About That Night

by Laura Brown

  They really looked like a father and son and even though she knew the dangers of such a sleeping position, she also knew both were breathing.

  She checked. Twice.

  Izzy grabbed her phone, turned off the flash, and angled her phone to get the best composition before snapping a picture of them. Amateur photography, another of her random skills, one that had become more than useful since Archie’s birth. She checked on the captured photo, noting it looked good, damn good. The fact that Nolan was shirtless just made it better.

  But Archie had to be hungry. Nolan couldn’t have fed him, because she hadn’t been pumping since they came to stay with him, so there was no extra milk available. She moved over to the sleeping pair. Slow and gentle, she removed Nolan’s arm and picked up the baby.

  Archie squirmed and probably smelled Izzy’s milk, because his mouth started moving before he even woke up. Not giving him a chance to fuss, Izzy sat at the edge of the couch and set him to nursing. Archie latched on right away, the milk let-down a relief. And two little eyes popped open to see her.

  “Good morning,” she said and signed, brushing a hand over Archie’s cheek.

  Stirring beside her caught her attention, and Nolan woke with a start, sitting up, hand on his chest, blinking at her. It took a few seconds, but he relaxed. “You have the baby.”

  She nodded. “He’s hungry, why didn’t you wake me?”

  Nolan yawned, arms stretching wide, accentuating his toned frame. “You needed your sleep. And he never signed for milk. I think it’s his teething.”

  “Yeah, he’s had a rough time.”

  Nolan leaned forward and rubbed Archie’s head, then he stood and stretched some more, and Izzy fought not to drool on the nursing baby. “You need anything?”

  She needed the bathroom, but baby came first. “No.”

  “I’ll make some coffee.”

  He moved into the kitchen and she watched, still fascinated by the way his body moved. Another domestic moment, just a happy, tired family on another typical morning. And after sex and a good night’s sleep, Izzy didn’t know how she would leave all this behind at the end of the week.

  …

  Nolan rubbed his eyes as the words on the screen blurred. Afternoon coffee would be in his future today; at least it was Wednesday—hump day—a perfect excuse for needing extra caffeine. He’d handled late nights and limited sleep a lot better when caring for a baby hadn’t been part of the equation. His phone vibrated and he lunged for it, anything to help snap him awake.

  Bodhi: How are things with the kid and the baby momma? Haven’t gotten an update.

  Because he had a whole new world of responsibilities.

  Nolan: Been busy. The kid doesn’t sleep. And I don’t have a cry alarm.

  Yet. He needed to check on the tracking information and find out if the item had even shipped.

  Bodhi: That’s because you have a baby! But good, you aren’t letting the hearing mom do all the work.

  Nolan: Trying not to.

  Succeeding was a different story. He’d managed the night before and was falling asleep on the job.

  Bodhi: Details. You’ve got to be shitting your pants at caring for a kid.

  Nolan: The only one shitting is Archie.

  And he almost gagged at the memory of the smell.

  Bodhi: Stop avoiding me and answer.

  Nolan glanced around his office, at the sparse personal artifacts. He hadn’t managed to bring any of himself here, much like his apartment. The only life he had was Archie’s dinosaur bag.

  Nolan: I don’t know. You know my history and there’s this helpless baby depending on me to do the right thing. And Izzy already working herself thin trying to do her best. Can I really help them? Or will I just mess things up further?

  Bodhi: Everyone messes up, you know this.

  Nolan: Not with my special skill.

  Not when his feelings for Izzy and Archie multiplied by the day.

  Nolan: We’ve got this happy family setup going right now, and fears aside, it’s tempting.

  Bodhi: Tempting, really? You’re twenty-five. Yeah, the kid is your responsibility now. But is this really what you want?

  Yes. Or, he thought he did. But Bodhi continued typing, the thought bubble appearing, and Nolan waited him out.

  Bodhi: Regardless of dating as many people as possible, because that’s never been your style, you’d be giving up spontaneous trips and going out to bars. How you going to play poker or video games and watch a kid? You can’t go from single to family guy in a blink of an eye without some serious growing pains. And when have any of your plans ever worked out?

  Nolan: Doesn’t there come a time when I have to step up regardless of my past?

  Bodhi: Yeah, and that’s now. Just don’t go off half-cocked. You’re going to make mistakes. Ease into it. Or are you thinking with your dick after all? Is it the kid, or the woman?

  Nolan wanted to put his phone down and ignore his friend, but he knew this conversation would eat at him until he finished.

  Nolan: Both. They’re a package deal and even if they weren’t, I’d want them both.

  The truth of his words sidled through him. He wasn’t settling for either one; both Izzy and Archie had become important to him.

  Bodhi: Slow the fuck down. When you race in without a safety net you send rockets through the gym. Think first. You’re already this kid’s father. Make sure he knows you when he’s grown up.

  Nolan’s thumbs twitched as though he held a controller, wanting to argue. But no one knew him better than Bo, except for perhaps his own mother. He’d always been a screw-up, and he always would be. Bo was right, one way or another he was going to mess things up.

  Nolan shoved his phone to the edge of the desk. He couldn’t focus on this shit now, he had work to do. The same job that didn’t want him and Izzy dating. He didn’t know the solution to the problem, not when the risks on either end compounded each other. The number of ways this could go wrong were astronomical, for his relationship with Izzy and Archie, for their jobs, all of it problematic. He’d have to think, have to figure out what he could do to fix it all. Later. He checked the social media accounts, answered a few questions, and worked at getting his head screwed on straight.

  More notifications came in, and he realized Izzy was dishing out information contradicting what he’d just sent. What the… He started a retroaction message, then figured that would just increase the confusion; he needed to settle this behind the scenes. He switched over to grab the appropriate information, ready to show Izzy where she messed up, and stopped short.

  She hadn’t messed up. He had.

  He blinked at the screen, rubbed his eyes, blinked again. But nope, he had the information wrong. Him. And the assistant currently working with a kid corrected him.

  Flashbacks to sharing an email that resulted in a board member resigning nearly blinded him. Not the same, not even close. But he’d made a mistake, and the last one held serious consequences.

  He’d thought that maybe, just maybe, he was getting his life on track and leaving the screw-up behind. But if this was him—falling asleep and sending out incorrect information—after one night’s missed sleep, then he couldn’t survive. Apparently, his limit for being able to do things well was one. He could either be this somewhat family man, or he could be good at his job. And he couldn’t help support Archie if he didn’t keep this job.

  Bodhi was right. He needed to back the hell off after this week. And even though the thought of Izzy and Archie leaving made his chest ache, he pushed it aside. If he didn’t, he’d just end up losing them completely. Maybe in a few years he’d learn how to juggle more than one thing at a time.

  …

  Izzy finished feeding Archie, grateful that she had managed to multitask with her phone while doing so. Sure, it didn’t send the bes
t message to her kid as she typed away and he nursed, but work had to be done. Especially when Nolan was messing up.

  “I think you wore him out,” she whispered.

  The nine-month-old had no response.

  She held him and headed for Nolan’s office. At the door she set Archie on the floor and flashed the light, alerting Nolan to their presence. Archie crawled over to the corner, where the bag with his belongings sat.

  Dark circles hung under Nolan’s eyes; he looked like he’d missed more than a single night’s sleep. And while Izzy felt bad, she’d missed so much she could sleep for a month and still not catch up.

  “Thank you,” he signed, movements small.

  “You did the same for me.”

  He yawned and leaned back in his chair, stretching his shirt over his fit chest, and she couldn’t help remembering how he looked without the shirt. The feel of his skin still lingered on her hands. “True. I should get more coffee. How do you survive?”

  She shrugged. Because she had to. “It’s hard at the start. I once thought my pillow was the baby and it took me ten minutes to wake up enough and realize what was wrong.”

  “I don’t know how you do it.”

  She glanced over at their son, who had pulled a book from the bag and chomped on the soft edges. “Love.” Then she made the mistake of turning back to Nolan and catching his eyes. An unnamed emotion swirled between them. Too premature for any declaration. She squared her shoulders, because regardless of what passed between them, he’d need real feelings to care for Archie the way the baby deserved.

  Nolan shook his head, and the moment broke. “We still need to prepare for the meeting tomorrow.”

  Izzy nodded, but something had shifted. It felt as though Nolan closed himself off. She wasn’t sure of the cause, and even though she wanted to poke and prod, she knew better. It probably had to do with where they were. Work. Not a place they could be an item. And she still didn’t know what would happen if the truth of Archie’s paternity came out. With those sobering thoughts she grabbed a notebook. Nolan went over the plan and what Izzy needed to do. They were nearly finished when something breezed by Izzy’s back.

  She stood up and glanced around, checking on Archie first, who sat a few feet away, and then behind her to where he’d thrown his book. “You bored?” she asked.

  He clapped. Then again, he clapped for most things.

  “He’s got a good arm,” Nolan signed. “I’m thinking sports might be in his future.”

  Izzy narrowed her eyes. He broke off the conversation earlier, and now he chatted as if he’d be around for the long haul. And her traitorous imagination conjured up the scene of Nolan standing on the sidelines, cheering Archie on in baseball, practicing at home or in a park. It all seemed so real and she couldn’t trust it. After all, she once insisted unicorns were real, much to her older sister’s endless frustration.

  Not to her father’s. He’d gone out and bought her a stuffed unicorn.

  She refocused on her son, with the glint in his eyes that said, “I’ll believe in unicorns, too.”

  “I’m more worried about what he’ll break.” She walked over and picked Archie up, then settled him on her hip. The smells of a filled diaper floated up to her. “He needs a diaper change.”

  Nolan’s face scrunched up and he leaned away from them. “He marked me the last time.”

  Izzy’s lips curved, she couldn’t help it. “Really?”

  Nolan nodded, a hint of fear in his eyes. “Down my cheek and neck as I reached for a diaper. He was proud of himself, too.”

  Izzy nodded, laughter bubbling up inside. “He is proud. Welcome to the club. He’s marked the entire family. Your turn, just keep him covered.” She held Archie out and Nolan took him.

  “I still don’t know what I’m doing.”

  Izzy grabbed her notepad. “Same. I’ve got work to do.” Then she left him to handle the mess. The kid was his responsibility—time for him to accept it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Nolan’s second diaper change went far smoother than the first time; he needed to wash his hands only twice when finished. He picked Archie up and his head went straight for Nolan’s shoulder, as he’d done before when tired. Nolan took a walk around the building, and when he returned, Archie’s eyes were closed.

  Huh. Maybe he had a better handle on this parenting thing than he’d thought.

  He settled at his desk, but now had only one hand free to work. He needed to get that fabric wrap contortionist thingy from Izzy, but he’d already proven he couldn’t get the thing to work on his own. Instead he scrolled through his work, typing up slow responses, feeling computer illiterate, pecking with one hand.

  There were many things he failed at, but computers weren’t one of them.

  His light flashed, and he saw Deanna at his door. “Careful, baby fever is contagious,” she signed.

  Deanna probably would have had a different reaction if she knew he was the father, a reaction that would result in him being let go, or Izzy, or both of them.

  “What’s up?”

  Deanna’s smile faded at his curt sign. “I wanted to go over the meeting order for tomorrow. Seems you’re trapped anyway, so good timing.”

  He forced a smile, trying to get back to the good vibe Deanna usually projected.

  “We’ll start with a budget update, then shift into the programs and important issues. Since your presentation should bring fresh life to our social media presence, we want to wait for the end.”

  He swallowed. He preferred to get things over with whenever possible. Less time for things to fester and for him to worry about the inevitable fallout. But he was new here, his job new. Lowest person on the totem pole meant he had to go with the flow. Besides, pushing for earlier would just look bad. “Works for me.”

  “Good, not that you had much choice.”

  Deanna’s face held only good humor, but Nolan wondered if he somehow had a camera in his mind that others watched without shame.

  “You’ll be in charge of getting your technology set up. The room is available an hour ahead of time, will that be enough?”

  He could do it in five minutes, maybe ten if he got stuck with Archie. “Plenty.”

  “Good.” Deanna glanced behind her, then stepped farther into the room, blocking any eavesdroppers. “How are things going with Izzy?”

  Nolan’s signing hand went to Archie’s back. How the hell did he answer that? Not appropriate to share that she blew his mind with sex, or that having a permanent connection to her felt like a blessing and not a curse. “Good?” If his hand held any less confidence, his position would slip and he’d end up signing bad, and either way he looked at things, bad had nothing to do with Isabel Fineberg.

  “I know you talked with me about helping out, but you seem to be watching the baby a lot. This isn’t a problem?”

  Nolan’s throat felt like ten razors trailed down it. It made perfect sense for him to be watching Archie, to anyone who knew his relationship. And no one here did, or could. “Not a problem. I offered to help because if I didn’t, Izzy would need the week off and I needed her assistance.” At least that much held truth.

  Deanna nodded, as though he’d signed something more potent than he did. “I received a complaint that the baby was being watched more by you than Izzy, and even though I hadn’t seen proof of that and know other staff are pitching in as well, I needed to follow up. Glad it hasn’t been an issue.”

  “Complaint?”

  “Yes. And then I find Archie here, with you.”

  Archie belonged here as much as he did with Izzy, but Nolan couldn’t share that small detail. He really needed a warning label inked on his forehead: caution, may cause mistakes, including pregnancy, best to avoid.

  “I’m just helping out as needed.” He felt like absolute crap minimizing his importance in Archie
’s life. The whole conversation set off a fear deep in his gut, a fear that he’d have to keep up this disconnected act until one of them changed jobs. He didn’t know Izzy’s story, but he knew how few and far between his options were. Another reason he took that job in New York. Odds were he’d find something far enough away it wouldn’t allow him to be present in Archie’s life the way he wanted to.

  “Helping and not taking over?”

  Nolan shifted, careful not to wake the baby, feeling trapped in a room without air. Maybe he had taken over, but that had to do with his parentage and nothing related to work.

  If he explained that, however, they could both be out of a job, no meeting going poorly to cause it. Deanna had her stern boss expression on, and Nolan’s gut continued to sink.

  “Not taking over. Doing what I can when Izzy needs it. Then she can help with the presentation. She’s been a great support, and I couldn’t have done it without her.” His words felt cold and distant. Like the supervisor he was supposed to be and not a man who had a complex personal relationship with the woman.

  Deanna tapped the door twice. He tried to read her face, to see if he’d settled the concerns, but the poker face held only professionalism, not calming his fired-up nerves. “Looking forward to seeing what you two have created.”

  If she wanted to see what Izzy and he could create, all she had to do was look at Archie.

  Archie. He glanced down at the baby. His responsibility, only he had to pretend it wasn’t.

  Life was a bitch.

  …

  Izzy felt only a smidge bad for leaving Nolan to handle the diaper change. She figured with one needed every three hours or so, times nine months, she could put Nolan on diaper duty until Archie turned one without batting an eyelash.

  Lisa sauntered into the area, a smug smile on her face. Before Izzy could ask what happened, Lisa settled in at her computer, not offering any details. Izzy refocused on her work. Best not to get involved in workplace drama.

  A few minutes later Nolan walked into the area, a sleeping Archie over his shoulder. Izzy checked her computer for a missed message or issue with the social media, but nothing obvious jumped out at her. Lisa glanced up, gave Nolan an overexaggerated wave, then went back to her work, though Izzy didn’t miss her chair now swiveled enough in their direction that she’d be able to see them.