on the same wavelength that he was.

  Seb sat up and kicked off his shoes, placing his feet on the flooring. "Underfloor heating!" he exclaimed, his eyes bright with excitement. "What do you think? A few blankets and pillows on the floor, and we'll have all the room we need."

  "I like that idea! It's not something we can do in my flat. Too cold." Matt wrapped his arms around himself and gave an exaggerated shiver to prove his point.

  "Only because you're too much of a cheapskate to put the heating on much," Seb teased.

  "Just trying to do my bit to save the planet," Matt objected.

  "No, you're a cheapskate."

  "Even if I did have the heating on all the time, the floor would still be bloody cold. I'm not poncey enough to have underfloor heating."

  Seb laughed, wriggling his toes. "When we find somewhere for the three of us to live, I want underfloor heating."

  Matt liked the sound of finding a place big enough for all three of them. Once Seb was home, anyway. Maybe by then, Connor would be up for it, too.

  "Are we going to put blankets on the floor?" Seb asked. "Come on, help me."

  Matt held his hand up. "I've got a present for you first."

  Seb arched an eyebrow. "A present?"

  "A housewarming gift." He pulled a brown jiffy envelope out of his coat pocket.

  "Aww, you wrapped it and everything!"

  "Jerk," Matt mumbled.

  "You could have gone to a bit more effort," Connor agreed.

  "Did you get him anything?"

  Connor's cheeks lit up. "No," Connor muttered in a tone that was bordering on sulky. It was kind of cute, actually.

  Matt laughed and tapped him on the chest with the back of his hand. "I'm teasing, Con. You drove all the way here. I think you can overlook a housewarming gift."

  They both watched as Seb opened up the envelope and pulled out a black web camera. He looked at Matt questioningly.

  "It's a good one," Matt said. "I got another for my laptop too."

  "I'm confused."

  Matt grabbed Seb's arm and pulled him up, dragging him close so their bodies were pressed together. He could feel the heat of Seb's breath on his neck and the thud of Seb's heart, in perfect synch with his own.

  "I thought we could use them to keep you involved," he said, bending his head to kiss Seb's neck. "You could tell Con and me what to do. That way, we'll be connected, even though you're here."

  He felt Seb shiver in his arms.

  "T-tell you what to do?" Seb stammered.

  "Well, you are the most experienced one."

  Seb stared at him and then glanced at Connor. "You… you trust me that much?"

  "I do," Matt said.

  They both looked to Connor, whose eyes had become large.

  "It sounds hot as hell," Connor whispered.

  "I love you," Seb said, pressing his hand to the back of Matt's head. "Fucking hell, I love you." He dragged Matt's lips to his. "I want you. Both of you."

  "I was hoping you'd say that." Matt chuckled.

  They worked together to make a large nest on the floor, using the quilt and cushions from the bed and some spare blankets they found in the wardrobe. They also grabbed the scatter cushions from the sofa. The floor was lovely and warm, encouraging them to strip off and lay naked, wrapped up in each other's arms. They kissed and fondled one another, each soft stroke of a hand or press of lips turning them on more. This was how it was meant to be: the three of them happy and content together. Matt felt a pang of sadness that these moments would be few and far between, for a few months at least. Even the webcams couldn't make up for the feel of Seb pressed up against his body. He pushed his negativity aside and forced himself to focus on the feel of their flesh against his, the scent of their aftershave, and the soft warmth of their breath on his skin. He loved them. He belonged to them, and a few months apart wasn't going to change that.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Connor

  They had to wait longer than expected to test out Matt's webcam idea. First, Connor and Matt got stuck on the motorway. By the time they got home, they were both too exhausted to think, let alone do anything else. The next night, Connor had to work the graveyard shift for the rescue side of the garage. Then Seb seemed to be tied up with late nights working and meals out with his boss and prospective clients for the rest of the week. Seb had to work all day Saturday, too, so a visit didn't happen, but he reserved the evening for them.

  "Do you have a good view?" Matt asked Seb, as he adjusted the webcam.

  "Yeah…" Seb's voice was doubtful. "I can see the bed and both of you, but you've got clothes on."

  Matt laughed. "How impatient are you? We've only just started the chat."

  "Very," Seb said with a mock pout. "I was expecting you to be naked when you called."

  "What would be the fun in that?" Matt asked. "You're meant to be calling the shots, remember?"

  Connor felt a thrill of excitement at Matt's words. He'd been looking forward to this moment. Just thinking about Seb watching them and telling them what to do was a turn-on. He only hoped it was as enjoyable for all of them as he hoped it would be.

  Seb leaned into the camera, peering at them. "Are you sure about this?"

  "Which part?" Matt asked, lounging on the bed beside Connor. He wrapped an arm around Connor and s
troked his arm.

  "Telling you what to do. Trust me, I'm more than happy to watch you both while I jack off."

  Seb's shoulder dropped a little, and Connor imagined him slipping his hand down the front of his trousers.

  "I think it'll be hot," Matt said. "And hey, if it doesn't work, Con and I can just put on a show for you."

  "Connor?"

  Connor draped his arm over Matt's chest. "I'm looking forward to it." He was surprised by how husky his voice sounded. "What do you want us to do?"

  "Kiss each other," Seb whispered.

  Connor and Matt obliged, kissing one another slowly, their lips parted more than they might have been normally so Seb could watch their tongues slow dance.

  "Undress each other," Seb said. "Tops first."

  Matt wagged his finger and broke apart from Connor. "You need to be more precise than that, lover."

  Seb made a soft, indistinguishable noise. Connor shivered with hot anticipation.

  "Take off Connor's T-shirt. Slowly."

  Connor lifted his arms, allowing Matt to follow Seb's instructions.

  "Kiss his throat."

  Matt did as he was told. In response, Connor tipped his head back and leaned on his hands.

  "Down," Seb commanded. "Slowly."

  Connor dared a glance at the laptop screen. Seb was as close to his own camera as he could be without going out of focus. His eyes were wide, his lips pink and moist from where he'd obviously been licking them.

  He winked at Connor. "Lie down." His voice was a soft whisper, barely audible over the laptop. "Close your eyes."

  Connor flopped back and let his eyes flutter shut. His body lifted in response to each of Matt's slow kisses.

  "Unbutton his jeans," Seb said.

  Connor was caught between lazy pleasure and racing thoughts as Matt carried out Seb's instructions. What would Seb have them do? Nothing they weren't happy with, he was sure of that.

  "Take them off," Seb said.

  Connor lifted his hips clear of the bed to help Matt.

  "Now his boxers." Seb chuckled once that instruction had been carried out, leaving Connor almost naked. "Don't forget his socks."