Tainted Blood

by S S Bazinet

  William crossed his arms too. “Don’t start, I only want one thing from you. Tell me how to get out of this dream?”

  “And I want to know why you’re so stubborn about remaining in your fears.”

  “Is it my fear that’s keeping me here?”

  “You did what you had to as a child. But you grew up, and you became a man. Admit it, you had choices once you were on your own.”

  “I didn’t see a reason to change. Having power makes life a lot easier. Besides, I found something I enjoyed. As a scientist of sorts, I studied and learned how to make sense of life.”

  “I know,” Young Will said. “I was the part of you who was passionate about everything that you studied.”

  William glared back, but he didn’t comment.

  Young Will laughed. “My goodness, you can look so annoyed.”

  “I have reason to be annoyed. What you’re saying makes me feel like I don’t even know who I am.”

  “I’ll let you in on a little secret. You might have thought you disposed of me, but I’ve been there anyway. You just refused to acknowledge me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “When Arel showed up in your life, I was the part of you that saved him. Later, I helped you to make room for Annabel.”

  “And because I’ve cared about those two, I’ve suffered. I even died at one point!”

  “Pain or no pain, they’re the best parts of your life, William.”

  William looked away. “What good does it do to have them in my life if I can’t cope anymore?”

  “You can’t cope because you’ve come face to face with some memories, which is fine, but let them go. Memories can help you to see where you went off the rails, but don’t keep holding on to them.”

  “I’m not! I’m trying to let go of all of that horror.”

  “No, you’re letting it run your life!” Young Will paused and sighed. “Look, as a child, you couldn’t be some superhero. So what? It wasn’t your time. Instead, you managed to stay alive and get stronger. Later, you saved Arel from taking his life. Now, the two of you are continuing to reclaim more of yourselves.” Young Will laughed. “It felt pretty good to sit on that big horse when you were in Arel’s world. When the battle started, you became that superhero you wanted to be. Of course, I was there too, whether you think so or not. We made a good team.”

  “What do you mean you were there?”

  “Do you think your rational, scientific side saved those creatures that Arel turned into soldiers?” Young Will smiled again. “You’re always going on about Arel not having a clue, but I think you might be worse. At least he’s tried to integrate Michael’s blood. All that rational mind of yours has done is look for ways to be like your father.”

  “I’m nothing like him!”

  “I disagree!” Young Will stood up, suddenly red-faced and angry. “You’re exactly like him when you can’t acknowledge me. I’m the part of you that believes in more than hard facts. I’m the part that wouldn’t hurt any of those creatures or Arel when we stepped onto that battlefield. I’m the part that has room for mystery that goes beyond science.”

  William put his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes. There were more accusations being thrown at him that needed time and energy to examine. But he felt suddenly sleepy and worn. “I can’t just change everything I think I am.”

  Young Will stepped closer and snapped his fingers in William’s face. “Don’t give up on me now. This is important!”

  William looked up with resentful eyes. “No matter what you say, I’m not a boy anymore—”

  Young Will shook his head. “You’re fixated on semantics. The ‘inner child’ is just a term people use. It’s associated with childhood, but there’s nothing childish about that part of yourself. It’s who you are. It’s who you’ll always be.”

  “All that I know is that whoever I was, got trampled. That me was ground into the dirt, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to help myself.”

  “Yes, but that’s the challenge. Father made you believe you’d lost something, but it was a lie. Now your job is to prove him wrong.”

  William let out a bitter laugh. “Maybe that’s why Arel is so gifted when it comes to demonstrating amazing abilities. He’s never lost touch with that child part of himself.”

  “That’s true, but he needs more balance, more maturity so that he can handle those abilities appropriately. But you have maturity, William. What you need is to trust in the mystery of life again. Ease up on the need for power and control. Let go and take another chance on life being beautiful again.”

  William rubbed his forehead. So much of his life had been built around being an adult who made life yield to his wants and desires. “Too tired to think anymore,” he moaned as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  * * * * *

  Arel glanced over at the cot that Rolphe had set up in the guest bedroom. It was a few feet away from where William lay sleeping. “Hang on, Will, we’re trying, but it might take some time.”

  But William didn’t have time. His vital signs were weakening. He was hardly breathing, and his pulse was so slow Arel could barely feel it. In a matter of hours, William’s heart could stop beating.

  According to Rolphe, William’s energy essence was in a place that some gypsies called the Land of the Lost. It was an otherworldly plane of experience, a bit like a dream state, only much more focused.

  People with very powerful minds were ideal when it came to maintaining these deep dreaming states. However, if they unknowingly accessed this plane of infinite possibilities, they could lose themselves in it. Once they did, their minds often gave their surroundings all their attention. If that happened, they ran the possibility of never finding their way back to reality.

  Michael added his own take on William’s personal situation. “Rolphe said that William had a very adverse reaction when he recalled a traumatic event in his childhood. Up until that point, he’d found a way to deal with that memory. He refused to let it surface. Now, in William’s mind, that child self has become a separate entity, one that William doesn’t know how to integrate. As a result, he isn’t only lost in a dream state, he’s lost when it comes to living with himself.”

  Arel scowled at Rolphe. He had to control his tendency to point blame when he thought about the helpless, wounded child that William had witnessed in that memory. Yet, Rolphe wasn’t accountable for William’s reaction. It was a hard lesson for Arel to learn and live by, but he knew that each person was responsible for their life. To think otherwise was to take away that person’s power. He turned his attention to Michael. “So how do you think I should proceed? My first attempt to find William didn’t go very well.”

  In truth, Arel’s first try almost ended in disaster. Finding William wasn’t like the lucid dreaming he was familiar with. It wasn’t like astral traveling either. Even when he set his intention to find William’s energy signature, he failed miserably. He ended up in a very dark place. At one point, he felt like he was plunging downward into a black void. He’d almost been trapped there. Luckily, when he called for help, Michael was able to guide him back to a waking state.

  “Let me go with you this time,” Rolphe begged. “I’ll never be able to live with myself if you both get lost.”

  Arel sat down on the cot. “Forget it. I don’t want to worry about you too.”

  Rolphe’s heavy brows narrowed. “But Arel, I’ve been in the land of the lost before. When I was with the gypsies, I once searched there for my boys.”

  “And did you find them?”

  Rolphe shook his head. “No, I almost didn’t make it back, but my teacher, Chessa, came after me.”

  “Wonderful, now you want to get lost again and take me with you.”

  “I knew enough to bypass the dark void you encountered. Some think of it as a place that contains all of your fears.”

  “I wish you could have shared that information before I went exploring.”

  “
My journey took place a long time ago. I forgot most of what happened. But when I heard what you experienced, it all started to come back.”

  Arel looked at Michael. The angel was standing by the window, quietly gazing out at the dark skies. “Michael, if Rolphe accompanied me, do you think he might be helpful?”

  Michael glanced back. “You both have skills that the other lacks. Together, you’d have a better chance of locating William.”

  Arel scanned Rolphe from head to toe. From what he could tell, the man was sincere and coming from a devoted intention. “Very well, Rolphe. However, I’m counting on you to be on your best behavior.”

  Rolphe stepped back. “Am I allowed to pray?”

  Arel’s patience was threadbare, but he tried to be understanding. “Fine, if you have to, but do it quietly. Is that clear?”

  Rolphe nodded. “I’ll say the prayers in my head. You won’t even know I’m praying.”

  Michael came over to where Arel was sitting. “I’ll try to help too, but if William has his shields up, I’ll have to respect them.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “And remember, Arel, even if you find William, you have to be careful not to let your emotions get out of hand. If you sympathize with William’s pain, you could be drawn into his world. And you could lose your way back.”

  Arel glared at Rolphe again. “Did you hear what Michael just said, Rolphe? That means you have to stop thinking about William and I as your children. You can’t give in to your fears.”

  Rolphe took in a deep breath and stood up straighter. “I understand.”

  * * * * *

  The guest bedroom was dimly lit as Arel lay on his cot and prepared for his journey into the unknown. Rolphe laid on the floor a couple of feet away. Both of them were listening to Michael. Both of them had to clear their mind of any thoughts except one. They were to give themselves over completely to the guidance of a higher part of themselves.

  It felt like only minutes passed before Arel achieved his aim. He knew he’d fallen asleep. In his misty surroundings, he noticed that Rolphe stood close by. Rolphe’s lips were moving, but he wasn’t praying aloud. “Are you ready, Rolphe?” he asked.

  Arel hadn’t expected Rolphe to disappear almost instantly. Fortunately, he was prepared for such a situation. He’d set an intention to follow Rolphe and soon found himself suspended in space next to him. As they both tried to adapt to their new circumstances, Arel kept thinking of William and how important it was to help him. His intention seemed to trigger another shift.

  Everything began to spin. Arel and Rolphe were drawn into a funnel of sorts. As it picked up speed, Arel felt like he was in a scene from the Wizard of Oz. He tried, but he couldn’t focus his eyes because everything was going round and round. It was ridiculous, but he felt like he was going to vomit in spite of the fact that he was in an energy body. As the speed accelerated even more, another irritating element was added to the mix. Rolphe’s prayers were no longer silent petitions. Arel was trying his best to fight off an acute case of nausea, and Rolphe’s fervent petitions were stuck inside of his head. Their clarity and magnified volume made it impossible for him to concentrate.

  By the time he was able to shut out the prayers, the spinning had stopped. Arel had to take a few moments to push back his motion sickness before he could proceed. When he felt slightly better, his surroundings went from misty to solid, and a room came into view, Rolphe’s living room.

  Arel looked up at Rolphe and noticed that his fellow traveler was smiling. “I don’t understand why you’re happy. All that crazy spinning, and we only traveled a few feet.”

  Rolphe’s smile broadened. “No, my dear friend, we’re very close to William’s dream body. I can feel his presence.”

  Arel blinked back, then looked around. The room was similar to Rolphe’s actual living room, but there were definite differences. The piano was a different model and the wall clock was missing its hands. “Oh, I see. William believes he’s still in your apartment.”

  Rolphe nodded. “Let’s look around, but I think we should be quiet. We don’t want to scare him. He could move to another dream version of reality if we’re not careful.”

  Arel was about to agree when William came walking in from the hall. It was such a pleasant surprise that Arel forgot all about being soft-spoken. “William! It’s so good to see you!” he said as he rushed over to where William was standing.

  William crossed his arms and stepped back. “Great, it’s you two again.”

  Arel laughed. “What do you mean? We just got here.”

  William frowned. “I am getting so tired of this.”

  Rolphe remained where he was standing and cleared his throat. “Arel, can I speak to you?”

  Arel noticed that Rolphe’s face had a sort of pleading look. It was the kind of a look a child gave to a parent when the child had an urgent request. Arel walked over and leaned in. “What is it?”

  Rolphe put his finger to his lips. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper. “William thinks we’re part of the dream he’s been having.”

  Arel lowered his voice too. “How do you know that?”

  “From what I was told, people who did return from this realm related long conversations they’d had. They said they talked to alternate versions of the people they knew in real life.”

  Arel glanced at William. The man was staring back, but he looked very annoyed. “How can we convince him that we’re from the real world?”

  Rolphe shrugged. “When Chessa found me, I had a problem too. I felt so lost that I thought she was just a vision. Even when she convinced me of the truth, I still didn’t want to return to my life. I longed to find my family again.”

  “Hey, you two!” William yelled. “If you’re going to pop in like this, I’d think you’d have the good manners not to ignore me.”

  Arel turned around at once and smiled. “Sorry, Will, but you have to believe me. We’re here to help.”

  William walked over to the sofa and collapsed onto the cushions. “That’s a laugh. You’re not even here. You’re figments of my imagination.”

  Arel hesitated. The problem he faced was very clear. He didn’t have an argument that could counter William’s conclusion. When he glanced at Rolphe, the man looked clueless too. Arel decided to give the truth a try. “William, you’re right. None of this is real, not in the way you think of reality. What you see around you is part of your dream.”

  “Yes, I know that,” William said forcefully.

  Arel approached the sofa. “Here’s what you don’t know. Rolphe and I are different than what you’ve been experiencing. We’re here to take you back to your body so that you can wake up.”

  William closed his eyes. “Sure, like I haven’t heard that one before.”

  Arel hurriedly sat down next to William. “Please, try to stay with us, Will. We don’t want to lose you again.”

  But Arel’s plea came too late. William had already disappeared. A moment later, the room disappeared. Arel and Rolphe were standing in the mist again.

  “We better go back,” Rolphe advised. “We need to practice returning to our reality, or we could lose ourselves too.”

  * * * * *

  William woke up in the guest bed again and glanced around. Arel and Rolphe had appeared briefly. Now they were gone, but something about their visit felt different. Arel was nervous and definitely stressed out. He’d been a confident know-it-all during his former visits. Rolphe had also changed. Unlike the Rolphe who’d forced William to relive his childhood, this version had reverted back to a gentler, very respectful person.

  As William thought about the Rolphe who liked to pray, he noticed something strange about the apartment. Normally, when William was alone, the place was stone silent. Now, if he listened attentively, the silence was broken by a faint sound. In a flash of insight, he knew that Rolphe had left something behind after his recent visit. William wasn’t sure what that something was, but he was determined to find out.r />
  When he walked back into the living room, it hit him. It was an energy trail that was made up of sounds. When William closed his eyes, the sounds started to piece together. With a bit of concentration, they made sense.

  William smiled. “I won’t get my hopes up, but I think Rolphe’s left behind a trail of prayers.”

  For the first time, hope eased William’s feeling that he was stuck in some private hell forever. But he had to act quickly, before his chance at freedom was lost. He’d just shut his eyes to concentrate on the energy trail when a voice called out his name.

  William sighed and opened his eyes again. Young Will stood a few feet away. “Please, I don’t have time for you. I might only have one chance to find my way back.”

  Young Will smiled. “Before you go, I want to let you know that I believe in you.”

  “Thanks, but I don’t think the feeling is mutual.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Just trust me a little, and we’ll work things out.”

  William held his midsection, hoping Young Will was right. He was ready to move on. But trust, that was a different matter. “I’ll try.”

  Young Will nodded. “That’s all I need. And for goodness sake, lighten up!”

  His demand hung in the air and grew in volume. Soon, it joined the sounds that William had heard earlier and became part of Rolphe’s prayers. The combination transformed into a deep, powerful resonance. The sound wasn’t only audible, its vibration made the furniture shake.

  William tried to steady himself against a wall, but the wall was shaking too. An explanation came to mind. The vibration was breaking up the dream state he was in. Perhaps he was returning to his normal reality.

  It was a hopeful thought until powerful tremors took hold of the apartment. They were so violent that William was thrown to the floor. He closed his eyes, wondering if this was going to be the end of him. In his mind’s eye, he saw Young Will again.

  “Hold on to Annabel! She loves us!” Young Will called out.

  It was enough to shift William’s attention to the woman he’d taken as his wife. He could see Annabel in her true form, a form that was so full of light. She wasn’t afraid or worried. She looked back at him with sparkling, angelic eyes. She loved him without any judgment attached.