by Laura Brown
She needed to walk away from this on solid ground, knowing what to expect for herself and her son.
Her bravado faltered as she stood at Nolan’s door, his spare key in hand, ready to ring his doorbell, grab her stuff, and give back his key.
Izzy checked her phone, part as distraction, and found the message she hadn’t even known she needed until she saw it.
Gaby: Archie is fine. Go do what you need to.
And, because clearly her sister not only talked to her fiancé, but also ordered him around as needed, the second text.
Levi: That offer to come punch him still stands.
Izzy chuckled, envisioning the pair behind her with their muscles on display, and took the moment of relief to ring the doorbell, knowing a light would flash inside.
She shuffled the toe of her shoe on the carpet as she waited, nerves kicking back in, knowing it might take some time for a deaf person to catch the light. Therefore she was unprepared when the door swung open two seconds later and Nolan stood before her.
He hadn’t shaved that day, and his hair was disheveled. Bags hung under his eyes, and she didn’t think it had anything to do with the time Archie stayed here. He looked like shit, and it gave her a small flicker of hope. “Hi,” she waved.
“Hi,” he waved back, nerves practically bouncing off him. “Come on in.” He stepped back to let her by, and she spotted Archie’s crib partially folded in a corner. Her heart sank, straight to her toes before obliterating. She hadn’t realized she clung to a flicker of hope that he might still want them until that moment, and was unprepared for the sharp thrust of hurt. So this was the end. Archie would be crushed, but he’d recover and never know any different.
Izzy stepped into the apartment and when her gaze left the haphazardly folded crib, she froze. The apartment looked like a different place.
The couch had been pushed aside, blocking outlets and vents, a child-size soft chair set up next to it. The remaining outlets had safety protectors. Colorful pillows sat on the couch, Nolan’s snow-covered tree drawing hung on the wall, and a child’s chest sat in the corner, as though it could hold toys.
Confusion and heartache still worked through Izzy. She didn’t understand everything, but clearly Nolan wasn’t giving up on Archie.
Just her.
Her insides tore, and she had to stuff her emotions down. She lifted her chin, refusing to fall apart in front of him. She’d do so later, in her car, alone. “Looks different,” she managed, a weak smile barely making it to her lips before she couldn’t hold it up any longer.
“There’s more.” Nolan headed for the spare bedroom, and Izzy blinked a few times, doing her best to keep her hurt and her tears inside. She entered the room to a changed space. The computer desk and futon had been removed, in its place a baby crib, changing table/dresser, and rocking chair. The room was filled with blues and greens, with a frog rug in the center.
It looked nice, homey even. Archie would be happy here when he stayed. Izzy couldn’t keep the smile on, her eyes watering, but her stubbornness keeping the tears inside. “So you want to discuss…” Crap, what was the sign? “C-U-S-T-O-D-Y?” Her hand shook so much she wasn’t entirely sure she spelled the word correctly, or any word.
Goodness, couldn’t he have mentioned this in his text? Then she could be prepared, rather than fighting a losing battle at keeping herself together in front of him.
Nolan shook his head. He moved to her, one hand raised as if he planned to touch her cheek. She reeled back, not wanting his touch, and he lowered the offending arm. He wrapped his hand around hers instead, and his warmth caused one traitorous tear to slip. She needed to rip her hand away, but his touch soothed a small part of her turmoil and she didn’t want it to end. He pulled her out of the room and into his bedroom.
The first thing she noticed was his desk now lined a wall, making the space a bit cramped but livable. Then she found a monitor with an image of the crib on-screen. Of course, she left and he got himself a baby monitor. He made a home here for him and Archie and the fear of losing her son hit her so hard she barely registered that the comforter had changed.
A lovely teal color with a floral pattern lined the bed that had previously been a drab beige color. Extra pillows sat near the headboard, with rose petals scattered on top of them all. Above on the wall was another picture, this one a drawing of Nolan, Archie, and Izzy. It resembled all those posed family photos. Not an image of Archie alone, or Archie and Nolan, but an image of them as a family.
Izzy’s gaze darted to Nolan, who finally stepped into the room. He rubbed his hands together, but his eyes were on her, full of emotion. And it clicked; this wasn’t a home for him and Archie, this was a home for all three of them. Her broken heart took a tentative step back to whole, as hope and promise repaired the internal hurt and pain.
“I’m sorry for my behavior yesterday,” Nolan began. “I’ve been the kid who messed up my entire life and thought I needed that presentation to go perfectly in order to break my streak. The wrong video wasn’t the mess-up, my reaction was.” He rubbed his neck. “But the only person still viewing me as a screw-up was myself, and I took my fears out on you and Archie when I shouldn’t have.
“I never had a traditional family life, never knew my biological father. And because of all that, I never thought I wanted it for myself. Yet there’s this kid now, and there’s you, and I’m so afraid of fucking things up that I’ve risked losing you both.”
He pointed to the monitor. “I ordered this after the first night you stayed up with Archie. It arrived yesterday, imperfect timing. And I thought of what you had said about this being a home. I want this to be a home. A home for all of us.” He took a breath.
A second tear escaped, but this time a happy one.
“I got an idea of your style from the pictures you sent me. And thank you for them. We can change anything you don’t like; I just want my family back.”
Izzy rubbed her aching chest, lost in the depth of emotion in his brown eyes. “Family?”
A shaky smile crossed Nolan’s face, the blond stubble catching the light. “Yes. Family. A little backward, but I don’t think we’ll ever be completely traditional. Still, I want to make things right. I want you in my life. Not because of Archie. Because I love you.”
Izzy’s heart wanted to burst.
Nolan reached into his pocket and then—dear God—lowered to one knee. “We already have the kid, but I can’t imagine my life without both of you. I may be a year and a half too late, but will you marry me?”
More tears fell down Izzy’s cheeks. She hadn’t had an opportunity to rush into anything in a while, and this time it didn’t feel like a risk. This time, it felt like home. “I love you, too. Yes.”
Nolan slipped the simple solitaire on her finger. It wouldn’t win any competitions against her sister’s ring, but it was hers and it was perfect. Nolan rose and wrapped her in his arms, kissing her with all the passion he had.
Yes, this was home.
Epilogue
Izzy yanked up her skirt in order to squat, dragging the twenty-month-old out from under her sister’s billowing dress. “What do you have, Thomas engines under there?”
Gaby laughed, fixing her skirts. “Nothing of the sort, and with the peeping nephew be glad I didn’t go for anything extra special for my soon-to-be husband’s eyes only.”
Izzy shifted Archie in her arms, her sister’s wide smile damn near blinding. “I guess I should thank you for that.” With her free hand she fired off an SOS text to Nolan: Toddler unable to be contained.
The original plan had been to let Gaby and Levi get married first, but as Archie’s first birthday approached, waiting seemed pointless. So in true Izzy fashion, they decided not to wait on a Monday, and had a courthouse wedding that Friday. Small, simple, and absolutely perfect.
Archie squirmed in her arms, and unable t
o hold him longer, she set him on his feet, where he baby ran over to the Thomas train he’d left on the floor. Izzy stretched, rubbing her aching back, as her phone vibrated.
Nolan: Help has arrived. Coast clear?
She did a quick scan around the room, but everyone had been dressed for some time now, before opening the door.
Nolan’s wide smile greeted her. He gave her a quick kiss that never ceased to weaken her knees, before moving into the room. He squatted and held out his arms, and Archie looked up and spotted the newcomer.
“Daddy,” he yelled, voice only, and ran into his father’s arms. The kid was bilingual, but at this age switching between languages was a common occurrence.
Nolan scooped up the toddler and settled him on his hip. “When do you need him back?”
Izzy turned to Gaby, who checked the clock on the wall. “Twenty minutes?”
Nolan nodded and tossed Archie into the air, ringing peals of laughter from the kid, before sending Gaby a thumbs-up.
“And how are you doing?” he asked, brushing his free hand over Izzy’s stomach.
“Doing anything she can to get out of wearing that dress, including getting pregnant.”
Izzy rolled her eyes, not bothering to check if her sister had signed, but judging by the extra rub to her growing belly, she guessed she had.
“Not my fault you waited so damn long to get married.” She shot the parting words over her shoulder, but kept her gaze on Nolan and the smile on his face. They decided they wanted their kids to be close in age, and with Archie nearing his second birthday, the timing felt right. Nolan had come a long way from the man who believed himself to be a screw-up and worried about being too much like his father.
No, this man was hands-on with their son, and would be with their daughter. He gave Izzy everything she could have wanted in a family.
But today wasn’t about them, and with all the stress of planning a big wedding, she became more and more grateful for her little quickie union.
It matched her and Nolan, like this big affair matched Gaby and Levi.
“Go tire him out so he doesn’t run down the aisle and throw the pillow.”
Archie bounced in Nolan’s arms. “Throw!”
Uh-oh.
Nolan laughed. “You’ve done it now. Kid’s got good aim, too.” Then he flipped Archie over his shoulder and left the room.
Izzy smoothed down her dress, tugging it over her stomach. She’d planned everything, just forgot one simple fact—second pregnancies show earlier than first. The dress barely zipped, but it fit and she needed it to last only a few more hours.
Today she’d be happy for her sister, and in a few months she’d welcome her second child into the world. She didn’t quite know how she got so lucky, how that random one-night stand and failed condom worked out so well. But she’d take it.
Izzy rubbed her stomach at the soft little flutter. Lucky indeed.
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Acknowledgments
Each book has a different path; each set of characters demands a different journey. From the start, Izzy and Nolan had a slightly more serious tone to them, their origin story weighing heavily over them. Archie was the one there for the laughs, and helped create most of them, keeping his parents in line. To help me write Archie I set up a folder on my desktop with a few special images and memories of my own kid at nine months, to remind me of those times long ago. The sweet baby smiles, the cuddles, the diapers, I wanted to bring all of that to this story and not have a baby character as a silent prop, but causing interruptions, as babies do.
Thank you to the Entangled team, especially Liz Pelletier and Lydia Sharp. I feel honored to be able to continue this series and journey with you all!
To my agent, Lynnette Novak, thank you for always being there to hold my hand and prop me up!
Rochelle Karina, Heather DiAngelis, Karen Mahara, Laura Heffernan, you always are willing to read my words and give me amazing feedback. You also put up with my million and one questions and the over questioning I do on everything. Thank you for not giving up on me. To Jami Nord, you are always there, ready to help me out with little snags and snafus, thank you for not blocking my messages (yet).
To my family: My writing takes up a lot of my time, and takes me away from you. Thank you for believing in me and supporting me. It means the world.
To my readers old and new: Thank you for reading, for taking a chance on me. I hope I have given you entertainment, and hope I get to do so again!
About the Author
After spending her childhood coming up with new episodes to her favorite sitcoms instead of sleeping, Laura Brown decided to try her hand at writing and never looked back. A hopeless romantic, she married her high school sweetheart. They live in Massachusetts with their two cats and kid. Laura’s been hard of hearing her entire life but didn’t start learning ASL until college, when her disability morphed from an inconvenience to a positive part of her identity. At home the closed captioning is always on, lights flash with the doorbell, and hearing aids are sometimes optional.
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