by S S Bazinet
“Yes, I forgot that you’ve never been here before.”
Rolphe stared down, clasping and unclasping his hands. “I’m sorry to show up like this, but I’ve been having visions that seem to be connected to you.”
“Connected? How?”
Rolphe hedged. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. Maybe ‘connected’ is the wrong word. I’m sorry.”
William had to remind himself to be patient and restrain his tone of voice. Otherwise, Rolphe would continue apologizing and never get to the point. “Rolphe, take a breath and tell me about your vision.”
Rolphe sucked in some air and glanced around the room again. “I’m sorry, I think I’m nervous.”
“Your vision, Rolphe. Let’s hear it.”
“Yes, my vision. Remember when you faced Arel on the battlefield?” Rolphe paused and smiled. “You were so courageous.”
“Thanks, but that’s old news, Rolphe. Keep going.”
“For me, it was different. I keep seeing myself. I’m standing on another field of battle. It’s one of the many I remember from when I was a young soldier.”
William didn’t like the way Rolphe kept stealing glances at him. Rolphe’s approach had gone from fervent to needy. “I don’t know much about your personal history. You should probably talk to Arel about these matters.”
Rolphe’s body slumped forward, his face filled with weariness. “You’re right. Arel does know a lot. But like you, he had no desire to acquaint himself with me. The first time he came to my apartment, it was after, you know, what I did to you. As soon as I saw his eyes, glowing with hatred, I couldn’t look away. I thought he was an avenging angel who’d come for retribution. That’s when my heart gave out.” He clasped his hands tighter and offered a weak smile. “Arel was clearly disappointed when I keeled over. He wanted me to suffer like I made you suffer, not just check out.”
William stiffened. For a moment, he slipped into the past. The memory that flashed through his mind made his breath catch. He was in Rolphe’s clutches again. He was helpless to stop Rolphe from doing as he pleased. He wanted to kill William. “You were a monster who needed to be stopped.”
Rolphe cringed. “Dying would have been a relief, except I was afraid of spending eternity in the fires of hell.”
“Please, spare me and get to the point. You were talking about being a soldier.”
Rolphe sat up and thrust his shoulders back. “In those days, I was nothing like you in battle. I cried the first time I faced an enemy. All I wanted to do was run back home.”
William stared at Rolphe, a six-foot-five hulk, and found it hard to imagine the man bawling. “How old were you?”
Rolphe sighed. “Maybe twelve. I was big for my age, a head taller than most of the boys I knew.”
“Twelve years old? You were a child.”
“It was a very long time ago. I grew up in a tiny, backward village. So what did I know about the world? I helped my father work our small piece of land. When the military people came for us, they didn’t ask much. They took the ones who looked like they could serve purpose. After some training, we were thrown into battle. The officers shouted orders, and we were supposed to obey. But—”
“But what?”
Rolphe peeked back, remorseful again. “I wasn’t always a monster. Before they took us, I hid from my mother when she told me to kill a chicken. So when I faced the task of taking the life of another human being—”
“How did you cope?”
Rolphe threw his head back and roared with a laughter that was both bitter and woeful. “A child doesn’t cope! He does what he’s told. And later, if he survives, he goes back to his village and has nightmares.”
“Rolphe, like you said, it was all a very long time ago. Why are you talking about all of this now?”
“I thought I put it all behind me. But sometimes, when I’m at my easel, I ask myself how I can paint beautiful scenes with angels after all I’ve done.” He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “So many died—”
“You were a boy. Let it go.”
Rolphe jumped up, his face red with resentment and outrage. When he scowled at William, his eyes were dark pools of wrath and fury. “How can I let it go? It wasn’t right! Don’t you understand? They took everything that was good in me! You said it yourself. They made me a monster!”
William jerked to attention, momentarily alarmed by Rolphe’s outburst. “Settle down, Rolphe,” he ordered. “Yelling about it now isn’t going to help.”
After a long pause, Rolphe nodded and collapsed back into his seat. “Forgive me,” he begged. “The last thing I want to do is add to your problems.”
William huffed out his indignation. “My problems? What do you know about my problems?”
Rolphe began to rock back and forth slowly. “There’s another vision that won’t go away. In it, I see another young boy. He isn’t thrown into battle, but he does face a terrible adversary who strips him of all that he loves.” Rolphe stopped rocking and gave William a furtive glance. “I think the boy in my vision is you, William.”
William glared back. “Again, my childhood is old news too, Rolphe. What good is it to rehash it?”
“I’m not trying to rehash it, but I did want your opinion. Do you think that child that we once were, the one who knew only goodness and love, is that child still inside of us?”
William got to his feet. “Look at us, Rolphe. We’re grown men. End of story. So go back to Paris, and forget about your visions. Is that clear?”
Rolphe stood up obediently and quickly headed for the exit. When he reached the door, he turned to William. “Doesn’t what I told you make you angry? Don’t you want to find a way to get back what was taken from us?”
William stopped short and crossed his arms. “Do I want to be naïve and innocent again? Do I want to experience what happens when I’m weak and vulnerable? Is that what you’re asking? What good would that do?”
“I don’t know. I guess that’s why I came here. I hoped if we talked, that maybe you could help me understand it all.”
William grimaced when another bout of pain hit his gut. “Then you made a wasted trip.”
Thirty-Three
ELISE STOOD NEXT to Annabel as they checked out their new dresses in the mirror. “What do you think, Annabel? I’ve gained some weight. Maybe I shouldn’t have chosen something fitted. And what about this shade of red, is it too bright?”
Annabel took a long moment to study Elise’s new frock. “I’ve been looking at some of your fashion magazines, and I think you’d be described as sexy.”
Elise did a little pirouette and smiled. “I can live with ‘sexy’.”
Annabel turned to the mirror again. “What about mine? I like the teal color, but I think I should have chosen something more conservative.”
Elise’s eyes turned playful. “You’re a beautiful woman, Annabel. The scalloped lace neckline plunges just enough to demonstrate that fact. But I have to say that if William were here, he’d ravish you on the spot.”
“Poor William. Maybe I should have gone home tomorrow like I originally planned. He acts like he’s fine, but I know he isn’t.”
“Did he seem disappointed when you suggested staying longer?”
“No, he said it was a good idea. A part of me agreed. I don’t think I know how to help him.”
Elise undid the side zipper on her dress and walked into her roomy closet. “William sounds like he needs more time to think.”
“You’re right. He’s very independent. In fact, he was a bachelor for a long time before I came along.”
“I see.” Elise took off her dress, hung it up, and grabbed her jeans. After she slipped them on, she put on a baby-blue sweater and rejoined Annabel in the bedroom. “No wonder William and Arel are great friends. They both shared a love for the single life.”
Annabel plopped down on the bed. “I don’t think Arel liked being alone.”
Elise took a seat in a bedroom chair. “After our break-up,
he latched on to Claire like she was manna from heaven.”
Annabel ran a hand over the lacy skirt of her dress. “He did jump into the relationship very quickly. He barely met Claire when he announced that he was in love.”
“I write about love at first sight, but I don’t really believe in it.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not saying it can’t happen. It’s just unlikely that two people who don’t know each other, think they’re ready to devote themselves to a lifetime together.”
Annabel gave Elise a thoughtful glance. “In Arel’s case, I suppose he feels he can change enough to meet Claire’s expectations.”
“Arel is a nice guy, but from what I know, he’s never pictured himself as the missionary type.”
“No, but he is a very determined person when he decides on a course of action. If that means adapting to Clair’s ideas, he’ll try his best to comply.”
Elise crossed her arms and snorted out her disgust. “Then they deserve each other.”
“Why do you say that? I thought you cared about Arel and wanted his best.”
“I do care, but if I let myself think about the choices that he’s making, I might explode.”
Annabel smiled. “You care that much?”
Elise sat back and picked some lint off her jeans. “I guess I do. I’ll have to watch my temper when I meet Claire at the party tonight. As you already know, it’s taken a bit of persistence on my part to tone down my emotions and make peace with myself. However, I don’t know how far I can be pushed.” She frowned at Annabel. “Promise me that if you see my eyes cross, you and Carey will escort me out of the room. I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”
Annabel’s smile broadened. “I’ll pass the word on to Carey.”
* * * * *
Arel sat on the couch, looking at the clock, wondering about Elise’s party and hoping the evening would go well. He was also nursing another headache. They were becoming increasingly frequent, but he tried to ignore that fact. Claire insisted that he needed to change his attitude and a tendency to indulge in his woes. Maybe she was right. As for the party, they were ready to leave when Claire insisted on taking a call from a colleague.
They were thirty minutes late when she finally walked into the living room. Arel stared back, knowing he’d never seen anyone more stunning. With her dark hair pulled back to expose her lovely features, Claire exuded a flawless beauty. It was expressed elegantly in her arched brows, high-cheek bones and full lips. She was picture perfect as she gracefully came forward in her silky, grey dress. The new dress was Arel’s idea. At first, Claire had objected to the shopping trip, but since she hadn’t brought along anything suitable for a party, she gave in to his suggestion.
As he thought about the woman he’d soon marry, he wanted to feel his heart pounding at the sight of her, to know the thrill that he’d felt in Paris when they were first together. Maybe it was because beauty had always drawn him in. He could sit for hours admiring great art, wanting to immerse himself in something that fired his soul and made his heart soar.
Claire had different ideas about such intangible qualities. She seemed very aware of her gorgeous body and how it could affect others, but she was almost like a rich child who didn’t appreciate luxury. She used her beauty when it suited her. Other times, she almost insisted that it had no place in the world.
So what did that say about him? Was his passion for Claire based solely on the physical? He hoped not. He certainly had the capacity to recognize and prize other ways that beauty was demonstrated. Years before, hadn’t he’d treasured every moment he spent with the elderly woman who was dying in the hospital? Absolutely. He’d fallen in love with her inner beauty. Mrs. Hayes might have had an aged body, but her heart was a glowing, precious jewel of kindness and compassion.
But what about Claire’s heart? At first, she’d acted as if she couldn’t get enough of him. But that part of their relationship had withered very quickly once Claire came to Chicago. It was as if passion and desire had no place in her practical, efficient life. It was some separate part that she occasionally indulged and then forgot about. What she enjoyed most was getting on with the business end of things.
When he’d had a call from the realtor earlier that day, he was informed that the first buyers who saw the house were serious about making an offer. Claire lit up immediately, extremely pleased by the news. It meant they’d be free to do what she wanted. He thought about what she’d said to him. “Just think, Arel, from now on you’re going to learn responsibility and how to live an unselfish life. Isn’t that wonderful?”
She didn’t seem to notice his reluctance. The fact that he was giving up his life style and even his beliefs for her was something she took for granted. Most of the time when they were together, he wondered if she really noticed his wants or desires at all.
When she came over to where he was sitting, he reached out, still hoping to bridge the gap that separated them. Taking her hand in his, he kissed it. “I know that you don’t like me to comment on how lovely you are, but I can’t help it.”
She returned an indulgent smile. “That’s very nice, but I’ve found that sentiment doesn’t mean much if it isn’t backed up by commitment to something more important.”
He stood up and adjusted his tie. Claire seemed to think it necessary to always remind him of why his views were negligible. “But I am committed, to you.”
“Yes, I know that,” she replied.
He studied her face, noting her effort to smile. Her rather sharp tone made him step back. “Anyway, I’m happy that you’re going to meet my friends at the party. I think you’ll find them all very welcoming.”
“But why should I get to know them when we’re moving very soon? I’ll never see them again.”
“Never? But they mean a lot to me.”
“Arel, I’m sure they do, but being dependent on others is unhealthy. Besides, there are nice people everywhere.” Claire stifled a yawn. “Sorry, but I was up working very late last night. So please remember that I don’t want to stay very long.”
“Claire?”
“Yes?”
“Are you sure that you still want to marry me?”
“What a silly question. I don’t understand why you always want to make a big deal out of everything, Arel.”
“But marriage is a big deal, at least it is for me.”
Claire took his arm, pulled him closer, and kissed his cheek. “Fine, I still want to marry you. Now, let’s get this party over with. But remember, you can’t expect me to automatically like your friends. I believe in honesty when I interact with others.”
“Honesty? I don’t think I understand what you mean.”
Claire grabbed her coat and started for the door. “You have so much to learn, my darling. And by the way, if your lazy roommate, Carey, is there. I want to talk to him.”
“Claire, I don’t think of Carey as lazy. He’s—”
Claire continued out the door. “He’s like you, Arel, a person who’s oblivious. Somebody has to wake him up and get him doing something useful.”
* * * * *
Annabel was having a wonderful time. She’d been apprehensive about her first party, but when the guests began to arrive, she relaxed. Carey and Michael were her old friends, angels who reminded her that life was supposed to be a joyous affair. Peggy and Tim were examples of earth angels, humans who knew how to be kind and helpful. So were Carol and Kevin. And her newest friend, Elise, was an unexpected treasure. When interacting with Elise, life became an adventure to be explored and savored.
As everyone gathered around the lavish table of food in the dining room, Annabel could also feel a sense of accomplishment. She’d helped prepare all of the wonderful dishes, including cornmeal popovers. She’d managed to make them all by herself using a recipe that Elise gave her. When Elise tested one and told her how light and fluffy it was, Annabel knew she wanted to pursue the art of baking. Her decision was validated when she saw Tim an
d Kevin load up their plates with several each.
In the midst of laughter, happy conversations, and Freddie, the puppy, running around, vying for attention, Annabel’s only concern was Claire and Arel. She kept waiting for the doorbell to ring and wondering if she’d find Claire upsetting again. Of course, when they’d had an outing together in London, they were alone. At least now, Annabel would have lots of friends around.
The occasion would’ve been perfect if William were there. As the days passed, the desire to be together was still as strong as ever. She had to keep telling herself that independence would make her a better partner, a more supportive partner. Because that’s what she wanted to be. She wanted to let go of her fears and have the spunk that Elise demonstrated. And slowly, with Elise’s encouragement, she was feeling more confident and self-reliant.
Just as she was smiling contentedly to herself, the doorbell rang. When she looked towards the foyer, Elise was inviting Claire and Arel into the house. Arel seemed to be introducing Claire to Elise. Claire was commenting.
Annabel looked away, knowing that her turn was coming. There was no way to avoid Claire in a small party gathering. Her smile wilted as she thought about what Claire would think of her now. Her first instinct was to rush to her bedroom and hide. It was prompted by an irrational feeling of guilt. Claire had made her views known when they last met. The woman had an agenda that included informing Annabel of her frivolity and self-indulgence. Surely, Claire would notice Annabel’s new dress. She’d probably ask why Annabel was enjoying herself when she could be in service to the needy? A tap on her arm brought her out of her downward spiral.
“Annabel, are you okay?” Carey asked.
She looked up at him, happy that he’d come over to talk to her. She was standing in the middle of Elise’s living room, but her mind was back in that little diner in London. “Why do I feel so small around that woman? Since becoming a human, most people have been so nice to me. But Claire—”
Carey hesitated. “I know that she makes you uncomfortable, but for now, I think we have bigger problems.”
