by Laura Brown
“My point is this: I knew your history before you even applied for the job. I know there was a social media issue at your job in New York. The director there was the cause of that, and you better not be lumping that in with all this, because that issue was years in the making and continues to unravel. I knew all of this and I didn’t think once about being worried. Granted, if you brought in a rocket, maybe we’d have needed a talk.”
He forced a smile at that. “I’ll have you know I don’t own any rockets.”
“Good. I hired you because I saw a young man who knew his stuff and had the skills and heart to be what this agency needs. And I haven’t regretted my decision. Until now.”
He gulped but forced his gaze to stay steady on Deanna.
“I need a staff who will do their job, regardless of interruptions, as you’ve done. But I also need staff who can roll with the punches, and who know that mistakes happen and that we can fix them.”
Nolan nodded, at a loss of what to say.
“Now, I also need to know what’s going on with you and Izzy. The picture looked more like a father and son than a new friend helping out.”
Nolan’s thumbs twitched by his side fast enough that he’d win a video game fighting battle in two seconds flat. He had to force his thumbs still and accept the consequences of his fate. “Archie’s my son. Izzy and I met back when she barely knew ASL and…” He flailed his hands, not really wanting to get into all the details of his one-night stand.
Deanna nodded, thankfully reading between the lines. “I see. Did you know, when you started here? When she started?”
Nolan shook his head. “I didn’t know until she told me. She couldn’t find me before then.”
“Ohh. A lot makes more sense now, I have to admit.”
“I know this is a conflict, but we both really need our jobs. Our connection predates our employment here, and we can work together regardless of any interpersonal issues we may have, as we’ll have to work together to raise Archie.” He prayed he hadn’t messed things up and lost that opportunity. “I know the no-dating policy affects us. I’d like to see it revised, or at least an exception given due to our unusual situation.” He swallowed; this next part sucked for him, but he’d make it work. “If that’s not possible, Izzy needs this job more than I do. If we both can’t work here I will gladly resign so she can stay.”
Deanna studied him, her face giving none of her thoughts away. “I have to discuss this with the board. They added this policy after two employees dating made a mess not that far off from your experiences in New York. My question to you is this: are you the person I need, the one who knows mistakes happen and is ready to help fix them? I need to know my social media director will bring his A game, and if a rocket goes off, or his social media gets hacked, or he’s having an issue with his son’s mother, he’ll work that into his presentation, rather than let it destroy it.”
She stood and tapped the desk. “Let me know what you decide, and I’ll contact the board in the interim. Deaf time means they are all still saying their goodbyes, and I’m about to take advantage of that.” She headed for the door, then turned, and her gaze shifted from employer to protector. “You have other decisions to make, too, namely how you’re going to handle what’s going on between you and Izzy, and I don’t mean the baby.”
And then she was gone, leaving him alone in her office, with Izzy’s laptop, and pictures from the many months he’d missed.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Izzy pushed her way into Nolan’s apartment, shifting a random package out of her way, figuring she had only a limited amount of time to collect her stuff and get out before he arrived home and they had another face-to-face. One she did not want. Not now, not after everything that had gone down. She wanted to be a ghost and not one that brought up fond memories.
She wanted him to hurt.
She set Archie in his crib, ignoring his whimpers of discontent. She pulled out his suitcase and heaved in his clothes, pausing only to toss him a stuffed dragon when his whimpers increased.
The spiky dragon tail went into his mouth.
“Sorry, kiddo, we’ll be on the road again soon. I just need to get our stuff from your… Nolan’s house.” She wouldn’t deny Archie knowing that Nolan was his biological father. But right now, they needed space and clearly defined labels. If he wasn’t going to live up to the role of father, then he didn’t deserve the name.
Izzy’s chest hurt, a slow persistent ache that looking at her son didn’t do a damn thing to help. Of course she saw Nolan in his features now, knew what he’d inherited from his no-good father. She shoved the last few items into the suitcase and zipped it closed.
“We’re in this on our own, kiddo. Just you and me, like we’ve been from the start.” She sniffed back the moisture threatening to spill. “We’ll make it on our own. Aunt Gaby and Uncle Levi will be there to help.”
God, she hated that, hated knowing she’d have to continue relying on her sister. Underneath that notion lay love and appreciation. She had a wonderful family, and because of them her son wouldn’t lack for anything.
Except for his father.
But all this proved to her it was time. Time to figure out how she’d stand on her own two feet. If she kept her job, then she had an income. Possibly even child support. She had options, and she’d do best to explore them.
She shuffled into Nolan’s bedroom, determinedly not looking at the still-rumpled bedsheets and reminders of their nights of lovemaking, and stuffed her belongings into her bag. The memories burned into her, slow and real, and she finally gave up and took in the bed, the memories growing stronger and faster. Dating again felt too raw, and she had to keep Archie her number one priority. Who knew when she’d next get her intimate itch scratched, so she’d keep these memories tucked close. She couldn’t risk another person upsetting her life and Archie’s.
Maybe one day, when all this felt like a distant dream, she’d try dating again, screening well before introducing the man to her son. Her happy family dream of two parents, two kids, and a dog had gone up in smoke, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t rebuild it in the future.
She took a minute as she zipped her bag to mourn the loss, and then dragged the bag into the living room. Time to move on. Her new dream involved her and her son, living on their own, happy in their two-person family.
Izzy gathered all the pureed food and baby supplies from the kitchen. The image wasn’t hard to grasp. In many ways, she and Archie were already a family unit of two. Oh, life would be hard, but she’d make it work.
She had to.
Bags by the door, she pulled out her keys and stopped. How could she manage this? She didn’t dare take the items to the car while Archie stayed here, and certainly couldn’t leave him in the car while she grabbed the rest.
This single parenting thing wasn’t for the weak. Good thing that, for her, weakness never existed.
Izzy walked into the spare room, kid and dragon with soggy tail happy to see her. She picked up Archie and held him close, her emotional turmoil seesawing back and forth, the only constant being her love for this little guy. She propped him onto her hip and looked at the crib, still set up, and she wanted to cry.
“We don’t need that, not for a while. We’ll get it from Nolan later.”
Then she made three trips, with a kid on her hip and a bag slung over the other arm. Sweat slid down her back as she finally buckled Archie in. She was tired and achy and ready to collapse and shut out life for a while.
Maybe when Archie started kindergarten.
On the drive back to her sister’s home, her shell crumbled, and she navigated the road through watery eyes. Determination kept her going; she had Archie to protect, but she still sighed in relief as she parked in her usual spot at Levi’s place.
And burst into tears.
Babbling came from the back seat, and
she figured Archie either tried to make her feel better or told her to suck it up and get him out of the seat. The latter thought made her chuckle, and she wiped the tears off her cheeks as she exited the car and cuddled her child. He clutched her hair, baby version of a hug, and she held him tight. “We’re going to be okay, kiddo. Just you and me. We’ll be fine.”
Izzy pushed into her sister’s home, breathing in the familiar scents. Some construction dust and smells lingered, and she didn’t know if they’d be back in the morning or if she had a working kitchen or not. None of it mattered at the moment; she’d figure it out later. The living room appeared clean enough, and she set Archie down, collapsing to the couch, finally letting the full extent of her tears tumble. She had thought Nolan might be a match for her and Archie, that they could be a full family in all sense of the word. But anyone who considered her son a mistake, who could turn his back on them so quickly, wasn’t worth their time.
As if the pain in her heart wasn’t enough, embarrassment also competed for top billing. She hadn’t meant for those images to be aired at a board meeting. And even though most of the people there knew her kid, it screamed of unprofessionalism. Made her feel like the twenty-three-year-old single mother barely holding it together that she was.
Made her feel like a mistake.
Nolan’s words. Both her and Archie. An unwanted mistake.
She took in a shuddering breath and examined the living room. She still considered this place her sister’s, or rather Levi’s, since he’d lived here before he started dating Gaby. It wasn’t her home, it was a place to stay and be safe during this transition period in her life.
Nolan’s apartment had started to feel like home.
She’d find a new one.
Izzy brushed aside another stubborn tear, then scooped up the baby at her feet, holding him close. Archie gripped her hair, painfully, but her heart still swelled having him close. No, he wasn’t a mistake. Unplanned, yes. Difficult timing, most definitely.
Not a mistake.
And if Nolan didn’t see that, then he didn’t deserve either of them. Her heart shattered, the happy family fantasy bursting into jagged pieces of glass, the kind with small enough fragments that you still stepped on something sharp months later.
She set Archie on the floor and unwound her hair from his sticky fingers, then picked up her phone and sent a text to her sister.
Izzy: Back at your place. Things ended with Nolan. When are you coming home?
Maybe it made her younger than her age, but she needed her sister’s support. Gaby hadn’t always been that person for her, but right now she needed the person who held her hand and fed her ice chips during her twelve hours of labor.
Gaby: What happened?
Izzy sniffled and swiped her cheek again.
Izzy: Saturday? Sunday?
Gaby: Soon if I can get my fiancé’s attention.
Gaby: What happened?
Izzy shook her head as though her sister could see her.
Izzy: Long story.
Gaby: Short version please.
Izzy: He didn’t want us.
It pained her to type those words and send them. Her new future became etched in stone. She didn’t need a man in her life, and Levi could be the father figure Archie needed. She’d tried to hold on to the image she had as a kid, of getting married and starting a family. After having Archie, she shifted it to finding someone to love them both. Nolan had been the perfect fit for a brief moment in time, and after him she doubted she could put her heart out there again.
“Looks like it’s just you and me for this life, kiddo,” she said, brushing back the few wispy hairs of the infant holding himself up on her knees.
He grinned, as though everything was perfect. He had Nolan’s smile, the realization hit her square in the gut. Her heart ached again, but she pushed the pain down.
Eventually, they’d forget how good Nolan had fit with them. In the end, it would be Nolan’s mistake that they’d focus on.
…
Nolan pushed into his apartment, stumbling over a package waiting by the door. He kicked it inside the living room, scanning the area in the fervent hope that even though Izzy’s car wasn’t outside, they’d somehow be there and he could fix things. But no one waited for him, and his living room no longer held any random items from Izzy or Archie, as though they’d been a figment of his imagination.
Or ghosts.
He raced down the hall to his room, finding it with the same eerie stillness. Only the rumpled sheets gave him any indication that he hadn’t dreamed the past week. Panic surged, and he ran to Archie’s room in one last attempt. No bouncing baby there to greet him. Only the crib remained.
They weren’t here.
He returned to his living room, a bland, lifeless, colorless excuse of a space. He didn’t know how he had lived like this, hadn’t a clue how he could go back to it now. They had brought their own special magic into his life, by means of their color and vibrancy. He’d barely noticed his own belongings with them around, the place had transformed. And now the magic act had finished, leaving him as hollow as his apartment.
They’d left behind an empty shell of a life. His.
He wanted to go after them, but he had no idea where Izzy lived. He had her number, though, and typed a text.
Nolan: I’m sorry.
It wasn’t much, and he’d figure something else out. It was a start.
Nolan picked up the package that he’d kicked aside when arriving and moved to his kitchen. He needed to do something big but was unsure what would even work. He grabbed a knife and pried open the box, dumping the contents. The baby cry alarm fell to his table. Talk about an item arriving two seconds too late. He should have been setting it up, ensuring Izzy wasn’t the only one responsible for their son tonight. He should have been putting Archie to sleep, then taking Izzy into his arms.
Instead he’d screwed it up.
Not the meeting; the meeting had gone surprisingly well, even with the photo reveal. His family, that he messed up.
He shouldn’t have let them go.
Now he had the biggest challenge of his life—fixing one of his mistakes. And he hadn’t the first clue how. More than that, how did he get Izzy to believe him?
His phone vibrated and he yanked it out, hoping it was Izzy. It wasn’t.
Mom: How’s it going?
He held the phone in his hands until the message faded and the screen went black. His mother had been waiting patiently, letting him figure out things with Izzy and Archie. She had a habit of somehow knowing when he needed her, so her timing didn’t surprise him.
He found the one picture he had of Archie on his phone and sent that to his mother. It tugged at him deep inside, like it had when he took the picture in the first place, and he wondered why he hadn’t taken a million more. He wished he had the one Izzy had taken, and a sudden pang of loss hit him. His kid was nine months old and that was the first—and only—picture of them together.
Mom: Is that him? He looks like you did.
Nolan: That’s Archie.
An incoming video call came two seconds later. He answered it to see his mother’s face too close to the screen. She pulled back enough to sign. “Where is he? Is he awake?”
He cringed and knew his mother caught it. “He’s not here. I messed things up, again. Come over. I’ll explain.”
His mother shook her head. “Let that go, no excuse. I’ll see you soon.” Her image left and he put the phone down.
His empty living room mocked him, and the change in a week had him scratching his head. Last week he’d been happy here alone, playing a video game, eating chips out of the bag, drawing when it suited him, maybe contemplating finding a date. He’d had no plans of settling down, of being a family guy. Now that was all he wanted.
His family back.
; He opened the cry alarm, reading through the instructions. He hadn’t a clue if Izzy would even let him see Archie again, and a small part of him died inside at the thought.
No, he’d fix things. He wouldn’t be his no-good father. He’d be better.
Twenty minutes later he opened the door to his mother with her short bob of salt-and-pepper hair, hands firmly on her hips. She whacked him on the back of the head by way of greeting. “I wanted to meet that cute baby.”
He rubbed the spot, even though she hadn’t hurt him. “I know. I wanted you to meet him.”
“What are you going to do?”
The question of the hour, the one he had to get right. “I’m trying to figure that out.”
“You have a choice.”
No, he didn’t. Maybe before he got to know Archie and Izzy, but giving them up wasn’t an option. “Izzy doesn’t.”
A small smile graced his mother’s face. “I knew I raised you right.” She kissed his cheek. “So much better than your father.”
Nolan blinked, sure he saw those signs wrong, but knew he didn’t. “What do you mean?”
“Your father, he didn’t care. Parenthood wasn’t meant for him. The decision with my pregnancy, with all of it, was up to me, and my choices didn’t matter; he made his own. He did that when I first found out about you, after you were born, and again when I discovered your deafness. You’re not him. You never were him.”
He let those words settle over him. Genetics or not, he wasn’t his father. The thanks for that lay in his mother’s capable hands. He hadn’t seen it, hadn’t realized he didn’t need to worry. History may have repeated itself in the failed condom, but not in the failed father role.
His mother moved into the kitchen, eying the box he’d had delivered. “Good. Smart.”
“Will it be enough?”
His mother moved to him and cupped his cheek, eyeing him too carefully. “It’s not just the baby, is it?”
He shook his head.
