by Laura Brown
Now her smile came full-on. “Good. Better. Now, what are we going to do about it?”
Nolan hadn’t the first clue. But his living room came into view behind his mother, and a small idea began to sprout. He didn’t know if it would be enough, but perhaps it could be a start.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Izzy stared at the ceiling as she lay in bed, sleep refusing to claim her. The bed didn’t feel right—mattress too firm, sheets too soft, blankets lying different than before—and she couldn’t get comfortable. In reality the bed itself was fine, certainly better than her dorm room regulation XL twin, or the lumpy full bed from her youth. She doubted Nolan’s bed was better quality, but instead it had to do with the man himself.
Izzy rolled over, frustrated by her own thoughts. She didn’t have time for a sleepless night, and if she didn’t get shut-eye soon, that’s exactly what awaited her. Most nights exhaustion had her crashing the moment her head hit the pillow. Tonight, her broken heart kept her awake.
Ugh. She rolled over again, bunching the pillow under her head, and closed her eyes. All her focus shifted to her breathing, pushing out all thoughts and emotions, until mind and body drifted to a peaceful—
Archie’s cries ripped her from imminent slumber. Her eyes popped open and she punched her pillow. “Go to sleep, kid,” she grumbled in the dark, but the cries continued, not caring his mommy needed a night off.
Izzy got out of bed and picked up a crying Archie. She rocked him and gave him the pacifier, but he spat it out. She moved to nurse him, but he pushed her away. No matter what she did, he refused to calm down. All her drained energy turned to frustration; she had nothing left to give, and her kid wouldn’t shut the fuck up.
Her tears joined Archie’s, and she was seconds away from losing it all. She trudged into the living room, hoping a change of scenery or light would make a difference. Archie’s tears slowed as he looked around, but whatever he wanted wasn’t there, and the volume rose, grating on Izzy’s last nerve. She turned to her bedroom, ready to put him down in his crib and go for a walk before being able to parent, when the front door opened and in walked Gaby and Levi.
Izzy cried harder.
Gaby made a beeline to her and pulled her into a hug. Then she plucked Archie from Izzy’s hands and handed him to Levi. He took the baby, and all the commotion must have startled him, because the only one left crying was Izzy.
“Why are you here?” Izzy signed only, her throat raw and scratchy after the long day.
Gaby rubbed Izzy’s shoulder. “You needed us.”
Beside her Levi nodded. “Need me to punch the man?”
A small laugh choked Izzy’s tears. “No. Maybe.” She shook her head. “No.” Nolan wasn’t a weakling, but Levi loved the gym and could do more damage than necessary.
“What do you need?” Gaby asked.
Izzy swiped at a tear. “I don’t know.” For Nolan to want her and Archie. “I had hoped it would work out.”
Gaby’s eyes narrowed. “For who? You or Archie?”
Izzy shrugged, knowing her sister would catch the real answer.
Gaby pulled her into a hug. “It’s going to be O.K. One way or another. You’re a great mother for Archie, and he’s got the rest of your family. If Nolan can’t get his shit together, Archie won’t miss a thing. And you’ll find someone who loves you both.”
Izzy wasn’t so sure about the last part, but she kept it to herself. “I know, but it felt so real when I was with him.” Izzy pulled back and wiped her eyes. “It felt—” She glanced at Levi, who rocked Archie, not at all upset that they had switched to spoken English. “It felt like what you two have.” Izzy moved her hands along with her words.
Archie made a sound and struggled out of Levi’s arms. Once on the ground, he crawled over to Izzy’s computer that she’d left open and on, with her picture slideshow scrolling across the screen. The image of Nolan and Archie faded, and Archie began crying.
Izzy got up and woke up her computer, bringing up the only picture she had of Nolan, never mind with Archie. The baby clapped, bouncing as he stood holding onto the coffee table where Izzy had her computer. Her throat tightened.
“I guess the feeling is mutual,” Gaby said.
Izzy pressed a kiss to her son’s head. “I know, kiddo. I know. But I don’t think he wants us the same way.” Still, she left the picture up, let Archie babble with his hands at his father, praying he would soon forget, ignoring how the sight broke her heart further.
…
It took Nolan an hour to get rid of his mother. First he had to tell her everything he knew about his son, then about Izzy. He finally got her to go look for his old baby stuff at her home, giving him breathing room to work on his plan. Step one involved computer research. If he was going to make it work, he needed to move mountains, fast, and be granted a big miracle. But, as with the cry alarm, he wanted to do things right, and being caught between right and fast was a precarious place. One small issue could tumble the entire plan.
He sent a text to Bo.
Nolan: Does your friend still have that truck?
Bodhi: Yeah. Why?
Nolan let out a breath. He wasn’t good at asking for help, but desperate times called for stepping outside of his comfort zone.
Nolan: I need a favor.
Bodhi: You mess things up?
He ground his teeth together, even if he knew Bo would see straight through him.
Nolan: Naturally.
Bodhi: You going to fix things?
Nolan: Why do you think I need the truck?
Bodhi: To hide a body?
Nolan rolled his eyes and focused on the item on his screen, the one he needed ASAP.
Nolan: No, and I don’t have time for this, I need to get my family back.
Bodhi: Your family?
The word should have sent a chill through him. Instead it sent a sensation of rightfulness, of belonging. Archie and Izzy were for life.
Nolan: Yes.
Bodhi: Good. I’ll be there in a few.
The sun had set hours ago, but apparently neither of them had a problem with that. Nolan went back to his multiple browsers, checking the availability, figuring out where he needed to go in person. The odds of pulling this off were slim to none, but he didn’t want to wait another moment.
The apartment felt sparse and empty without Izzy and Archie. He felt sparse and empty. Yeah, he’d always messed things up, had a real talent for it. Now he had a chance to fix his mistake, to make things right, and he’d do whatever it took.
Funny how he spent his entire life believing one thing, when it was the belief holding him down. Now he had a reason to rise above, a reason to be more than he thought he was. And if he failed, he’d get back up and try again.
He settled in at his computer, opened up his drawing program. While he waited for Bo, he’d get started on a non-scenery-related project, something special to help pull off his plans. If he failed, this little reminder would suck, but he’d deal with that if he had to.
He tugged at his collar, undid another button. He really didn’t want to fail. But he’d keep trying, keep doing what he could to make things right. Because even if he’d damaged things beyond repair with Izzy, Archie was still his son. And he refused to let history repeat itself. Archie would damn well know him as his father.
But first, he really needed that truck.
…
The following day, Izzy had one goal. To avoid Nolan. Archie was safe at home with his aunt and uncle, although he did cry as Izzy left. Gaby assured her he’d calmed down since then, but Izzy had guilt clawing at her insides. Foolish, really, since Archie had been glued to her and Nolan’s hip while her sister was away.
She really needed to find a day care she could afford.
No, scratch that. If she got day care, she’d never find an apartm
ent. Apartment first, and she’d start looking soon. For now she had her support system back and a job to keep.
And, bonus, there no longer existed a conflict between her and Nolan. Unless the policy had an issue with them already having a kid, jobs could hopefully be salvaged. Hers, at least. She didn’t care much about Nolan’s at the moment.
“Where’s my friend?” Shanice asked in both languages as soon as Izzy walked in the door.
Izzy forced a smile. “My sister’s back home, so he’s with his aunt today.”
Shanice frowned. “Aww, I’m going to miss him. Before I forget, Deanna wants to see you.” Izzy sucked in a breath. She had no idea what had happened after she left and should have anticipated this.
She waved to Shanice and made her way to Deanna’s office. She flicked the light and entered, relieved to find the woman behind her desk. “I’m sorry about the meeting last night.”
Deanna waved a hand. “It’s fine. The baby was a cute interruption.”
Izzy settled into a chair. “You wanted to see me?”
“I did. I talked with Nolan after the meeting. Have you talked with him?”
Izzy shook her head. “No, there’s nothing between us.” Anymore.
Deanna’s eyes narrowed. “But he’s Archie’s father.”
Izzy bit her lip and fought the urge to turn and run away. She could find another job somewhere, perhaps in a different state? No, she couldn’t run away, not anymore. She needed to be stable for Archie. And speaking of Archie, it was time to stop hiding the truth. “Yes, he is, but that won’t be a problem.”
Deanna’s face said she didn’t believe Izzy, but she didn’t call her on it. “I had a talk with Nolan yesterday, and then with the board, since they hadn’t left and were here chatting. That no-dating policy becomes complicated when it applies to your situation.”
Izzy didn’t dare breathe. Clearly Deanna knew of her history with Nolan, more than she would have preferred, but understandable.
“Nolan vouched for you. I want you to know that. If the board had decided only one of you could stay he had requested you keep your job.”
Shock slithered through Izzy. “He did what?”
Deanna’s face softened. “He did that. And the board realized that the issue we had with two staff dating in the past applied more to them than others. They like Nolan’s work, and your work, and respect both of your attempts to keep your personal life outside of work. That shows you can work together.”
Izzy’s head bobbed, and she feared she wouldn’t be able to stop.
“The policy has been removed. If you and Nolan are comfortable working together, then we have no problem.”
After the fight and everything, could they still work together? Izzy squared her shoulders. She’d do it, whether she was on good terms with Nolan or not. “I can work with him.”
“Good. If there are any problems, come to me; don’t let it affect your job.”
Izzy nodded, scared to believe this was real. She’d expected challenges as a single mother, and to realize she’d landed in the right place didn’t seem like her luck. And in typical Izzy style, she wanted to press that luck. “In the future, might it be possible to work from home a day or two a week? For the reason of childcare coverage?” She bit her lip, hoping she hadn’t taken a good thing and thrown it out the window. In order for her plans to work, for her to stand on her own as much as possible, she needed this option.
“I don’t see why not, but let’s discuss this in more depth when you start seriously considering it.”
“Thank you.” It wasn’t a guarantee, but it was another door opened, another avenue to be explored. A few puzzle pieces sliding into place. She’d do this single mother thing, and Archie would have everything he needed.
“Nolan’s not in today. I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I can respect you have a lot to work through.”
Unsure how to respond, Izzy nodded. She didn’t know why Nolan wasn’t in, and as she stood to leave, a thought occurred to her. “The presentation, was it good?”
“Very good. The board was impressed with the video and Nolan’s initiative, and we know you helped with a lot of that.”
“Thank you.” Nolan’s ideas, but she left before she opened that can of worms, and dropped her pumping supplies off at her converted nursing room. She walked by Nolan’s office, the door wide open and the room dark, and felt a strange sensation at his absence.
She didn’t have to worry about avoiding him; he already did it for her. Which meant they were truly over. She’d take the weekend, stock up on ice cream, maybe some alcohol if she wanted to pump and dump. Then next week she’d work on getting over him and figure out how he wanted to be in his son’s life.
If he wanted to at all.
At the entrance to her work area she found Lisa already at her desk, typing happily along, bopping to some song in her head. Lisa looked up, a smug grin on her face. “I heard, about you and Nolan. I guess you’ll be leaving now.” She flicked a hand, as if dismissing Izzy.
Izzy dropped her items at her desk, put her hands on her hips. She’d start signing if anyone Deaf came into the area. “You’re the one who complained about Archie.” It wasn’t a question.
“A kid doesn’t belong at work.”
“You give Shanice the same grief?”
“Shanice didn’t steal my job.”
Izzy rolled her neck, too tired and emotionally distraught for this. “I still have my job. And so does Nolan. They changed the policy. For us.” She threw that last line in as a jab.
Lisa huffed. “It won’t last.”
“The policy change or Nolan?” She shook her head. “You know what, it doesn’t matter. Since you assume one of us has lost our job, then you know Nolan is Archie’s father. And none of this is any of your business.” She didn’t know if Lisa’s only problem was the job or if something else had rubbed the woman wrong, but Izzy didn’t care. “I’m going to be the bigger person here and wish you well. Deanna already knows who complained. And that might have something to do with the fact that I have the job you wanted in the first place.”
Perhaps her words were petty, but Lisa had it coming. With the woman’s jaw hanging open, Izzy made her way back to her desk; she had more important things to deal with at the moment. She loaded the video she had made of all of Archie’s pictures and sent it to Nolan. Maybe her instinct reeked of passive-aggressive behavior, but she made it for him, and he had a right to these images of their baby. He’d have to deal with his own emotional reaction before he made up his mind about what the future held. She wanted to be damn sure he knew what he lost.
Chapter Twenty-Five
There, almost perfect.
Nolan closed the door behind Bodhi and headed to the kitchen to clean out the pizza boxes and plates. A small price to pay for Bodhi’s help that day. It had been twelve hours of running around, loading up the borrowed truck—twice—and rearranging. Nolan was more tired than when Archie had kept him up all night, but the thought of that sweet little boy, and Izzy, kept him fueled.
Now he wanted to collapse but couldn’t. Not until he saw his plans all the way through. Jumping headfirst into things had always backfired in the past, but Bodhi and Nolan’s mom insisted this time things would work out.
He wasn’t a screwed-up kid anymore. He’d grown into an adult. Yes, one that still made mistakes, and would continue to make them. But his mistakes would no longer define him.
Nolan wiped down the counter, then surveyed his transformed apartment. His hands shook as he fixed a picture that didn’t need fixing. He went back to the computer, to the images Izzy had collected for him, scrolling through all the pictures of his son. It had taken him a full half hour to get his mother to stop tearing up over her grandson, and Nolan couldn’t blame her, not with how his chest constricted at the sight.
H
e paused it on a picture of Izzy with a very young Archie, all skin and bones and none of the rolls of baby fat the kid had now, with large navy-blue eyes. But it was Izzy’s smile that caught him. Here she was, a single mother, her life thrown off course, and yet happiness radiated from her.
He wanted to be part of that happiness. He wanted to be her world. Time would tell what he managed to accomplish. But he wouldn’t give up on his family.
He pulled out his phone and set up a text to Izzy.
Nolan: I have Archie’s crib. Can you come over?
He held his breath as he hit send. She could tell him to go screw himself and he wouldn’t blame her. But he really needed her to visit.
Nolan sent up a silent prayer, needing this one small moment to go his way.
…
Izzy stared at the text, thumbs airbrushing the words. A part of her wanted to retort that he could drop off the crib, and she’d ask Levi to flex at the door. Screw that, Gaby could flex as well.
A stronger part of her wanted to see him. A chance to close the book on them once and for all.
“Nope. Absolutely not,” Gaby said. “I’ll go. Where does he live?”
Izzy turned to her sister standing behind her, arms crossed, already flexing. Yeah, her sister had her back.
“No. I need to go.” Izzy picked Archie up and handed him to her.
Gaby took him, her face creased in concern. “You don’t have to.”
Izzy rubbed her son’s head. “I do. I need a moment without Archie so I know where Nolan stands with his son.”
Gaby let out a breath but fixed the baby onto her hip. “I can come with you. Or Levi can.”
Izzy shook her head and gave Archie a kiss. “No. I’m a big girl, let me handle this on my own.” She got herself into this situation by sleeping with Nolan in the first place, she’d see it through to the end.
“If you change your mind…” Gaby gestured to the key rack.
Izzy took hers off. “I know where to find you.”
She needed this moment with Nolan without Archie to care for. When she could yell or cry and swear as needed. When her attention and needs wouldn’t be divided.
