by Laura Brown
Nolan stopped bouncing, his hand tightening around Archie’s waist. “What?”
“Izzy’s life is her business, and I will always support a single mother, but I heard a rumor that the father is Deaf.”
Nolan swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself not to grip the baby any tighter. “Ohh?” he asked, at a complete loss because anything he signed would be lying.
Deanna lifted a shoulder. “The gossip came from the interns. Figured if anyone knew if they were just up to trouble it might be you. You and Izzy are getting close.”
Had Izzy said something? How would anyone guess that Archie’s father was Deaf? Nolan glanced at the kid, who turned to him, wide smile, drool sliding down his cheek. Nolan wiped it away.
When he glanced up Deanna was watching him carefully. He signed, “He’s a good kid.”
“Baby fever is contagious, be careful. Are you sure you know nothing?”
No, he wasn’t. Because not only did he know the truth, he was the truth. “According to Izzy, all the appropriate people are involved in Archie’s life.” Maybe that line would have worked if Archie hadn’t grabbed onto Nolan’s hand upon seeing his sign name, all but claiming they belonged together.
A fact, the glimmer in Deanna’s eyes claimed, she caught. “I see you’ve made an impression on him as well. Let me know if you need any help for tonight.” Then she left, closing the door behind her.
Nolan leaned back, hands in his hair. Archie crawled up his chest, tiny hands on Nolan’s chin. The baby face in front him was all smiles, happy as could be. “I need to claim you as my own, and stop all this nonsense and nosy business into your mother’s life.” Archie bounced on his feet as if in agreement. “Soon.” And then, because he felt it, because his kid was right there, on his chest, happy to see him… “I-love-you.”
Archie grasped onto his hand and chomped down on his pointer finger. Hard. Nolan jerked his hand back, shaking out the sting. “I guess you don’t feel the same.”
Archie shoved a hand in his mouth and Nolan figured he could blame this on the kid’s teeth coming in, and got up in search of a pacifier or teething toy. He’d deal with his paternity another day and find some way to do right by both Archie and Izzy.
Chapter Twenty
Izzy’s heavy chest told her it was time for Archie’s nursing before the actual time came into question. She shifted a bicep against the side of her breast, trying to discreetly dull the aching. No such luck. Therefore, she finished the copies for the family program, dropped them off at Melissa’s office, and made her way to Nolan’s.
She didn’t knock, hadn’t even thought about it before opening the door and melting at the view before her: Archie on Nolan’s lap, sending her a big grin and reaching for her. It occurred to Izzy she probably should have knocked, but sharing a kid, and a bed, with Nolan made it seem like a silly step. Still, she scolded herself. Regardless of Archie being there, she needed to stay professional—or spend another six months trying to find a job.
Nolan glanced up from his phone, eyes hazy with distraction and mouth set. Izzy scanned Archie, but he seemed fine. She crossed the room to them and picked up the baby. “What’s wrong?” she signed, even as Archie squirmed and signed, “Milk.”
Nolan scooted forward and started clicking, programs closing down as he did so. “Nothing, just delayed because of him.”
Izzy stiffened, shifting Archie closer. “Excuse me?” she signed with as much attitude as possible with a nine-month-old grasping at her breast.
Nolan rubbed a hand down his face. “Sorry. Didn’t mean that. This meeting is important and I have to get it right.”
Izzy kicked the door closed and moved to Nolan’s guest chair, settling Archie to nursing. “Yes, the meeting is important. But you’ve worked hard, you’re prepared.”
Nolan ran his hands through his hair, tousling those blond locks. “No matter how hard I work, I still mess things up.”
Worry lines settled over his face, and Izzy connected the dots with his other comments about messing up. Her heart went out to him. “Maybe you overprepare?”
He shook his head. “The last time was at my job in New York. I came back late from lunch to a social media shitstorm. The guy who had my job before me claimed he lost his job due to racism. My boss had stepped in, arguing publicly rather than moving things to a private space, proving the claim. I tried to clean it up, smooth things over, but by that point it was too far gone.”
Izzy’s heart ached at the visible pain on Nolan’s face. “That wasn’t your fault.”
He shrugged. “Perhaps, but if I hadn’t been late I could have done my job and prevented it.”
“Maybe you need to trust me when I say you’ve got this.” Sure, she had to fingerspell the last part, but some of the worry faded from his face.
“I do trust you.” He faced his computer again. “It’s me I don’t trust.”
Izzy stomped, vibrating the floor until he looked over; unfortunately Archie stopped nursing, looking up at her as well. She set him back on her nipple. “Stop that. You think I’d leave my son with anyone?”
“I’m his father.”
“I don’t care. I wouldn’t leave him with you if I thought you’d hurt him, or let him get hurt.”
“I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or that I’ve fooled you.”
Izzy’s gut churned slightly at Nolan’s deadpan delivery.
“Wait until the meeting, then you’ll see. They always see.”
She wished Archie was done nursing so she could get up and leave. “I’m a single mother who had an unplanned pregnancy. I haven’t let that define me, and you can move on from a situation you didn’t cause.”
His face turned grim. “Don’t you see? That unplanned pregnancy is my karma, not yours. Of course you can recover. For me? It’s another nail in the coffin.”
She ground her teeth. How could he not see all his potential? Everything he’d done for the social media of the agency in the few weeks he’d been there. Everything he’d done for her in the short time they’d been in each other’s lives again. “You don’t see yourself. There’s nothing I can say until you do. Maybe after the meeting you’ll see what we see.”
Then, because she couldn’t sit there and let him put himself down any longer, she forced Archie to stop and covered up, then headed to her pumping room. She didn’t mind nursing wherever, but right now she needed a few minutes to gather herself without an audience.
…
Nolan stared at the door after Izzy and Archie left, hands clenching and releasing. Didn’t she realize he was just warning her, as he should have done from the start? She didn’t understand the stakes—his fault for not explaining properly. But if he had, she might not have been in his bed, or even let him see his son.
He swallowed. He didn’t want that world. He didn’t want the kid to grow up without him; he didn’t want to not know his son.
He pushed his chair back, the presentation and his preparation notes forgotten. Maybe he could make things right instead of making things wrong for a change. If so, he needed to start with his family.
Nolan left his computer and headed into the assistant area, only to find Izzy’s desk empty. Lisa waved overenthusiastically and he quickly responded and turned, before he got stuck in rudimentary ASL 101 with her, again. The last time she’d signed whore instead of hot and he nearly choked trying to swallow his laugh.
The room Izzy used to pump was closed, and Nolan rapped his knuckles on the door. Then repeated the action harder. When that still didn’t get a response, he pulled out his phone.
Nolan: I’m sorry, may I come in?
He waited, hoping she had her phone with her and wasn’t wondering which idiot knocked and did nothing, when it should have been easy to figure out he was that idiot. Then his phone vibrated and he quickly woke it.
&nb
sp; Izzy: Yes.
Nolan opened the door and slipped inside. Izzy sat in a chair, Archie still nursing, two sets of wide eyes following him as he squeezed into the limited space around the chair in the small room. “I’d crawl and beg your forgiveness, but I don’t think I’d fit.”
Archie continued nursing, but a light humor danced in Izzy’s eyes. “No, I don’t think you would.”
He glanced at his feet, feeling the weight of the stares from two of the most important people in his life. They’d let him in, believed in him. And if he wanted a chance at being worthy, he had to get it himself. “I’m sorry. I’m used to important things going wrong, and I’m nervous.”
Izzy smiled. “I’m used to changing direction, following any little interest, bouncing from thing to thing. I don’t have that option anymore, and I don’t have any complaints. That’s my choice. You have the same choice.” She glanced at their son. “You don’t have to stick to my decisions, but you do need to decide what you want out of life and take it.”
You, I want you. The emotion rammed into his gut, the words forming but unable to be released. Because he needed this meeting to prove things. Perhaps only to himself, but he needed that first. “Thank you for your choice.”
She brushed a finger against Archie’s cheek. “You don’t have to thank me. Loving him is thanks enough.” Her brown eyes locked with his, a challenge present. One he didn’t know if he had what it took to meet.
Presentation first. One step at a time, that’s all he could do.
Izzy shifted Archie up and handed him to Nolan. He accepted the baby as she fixed her top. He bounced Archie a few times before remembering the reflux issue and managed to turn the baby just in time for him to spit up on the rug.
Nolan scrunched his nose; that would smell. Izzy sighed and pulled out a rag from her pocket, wiping Archie’s mouth and then the mess. Nolan wanted to point out his luck, but he wasn’t sure if missing his shirt before a big meeting was a plus, or if hitting the rug defeated the shirt. Add in the fact he already spilled coffee on himself, and the shirt would have rounded out his day and not in a good way.
Izzy pushed the chair back to get at the spot and Nolan opened the door. “I’ll grab some cleaning supplies.”
Izzy waved. “No, don’t do that. You’re already spending too much time with me and the baby.”
The words knocked Nolan back an emotional step. “Too much time?” He repeated numbly. It didn’t compute with him stepping in and being a father in more ways than blood. Were they having a communication breakdown?
Izzy held Archie. “At work. You’re watching Archie too much. The complaint, remember?”
He nodded, a slow movement that had nothing to do with how he felt. “Right.” He glanced around, at the stain on the floor, at the squirming kid in Izzy’s hands. How she would clean and watch him he hadn’t a clue. “But you need the help.” His gut constricted. “Just not my help.”
Of course. Smart move for Izzy and Archie. Trouble flowed from him as easily as regurgitated milk from a baby. They could do without him.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want either of us in trouble.”
He glanced around the small space. If she tried to clean with Archie he’d get into the chemical. “Why can’t I help? You’re working on my project.”
Izzy bit her lip, meanwhile Archie reached for Nolan as though he’d made his own decision. “O.K..”
Nolan grabbed the baby before the kid face-planted on the rug and headed for the front desk, with Archie gripping his shirt as though proclaiming Nolan as his own.
Not yet, kid, and possibly not ever in this building.
At the front desk he caught Shanice’s attention. “You have any cleaning supplies back here?”
Shanice pulled out a roll of paper towels and handed it to him. “What did the baby do?”
Shouldn’t this be his fault? Or none of his business? “A little milk spit-up.”
Shanice handed over some cleaner. “And look at him, happy as can be.”
Archie kicked, smile wide and drooling.
“I suspect he had a point system. He’s accepting the rug as a decent score, but my shirt would have been worth more.”
As if following along, Archie gave Nolan’s shirt a good strong tug, wrinkling the fabric in his little hands.
Shanice laughed. “Shirt would definitely have more points.” She leaned forward. “Most points for keeping milk in your tummy.” She tickled Archie and the kid laughed and squirmed. “He’s such a happy baby. Izzy’s done well with him.”
“Yes, she has.”
“Don’t get any ideas.”
Nolan forced his smile not to fade. Crap, maybe Izzy had been right and he shouldn’t have helped. “Just helping out a fellow coworker.”
He took the supplies and left before he made a stupid mistake and blew their cover.
At the small room, he handed Archie to Izzy and got down to scrub the area. She stood nearby, waiting on him, and he used a little extra chemical, just to be sure. He settled into a squat and looked up at her. “Think that will work?”
Izzy shrugged. “Hope so. Let’s keep the door open just in case.”
He nodded and collected the trash. “Sorry about that.”
Izzy shook her head. “Don’t be. Archie’s marked most of Levi’s house with milk or pee. They had to replace the couch already; he got some into a hard to reach spot.” She grimaced.
“Good aim or bad aim?”
“Depends. Did he want your shirt or the rug?” She grinned, somehow getting him more than he thought possible.
Chapter Twenty-One
Izzy needed the baby to nap. She stood in Nolan’s office, rocking the stroller back and forth, praying Archie took the hint. She didn’t dare raise the visor and look at him, a surefire way to take him from almost asleep to wide awake in zero-point-two seconds. If Archie slept, she could help set up for the meeting and make sure her computer didn’t freeze again.
Nolan ambled into the office, shoulders tense, mouth in a grim line. His nerves had continued to head in the wrong direction, and if he didn’t relax soon, he’d mess himself up. Talk about being a self-fulfilling prophecy. She wanted to go to him, rub his shoulders, maybe even rub something else if it would help him out. But she needed to stay professional and with the stroller.
Nolan eyed her, as though she was the nervous one and not him. “Need anything?”
You to relax, she thought, but Izzy suspected he needed the distraction of worrying about someone else. She thought of something he could do while she continued rocking the stroller. “My laptop for the meeting, it needs to be connected to the projector.” Or, at least that’s what she tried to sign, but one-handed made her awkward signing more awkward than usual.
Nolan nodded as if she’d been perfectly clear. He left, and she racked her brain for any other missions she could send him on. She didn’t know if busywork truly would help, but until the baby slept, it was all she had. Izzy hummed a light song, not quite loud enough to be picked up by the hearing staff, but hoping to help aid Archie to slumber.
Maybe she should have begged Gaby to come home a few days early and take Archie for the presentation. But she wasn’t ready to leave Nolan’s apartment. And as much as she appreciated her sister’s help, Nolan was more hands-on and a lot more fun.
Soon she’d be gone, and they hadn’t worked out a damn thing on caring for Archie or what they were going to do about this thing between them.
And she really needed to corral her thoughts. She wasn’t used to all this thinking time that having a baby gave her. She was used to action and movement, not being stuck in place because of a little human.
She’d work things out. She always did.
Nolan reentered and he glanced at the front of the stroller. “He’s asleep.”
“Really?” She didn’t stop th
e moving.
Nolan nodded, a slightly amused curve to his lips. “Really.”
Izzy slowly came to a stop and waited. No crying, no clapping, no noise. She inched around the stroller until she could peek inside. Archie’s head lolled at an angle, pacifier unmoving, eyes closed in blissful sleep.
One of her boys was taken care of. Now she could address the other. “You need to relax.”
Nolan lifted a shoulder, clearly trying to brush her off, but she knew his tells now, knew his shoulders didn’t usually scrunch that high, his mouth didn’t press that thin, and his eyes should have more shine to them—at least around her and Archie.
“Yes. You do. It’s going to be O.K. You have a good presentation.”
He nodded, but those shoulders didn’t lower and those lips didn’t puff up, so she moved to him, placing her hands on his shoulders and pressing into the hard muscles.
“Maybe I’m still a little stressed,” he signed, mouth losing the grim line.
She laughed and kept on her mission, massaging him. His door was mostly closed, so she did the only other thing she knew to relax him. She kissed him. The intent was quick and sweet, but the moment their lips touched she got roped back under his spell. His arms went around her, angling to kiss her fuller. Izzy’s knees weakened, and her massage turned into her holding on for dear life.
Wrong place, wrong time, but she couldn’t stop. She shifted closer to him, wanting to feel the heat of him through their clothes, needing the pressure of his body against hers. Needing so much more than she had any right to.
He pulled back, and for several breaths they stood there, staring at each other. His shoulders didn’t tighten, his mouth remained wet from her kisses. “Thank you, but we should finish that later.”
Her body gave a little trill at the prospect of later. She knew how incredibly good it was with him. She wanted later; she wanted to keep it for a long, long, time.
Sure, her impulsive side had been tamped down by having a baby. But now it thrived again. She wanted to throw all caution to the wind and be with Nolan, raise their little family together. Jump in, both feet, no net. She had a funny feeling he’d catch her if they fell.
